Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Endless Criticism Destroys Relationships

                                 [picture source]

Endless criticism destroys marriages, it destroys people. Any one who has either been in a relationship with someone who did nothing but criticize knows what it does to you. It rips you apart. It destroys your spontaneity, it means you are walking on eggshells and always afraid of doing something "wrong"." I am not sure why some people think it is good to reign as judge and jury over other people but sadly it is something I have encountered.

Everyone judges to an extent, we even have to judge people and situations as safe and even criticism can have a place to deal with problems, but there is a point where it gets excessive and becomes a battering ram upon the souls of other people and one is criticized for many things even beyond their control.

What if you feel like nothing you do is right? What if you feel you just can't make anyone happy?
What if people just don't believe you and you are telling the truth? What if you can tell they decided you were a social embarrassment and liability?  My mistake was questioning someone at a group who did not like me. 

One person wiped away an entire social circle. Another believed someone else who didn't like me. Endless criticism destroys relationships.

I have suffered enough losses. Some would say this person probably never was your friend to allow the opinions of others to influence them. I knew the end was beginning when they said to me, "Sometimes it is hard to be your friend, because you are so overweight, others give me problems for it." All sorts of feelings were triggered in me. Will I ever be enough? I have lost almost 40lbs recently too. Inside this felt like a sock to the gut. They knew about my stage IV lipedema diagnosis.  Can people understand the pain of being extremely overweight? Our social status is so low that even supposed friends will turn on us under pressure from others. The pain of this was intense. I told her. I received no empathy.

I made the giant social mistake of telling a couple local people about this blog. ACONs are not understood by the general populace even ones you think are close friends. Please never make my mistake, only tell the closest best friends and even then be careful.

Many of us ACONs were barraged with endless criticism. I grew up being told that everything was wrong with me, I was told I smelled, was too fat, too messy, so forth and so on.  Enough is detailed  here. Sometimes I am unsure how to undo the damage when the world backs up what was said to to me.  The other day someone I thought cared about and liked me decided to criticize me severely. I cared about her deeply too but this was getting worse and worse and hit a high mark. I no longer felt accepted and when acceptance goes out the window then many people just get nervous. It was like she had a list and was reading it off.  I had visions of my mother sitting by her side, as she decided to shred me to bits during our last visit. Talk about being triggered! This friendship predates my going no contact by a few years.

The other day I had this friendship end, because I stood up against criticism. Big mistake? Or lesson learned? I don't have friends to spare in town. Would you be upset if someone decided to rip into you one day and tell you that everything you do is wrong? Would you say something about it? Or would you sit there and take it and then conduct business as usual? There was part of me that thought, "Keep your mouth shut, otherwise you will lose the "friendship". But then another part, the "recovery", "fivehundredpoundpeep" 'stand against abuse' me, said to hell with that! 

I know I am not a perfect person. I weigh 508lbs and weighed 543lbs just a few months ago. I am struggling with some serious sadness upon the decline of my health. Lipedema is a progressive disease. I was faking it to make it so long I lost touch with my own body. People never realized how much pain I was hiding to do anything. People didn't know I was collapsing into bed after doing things. People outside of this blog didn't know or understand how I have been struggling with the loss of the family, the same as if one's whole family went down in a jet airliner but worse because I was rejected and abandoned long ago. One thing I am tired of everyone telling me how to feel. They judge me for feeling the "wrong feelings". I couldn't get a lobotomy to please them all! I am sorry I was slow in "moving on", or "fixing my life" but I was actually trying my best no matter what they think.

In fact my progress is showing, and that I no longer want to take endless criticism. That's progress. I'm done with the measuring up game and people pleasing. It shows now doesn't it? The me of yesterday sadly would have probably sat there and taken the endless criticism and cried and said, "I'll try harder!" and nothing would have been good enough anyway. After all this is what I was trained to do.

I was told by this friend during the criticism-a-thon that ended our friendship that I was "unforgiving" to cut my entire family off. Didn't I write on here, they cut me off before? That no one would visit me, and I hadn't seen many of them for years and it didn't matter? I wrote about trying to fix the relationships. How could any person read about the abuses here and think I should sit around and get few more blows?

My household has struggled for so many years, struggle is the default setting, but why does everyone have to pile on and tell me I am a piece of crap? What am I supposed to do about it? I don't even know HOW to do what they want me to do and/or I lack the resources to get things done.

First of all I was not believed even when my husband was backing me up saying he witnessed it too, that someone in the self help group constantly put me down to my face. This friend actually called me "paranoid", even when my husband said, he witnessed these events directly to her. She said this over and over and I felt gaslighted. I got the full brunt of a smear campaign, and it rippled out. Later I would be scapegoated in an email for scaring new people away from the group even though I was gone all winter and only attending one-two times a month instead of every week. People started believing these things. My sins? I questioned the scheduling of the group one time. I got sarcastic once as a brag fest reached a zenith but then listening to people mock people on welfare wasn't too fun when it happened twice.

This friend told me I was selfish, and that I defined myself by my disabilities. What is that even supposed to mean? She doesn't realize I hid a lot of sickness she never knew about. How does one define themselves by their disabilities? Was this projection in that she was telling me she saw me through them? Am I supposed to pretend they never existed? Is the brainwashing for us to be so brave, we are to act like we live in healthy normal bodies? I may write about this later, but there is pressure on us disabled people to always be overcompensating and some still won't be happy.

  Her constant Republican litany about how social security was a "slave system" hurt my feelings but it was something I overlooked for a long time because I avoid political litmus tests for friends. I will admit when someone is really really sick, you can be selfish at times to survive but I still don't know what I did to her if anything in that realm. I thought I was a good friend.

Add to this the failures to "progress", the odd dichotomy that she was allowed to vent, but I was a "complainer" and "she didn't want to hear about it" and "I lived in the past" and "did not move forward". At one point she even asked my husband who defended me in return"How do you deal with Peep?" like I was the most horrible person on earth and she was trying to get him on put me down team. What is ironic to me, is people can tell me their problems and I am okay with this. I consider it part of friendship but why can they vent and I can't? I remember laughing at jokes during our last two visits and doing some cards, maybe my memory is faulty.  What does that even mean? Here too you wonder how many simply don't accept you and befriend you hoping to fix you and looking to the person you will supposedly be in the future instead of today?

I felt not listened to and judged harshly. I answered back to a few of her charges but I then wrote her an email, telling her that it was wrong to criticize me so much. "Why did you rip into me that day?" I even wondered and told her maybe you had a bad day or were worried about some problems but made it a clear boundary that deciding to rip me to shreds was not going to be tolerated. I told her that her standards for people are too high and I am not measuring up to them and not interested in trying to and that I didn't want to be a project. I wrote: "This has taught me a lesson that I need to lay down a new boundary, that people have to accept me as I am presently, warts and all, or just walk on. I can't be hurt anymore being told I am "not good enough" or must "change" to be acceptable."

Once someone is walking on eggshells and worried about what they will say or not say a relationship is already going down the chute. If you can't freely share or have to test everything you say by if it is an "acceptable" topic or not, it means spontaneous sharing is over with. Once someone is telling you what to talk about it. It is a bad deal.  I know now if I feel that way something is wrong. For some months, I was censoring myself around her, knowing that certain topics upset her. Obviously I was not censoring myself here, so that may have created problems too. Losing one's voice is not a good thing.

It is also by my own experiences a bad idea for friends to be in self-help groups together. There is too much boundary crossing as you talk about personal problems. I did make some mistakes in the friendship of that I have no doubt. We may have been even just too different. But I find myself asking why all the criticism? Why all the impetus to "fix" someone? Why all the non-acceptance? Why all the focus on social appearances?

Endless criticism can destroy a friendship. I however have changed, I don't want people around me who want me to measure up and who tell me in endless ways how I am lacking. I don't want someone's love of me based on my "achievement". I had my fill of criticism for a life time. This doesn't mean I think I am perfect or finished but it means refusing the walking on eggshells. 

Culturally I moved to a very reserved and affluent community and it's a "bad fit" in every sense of that phrase. I'm under pressures most don't understand. I made my mistakes, but I think to myself as I sat there, getting reamed out...."Aren't I a person too?" "If I am not valuable to you it's time to walk away". I fear the loneliness but what other choice was there? Why don't these people realize the more you rip people down the more you hurt them? Who wants to live with the judge and jury always ready to do a crack down? I don't.


  1. I have talked too much too, even a friend told me I have to pray for my mother that it was my responsibility. haha. I know they can't understand any of this, its a lot to take in. They try to help is all.

    As far as judging others goes, these judgements coming to you don't seem to be coming from adults, but little kids in the playground. Your weight issues don't make you bad, so I really don't get that part.

    I'm happier now knowing I can live in truth and authenticity, but to tell the truth, I really don't have friends, but people that I speak to on occasion and we are friendly. And it really takes me a lot of work to get out there anyway. In church people can be critical if you don't read the bible everyday, but for me its hard. Rules and self care is tough. I know there are lot of things I should be doing and I'm not, but I've always been that way. These things are not for people to judge. I'm not saying you have shortcomings, I'm just saying its so easy for someone to be critical for nothing.

    And as far as that friend trying to get your husband on her side, can you tell her to go #### ### for me, thank you. Sorry, I know you don't swear and I don't either, normally, but certain occasions do require a rather pronounced speech. That's all I have to say on that one. But I do remember such friends befriending my ex at one time when he and I were together, and he would take her side. I can see what she was trying to do. Big red flag.

    This friend told me I was selfish, and that I defined myself by my disabilities. What is that even supposed to mean?

    I don't know. Maybe put her in a self help group all by herself and no other group members, and they will help her.

    Please don't ever walk on eggshells, I hate that, I would rather just leave.

    I know people can hurt us, and we want people around us, its just hard. Its ok to judge people, and I accept people's judgements over me, but sooner or later there has to be a place of acceptance. Not to live in that place of judgement forever. And no one should be trying to fix you. I had an MN friend do that to me once, and it was not a good friendship.

    But even with all that I know it still hurts, these people judging you and making you feel unworthy, and trying to destroy your relationships. Its ok to feel that hurt and not block it and still go on. It is possible.

    1. Sorry you talked too much too Joan. Yes we are lectured to forgive and forget by those who don't get it. Chances are my mother just told me "Good luck to you" while gaslighting me yet again. If someone thinks they are perfect there never will be any repentance.

      Yes it was little kids in the playground and because I wouldn't sit there and take abuse, I was made out to be the bad guy. I can't even imagine what lies one told about me because the disagreements were so mild. The whole thing scared me.

      I suppose my weight is a get-out clause for my betrayers. Two faced people do a lot of damage to others. I'd rather have someone tell me F off then give me the smile and laugh spiel while preparing to ream me out. LOL about the cussing, I try to avoid it but sometimes no other words fit.

      I have the people I speak to, the nice acquaintances too. Sadly too, I think it is safer to keep them that and tell them as little about myself as possible. Then everything will be kept friendly and nice. It does take a lot of work to get one's self out there, and I knew I was disappointing people by being constantly ill but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

      Christianity can be hard now,because if you don't have the "nice house" and "nice family" it's like you barely belong. I feel like a hanger on in the church world. I am tired of people focusing on my faults and telling me I am a bad person. I have been told because I am so ill, it means bad spiritual things and I am weary.

      Yes the husband thing was horrible. I felt absolutely shocked inside and ill. She was trying to do a gang-up on me. I plan to never walk on eggshells again. If people hate me for being me so be it. If they hate me because of this blog, then they can shove off too.

      Yes trying to be always fixed, no one advances when they are told they are wrong and bad most of the time. The ACON upbringing just shredded us and people replicating aspects of it, are only hurting us. I never was out to fix them and accepted the faults, but this favor was not given to me likewise.

      Yes I hope I can go on. I worry moving here ruined my life, it troubles me. It's like after we moved here life spiraled down down down, there's too many people I am scared to talk to here or even open my mouth around.

  2. I don't mind criticism that is leveled in the light of day. It's the triangulation that goes on in secret that frustrates me. My mother was a master of that. And it's impossible to coordinate a defense of your actions when you have no idea what is said about you or how your are being attacked. I can still only tangentially connect the dots my mother put out about me hoping something would stick. The only way I know she trashed me is because I now know she trashed us all. That and the way people treated me before and after they met my mother. If I had not had the mother I had I would default to believing what a parent told me about their child, because who would tell lies about their own children? Right? That would be crazy wouldn't it?

    1. Sadly some of the criticism that comes out is from the secret triangulations but yes dealing with what is said in the open air is easier. I figured out things said about me after I went NC with the main narcs and some flying monkeys let it rip. Its scary that people who lived thousands of miles from each other all said the same thing. With this latest local event, people got quiet and treated me odd, so I knew bad things were being said coupled with the mean stuff said right to my face. Of course all the those in thrall to the narc will call you "paranoid". Yes connecting all the dots is impossible but yes you saw the changed treatment and I saw it with my mother. She used my disabilities too, to turn people against me making it easier in her case. Yes it sounds crazy that people would tell lies but they do. I figured out one horrible lie told about me she had spread among the family. I am sure she will write or say more garbage about how "I perceived it wrong" just like the people here who told me I was "paranoid" and imagined the insults said to my face.

    2. What is even crazier is I had a witness for the things said to my face and still was not believed. I am not sure why they believe the narcs so readily. Someone explain that one to me.

  3. When my adopted narc mother criticized me, she claimed that she was teaching me about manners and how to be polite to others. She claimed that people complained to her about me because I was “rude” to them or “hurt their feelings.” Sometime it was true. However, I had to fight back when some people discriminated against me or harassed me. My adopted narc mother never protected me or fight back for me.

    My adopted mother befriended a teacher and a youth leader of a church’s youth group who verbally abused me, hit me, and criticized me excessively. She liked students who criticized me or did not hang out with me because she wanted to “tell me” that these students were teaching me “how to get along with others”. Years later after I went NC with my adopted narc mother and her enablers, I had a professor who criticized me excessively and a prospective thesis adviser who did not want to work with me based on her prejudiced viewpoints and attitudes. These kids who criticized me excessively and/or who refused to play with me ended up rejecting my friend requests in Facebook.

    Even though most of us are aware that there are two types of criticisms, destructive criticism and “constructive” criticism, many people in my real life told me that they noticed that some people got constructive criticism confused with destructive criticism. It is because not everyone know that covert narcissism and/or other Cluster B personality disorder led some people to criticize us in a destructive manner and that some people are malignant sociopath narcs.

    For example, my adoptive narc mother claimed that she wanted to teach me how to get along with others or not to hurt others’ feelings. What many people do not know was that some narc parents are “teaching us” to “get along” with them and other like-minded covert narcs who “could get their feelings hurt” if we don’t meet their narc supplies or get back in the line, or make them feel better about themselves by being less.

    Narcs do not want us to be happy and successful. They said they feel hurt when we graduate from college or get married to a person we love. They get their feelings hurt if we win in a championship game, get into a top college or a professional school. They feel hurt when we left home and become adults. They feel we are not getting along with others if we compete with others and win a scholarships for college or something like that. That’s what narcs meant when they “taught” us “how to get along with others” and “not to hurt other people’s feelings.”

    When criticism are destructive and hurtful, we could tell it was done out of malice, because it involved name calling, them defending our enemies, making fun of us, their plans to ruin our lives, threats, silent treatment, no recourse or resolution, or rejection. Destructive criticizers could give us silent treatment or do some kind of excommunication from their groups in order to “discipline” us or “make us think how we were wrong.” What many people don’t know is that some narc parents, teachers, professors, pastors, therapists, or social workers, etc., would do these things, not people who know what is right or wrong. (cont.)

    1. Yes they always claim they are "helping you". One form of my abuse was my mother would scream at me, "People don't like you!" but she was ensuring they would not. Its terrible you had endless criticisms too. Even that post that I suspect is from my momster [The perceive perceive one] is just more criticisms. You need to become a better person. If that friend reads here, the last thing I needed at this time in my life facing severe medical problems and other losses is someone else doing the pile on. It would have been better if you flicked me off to my face instead of doing the "you need to be a better person" criticism highway.

      If someone is not happy and being abused, they will not appear good to other people. I was being abused in that group and confused about it, and even later realized their more covert insults like the open mocking of people on welfare. These type of things don't bring the best out of people. So don't blame yourself for those rude times. I always felt sad and upset around my family so that helped them to all agree I was this crappy person. I don't know the answer in breaking out of that cycle, but to going NC, because my mother had trained them all not to listen to me.

      I was never protected either and sorry you went through this. I don't expect friends to go fight my enemies for me but there is a line crossed when you feel like they wouldn't defend you, and put others first over you. Yes sometimes the narcs will even befriend those who abuse their children or influence them to do so in the first place.


    2. I believe while there is criticism meant to help and solve problems, most criticism is of the destructive, rip someone down kind. Criticizers often shred people over problems that can't be fixed or won't offer to help. Sometimes people lack resources to fix problems or they are not solvable. We know the Cluster Bs are the masters of endless criticism. Some people learn this behavior from other Cluster Bs or are stuck in the "improvement" at all costs messages of society.

      Some yes are teaching obeying people who want to rip you down. Good manners to those types is always submission. Young children are trained to ignore their own thoughts and feelings, this can happen to ACONs and make them more vulnerable to predator sociopath narcs on the job and elsewhere. They don't know how to draw boundaries. I erred here even hoping "things would get better" and just opened myself up to trouble, and ignored my feelings where someone seemed not to accept me as I was. Many use criticism as a tool to label someone they consider a "lesser" and sadly if someone has disabilities or differences like being on the autism spectrum where we don't fit in as well, we are far more vulnerable to criticism rip-downs. Narc parents use criticism to destroy us in the eyes of many others.

      All the competition crap in our society has made criticism the top tool, to rip people down they don't see as "fitting in the group" or for oppression for various other social differences including socio-economic class.

      You are right some narcs even if you succeed will be angry about it. It can go either way. You are a "loser" if you fail and "full of yourself" if you succeed. I had an DIY art show in the paper even years ago that the narcs in my family ignored and refused to attend.
      They are teaching us to submit and to apologize even for existing. So yes much criticism is done out of malice, defending our enemies, making fun, telling us nothing is never good enough, telling us we have "bad personalities" and then adding that cherry on top that while they are abusing us, we are not happy and cheerful enough about it and are not "positive" people. While they can have faults and make mistakes, ours are labeled as so glaring they almost tell us, yes the world should hate you!

      I'm getting smarter about the destructive criticism especially after this experience. They can come live in this body and see how "positive" they would be. I am tired of being shamed for every emotion and told to conform.

    3. One thing I will add even if you admit your faults....it doesn't matter you are still deemed "not good enough" and "not measuring up". What scares me is I was trying to polish some of the rough edges off, and was still in for the hammering. I have learned once they start the mean criticism, there isn't any hope.

  4. For example, there were girls who criticized me during my high school days but they did not hang out with me. My adopted narc mother told me that these girls were my good friend. Then Facebook came into picture 25 to 30 years later and I found these girls’ (now women) Facebook pages, and sent them friend requests. All of these girls who criticized me rejected my friend requests and ignored my PMs! Can you call them my friends? I said no. I questioned their motives in criticizing me and refusing to befriend me when they rejected my friend requests. I’m sure most of you could get my drift.

    When I took a proseminar course, for the first time, as one of a required course for a provisional admissions to my current master’s degree program, my professor made up his mind after the fourth week into the semester that he wanted me to drop out of his class and give up on my master’s degree program. When I filed a complaint because I was aware of a policy that if I failed to pass that proseminar course, I will never get into that master degree’s program.

    When the dean of student affairs contacted him about my complaints, he got into to narc rage that I could see red face and rages. He was determined to fail me, regardless, of the quality of work I produced and my efforts I put into that class. He had made up his mind that he would fail me regardless of what other professors, disability services coordinators, and the dean of student affairs said to them. When he reviewed my paper for grading, he used red ink and essentially slashed my paper with unwarranted excessive criticisms.

    When a “fact finder” contacted him, he claimed that he provided constructive criticism and he was an expert in theory of minds. He used gaslighting statements and said I struggled too much in my project, which was far from truth. I received A grades producing similar works in previous and future course so I knew he was lying.

    Two years later, he did not get his contract renewed and he was forced to move back to his home country. He did not get to teach a proseminar course again. When he came back home, he had a three year contract which expired last fall. Now, he is no longer a professor. He opened his private practice after his last contract expired.

    I eventually passed the proseminar course the second time and got into a master degree program. My second proseminar professor used constructive criticisms instead of destructive criticisms. He explained to me the examples of constructive criticisms for academic purposes and the purpose of criticizing my paper. He gave me examples of constructive criticisms looks like when he post comments on my papers and I could see it was helpful for me to know how I was doing in my papers. It was far different from name calling, rude sarcastic comments that the previous professor used. He did not use red ink and I learned that red inks are “no no” in my graduate school.

    1. One thing I learned is not all professors are fair or objective, some out there will decide to flunk someone they do not like. I had this one professor who hated me for an education class. He flunked me even though I had gotten As and Bs on all the tests over one lesson I taught in front of the class. He told me I should not be a teacher. Looking back I did not know I had Aspergers yet and he was picking up "differences" he was hateful about. Flunking out of college three years in with lots of spent money was not part of my game plan. I even made a complaint to the ombudsman but lost, I was told he had the right to flunk anyone he wanted even with good grades on the tests. [I had been an arts and crafts counselor and community arts volunteer even by this time for a summer so was already used to teaching arts and crafts in that case]. So I was flunked, [got a C/D] I got one C from a sexually harrassing professor I turned down in an art class and one C/D [considered a failing grade] in this class while in college. This professor like yours actually told me during my meeting with him, that he did not like me and he made fat insults too. I was young and didn't know I could have filed an EEOC case against him in my state for the fat insults. What is scary is I weighed around 230lbs at near 6 feet tall at this time, and I could walk for miles still, I worked at a camp the summer before where I probably walked 2-3 miles a day. My lipedema and PCOS/thyroid was undiagnosed however and I did have a different body shape and later it would worsen severely. I believe the professor was prejudiced. He also believed in out-based education and was an extreme liberal and I was open about some viewpoints he did not like.

      Your professor sounded prejudiced and he decided somewhere along the way he was going to flunk you no matter what you did. He probably got bad ratings and was not meant to be a professor.

      The scary thing is, I got another professor, for the same education class, turned in the same work, the tests were the same, did just about the same lessons with a few tweaks, and got an A.

      So yes they can be very subjective and destructive criticism can come with the territory. I am glad you had the good second proseminar professor, thank God the other one did not dissuade you.

  5. When I was ready to write my thesis and submitted my proposal, I went through a professor who appeared to be promising based on our similar research interests. She turned out to be a narc who hated my prospective projects and made many snide, rude comments in an email informing my advisers that she would not work as my adviser. She ripped and tore my project apart, even though my proposal passed my adviser’s inspection and was ready to go. She made some snide comments that she “thought my project was too ambitious” and she wanted me to go back and redo my proposal. However she would not work with me. It was an excessive criticism that was done out of malice based on that professor’s prejudices. My friends and I could see through her bullshit. I filed a complaint and eventually found a much nicer adviser who has no problem with my project.

    I’m glad you ditched that so-called friend who probably did not like you from the beginning. It sounds like she harbored those thoughts and attitudes toward you for years and fooled you. I’m sorry you wasted your time with that person. Her criticism of you as you described does not sound like constructive criticism that could be helpful to you. All she managed to do was to give you stress, frustrate, and hurt you. She did not help you to become a nicer person unless if she was hoping that you will meet some people’s narc supplies again. It sounds like she was not your friend from the beginning.

    1. That is terrible that happened to your thesis and that professor with the similar research interests was so rude to you about things. I bet you can tell this is not someone who simply disagrees with me but in being rude she marked what she was up to. She did not have to rip you down and was not professional. What is wrong with an ambitious project instead of a "safe" one? I am glad you found a supportive adviser. It is scary to me your project was screened by one adviser and this professor shredded it. I sometimes think some may be wary of anyone taking away their thunder and that could have been narc competition where if a student shows promise that could outdistance them they will suppress them instead of being a supporter.

      I am still confused about what happened. She could see this article so that alone is not a good thing but I felt I had to talk and write about this subject. I find myself thinking she did not like me from the beginning too, and if someone is going to shred someone over personality traits, why waste any time from the start? It did hurt very much. I did feel fooled. Even remembering the good times is strange because we had so much fun and laughter together and I find myself thinking when did she start thinking so negatively of me. It is not something I needed or wanted to happen. She has closed me out, so that silencing is just something else that hurt. My sin there was defending myself against the excessive criticism. I had to do it. I couldn't sit there and listen to that reaming and then act like everything was okay anymore. I guess the first years of NC are interesting ones.

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  7. Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face
    Don't mind people grinnin' in your face
    You just bear this in mind, a true friend is hard to find
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face

    You know your mother would talk about you
    Your own sisters and your brothers too
    They just don't care how you're tryin' to live
    They'll talk about you still

    Yes, but bear, ooh, this in mind, a true friend is hard to find
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face

    Oh, just bear, ooh this in mind, a true friend is hard to find
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face

    You know they'll jump you up and down
    They'll carry you all 'round and 'round
    Just as soon as your back is turned
    They'll be tryin' to crush you down

    Yes, but bear this in mind, a true friend is hard to find
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face
    Don't mind people grinnin' in your face
    Don't mind people grinnin' in your face, oh, Lord

    And just bear this in mind, a true friend is hard to find
    Don't you mind people grinnin' in your face

    Sun House