Monday, June 1, 2015

Project "Friends"

I don't want any more project "friends". In fact I am going to be careful to avoid people who want to turn me into a project or want to "fix me". I can befriend people fast online and have found various friend soulmates via the internet. It seems like the Internet is my mecca of friendship and social connection while the real world, it just seems harder.

One thing I noticed that happened to me is I seemed to hook up with all these people who wanted to FIX ME.

Disabled people are very prone to project "friends". Legions of church ladies will go befriend the disabled lady to prove their holiness to their congregation. Some will be seeking bennies for heaven, in being your friend. They can fool you smiling at you, and you think there is mutual like and sharing of the minds there. You even make them laugh but watch out, inside they are horrified by you. Think of the Movie, "My Fair Lady", but with two females instead, they want to whip you into shape.  Changing your speech patterns, social personality and more. Often they will direct you to some volunteer projects and will insist on you "improving" yourself. They will tell you things like "Let's not talk about that now!" or "Lets be more positive now!"

If anyone wants to fix me, goodbye. I'm done with it. This doesn't mean not trying to progress but I am tired of being tested and given hoops and endless goal posts that are always moving from other people. I am tired of being told that it's my fault spiritually or that I am a bad person or I have to do this and that to be deemed worthy of existence. Is this something my ACON upbringing gave me? Falling into this pit of dealing with these people who put me in this position. I don't think many people would put up with it.

I am tired of being judged for my feelings. Some of these people have had completely different lives from my own where they had good health and close families who were always there for them. I don't expect everyone to "get it" but it seems a few of these church going types could dig into their cold hearts for a little bit of compassion.  They do not know what it is like to be running away from someone coming at them with a knife or what it is like to dig food out of a trashcan. If you think I'm a freak, next time just walk away, don't waste my time.

I am tired of being judged for my health. So your body works and you don't have severe obesity and can eat food and don't look like a melting candle from the waist down. Maybe I should have showed the projects how I really felt, and laid in bed crying and groaning from all the pain I was really in. My stiff upper lip stuff failed. They don't think you are brave, they are embarrassed by you and consider you a lesser being.

Next time I feel like I have to walk on eggshells or censor myself around someone, I may as well not waste my time. If someone tries to control my speech, and tell me what to talk about or tell me my feelings are wrong or too extreme, or if my problems are "too great" for their self help group and my pain embarrasses them, I should just walk out and slam the door. Otherwise I will be pouring energy into an already doomed relationship.

This may be partially my fault, as I have so many problems and a life that seems spiraling out of control and a body from Hades itself so maybe I present myself in a way that draws these people out of the woodwork. Some may have good intentions even from the start but they really hurt people like me. It is just another person telling me I am "bad", "wrong" and "not measuring" up.

I may present myself with too much pity and pathos. It's probably my fault. Stir together Aspergers, bad health problems and an INFP personality too, and well, I'm too sensitive for this world. This means keeping more of my problems to myself as the new answer.

Many of these types will fool you easily. They can appear to have empathy and to "care" even with all the volunteer and other projects they take on and even "help" they do. But it seems when push comes to shove and you are crying and upset, that empathy vaporizes like a fart in the wind. If you make the "error" of refuting them or standing up for yourself, they discard and devalue pretty quick.

Sadly you find out their lack of respect for you eventually and it usually has to do with how they treat you regarding other people. Just like our narcissistic mothers threw us scapegoats overboard for everyone from the milk man to a cousin, the same likewise will apply to "project friends". They won't stand up for you even if someone insults you to your face several times with your husband witnessing it and telling them because you are a lower social status. Sometimes they claim they stood up for you but will be pissed off and resentful about it.  They won't have your back. They will go running to talk to someone else even if you are mid-sentence with them.

I guess I can die of boredom behind a fake smile. Of course when I try to fake it, it never worked either. Sometimes you will think there is even mutual sharing of challenges, and that you are balancing things out nicely but supposed they can vent while you are always a complainer. My life seems to have been one of sinking into the wallpaper and/or opening my mouth and pissing everyone off. Now that I am old, hopefully the "Fix-It" and "Improve-It" Queens will find a younger victim. I'd rather be a friend to someone eating out of a trashcan and living in the park rather then another woman who will tsk her tongue at my bad housekeeping or get angry at me for having feelings or who will tell me I need to do this and that to be a "worthwhile" person.

American society and me don't go together well. I'm a crappy stoic. I smile but the sadness still comes through in the eyes. I'm bad at hiding depression or anger. I would flunk salesman school and charm school. Maybe some think they can solve my problems of no money and health from the gates of hell. If I can't fix then how can you? I have failed to solve them and I'm tired. I just want to live in peace and be left alone now.

I had this one friend who was one of these types in my old rural town, and I feel like I repeated the same scenario with the latest friend. This friend was older, very religious in a mainstream church and had 4 children. I met this one when I was still in the Catholic church. I would go eat at her house and even befriended her children. We got along pretty well, but then things got kind of weird. She started the "project" stuff.

She wanted to get me another friend saying that this woman who was in and out of the mental hospital every week and who had made several suicide attempts in a row, would be my new perfect friend. Now I am open to everyone even people with severe mental problems, but it really worried me in that she saw this very troubled person as my peer instead of herself. I was not in the psych ward, I was a newly disabled ex-residential counselor. The whole thing bothered me inside. I was noticing then she was befriending OTHER disabled and very troubled people! A pattern was being set. She also was going through these disabled and troubled people like toilet paper. I was one in a long line. One thing these project friend types will do is seek out troubled people. They can forget their problems while attempting to fix theirs. Some of the more toxic ones will feel superior and better about themselves to have a more "screwed up" person next to them. Sadly our society is so competitive and narcissistic, these things shouldn't even be occurring to people but they do!

I still remember the day she came to my house with 8 boxes. Back then I was a more eager to please personality and she said, "Hey I have something for you! It's a bunch of craft supplies!" I thought "Oh boy!", and took the boxes. It would be a metaphor for the friendship as the boxes were full of scraps and trash, tin cookie cans, ripped up old ribbons, bits of yarn and twisted wires. I ended up throwing away the whole lot except for some old buttons and pieces of pins and beads, I used for a community art project later on. She was moving the very next day and hadn't told me. So much for it being a close friendship. She would later tell a friend she had unfriended me for leaving the Catholic church I don't know, but this was my first run in with a "project friend" or someone who felt they were superior to me. I can't say she was a totally bad person but she was working her way to heaven using me. She rescued me from an ice storm. She helped me with church groups. Was she really a friend? Not really.


  1. What you're describing solidifies something I kinda figured out not too long ago: true relationships, true friendships, are based upon mutuality. Equal parts respect, care, and dignity. Anyone who looks upon me as less than an equal, no matter how sweet and nice they appear to be, ain't my buddy. And don't call me brother, either. The last friend in the flesh I had was back in the early 90's, and he ended up taking a dump on me. I got my wife and my cat. That's it. Am I thrilled about it? No, but it beats covert disdain behind a sweet little smile. Well, I'm glad to know you Peep. I think your fabulous!

    1. You too, Smakintosh :) Yes it has to be mutual where the people consider each other equals. No false pity or social leveling. Even if they smile and laugh with us if there is no respect or they see as lesser or pay attention to things like social status, it's not going to work. Nope not a real friend. I am sorry you had a betraying friend. I do have some real friends [actually very close ones] even from college and I met online-but we all live far away from each other. Of course I got my husband who is more then a friend of course. I read if you got 1 or 2 real friends in the world you got more then a lot of people. I'd rather be alone then have covert disdain or judgment or hoops to jump through. It's relief. :)

  2. Its like they are trying to take from you instead of giving, but the whole thing looks like giving. Its ok to want to talk about things with friends, this is nothing to blame yourself for. More and more I see people who see us as an opportunity for themselves, to make themselves look better. I`ve been there.

    Lately, I`ve been rather cagey about even having friends. I have this one lady, that I think is trying to be my friend and I have been able to talk to her, but I don`t know. She has been through the wringer with life difficulties herself. She had a cheating husband for years, she stayed and prayed for him, and they are fine now. She had a stillborn child. She has been through a battle with cancer that threatened her life.

    She is on the other side of all that, and when I talk to her all I can see is that she just listens. Sometimes I think she is not present, and I know that is because I am used to being criticized like you are being now.

    And as far as the junk they give you that you are supposed to appreciate, I know this lady who would never give anything but good things. We have got to understand that there are people in life that would never make us feel badly. Grow some trust, and if that trust gets trashed then we need to find that inner mommy that will comfort us and give us back to ourselves.

    I have been where you are and I`m still going through it. I hope this comment doesn`t sound bad. I`ve been there. I know people will disguise taking with giving. If something feels badly, just I stay away.

    It feels bad when they give you junk, your supposed to be happy,because your poor. I`ve been there so much. It sucks. Or that they have all the advice in the world for you, and they try to make you feel bad over not taking their advice.

    But that lady that I described would never do that, I know it. Just people like that don`t come along everyday.

    In dating advice they tell us that 99 percent of the men you will end it with. You will not continue trying. We are taught that when he is a taker it may come in a disguise. And this situation shows that.

    I hope this don`t sound bad, I`m strictly on my emotions, not judging, but it helps me to see where I`m at too. Trust is not easy. And these so called friends you are talking about are just being takers. That`s it nothing good there. Even the church ones.

    1. You got it. It looks like they are giving but it is a "using" from the start. I keep thinking to myself, I would listen to her problems but for some reason she put me down for HAVING problems. I think it is to look good to others. Obviously it was THEIR opinion and not MINE she cared the most about. I had trouble trying to figure out why she cared most about the opinions of people who were not a daily part of her life in a dying group more then the opinions of a close friend but now I have finally figured it out.
      Disabled people can be taken advantage of this way. People see as lower social status and act accordingly. I told her to her face I was tried of her acting like she was superior to me. I didn't chose to be unable to have children or be sick or have no family.

      I have close long time friends and online friends but I know I have to change something regarding my local social life. I need to choose different people. I find Aspies and other good people online but it's tough locally. It's hard to find people I have anything in common with. We consider moving I may write about that but being broke and with so many medical needs that are met here, I could end up screwing myself. I do miss the more relaxed and sociable people of my old rural town. Not to say things were perfect there either, but it seemed easier to connect with and talk to people there.

      Maybe this lady because of her troubles will have compassion. She may be tentative and scared too. Yes I am tired of the criticizers. You start thinking you can't make anyone happy. Add in the familial rejection and you think everyone hates you. I agree about finding the inner mommy to tell ourselves it will be okay. I can tell my husband is trying to comfort me and saying "You are loved" over and over to calm me down. He has told me he thinks I should take a break from trying to socialize here, just go to my usual activities like church.

      Thanks for understanding Joan. This is a guilt factory too where you think they gave to you and were nice friends but then what made them wake up one morning and decide to hate you? I realized behind the smiles there had to be this disdain and derision for me. The focus on "self improvement" got beyond the pale. There is the exceptation that disabled and poor always be happy and brave over their lot. It's like we have to overcompensate. They can be sad and not smile for three months due to depression, but if you get depressed, or sad or worried or overcome by grief for "too long" then you are scum of the earth.

      Ah yes the advice.

      Most of the advice costs money I don't have.

      I need about 50,000 dollars to make all the "improvements" to fit in. Get apt repainted, new wardrobe, better shoes, new carpeting for apt, another better car, cleaners etc.

      Maybe that lady is a good bet if you know she never will do that.

      This is like bad dating and a "divorce". I'd be divorced long long ago if I married a criticizer like my family. My praise outweighs any criticisms by far by him.

      Yes trust can be a hard thing. Sometimes I think I trust too easily. What was I thinking to be in a self help group with self-proclaimed friends? I agree nothing good there. Next friends have to be people with no hoops for me to jump through. NO PERFECTIONISTS.

  3. Sounds to me like these Catholic "church ladies" were working on their salvation by doing "good works" to be seen by men (which God hates). You said "My life seems to have been one of sinking into the wallpaper and/or opening my mouth and pissing everyone off. " That sounds EXACTLY like me! I feel like we are friends, you don't know me yet but I've been lurking on your blog site for about a year now. I have only made a couple of brief comments, one was about how I would love for the psychopathic controlling elite to be first in line to demonstrate their illustrious "eugenics" agenda (ie Bill and Melinda Gates, the Rockefellers, Rothchilds, etc). One thing I noticed when I went to "church" (church aka government controlled divided denominated manmade religion) is that those people (99 percent) are the most judgmental and spiritually BLIND people I have ever encountered (other than my Malignant Narc Queen Jezebel controlled former family). There is a verse in Ezekial I think Chpt 16 verse 30 something where God calls organized religion the "harlot on every street corner where they prostitute themselves to men and then PAY they men (pastors/priests etc) for their prostitution. A very excellent description of organized churchianity. No offense intended to you, Peep as you seem to be among the 1 percent of spiritually human souls that still attends "church". Anyway, I don't mean to preach, haha just wanted to make an appearance and let you know I'm here. I've just gotten to the point where I feel like talking about the abuse I grew up in but I will do it a little at time I'm sure you and your readers don't want to read a mini novel. One thing I've learned growing up in the web of a Queen Spider is to judge people by their heart, not their appearance. I learned that even before I knew that my mother was IT (ie Stephen King movie). I want to comment some more if it's OK but I will say this about my situation: our upbringing was very similar yet opposite in ways. I have full blown Aspergers which seems to be an effect of Narc abuse, just like you, but I want to say this to make you realize that your disability and the weight caused by the disability is NOT the reason they singled you out. Not your family or the phony churchians. The reason they treat you differently is because you are of a DIFFERENT SPIRIT. It makes no difference about your physical appearance other than those with very shallow minds. ...continued

    1. I agree about the salvation by works.

      LOL that sounds like you too. Would you like to write me? My email is on the profile.

      I believe the "error of the nicolatians [ugh can never spell that word] that Jesus speaks of is having a clergy or a one man show in the church. I understand people leaving the churches. I consider the majority fallen away. Even if one goes the independent route, you have to watch out for the cultists, dominionists, and other false teachings,.Much of the church is buried in false gospels like prosperity and many men "making merchandise" of people.
      If you write me, remind me to tell you a theory I have about Aspies that relates to truth telling.

      I am realizing more too, it was not my weight that had them single me out as well but having a different spirit. I have met thin and good looking people and even one commenter spoke of being well heeled and their NM treated them no different.

  4. My situation was reverse from yours in that my MN mother is obese and has been since I was around 5 or 6 and just got bigger and bigger until she got type 2 diabetes and neuropathy in both feet. But she is still in control of her little mini cult. I on the other hand was slim and attractive, (not to brag just to show you that it makes no difference what you look like if you are a SCAPEGOAT) and though I have struggled with yo yo weight of 10-40 lbs over the years I've kept it off and she seems to resent me even more because I didn't become just like her. She set me up before I even knew what was happening by manipulating everyone in my families perceptions of me so that when I finally figured out what she really is (IT), I am seen as "crazy" and disregarded by all my extended relatives including those on my non narc dad's side. The only people who truly loved me in my entire family were my paternal grandparents who died years ago. They were all I really had. My dad was human and loved me until I was around 8 when she gained control of his mind and turned him against me. She belittled him and abused him as well until he became a raging alcoholic to cope with her bat shit craziness, got full blown Stockholm Syndrome, lost all ability to think for himself until he was like an insect in a spiders web that had been sucked dry of life essence and he finally died in March of this year (EXACTLY 9 months after I told the Witch I knew what she was and cut contact)!! I didn't go to the funeral but it was the most intensely sad and painful part of this whole nightmare because she STOLE my relationship with my Dad. I have one sibling a younger brother who is her "protector" and Flying Monkey Extraoridinare and a foster brother and his internet bride who are nothing but sycophants and leeches who bow down to Queen Jezebel (Narc supply in exchange for sitting around their house using the internet, rading the kitchen and just basic leeching. They are losers and my Dad hated them being their but the Queen was in control. I'll comment some more later. My situation is similar but yet different in that my "mother" is a VERY covert MN. (The worst kind according to some experts). She appears angelic to everyone. I hate her.

    1. Thanks for telling me this. I often have carried this burden of thinking if only I was average or thin maybe my family would have accepted me and treated me better, same for the money but with others telling me, Look we were "successful" and "thin" and still treated badly, it is telling me stuff doesn't make as much of a difference in them determining to turn someone into a scapegoat. It does sound like you have had a very similar situation to me where the families entire perception of you was based on your mother's negative one. Yes considered "crazy" and "ignored too. I am glad you had a pair of good grandparents who loved you. I am sorry you lost them. Sorry your Dad was an easily led enabler. They can turn even loving normal people into something else very sadly. Yes the STEALING of RELATIONSHIPS. This is what I definitely wrote about in the article "When Scapegoats are Ostracized By Their Whole Family", even with my brother who is very sick, she affected that relationship badly. She made me "poison" for everyone to avoid especially after I went NC. Yes the covert ones can be the worse, they appear very nice to everyone and leaves you unbelieved even more. Sorry you lost a relationship with your father I know that had to be painful. Praying.

  5. I think that many scapegoats become targeted very early in life, long before their adult problems exist. I was listening to a radio program about the problems of identical twins. One woman said her identical twin could do no wrong while she was always the "bad" twin. This is the divide and conquer game, it can start in infancy and has nothing to do with the characteristics of the scapegoat. Though the scapegoat can later develop problems and behave negatively after a lifetime of abuse.

    1. This is true. I know I was targeted very young even before I got fat. Some plumpness came in at 5 and you know the rest of the story. If an identical twin can be chosen and scapegoated then yes you are right it is not any appearances issues then whatsoever.

  6. You have put into words something which I have struggled with my entire life. I always thought it was my fault that I couldn't be friends with the Good People for long, that I inevitably disappointed them because, as it will with bipolar disorder, my depression inevitably comes back, and it inevitably includes suicide ideation. If only I had "just prayed hard enough," "just had a better attitude," "Just been more positive," then I wouldn't have slipped back into depression.
    These people sound like my inner critic, when I think about it. Sure, they wear a halo, and at first they are oh so understanding. But when I don't conform to their idea, they inevitably turn nasty, sometimes talking about me behind my back.
    I had one of these "friends" who wanted me to audition to go on The Biggest Loser with her. Admissibly, she had a real self-image problem. In fact, she only weighed 135 pounds, but she was a former ballet dancer (which as I'm sure you know is a very fat-shaming profession) and would constantly refer to herself as fat. When I told her that I didn't appreciate fat shaming, she became snippy with me. I eventually had to end the friendship.
    I don't make friends easily, so it's hard when I lose friends. But you're right, these people aren't friends anyway.

    1. Thanks Cara. I am glad this article helped you too. Yes I struggled too thinking I couldn't be friends with the "good" people too. This has kind of triggered me back to the family stuff too, "why aren't I ever enough"? They always freeze you out and refuse to listen even when you tell your side of things. My husband witnessed some events and told her and still disbelieved. I guess in her mind she wanted to write me off as a "bad" person. I realized they didn't treat others that well either because they didn't measure up to the "good" people standards.

      Yes you disappoint them. For me I often disappointed them with illness, I was more tired during visits, not as perky, the blood sugars almost into the 300s affected me for two whole months. They don't realize with lipedema I'm hiding tons of pain and on the edge of life threatening infections every minute. [I once spiked a 105.5 fever a year and half ago getting an infection] Also my problems with depression too were an issue.

      It's odd there too, there doesn't seem to be much mercy, most depressed people are hiding their feelings enough, but they see your sadness or being stagnant or "in a rut" or dealing with troubles you can't seem to solve as "being your fault" and as an "offense" against them. I don't have bipolar but even with regular depression it is something that waxes and wanes. The troubles of multiple chronic illnesses where most people at my level are in the nursing home if they don't have a caretaker like me gave me no breaks. Yes they tell you if you "pray hard enough", "have enough faith", give you the Job's friends speeches--you must have sinned against God, you must be a "bad" person to not "get your life together" and the one I hate, "be more positive". That one confuses me, I was already laughing with this friend everytime I saw her, was I to dress up as a clown and wear make up and bounce around like Richard Simmons to be positive enough?

      They do sound like my inner critic as well. Yes they wear a halo and seem so kind and good, and you think you have added an angel to your life to realize it's someone else who is just going to tell you that you are not good enough. Sorry about the fat shaming and Biggest Loser junk, that is the last thing you needed. Yes I have had the thinner women tell me about being fat, which you would think would never happen to a 500lb woman but it does. I do have sympathy for thinner people knowing even 30lbs changes their treatment but it seems weird to me, here I am the size of 3 people or 2 large ones, and they are telling me they are too fat.

      Yes they get mean when you don't conform or don't change fast enough for them or "fix your life". Everything you say is a "complaint" or "negative".

      Sorry you don't make friends easily, I don't either being Aspie and not fitting into mainstream society, but yes these people are not friends. I hope you find some good people who will not judge falsely and will be true friends.

  7. I'm glad you post this article, Peeps. I had project friends and an adopted narc mother who used me and my adopted siblings as her projects. I used to complain about people who seemingly came to me because of my disability and then acted like a social worker on me, gave me unsolicited advice, told me what to do or how I should think or feel, and then got condescending with me when I told them I did not want to do what they wanted me to do.
    Then in the 2000s, I learned three things that made me feel better. One was when people offered to help others, they need to help without strings attached and be nice to those they help; otherwise, people will feel trapped, get angry, or there are strings attached. Two, Some people help in order to convert us to adopt their religious and/or political beliefs and if we did not like what they believed, they would leave us. My therapist told me that these people were not my friends because they were there to convert me. Three, some “successful” adults with disabilities or conservative non-white people, like some deaf people would "befriend" other disadvantaged or unlucky people to "help" them to become like them. In the recent years, I realized most of them were narcs and some did not have best friends during their childhood years.
    An older lady came to me “for friendship” after she noticed that I quit working for a restaurant in late 1997. She found me after work one day to tell me that she would like to take me out for a lunch and to keep in touch with me. Since she was one of my friendliest customers, I agreed to meet up with her. We enjoyed each other's company at first and then we started having tensions.
    She offered to be my “new adopted family member” and help me out to get into a graduate school program. She wanted to refer me to resources, financial aid and grants. Unfortunately, she referred me to a vocational rehabilitation program, a program I tried to get financial aid from earlier and abused me in. It was a long story. Because vocational rehabilitation did not work for me, she abused me that I ended up getting flashback, later known as PTSD. Thinking back, I realized I was upset with her lack of empathy, and she had better experiences with vocational rehabilitation because she was a narc.
    Then she talked about angry people in her family and tried to tell me how I should feel, what I should say, and how I should plan my my life as a graduate student. I was upset and angry when she told me not to move to East Coast and to get counseling to work on my anger so I could stay in West Coast and be her friend. Then I received a card where she made a statement about angry people in her family and how she compared her angry brother to me, and then asked me questions like "Would you like to continue our friendship without anger?" I cut her off. Years later when I learned about covert narcissism and that most project friends are narcs, I realized I was right cutting her off.

    1. Having an adoptive step mother who turns you into a project would be the worse, anon. I feel for you. There one displays themselves as a martyr to take the orphans or abandoned children in.

      Yes us disabled people can get the "social worker" types coming out of the woodwork. And they are so invested in changing you. So many Americans believe in the magico change stuff where suddenly if someone TRIES HARD enough all disabilities will vanish and they will be like the hero disabled I wrote about on the new article today.

      Then they tell you how to feel and that your emotions and feelings are wrong. I was yelled at for ruminating about the family too much, and this from someone who has at least 15 relatives who live in the same town who can't even imagine what it means to have no family. I was thinking however even if I was the most cheerful person on the planet it wouldn't have mattered.

      I agree with the no strings attached help and also disabled people need to avoid those who do not see them as equals. Yes some will use religion to try and control a person. I will witness the Christian gospel but this is something different, they will try to guide your morality saying you are a "bad" person and sinning against God to think and feel a certain way. It is gaslighting with them trying to use God to join in on it.

      Yes some will see themselves as mentors too, if they have become "successful" which a mentor is not always a bad thing but if it is about control and trying to make someone just like them, that is a problem.

      Sorry you had that friend help you and then abuse you over it when you made other choices. Ive been in vocational rehab twice in my life, it's how I made the decision for paralegal school and how I went from being an unemployed art teacher to a residential counselor--less strigent health requirements. Many people think they will help you get a job but they really don't. They just throw you in the pool with the sharks.

      Her telling you your anger was wrong, and any friendship where the other person tells another WHAT TO feel is doomed to end.

  8. Why these people chose me as their project friend? Based on my experiences when I lived with my non-narc foster parent during the first eight years of my life, that were much different from my experiences when I lived with my adopted narc mother, I had a theory that people chose to be our project friends when they noticed that we were poor, vulnerable, have a disability, had a tragic life experience, or when we did not have protection and love from our parent. When I lived with my foster parent, I had a hearing problem that was noticeable since I was five. However, my foster parent protected me. I did not have project friends (adults or older children) because I was protected and safe. Other children liked me and I was happy. Older children or budding narc children did not befriend me when I lived with my foster parent. I was happy with my life and other children liked me. I did not need older children or adults to tell children my age to stop making fun of me of me or to tell other children on how they should treat me. There were aspie children who lived with my foster parent and they were safe too. Other children and I made efforts to befriend and play with aspie children years before we knew about autism and Asperger Spectrum.
    When I moved in with my adopted narc mother, I was not protected. A lot of bad things happened to me. Children who made fun of me were not punished. I befriended an aspie girl who had a narc adopted family and Paula told people that we were developmentally delayed children. I had to fight back in order to get good high school days. It’s a long story. Anyway, my adopted narc mother did not like it when I became well-liked and well-known in a small town. I was a track star who eventually had a senior year record that is still standing today (more than 30 years). My adopted narc mother was very bitter because I became successful.
    When I moved out on my own and struggled to get an apartment, a job, and resources so I would not have to move back with my adopted mother, several adults chose to be my project friends. Because I did not have money or resources I needed, several project friends gave me money and resources. Then I graduated from college and struggled to find a job. One of my project friends judged and blamed me for not finding a job. Over the years, I noticed the pattern of project friends. They complained that I was not "thankful" for their help because I was unsuccessful in finding a job or did not lower my standards in order to take a McJob and be satisfied with it. It also became apparent that they thought they were superior to me, as you noticed in your project friends, Peep.
    I worked on my life, moved out of state, got my apartment and accounts under my name, fixed my credit rating or history by repaying most of my creditors, and went to graduate school. Unfortunately, none of these things were good enough for my project friends. I got into a graduate school program in a prestigious university and still wonder if one of my project friends felt resentful since then. One of them complained that I did not get a degree in STEM field or the ones that promises me a job, but are soul crushing majors or jobs. It also made me wonder if they are narcs because they could get brownie points with God and other people for “helping” me and other people. I hate project friend and am making sure I am not getting new ones in the future. Sorry you had project friends in the past, Peep and other readers of this blog. I think most of them are narcs who used us to get their narc supplies. >_<

    1. I don't want anymore project friends either. Forget it. Yeah I think most of them are out for the supply too. They all think they are superior. One thing about the projects it just takes standing up for yourself ONCE and it is discard and devalue time on the double. They just stop listening and refuse to talk anything out. I do think disabled and poor people are vulnerable to them. I know out in the world [not here] I better keep my mouth more shut about my problems. They do see themselves as "superior" and that hurts. I am sorry you even had success and the project friends still didn't give you a break, maybe they were jealous. I'm done with the projects too.