The neurotypical world remains a befuddled mystery to me full of endless social rules I break. Trust me when people know you have Aspergers, they do not give you a break. You have to measure up to all these standards you always fall short of. The pain of Aspergers are these social troubles and social disconnections I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. You are either silent and no one knows you, and you stick to the scripts or you actually open your mouth and get in more and more trouble. Some act like they can say anything to you, a long list of critiques, while even a mild critique on your end means instant trouble.
I feel like I have to be dead inside to survive the neurotypical world. Don't have any feelings about anything. Don't be too enthusiastic. Don't be too attached. Don't expect to have anyone notice you are alive. Don't ever criticize anyone even after they reamed you out to the max. Hide all pain, keep the smile eternally on your face. Don't tell anyone any troubles. Censor any complaints. Censor yourself. Censor your alternative opinions. Don't be yourself that is a recipe for trouble from hell itself. Always appear goal oriented.
The world confuses the hell out of me and I am supposedly a square peg in a square hole. Watching my step daughter navigate the world with the mind of an aspie is difficult to watch and difficult to be around.
ReplyDeleteI feel for your step daughter. I think as the world gets more complex even people who are normal, are finding it overwhelming. I know I do. I don't even know what to say or do anymore, it's almost like the default setting is that it will be wrong.
DeleteI think you have been with abusive people and now it is coming to your light that since you stop trying to please narcs and their enablers, some are revealing their true intentions. Some people have goals or try to "improve themselves" because they are unhappy with themselves and their lives. If they are giving you a hard time for being a poor aspie with serious health problems, they might not feel happy with their lives.
ReplyDeleteI remember during my first few years of NC that I had a so-called narc friend who tried to "improve herself" by living in an upscale city where she could meet wealthy people, befriend wealthy people, and teach for a wealthy school district. She met her husband around that time and ignored me. Years later, she drifted away from my by not calling me, sending me letters or cards, or visiting me. I stopped reaching out to her 18 years ago.
Since then, I found better friends who were willing to reach out to me and did not have rules on how I should think, act, or say to them. Sometimes I did not need to tell people my problems even though I feel sad about something. I will pray for you since you are afraid of being lonely. Have a great week!
Thanks anon, I suppose if I am in the place of thinking I have to please or impress I need to be wary. Once you are walking on eggshells and worrying about what you will say. I don't mind them having goals but yes what about my side of things? So your narc friend moved to a wealthy area to be like the wealthy people and latch on. I bet there are some that do that. Maybe it is better she blew you off then since that was her values. I am glad you met those who did not impose rules on you. Thanks for your prayers, I appreciate it greatly :}
DeleteNeurotypicals tend to think they're all that... Their stupid small talk - just makes me want to run for the door.
ReplyDeleteLOL Sue. I know there is many like that. It's all about status too. :(
DeleteI have a lot of difficulty sometimes, telling the difference between neurotypicals and narcissists. So much is made of the similarities between aspergers and (garden variety, non-malignant) narcissists, but I think a certain subset of malignant narcs are extreme neurotypicals.
ReplyDeleteI landed at this site because I was searching on neurotypical and narcissism. This is about the only site I saw touching on it! Ironically, most of the search results were about how *aspergers* can look similar to narcissism. But at least I found this blog, that's a start.
As an aspie, I cop a lot of narcissistic (especially patronising and haughty) behaviour from supposed neurotypicals. Whether other NT's experience them as narc, I don't know. I find most NT's decent though.
I guess the extreme, card carrying, flag waving neurotypicals are the ones I run into trouble with, and I suspect they are narcs rather than purely NT's.
Hmmm neurotypicals on a spectrum with the most extreme as narcissists? We all admit the narcissists have extreme social skills even if used for evil which is completely opposite of Aspies. It's like us Aspies are missing chess pieces and can't even see the board, and regular NTs can see the board and have some chess pieces and the narcs are ruling the chess board thinking 5 steps ahead.
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