Saturday, December 17, 2016
According to Narcissists: Positive Thinking Will Fix Everything
I was told by a troll, that I need to get a more positive attitude, and it will supposedly change my life. My legs will become normal and I'll be thin and my bank accounts will be full. Heaven will unfold and singing will reign across the land. My husband will get hired with full benefits at a job paying him 6 figures. My house will look like Martha Stewart's. My art career will blossom. I will have nothing to complain about. Positive thinking and goal setting will have saved the day. No longer will I be a depressive semi-goth Eyore lamenting about my life on my dastardly navel gazing blog.
Maybe I'm too old, but I've heard this BS for decades. It never worked. Mrs. Curses promised me miracles via her deliverance. A Project friend promised me happiness via more volunteer work even though I had volunteered for yeas and fixing what she criticized. Gwen Shamblin and other diet gurus promised me a thin body if I thought the "right thoughts". Weight Watchers promised me weight loss if I ate "healthily". Pastors told me I would be blessed and my husband would get a great job if I just removed all sin from my life. Sorry, it's time to live in reality now. I am no longer interested in false promises and being told to be someone else to "deserve" anything. Want to fix me? Go find another sucker.
Narcissists always use that as a go-to plan. It's a hammer being used on a lot of heads now and it is what has replaced empathy. Instead of people feeling any 'empathy' they have been indoctrinated to believe that any suffering is 'self-caused'. Their instant reaction is to shame and blame anyone who confronts their world view or narcissism in general. Share any troubles, and these types go to town. They would never bare a soul on a blog, they don't have one.
The shaming for not being positive enough is one of their tools. The constant focus on criticism never lets up. They want you smiling and silent. People who have no consciences are not bothered by messy things like emotions like sadness or despair, or nostalgia or even longing. Emotions piss them off. Every scapegoat raised in a narcissistic family can attest to this. They slapped us hard for crying saying "We will give you something to cry about" but they also at times smacked smiles, laughter and joy off our faces too.
They want you to shut up. This is why a blog full of emotion pisses narcissists off. They get angry at those who may talk about what they have been through. Blogs full of self reflection are called "selfish", these are the types of people who say "Everyone's got problems" while having no empathy for anyone's problems. They would never share their problems. That breaks the narcissist code of never having vulnerability. Everything is a contest to a narcissist. That is why they compete and even seek to destroy their own children. So when they preach positivity to people realize there alone it is a cup of poison. There's not one damn positive thing about them. Even their preaching of being positive is fake. It's another mask.
Narcissists want us to wear masks too. They hate people who refuse. I refuse. Queen Spider and my father, wanted me to wear masks. My father actually at one point screamed at me, "You need to conform or no one will never accept you". There I was rejected as both Aspie and personally. Every crap narcissist I walked away from demanded the wearing of masks. There was no honesty in their world. Hidden emotions and lies ruled the landscape. Fake friends who try to control your emotions are angry at your failure to wear a mask. A troll showing up here demanding that I wear their mask of forced positive thinking and goal setting, is just one in a long line. Our narcissistic parents were angry that we did not wear the mask of pretending they were loving parents. A cartoon that is honest and says "I hate my mother", sent one zombie narc over the bend. The troll could have been Queen Spider. Who knows. All I know is they all speak the same, their message is the always the same.
It's easy for them to say "Paste the smile on your face". Our entire culture enables narcissistic messages like this, where anyone who faces any problems is told it is their fault. This is why a narcissist troll can come here and feel justified in telling a disabled woman, with multiple health problems, "you just haven't been positive enough, it's all your fault." Even the sneers about me talking about "the man" putting me down is just the words of a narcissist where the corrupt oppressive system serves them. They hate activism and anyone who questions the system. In that alone they are pod people who preach boot-licking to the system that rewards their narcissism. To narcissists politicians are the good guys who "succeeded". Succeed at all costs.
What jerks like this don't realize is many of us scapegoats, smiled for decades and all it did was get us kicked in the teeth. We already were "nice" and "positive" for years. We always gave the benefit of the doubt to whoever we can as we got exploited and abused. We didn't realize that we were just opening ourselves up for predators.I used to think that if I am a nice enough person that people will like me and I will become "well-loved". For many years I was a master of the "fawn" response to abusers. Even now I have to work against the indoctrinated reaction of becoming silent when someone insults me. I tried very hard to be "nice". All it did was get me kicked in the teeth.
The narcissists never worry about being "nice", they are nasty to everyone and consider their words superior and law. Their sheer arrogance shines off every word they speak. They never self correct or ever ask themselves if they could be wrong. That is the trait of every narcissist out there. They consider themselves perfect. Their world is nothing but criticism for the "lesser beings" around them.
Queen Spider never worried about being nice. She was nice to those when it served her, and got her glee inspired smears off her concocted cruelties. Trying to be positive around narcs, is something that just puts you in thicker fog. They get away with more. You go to sleep living in denial. Every scapegoat went through that "make nice" phase, where you patted down troubles, and shut down mind and emotions to pretend everything was okay after being hit and yelled at. You ignore the sabotage in the room as you smile and hustle to help them in the kitchen and make them paintings, imaging yourself breaking through a hard heart to the soft person inside. There is no soft person inside. You've been fooled. You can be nice and positive until the cows come home, it's not going to change a damn thing.
If anything scapegoats have to light a match to the "be nice" people pleaser crap and learn to stand up for themselves. Standing up for yourself is what gets you ahead in this world. We have to be careful not to become like the narcissists who only care about themselves, but the last thing any scapegoat needs is more shame, blame and criticism where they wake up with their head down.
One of my rules for life that has been developed is I am not longer going to allow anyone to tell me how to feel or who to be or what to think. If people think I am depressing, or full of bad news then they can go watch the Oprah channel. There's plenty of blogs with upper middle class and wealthier women, talking about their endless vacations and "self actualization", go find one of those to make sure you are never challenged. No one is forcing you to read. I think people are tired of Polly Anna crap and being told to smile anyway as the system grows more corrupt. People are sick of being told things are true that are not true.
If I am a bit depressive and look at the dark-side of life too much, tough, I was made this way. I'm not going to mold myself for you or anyone else. It's who I am. The same emotional flow that makes a good painting also is one that looks at reality. I don't want your unicorn candy dreams. They are full of crap. They just depressed me more. Shove your "positive thinking" where the sun doesn't shine.
The whole "positive thinking" stuff is to keep the narcissistic supply flowing for the narcissists in charge. It's societal demands that you wear a mask. I think more people are interested in dealing with reality. By the way there's no real joy in faking it. Real joy is found in honesty and in being an actual human being. Real friends are found among those who are real, and I'm thankful for the friends I've met through this blog. I'm tired of the fakes who want me to be fake too. They don't wish us anything good. They just want censorship and masks.