Friday, December 23, 2016
It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year For The Narcissist
The Holidays are usually hoover time. So be careful out there. After three and half years even I got a phone call, that I screened out with Caller ID. They choose the days of the holidays to come slithering back knowing people are vulnerable at this time of the year.
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I've always had a love hate relationship with Christmas. To me, it appears as though people are less mean at this time of year. But with all the baking, shopping, cleaning, etc, I find it all confusing. I have trouble even planning, and not only that, but just thinking about it exhausts me.
ReplyDeleteEven if I had a full time maid who did everything and she came to me and expected me to plan it, I couldn't. I can't really explain it. I get the concept of making cookies, but what kind of cookies? There are lots of Christmas cookies. Ok, pick three, then I feel its too hard. Shopping? For what? Who wants what?
I know that all sounds crazy and messed up, but second guessing myself all the time, I never can do it.
I was hoping someone would make a Christmas posting in the ACON blogs, I just needed to ramble. So thank you.
People always attest to how stressful the holidays are. I don't know how they do it all either. LOL about the full time maid, yeah the challenges of planning and execution, can't even make up for resources and time.
DeleteCreepy! Like the Grinch trying to snake his way down the chimney. Time to light a nice Yuletide fire!
ReplyDeleteLOL....
DeleteMaybe, JUST maybe, someone was thinking of you with love during the holidays and out of the goodness of their own heart, decided to wish you a Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you vulnerable at this time of year
It's heartbreakingly sad that you think *everyone* is out to get you. What on earth could someone do to you by simply calling to wish you happy holidays?
Manipulate me via guilt to get back in their clutches?
DeleteDo the usual same song and dance acting like they are perfect and can do no wrong? Normal people would have APOLOGIZED and sought real reconciliation long ago with the healing of relationships instead of severing more of them acting like they are "perfect" while telling the rest the person is "paranoid" or "thinks everyone is out to get them". Of course anyone waiting for a malignant narcissist or sociopath to do that will be waiting for eternity and is wasting their time.
Brag about spending more money in one season then I have to live on in an entire year?
Give me "loving words" [well that never happened from the Queen] while lying out through their teeth. Lots of ACONs get sucked back into the spider webs desperate for those crumbs of love.
Tell me things like I just imagined all the betrayals and lies, so they can gaslight me to death?
The Gig is up and more of us are on to narcissist games. Tell us every second how we just imagined the abuse, we know our brains work and narcissists don't with the missing empathy chip.
1. Brag about spending more money in one season then I have to live on in an entire year?
Delete______________
Uh, it's not THEIR fault they have more money than you. ??? Seriously, welcome to life! You take the bad with the good. Why blame someone for their successes in life? It only serves to make you look bitter and that's no way to live. It sounds, from what you've blogged about in the past, that it's your own health problems that have prevented you from succeeding monetarily......
2. The Gig is up
___________
I believe the saying is "the JIG is up"
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/The+jig+is+up
3.Normal people would have APOLOGIZED
_____________________
I'd venture to say that calling you to wish you Merry Christmas IS a type of apology. Or are you the type who must dictate exactly what one says in order to get back into your good graces? Kinda demanding of you, imo.
4. Tell me things like I just imagined all the betrayals and lies, so they can gaslight me to death?
____________________
My, the absolute DRAMA you create! Just be polite for the 5 minutes it takes, say 'thank you' and then tell 'em you're busy and must get off the phone. It's really not as painstakingly difficult as you make it out to be.
I'd be constantly exhausted living like you do. And NO I'm not a 'narc'. lol or a 'sheep'.
I do wish you and yours a Happy Holidays! :) Hoping you find some kind of peace and joy in 2017 <3
Delete1. "It's not my fault I'm rich!"
A narc couldn't say it better.
Usually it is their "fault".
Narcs fraud, lie, cheat and steal their way into the cash. The nepotism also backs up their black hearts.
2. Grammar Nazis are boring. Spelling mistakes are easily fixed though.
3. You actually expect a sociopathic narcissist to say "I am sorry". I know they are so arrogant, that they think the world would end if they ever apologized. It would be fake anyhow. Empty words waste people's time.
4. Why be polite? So I am a sucker for one more day? No thanks.
5. Narcissists usually aren't exhausted. Life actually is pretty easy free of things like a conscience, a brain, a heart, and a soul. Machines don't worry about the weather, or pain or emotions.
So yeah you probably would get exhausted. Double-negative, yeah you are a narc.
Don't worry about wishing me anything. It's just BS when you're a troll on a blog.
Narcs never do anything without having a hidden agenda.
ReplyDeleteIf they give you anything it because they want you to feel indebted to them for something. They'll take that and add a bit of triangulation and a smidgen of hoovering and pretty soon you are fully engaged in their drama and manipulation.
I agree.
DeleteHi Peep. I get the same, "wish you happy holidays" notes in a cards every year, from the very same ones who have spent years playing games with gift exchanges, late cards/no cards, withholding niceties and basic kindness, phoning-up the next person on their phone list so they can lie and laugh about others, complaining no one's ever doing the right thing compared to their imaginary personal standards, etc... I know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteLoving words, coming from these fire-breathing dragons, has become an indication of boredom, needing me to come closer so they can char-broil me and have family and friends laugh at how stupid I look. Oh what fun!
However, even a shy or clumsy attempt at wishing me well is welcome and endearing and precious coming from people who have allowed me into their lives, never purposely letting me down or betraying me.
And btw, 'Anonymous', most people who actually read what Peep has to say here wouldn't ask such questions in the first place; seems a little provocative and insensitive. But then, this is coming from someone who has read and thought about what Peep has had to say.
If I may speak up for you here, Peep; hope you don't mind but: Peep's a truly decent person who has agonized over, but definitively made a difficult decision to not fall for the cookie crumbs (she grew tired of crumbs) her well-wishers sprinkle during the holidays. She learned they only do it with the intention of leading her back over to the 'gingerbread house' where a bubbling cauldron awaits over the fire...
My own home is a place where these "well-wishers" have always been welcome. They haven't been able to behave themselves though; they're edgy and hostile and don't express even a shred of appreciation. They've turned down invitations as well, seemingly because they don't like losing control of their environment. They've instead offered the "goodness of their (envious) heart" through maligning me and destroying any sense of belonging.
I say, stay out in the cold, "everyone", you know who you are. Keep to your own icy home and devour your mincemeat, talk with your mouths full, spray food and drink all over, and bellow commands; show your ungrateful true colors to 'the lessers'. Just keep away from my celebration.
I'm about to have the most beautiful "Silent Night" in years with people whose love is genuine; everyone chipping in and caring that everyone else is comfortable, being themselves. The house won't be full, but then I won't need to have a sacred-herb smudging ceremony afterward either.
Hi Razed, it's too bad you are getting the same kind of thing with the cards and holiday shenanigans too. Hey with many ACONS tried for real relationships for years and then gave up. A lot of niceness would have gone a long way instead of rude emails in front of others and put downs that so many ACONS put up with at the annual "family gatherings". So many of us remember the endless pressures and shenanigans, the group think, everyone kissing the narcissist's butt while you are ignored or going to hide in the bathroom or trying to figure out how to deal with their latest volley of overt or even subtle insults.
DeleteIn my case as I have written COPD took me off the Christmas time roster long ago with the housebound stuff, but no one tried to understand or reach out. Yes most do the phone lists and line people up. No real conversations, just plotting and gathering information. Everyone's a stranger to a narcissist when you get right down to it. Yes they lie and laugh about others and while many will shame the scapegoat for thinking everyone's out to "get them" they will complain about everyone else and every little missed detail or maybe even a house or apt they visited where it wasn't as clean as a museum or the meat was a little tough.
Yes why would anyone of us believe loving words from ACONS who faced all these betrayals. Someone wants to call and say "loving words" as they did everything they could for our destruction and put us one edge for decades. What is love from a dragon? Yeah youre right, they want you to come back into the char-zone, so you can be made an object of ridicule. Oh I remember all those family holiday "show-offs" when one had $5,000 to spend on presents, and some gave bags of pastas and used books or paintings. What good is a "show-off" if the audience is gone and there's not a poor scapegoat to play off of?
Sure I welcome all loving words or even shy "Happy holidays" or "Happy New Year" from people who REALLY CARE. Even a hastily scribbled holiday card is fine by me when there's real emotion behind it and someone wanting to show me they really care. The narcissists will try to protray ACONS as monsters who reject this outpouring of love and care, what a joke. We enjoy real relationships with nice people. [well with the ones they didn't succeed in bad mouthing us too or smear campaigning us away from]
I wonder what kind of person would post those things too, read this entire blog and the answer is "Nothing happened?" "You're just paranoid?" This one is a gaslighting master but there's a point where such overt gaslighting to defend their own rotten life or narcissist standing, appears as total insanity to us all.
The blogger just imagined it all? That's insanity. Even a ordinary person will walk away from someone that kicks them in the teeth everytime they get close enough. We are to imagine that self protection is thinking "everyone is out to get us"?
continuing..
LOL about the bubbling cauldron that about sums it. What good are annual crumbs too from people who just want you around to keep track of you and don't really want you around as a part of their lives? Drive within a mile of the house, making sure an aunt doesn't see nieces and nephews for 2 years, always so busy, busy, busy, shopping from their endless pile of money. What is there to try for. They closed the doors in our faces long ago. Every ACON that left, was LEFT by the narcs and their compatriots long before.
DeleteThey imagine relationships that aren't there. They forced the strangerhood, not the person who got away.
Sure I invite all good will people too. Not cruel cold people who sneered at my more humble abode or constantly told me and it's food was not good enough. Yeah so stay in the cold. I guess this narcissist wants to imagine relationships that aren't really there, relationships they destroyed but when does a nacissist ever take responsiblity for everything? The lack of conscience always states that everyone else is at fault.
I hope you have a good holiday Razed. I'm online now but I have a friend coming to visit me and will enjoy their company and that of my husband. We had a good lunch today together already. People will be able to be real and themselves around me too. There won't be any games, bragging or "show-offs". The anxiety levels will be far lower too. :)
Happy Holidays to all my other readers too.
people who just want you around to keep track of you - You may not mean it but it sounds like you have a bit of an inflated opinion of yourself. Why would someone, who you admit doesn't even like you, want to 'keep track' of you? Like, you think you are being stalked? Yet how can they 'keep track' of you if they won't even come visit you? So confusing.
DeleteHi Peep, Happy Holidays to you & your husband. Thank you for your very interesting blog & all you do. In addition, creating a safe arena for raw & real sharing where the "rubber meets the road." I'm finally finished trying to fit into a severely dysfuntional narc family system. I'm not like any of them, and exhausted every avenue trying to "connect" and be in relationship. Not normal... I was the one doing all the reaching out, which went nowhere. What I received in return was mean comments or no reciprocation. I'm relieved to know this "evil" has a name and I'm not alone. At 7 years old,I packed a suitcase, first aid kit and headed for the front door. My visiting grandma asked, "where are you going?" and,I replied, " I'm running away from home, I don't want to live here anymore." So I knew from a young age that "something" was very wrong.
DeleteThis year, being in a foreign land, I invited a few neighbors over for wine & treats. No drama, just quite & peaceful:)
SDR213, You want me to make sense of narcissistic behavior? Yes why would people who hate my guts and disinvited me for years, call me up on the phone? Interesting question. You explain it, I can't. Why does that make me elevated about myself in thinking that makes no sense?
DeleteThanks Kitties travel
DeleteYes I understand being finished. I'm no longer trying to shove the square peg into the round hole either, it's wasted time. Like you I'm not like any of them either. I did all I could with my very limited resources and accept the plain fact that so limited in health and money maybe I didn't have much to offer in the things they prioritized and well they made that CLEAR to me too didn't they? LOL
LOL Like you I tried to run away. I begged to stay living with that one aunt. Everyone remembered that too, that was the 'great severing" I believe. Yes blaming a 5-6 year old who just wanted to be loved.
I had good holidays, I had my best friend from college visiting here, we went out to each Chinese food. Today me and her went out to the water front before she left. It was a fun few days. We watched movies too. Husband was hanging out with us too.
Glad your holidays went well too. :)
Hi Peep, glad to hear you had a really lovely holiday:). I like the fact with "no contact" it is possible to create our own peaceful holidays & say "No" to drama...Yes, I can so relate round peg/sq. hole.
DeleteAlso, bye bye to the cousin who never wrote back. I thought we were having an exchange, when I visited since she confided "heaps" about her "extreme" narc parents. I wrote to her the beginning of Aug. and asked if I could speak with her about family business. When visitng, I was "floored" by her father's(my uncle) perverted & rude comments( last thing he said to me on the phone out of left field as narcs do, "Why aren't you married? Come on, you need to be married!!") Wanted to tell cousin I was going no contact. No reply...I'm blocking her email too. Done w/ hot & cold air, it's disrespectful. I'm offically separated from this family.
Yes we can find more peace. I just hope economic situation gets better. I want peace for that too.
DeleteUnderstand you ditching the cousin, sorry she betrayed you. LOL about the uncle saying you need to get married, like you can snap fingers on demand. Sheesh. I relate to the hot and cold air too.
Hi Peep, wishing you & Mr. Peep God's blessing in the New Year. I saw another reader mention a donation button. Peep you are very generous & kind and help us a lot here. After I land a new job & get up & running again;), I would be happy to a send a gift your way. Hey, that new job
Deletemight be cross country trucking so I can avoid those evil reptile brains in the workplace!!:)
I will look into the ins and outs of donation button. :) Thanks for your nice words. I hope your new job goes well, yes in the truck you can be on your own with just the dispatcher to deal with. :) Good luck kittiestravel.
DeleteHey anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing "trolling" on Peeps blog, anyway? You couldn't get her on the phone, so you "stalked" her on her blog? Look who just got caught with their "predatory" pants down!
might be continuing later ...
Hi Peeps,
I might get back to the troll later, right now I need to go deliver some caramel corn I made to some kids in town. Don't ever let anyone tell you making homemade cracker jacks is easy! You should see my kitchen! Some kids weren't home yesturday, am making those rounds again today. The prizes in the clear bags came out real cute, with colorful suckers and mini candy canes, shiny colored seashell rings for the girls and marbles for the boys.
Whistles and bubbles for both, the girls bubbles with removable dolls on top and hammers and wrenches for the boys (not expensive, just super cute. Spent $11.00 on prizes and a couple more on the candies! Anyway, fun stuff! Am taking the camera in, hope to get some good pics. Hope you and Mr. Peeps have great holidays with your friend! Too bad you had lurkers trying to spoil things. Glad you ducked!
Sincerely, michelle
Hi Michelle, Thanks, that is nice of you to make some caramel corn for the kids. It sounds good. Oh its' true with Cracker Jacks you'd have to make caramel, chop nuts maybe and pop all the popcorn, I am sure home made is better, it sounds like great gifts and cute too. Yes get some good pictures. We had a great weekend. I'm resting now. :) Hope you had good holidays too.
DeleteHi Peeps,
ReplyDeleteI finally got myself situated after all the Xmas stuff. Had to go pay bills yesturday that I would normally pay at the beginning of the month.
I was saddened by the episode you just went through. I know it had to hurt. I could have broken things down and tore the troll a new one, but as you pointed out in your excellent post to Razed, what would be the point? If the woman has been reading this blog, then she is intimately aware of exactly how you feel and what's going on. Or, what I really should say, is, that while she has always been aware of it, she now knows that YOU ARE TOO! It's clear that she's just pissed that you weren't vulnerable enough (needy enough) to fall for her phonecal! And it's classic narc tactics to then turn into the "confused one" and ask you to explain all the crazy. I thought it particularly rude (evil) that in her earlier post to you, after she insulted you from here to Santa's Village and back, that she put the steaming pile of poop on top with "I really do hope you and yours have happy holidays," and even included your signature smiley face on the end- talk about turning the knife!
I have been reminded of a couple of old adages given her recent behavior. One to her, "you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time," ie; doesn't she see the transparency of her only getting that "loving feeling" at Christmas time? What's with the "emotional constipation" the other 364 days out of the year?
continuing ...
Hi aon, glad you got your situation down pat and bills paid. Sure she knows how I feel if she has seen this blog so what would be the point. Nothing ever got in that thick head for 4 decades, it was the same as talking to a brick wall.
DeleteAs I have written she just wants to lay in wait, hoping that I will vulnerable, and come crawling back. She expects the poverty to work on her behalf, but I would go to a homeless shelter first then taking her abuse again. {I'm not homeless and can pay rent this month}
I agree with you that the pretend confusion is one of their games. IQs drop by 40 points. What do you meaaannnn? Blank faces with their dead eyes.
Sure the fake niceties, just like the fake cards I got for years. Narcissists do that stuff so they can look "nice" to others and play the innocent game. "I tried to call her, I don't know why my daughter won't talk to me", "I sent her cards look see?"
Yes why would people be fooled with the one day of the year? There was plenty of other months and times? Hey I just remember the disinvites and being blown off all the time because she was "busy" and had to visit my third or fourth cousin twice removed.
Its just another manipulation ploy.
And you were suppose to take her call and "play nice" for five minutes? What for? So she can scamper off and tell everyone that she "reached out to you for Xmas," leaving the ball (I mean bomb) in your court? I guess if you don't speak for the rest of the year, it's your fault then! Looks better to others that way.
ReplyDeleteThe other adage/colloquial term given her no-win treatment of you is, "I'm going to slap you to sleep, then slap you for snoring". She really does try and put you into a lurch, and then rages if you don't go into it willingly. Sorry it's that way Peeps!
If she really wanted to help, she should put some of that " well wishing out of the goodness of her heart," into the form of some cold hard cash! If she were really that "concerned" and wanted to "reach out" she would. I mean, where's her Xmas spirit when it comes to that (your actual needs)? She has plenty, why not share?
Anyway, I think I've given her shenanigans more air time than intended. Except to say, that she should use her electronic dictionary to look up "how to make a proper apology". There are actual steps, which are normally felt intuitively by the one giving it, but for the "confused narcissist" they can be looked up!
Anyway Peeps, more than enough said. Hope most of it is behind you.
Sincerely, Michelle
Sure Queen Spider will tell everyone, "I tried to call her, I don't know why she won't talk to me" [while playing innocent]. She played those kind of games all the time.
DeleteShe could have helped my husband get a decent job 15 years ago. No need of any "help" or money. She has the connections to have handed jobs to others. Lets just say her favorites never have suffered any bout of unemployment or struggling in low paid employment.
Queen Spider has never apologized in her life. She is a high tier narcissist sociopath. I have never heard the words "I am sorry" pass through her lips. She has never ever admitted being wrong. In fact the weird claim that calling itself was an "apology" was an utter joke to me above. Queen Spider has never even FAKED an apology like some narcissists will do. She considers it below her. This is someone that considers herself superior to every living being.
Thanks Michelle.
PS. When I went NC, I knew there was no fixing this, this person was never going to change, and letting go of those expectations or expecting a human without a conscience to suddenly spout one was a waste of time. When I don't answer the phone now, at least the guilt and angst is gone. There is relief, of no more being on edge, as someone tries to weedle, manipulate and lie to me. Relief via non-action and disengagement. I had a weird thought the other day, I tried to remember if there was ever a time QS ever tried to hug me, show me love, comfort or defend me. It never happened once. It was kind of a revelation. If it is her coming here and not just a like soul troll, it's nothing new. It's the same crap I heard while in contact over and over. One thing about narcissists is there is no change. They remain the same over decades.
DeleteI'm glad to hear that you had a nice time on Christmas with your friend and husband. I guess we have to weed out the bad ( all the hurtful people) and be grateful for the good things in our lives...simple, small things, really. Such as snow falling, beautiful music, a good cup of coffee or a surprise gift from someone that you did'nt expect but had really wanted.
ReplyDeleteThat's the sort of things I've been trying to focus on instead of all the stress and hurt I usually experience. I know a lot l of the hurt is due to unmet expectations from my family ( and my husband's, too). We were asked to come to the Christmas Day dinner at his mom's on a different day from everyone else because there were "too many people "....so me and my kids and grandkids went early. My brother and wife and their family didn't even send a card or anything and we didn't go to my mom and dad's at all.
I think I'm done with feeling with all the hurt! I'm going to let it all go and not worry about them anymore. I want 2017 to be a year of change! A lot more peace and joy.
I did enjoy the small stuff and did have fun with my friend. I was sad when she left but we did have a few good days. We looked at Christmas lights and went to Chinese buffet, watched great movies, and talked about art work, antiques and other various subjects. Yes I purposefully said, Okay we will have some good days here and we did. I know sometimes we have to set the "other stuff" aside. It's not always easy. Yes I am tired of feeling hurt too. Well I may talk about things here, but in day to day life, I try to focus on other things and art work. It does take some doing. Sometimes one's brain will go where you don't want it too, but I am trying to work on that. I want some more peace and joy too and better year then 2016. Hope for that for you too pegjo. :)
DeleteHi Peeps,
ReplyDeleteThere's no doubt in my mind that it's her! First of all, her anger towards you is palpable. I don't believe that a dispassionate narcissist troll would insult your intelligence with such a pointed display. Secondly, where she revealed herself definitively to me was with her question, "why are you so vulnerable at this time of year." She doesn't even bother to feign sincerity by putting a question mark on the end! That is uniquely her! Check those emails of hers you posted a couple or so months back. It struck me then, and it strikes me now.
Sincerely, Michelle
I think it's her too or she put a flying monkey up to posting responses for her. An ordinary troll just wouldn't be that invested. Also notice the troll has not written, "I am not your mother". I considered that sentence revealing too, why would a troll ask that? Why would they care? Yes the writing style matches.
DeleteI know she has been telling the family I have "gone paranoid" and that's why I left. This sociopath is incapable of ever taking responsiblity for anything. She is high tier, and won't even fake that for someone she considers lower status. I don't see a mere troll writing
"It's heartbreakingly sad that you think *everyone* is out to get you."
That sounds like something she would write or say. I am always the one in the wrong too and she is always completely right and superior. It's disgusting. Helps remind me what I walked away from and the empty shell of a person. She would leave question marks off. Kind of surprised she didn't use her favorite word perceive.
Husband and I discussed the viewing of her on the Today Show, he remembered the rain coat. She does look like Margaret Hamilton without the pointy chin.