Monday, May 25, 2015
The neurotypical world remains a befuddled mystery to me full of endless social rules I break. Trust me when people know you have Aspergers, they do not give you a break. You have to measure up to all these standards you always fall short of. The pain of Aspergers are these social troubles and social disconnections I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. You are either silent and no one knows you, and you stick to the scripts or you actually open your mouth and get in more and more trouble. Some act like they can say anything to you, a long list of critiques, while even a mild critique on your end means instant trouble.
I feel like I have to be dead inside to survive the neurotypical world. Don't have any feelings about anything. Don't be too enthusiastic. Don't be too attached. Don't expect to have anyone notice you are alive. Don't ever criticize anyone even after they reamed you out to the max. Hide all pain, keep the smile eternally on your face. Don't tell anyone any troubles. Censor any complaints. Censor yourself. Censor your alternative opinions. Don't be yourself that is a recipe for trouble from hell itself. Always appear goal oriented.