"Don't Protect the Guilty Please"
Church can sometimes be a hard place for an ACON. I've had good times and bad ones in churches. One church became a real church family to me where I attended for many years. They would visit me when I was ill and offered real help to each other. I could have deep theological discussions with them and still have 10 of them on my social website, almost 10 years since moving away. Leaving that church due to having to move was not easy. Later the church would close which was even sadder to me. However I have spent some time outside of churches too. I am on the fence even with the church I have been attending for about a year. Many of the people seem "nice" but have stayed strangers outside of one elderly widow who has been kind to me and even she lives a whole hour away. There are the services but really no chance to get to know anyone outside of them. I just am not feeling "connected" to anyone and still don't know anyone's name. I feel like I'd horrify them opening my mouth about anything and like I don't really "fit".
While my former church was a poor, rural church, this one is far more middle class, and "proper". I made my rounds of the churches here and well, the prosperity gospel ruled in many places. Among the "good" church people I feel lost among them. Perhaps others have felt the same way. While judgment of sound doctrine and other matters in life can be a good thing, surely some ACONs have had this feeling of being seen as a "lesser" among the "good" people set or being judged wrongly.
In the present church, I made the mistake once of asking for prayers during a prayer service, for feeling sad and hopeless about my declining health, and could tell there were some "clucked tongues" and sideways glances. One church member gave me a book called "God is in control". Theologically I thought, "God is not the author of evil". Maybe they saw me as a "complainer" like the false friend too. I zipped my lip after that. Can you imagine telling any one of these people my real background? They probably would think I have crawled out of hell itself. Their lives are rich with good jobs, loving families and nice homes. While some have had troubles, they have faced them bravely and all overcame them and "moved on".
So I could be churchless soon. I think God will understand. Some out there believe we are to come out of Babylon and Babylon has taken over a lot of places!
One thing if you are an ACON and Joan touches on this, there can be many false spiritual messages that hurt ACONs in the church world. The false preacher saying that if you are not blessed, you are not in God's will, is wrong. He also was wrong to say that one's life is under their total control. The prosperity gospel really has infiltrated the churches even if your church may even officially renounce it. I have seen that preaching too, that if you obey God you will be blessed by him. Too many see God as an ATM machine. This is having a "You scratch my back", I'll scratch yours approach" to the Almighty Himself. This is a narcissistic approach to God.
One can see an attitude among the "good" church people, that anyone who has suffered must have done something to deserve it. People really believe out there more and more if you have a severe illness or other troubles, that there is something inherently "bad" about you and you bought your own trouble. New Age lies like the "Secret" have infiltrated the churches. This is not in scripture but with false prosperity gospel and more it has grown more intense. Also the false right wing politics and Republican party has helped with this too, with Fox news telling especially among the evangelical contingent that poor people have failed characters and do not work hard and that is why they are poor. Here the poor are scapegoated on a societal wide scope and many churches have become enablers of this. No one is calling out the greedy or demanding that employers pay just wages.
John 9:3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
Some will tell you due to your never-ending troubles, it must be something wicked you did or are doing. They will offer deliverance. Now deliverance isn't always a bad thing but for an ACON it can be place of abuse, as you are told, that your life troubles are your own doing and based in your "inherent wickedness". Here legalists and others can open the door to spiritual abuse especially for an ACON and sadly they join the chorus of our narcissist parents and others who say, "It's all your fault!" or "You did this and that wrong!". If you are an ACON, be very, very careful in seeking support or counseling anywhere in the church system or even the secular world for that matter. Realize if you are a Christian, your relationship with God is your own. Spiritual abuse is growing out there.
Sadly I have seen too often churches where the poor and otherwise down and out aren't too welcome. There is no way I can afford a tithe and they wrest an Old Testament book of Malachi to demand their 10 percent cut and yes the pastors know who is paying and who is not. There is pressure upon the poor in most churches. Here they guilt you too in some churches telling you if you don't give God "his seed money" and decide to pay for some rent and groceries instead that you are wicked person and "won't be blessed".
Some Christians have left the church system all together, and well, one can see why. More and more the churches have become voices of the establishment and in a wicked world where the establishment is narcissistic, you see narcissistic attitudes. Job himself, would be loath to approach the churches who would tell him just like his friends, that he did wicked things to deserve his misfortunes. [Job 4]
Just imagine Jesus Christ coming back among many of the places today, they'd get ready to crucify Him again. How many people sit in churches today being told like I was two weeks ago being told that veterans are "fighting for our freedom" in the Middle East? How did so many miss the news memo of years past that Bush lied? I still remember the other church I visited on Memorial Day, where they showed a video of marching armies, and bombers streaming across the sky up on the Jumbo screen above the pulpit and thought "What does this have to do with the gospel?" Spiritually I wanted to throw up. I am not a pacifist but I felt like the "god" being worshipped was Mars the god of war more then the God of the Bible.
The entire society has Stockholm Syndrome and too many of the churches are enablers to the system and defend the endless wars, and oppression of the poor. The wicked become defended. Smakintosh did the one video where one preacher told people to "hug their vampires". We are taught false forgiveness as many including him and other ACONs have warned against. We are told time and time again we are the wicked ones while the truly wicked get nothing but excuses. Victim blaming rules while worship of the powerful and narcissistic seems to reign supreme. While scripture warns us in Psalms that the wicked will prosper, these people teach the exact opposite.
Psalm 73: 3For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. 4For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.
5They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.
A pastor doing prison ministry who doesn't understand the nature of evil, is ineffective beyond measure. Sure some were oppressed or falsely accused, or rail-roaded into jail under laws that grow more oppressive, but among the maximum security set, where murder, rape and drug dealing are the crimes of choice, a pastor who doesn't understand evil is wasting his time. Sure some can be born again and hear the gospel but in his defense of a sick and growing more wicked society, in many cases he will only add oppression to the prisoners and not a message of freedom in Jesus Christ.
People who defend the system, in my book are missing something. If someone can not discern even from a Christian mindset that our world is in big time spiritual trouble or the wicked are ruling this place, that worries me. If they start defending politicians and banks watch out the brainwashing has taken hold. There is way too much protection of the bad guys.
This is an awesome piece, I can't tell you. It speaks about everything that I want to say, but I can't find the words. I just have the feels, and no words. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Joan I appreciate it. I understand the "feelings" with this one. I even had a dream last night about the church as I told you in message on your blog.
DeleteI wish every mega pastor in the US were forced to read this piece. It's outstanding!!!!!!! My wife and I tried to give church a try after moving to a new town. A couple of weeks ago pastor taught against judging others, with this cute little caveat: people who judge others open the door to bad things (like bad health, bad finances, bad marriages, bad circumstances). I just wanted to scream, "Brilliant!" Now half the congregation will be policing their own thoughts from fear of thinking and/or saying the "wrong" thing (which never works - this is legalism 101). Thinking or saying the wrong thing opens the door to bad things, don't you know? Pity the church member who is going through a trial. Double pity for the woman being abused by her church going husband (which is happening in epidemic proportions). Rather than compassion reigning first and foremost, the first thing that will come to the mind of many is, "I wonder what they did wrong to bring this on themselves?" "I wonder if they were judging pastor?" "I wonder if they were judging me?" That settled if for wife and me. We walked out, never to return to that church. I have enough damage to repair in my own conscience. I don't need additional fiery darts flung at my conscience from men vomiting up false teachings from hell.
ReplyDeleteThanks smakintosh. :) I wish they'd read it too but probably would not. I have visited some of the big churches too. This one was small but even there the pro-war stuff rankled. We had the sermon on forgiveness, he did give one line about those who are so wicked we have to depart but most was about forgiving others. I don't know it seemed unbalanced for todays. That preacher was preaching lies from hell like judging others brings curses or something. Crazy. Like reverse prosperity gospel--you get punished for doing bad things or "thinking the wrong thoughts" Policing the thoughts is exactly what they want the congregation to do like don't judge the pastor and wonder why he is teaching crazy things like this, or asking for money all the time. I pity anyone going through a trial. They will think they are "bad" and God is punishing them and have their faith adversely affected. I guess the prosperity crud is infiltrating all over the place. I am glad you and your wife got out of there!
DeleteIt reminds me of an interview I saw with Donald Trump. He said he of all people he should never get a hand out from just about anyone people at large. Yet where ever he goes...... people pay for his food and pay for his Taxi. It seems like the people that are up against it the most are the ones that get all the breaks. I know that a bit simplistic but it is true.
ReplyDeleteSure, someone like that others will pay for the celebrity. Many of them don't even carry cash like the queen. It costs money to be poor, even the rich can afford better deals and buying in bulk where everything piece by piece is far cheaper.
DeleteI’m sad to hear that your latest church did not work out for you. At least you tried. It sounds like churches are not for ACONs until we find a pastor who is aware of narcissistic abuse and is trained on how to help children of narcissistic parents or who had an evil spouse. Narcissistic people in my life, including my adopted narc mother, are regular church attendees and several pastors and employees (a youth group leader) at churches are also narcs.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I went to a church where pastors was willing to confront a president-elect of a church council, because many people complained about the president-elect and his wife for spiritually abusing them and for noting that God does not care about tithe. People who had been tithing for years or lived under normal traditional church cultures had problems with the president-elect.
One Sunday morning when I was gone because of my problem with the president-elect’s wife, the past gave the president-elect a letter informing him that the church planned to discipline him for causing conflicts in congregation. The president-elect started a shouting match with the pastor. I learned later that 424 people attended church that day, one of the highest numbers of attendees in that church’s history. That pastor was friendly and naive when he invited people to join his church for the past 10 years up to the morning of a shouting match.
A member of the church council contact a bishop of a bigger city to inform him of a big conflict in church. The pastor told me about the conflict and invited me to come to the post-conflict meetings, which I participated and learned. Unfortunately, the church congregation dwindled down from 424 that morning to about 12 people at the end. That pastor and his assistant was pressured to resign from his position and get a job in a different industry. Fortunately, a decade later, he was a pastor again and then retired. His son is a young pastor. The president-elect and his wife found a different church. Because of a low membership and the lack of fund, the church ended up closing.
I think ACONs need to be careful with churches until we find a right pastor who understand narcissistic abuse and what God meant when he said evil people. Another thing is that we need to find a pastor who will not use their financial concerns in order to give evil people what they want to hear. Evil people take money away from godly people. I have been reading bible at least an hour per day in Sunday mornings and talking to Christian people for support instead of going to church. I also attend some worship services in a college church that trains divinity school students.
Thanks anon, I appreciate it. So the president elect got tossed out? That stinks. Finding a pastor who admits the realities of evil seems very rare today, most would be narcissistic what? "you are supposed to forgive" I think many left that church watching how the pastor treated the president. I will read my bible too and maybe find an informal bible study that is not pastor directed as well, during a non-housebound time.
DeleteHi Peep, The bishop wrote a letter telling us church congregation that the president-elect and his wife left the church and found a different one. People have been complaining about the president-elect to a pastor who eventually disciplined him. It was spiritual abuse issues as well as some narcish religious behavior. Years before I knew about covert religious narcissism, the pastor described some of his behavior that gave me clue he and his wife were religious narcs.
DeleteMy experiences with that church was a learning experience with me which helped me to understand God better and that people who are pious are not necessarily better Christians. My pastor told me that Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and some churches are not right for me. I did not ask him why but it took me years to figure out that some of these groups or churches are false one or ruled by narcs. I wish there are more pastors who are willing to discipline narcs. Unfortunately, I think this pastor gave me an example of what happen when a pastor discipline a church member. They could lose members or would not make money. I hope God will do something about it sooner than later.
I guess Jesus must've done something "wrong" since He suffered on the Cross. I guess Peter did something "wrong" since he was crucified upside down. I guess John did something "wrong" because he was banished to the Isle of Patmos. I could go on here but you get the point. I heard Jesus telling me to "Come out of her My people". Rev 18:4. I don't know of any "church" that teaches the truth. They have all been divided and conquered by the head Malignant Narc, Satan.
ReplyDeleteThe Republican Christian Tea Party set would slam the door in the face of all the apostles and tell them to go "get a job". So yes think about this most of the apostles died martyred and broke. I am sure many even had their families turn on them. These types would say they had done wrong to have so many bad things happen to them like Job's sinning friends. I agree about coming out of Babylon. Even with the one I was in, my biblical disagreements were piling up to the ceiling.
DeleteSaddening because few churches are Christ-focused. i have heard of people who travel an hour each way, because the closer churches only offer prosperity positive (yuk) 15 minute sermonettes for christianettes. The church i attend is better than most others in the area - there the preacher actually preaches from the Bible, and during the week i am so grateful for the sermons over at sermonaudio.com
ReplyDeleteI know I looked for the present church for years even, one of the few without the prosperity junk....that stuff is spreading like wildfire. I am glad you found a good church out there and preaching from the bible.
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