Monday, June 22, 2015

Guest Blogger: "God's Will or Plans for Our Lives?"

God’s Will or Plans For Our Lives?

A picture in Peep’s latest blog entitled “Putting a Brave Face On” reminds me of the days I was spiritually abused by so-called Christians. I saw this picture “Your Plan v God’s Plan” in many places when I tried organizations like Calvary Chapel churches and Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. It would be years before I learned that it was one of the biggest lies perpetuated on us by Satan, with to help of narcs and false Christians. Yes, narcs have been behind this all along, because it was one of their plans, not God’s!

I had a light-bulb moment this morning and began to realize the truest motivation behind posting this meme, or a Christian tract as it was before internet came into existence. There were some ulterior motives behind giving this meme or a tract. It was not a good motive. These so-called, well-off false Christians are not true Christians after all and they don’t love God. They did not surrender their lives to the Lord nor had their hearts changed! No, they lied to us about it. Why are they doing this to us?

                                        [picture source]

They don’t want to compete with poor people for resources and wealth. The resources they are concerned about are more than just money or wealth. They want to keep their easy and comfortable lives and be with people who are “clean, perfect, good-looking, successful, and happy.” They want a great life which consists of businesses they own, their properties, going on vacations at least two times per year, paying for their children’s education in prep schools and in Ivy League university, great family gatherings in Thanksgivings and Christmases as well as sometime during the summer, perfect credit rating and abundance of resources.

Matthew 19:24 "And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."

They don’t care about God or Jesus. Having a good life is more important to them than being a loving and caring Christians. And they want to have their good lives and eat cake too, meaning that what they have been doing, hurting people in order to live a good and comfortable life, is okay with God. What they want is to ignore those who are less fortunate and have God “control” our lives so we would not fight for justice or look for a better life. What they really want is to have God scoop us away from them so they don’t have to hear about our complaints and laments about injustices in our lives. They want God to “control” our lives so we would shut up!

Matthew 16:25 "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

I am giving you several examples. They did not want to give their wealth to charitable organizations that are run by caring people rather than those who would abuse those who need help. A caring organization with caring case workers, Volunteer of America, paid for my dental care years ago so I could save my teeth rather than an extraction. When a case worker accepted my application, she told me that people gave generously to Volunteer of America so poor people like me could get a quality dental care. There were no strings attached and I did not have to donate money as long as I am still struggling to pay bills. Since the economic downtown, Volunteer of America could not do the same because people did not donate enough money, or those who had money withheld it from organizations that could help those less fortunate. They did not care and want God to scoop us up and “control” us so we would stop complaining about their contributions to our harder lives. They don’t want people to complain about them not donating their money to caring organizations who could have helped them.

In the past up to three years ago, a program for poor woman received generous donations for a scholarship program for women who attended college. I used to get $1,000 per year but it stopped as of late 2013. People stopped donating to the organization either because of economic downturn or those who have money are hoarding it. Many women and I were forced to take out a few loans to make up for $1,000. I was angry and prayed to God for money. My college had a way to giving me a scholarship and paid for some of my classes in full so I only took $3000 in loans from that school.

What these self-absorbed people are doing is "buying their way to heaven" by “tithing” and going to church every Sunday. False preachers are being paid well to tell them what they want to hear and to sooth them of any guilt they could have for unforgivable sins such as not loving God as much and not loving those who are unfortunate. They are paying for pastor who printed or give out tracts that make us angry with God. They don’t care about us. It is their way of telling us, “I don’t want to hear your complaints because I don’t care. I want a good life and go to heaven too. Please leave me alone!”

They don’t like to hear us complaining about our misfortunes and asking them to pray for good things to happen to us. They don’t want to hear our laments against narcs and evil people ruining our lives, and our problems with injustices in life in general. They don’t want to hear about our complaints about God not answering our prayers or keep on praying for us or giving us support and resources we need. Why don’t they care? Why are they living good lives and not caring? Why are they going to church and still living good lives? Because they are not Christians!

                                          [picture source]

There had been a realization that these good-living, faithful church-going people had been guilty all along or if they have not been guilty, they are supporting or enabling guilty parties of those who caused our suffering. Instead of acknowledging their guilt or absolving it by working on becoming loving Christians who help and care about those with less fortune, they tell us that God is in control of our lives, he had it planned all along, he is waiting for us to understand that he is in control and we need to accept that, and we need to let go and let God. They want us to submit ourselves and surrender our lives completely to the Lord! They want us to lose our freedom of making choices and having good lives for ourselves. Oh no, they don’t care about us. They want us to “accept our lots in our lives” and believe it was God’s will or God’s plans for our lives. I’m sure they are laughing and crossing their fingers behind their backs and breathing heavily that we will never figure out their true intentions.

Why did they claim that they embraced their suffering and accepted God’s wills for their lives? Why did they say that their lives are wonderful and fulfilling? If you look around and review their live situations compared to ours, you will notice that these people did not suffer much during their lives. They don’t have narcissistic parents to abuse them as children or conduct smear campaign against them as adults. Some are narcissistic themselves.

Some narcs tell of their struggles during their childhood and young adult years, and how they overcame their difficulties. They used their stories of struggles, race, and disability to get ahead in life. When they got a degree from a prestigious university, for example, some do not help poor, minority and people with disability in their work. Some who work for these disadvantaged groups ended up abusing their clients or those who came to their employers for help. For example, I had several hard-of-hearing vocational rehabilitation counselors who abused me because I did not have a mentality of a narc woman (being cold, critical, detached, or acting like my narc mother and other narc women), and they are obviously narcs. I had many horror stories to tell you but need to suffice it here. Narc people with disability are very successful in vocational rehabilitation programs. It has been that way for years and I hope it will change in the near future.

I heard complaints from black people that there are Uncle Toms or house Negroes working in organizations that are supposed to help poor black people. Poor people or homeless women complained about formerly poor people who became counselors or social workers, because they were condescending or tried to make them do something they don’t want to do. For example, narc case workers of a transitional housing program told several women to go to a substance abuse center in order to keep their spot in a transitional housing program.  A sympathetic social worker told me it is hard for some people to get sober so they had to get these ladies into a section 8 voucher program instead of a public  housing program. There had been many complaints about these successful people. Some of these people are good-living, church going people.  They tithe but don't give to organization or help unfortunate people with love and care.

Some good-living Christian people who like these memes we could not stomach claimed that God helped them, because they surrendered their lives to the Lord. The truth is they did not surrender their lives to the Lord, not the ways they described. They had good lives so other Christians did not tell them to give up on their decisions and goals. They tithed faithfully to churches because they had jobs and abundant financial resources. They did not have to deal with a pastor because they gave generously to church. They had easier lives in a “Christian” organization, because they did not suffer and people could see that their lives went well. Christian leaders assumed that they are right with God and opened doors for them in ministry and obtaining financial resources. My friend told me one time that these people were not blessed by God. They were blessed by their parents, cooperative people, and fellow narcs who like them. Satan blessed some of these people.  These are examples.

Some became narcs themselves because of a culture that conditioned them to become one, and a false Christian culture that told them that it is okay for them to hurt others by withholding resources, being cold, putting people in situations that would force them to surrender their lives completely to God and give up on their plans or decisions. That’s spiritually abuse. Some narcs never experienced spiritual abuses because they are being blessed by Satan and evil people.  There are people who claimed that they accept God’s plans or wills for their lives, that they surrendered their lives completely to the Lord, and are at peace with God. It was not true. They are not at peace! They are very angry and bitter people.

I could give you an example and you probably ran into some yourself. I had a so-called Christian friend in college who claimed she was at peace and very happy with God’s plans and wills for her life. Before she started judging me, she revealed to me that two doctors told her she needed counseling. She was upset because she believed that “Christian people don’t need counseling.” I was young at that time so I did not know what to say. Her mother told her that Satan sent her to a doctor to tell her lies about counseling and that God could heal her. My so-called friend was in denial that she was angry.  Her beloved father died when she was nine so she was crushed when her mother told her that God took him,  She read a few passages in the bible and joined bible studies in Calvary Chapel churches.  However, she had an outburst of rage that ended our friendship.

                                      A horrible narcissistic view of the poor....

She did not like being around with poor and unlucky people. She told me that poor people are not Christians because God would give them money if they let him control their lives. It did not sound right to me, and I told her that God is not like Santa Claus. Even though God does help people, he is not like Santa Claus who would give more money to “good” people and poverty to “bad” people. Six months later, our friendship ended after months of arguing about God and her way of treating those who are less fortunate. She does not want to help or be with those who are less fortunate.

She eventually lived a great life by getting married to a man who makes a lot of money, voted for Republicans who created policies that worked against poor people, and going to churches where pastors tell rich people what they want to hear. I am still struggling and praying for a husband and children. Does that mean God has will for me and a plan for me to be single and childless, or that he is waiting for me to surrender my life completely to him so I could lose my decision and goals in life? Does that mean he wants me to let him control my life, my heart, mind and soul, so I would submit myself to abuse and reunite with my abusive adopted narc mother?

No, but these are what selfish narc Christians want to tell me. They don’t want to pray for me that I will find a husband. They don’t want to introduce me to good men to meet. They don’t want to start a bible study for single women who are waiting. They don’t want to be my mentor as married women who would help single women like me to find a right Christian man. They don’t want to help single, waiting women. No! They want to dump me and tell me to get lost. They want me to shut up and get away from them, because I was and am interfering with their great lives. Several ladies made comments or implied that they would not hang out with me until I get married with children, because they are afraid single adults would ruin their marriage! They want God to “take care of it for them so I would stop complaining to them about my singleness and the lack of a family who love me,” meaning God, as they believe, would force me to stomach it and “accept” singleness, childlessness, and a lack of a caring family as parts of his "plans or wills for my life."

Most of them are narcs. They are not Christians. If you read the whole bible, you will know what God meant when he said that you could tell if they are true Christians by their fruits. These people produced bad fruits and they are not true Christians or God’s people.-----ThreeThousandMileRunning


  1. Yeah, and I can't talk about anything that might be upsetting because it means that I have no faith and I'm not trusting God.

    I have been at this for a very long time, praying my whole life, I never had a salvation moment, it was like God swooped me in right from birth, and he has been with me this whole time. Even while the unthinkable abuse was going on. And it was horrible, but I never felt alone in myself.

    But it wasn't until I was older I got a bible education. I found it so amazing that He had to send His Son to die for me. That there was a cost to Him and he paid it in full for Him to talk to me. But He has been with me and speaking to me my whole life.

    He could have ended all my suffering a very long time ago, but it continued to happen anyway. I don't know why. I had some moments over it wondering why this had to happen but it never changed my belief, that He still loves me. But it happened.

    Lots of bad things happen. I imagine that garden of eden and what it must have looked like. We can't grow a garden like that, it would never happen in this world. But these people seem to think we can do better.

    I heard we used to live for a very long time and God shortened our lifespan because of the state of the world. I guess I'm just rambling now.

    I had a Christian friend once that everyone said was so kind and compassionate. But she ripped me a new one cause I dared to talk of the abusive marriage I was in. It was just reality. It wasn't to say I lacked faith or God couldn't fix it. And it wasn't for advice either.

    Its hard now, cause I do have these acquaintences who are border prosperity people. But they are nice people, who I can talk to. Its a struggle cause most people I talk to think that you are a bad person for even having struggles.

    Sorry for the ramble. Isn't it just amazing when you can really talk to someone about real stuff and it's like this pressure inside you just releases.

    1. Yes I tire of the people who think we must all talk of positive things or that we have no faith. It is crazy. I feel the pressure among them to wear the mask. Never let one fault show lest one be deemd horrible.

      I am glad you had an early relationship with God, Joan, I was an atheist pretty young, age 8 or 9 or 10? I forget the exact age but it came around that time. It is good someone told you the gospel too and I felt the same way.

      Yes it is like these people believe the garden of eden will be here, with all the perfect humans.

      I have read in the OT they lived for hundreds of years, wonder about that, maybe God figured less then 100 was all anyone could take.
      Sorry you were so hurt trying to get help for an abusive marriage. Speaking of abuse in Christian circles even earlier child abuse growing up is a giant no-no, I know that all too-well.

      I know some of the prosperity and "good" "Christian" set can be nice, but I know now they are not people I can get close to and they really do not want anyone that close to them.

      I think it is believed if you are sick or not getting the financial thing together or other myriad of problems, most do believe it was your fault or something you are doing "wrong".

  2. It's no wonder ex-christian draws so much traffic. Yep, more than a few stories about spiritual abuse comming from the moneyed happy-clappies. Am positive there are a few suffering saints over there who think ex-christian's web-masters really care. Hah, the abuse-victims who post over there are nothing but supply for the scoffers. i pray for those suffering saints, that they come back to Christ and find real churches that are reasonably free of wolves. Sad to say, church can be a dangerous place - that's why some people walk. Oh, hold them up Lord Jesus.

    1. I believe many young people become ex-Christians watching this nonsense. If not for my relationship with God, I'd probably be over there with them. I was an atheist most of my young life dabbling in other things. I'm an ex-goth too, even. I don't think ex-christian cares, yes they probably are supply for the scoffers. I worry for them handed more deceit but then can understand why people are so burned out and fed up from the churches and the hypocrisy. I read over there years ago, most seemed to be abuse victims of narc parents, the soul murder the narcs do, extends to the spiritual life of their adult children. People wearing the face of religion like that one woman who wrote Jesusland and her "Christian" parents were monsters. I pray for them too.

  3. I thought I would leave Christianity and join Jewish churches. Some so-called Christians attacked me for going NC with my adopted narc mother even though they knew that she abused me. Several older adults implied that they thought I was “soiling the oats” and then would reconcile with my adopted narc mother, even though they knew she abused me. It was worse during my earlier years of being in NC with my adopted narc mother. At that time, I started to drifting away from and going NC with my old narc and project friends, and started surrounding myself with normal people/

    At that time, several Christian women befriended me. They told me that they did not like these Christian tracts (memes before internet existed), but they wanted to leave their abusive husbands. Both of them had husbands who failed to be a good provider, even though their husband wanted a stay-at-home mother. They wanted to go to college and see their children to succeed.

    Then they talked about “having faith in God” or “putting God first in my life.” What they meant to say was that I will not be able to make decision anymore or have freedom, because God will make decision for me or control my life. God will spiritually fill me up so I will feel rich when I am homeless. I thought that was awful. At that same time, I did not see these ladies doing what God wanted them to do, which I interpreted as something they did not want to do, and they were getting a divorce because their husband failed to provide for them financially.

    They told me that they gave their husband many chances before they chose to leave their husband. They went to a non-denominational Christian church who taught prosperity gospel. One of their husbands went to a church who told him that God was okay with his decision to neglect his family financially, and that God was okay with his decision to use his money on alcoholic beverages and for his entertainment rather than paying his bills and taking care of his family. Both of them had a husband who told him that God wanted them to “submit” to their husband, regardless of his decisions to neglect them financially or decisions they made. My “Christian” friend eventually divorced their husband and stopped contacting me. Years later, I learned from Googling online that one became a school teacher and another became a bus driver.

    I began to befriend normal people. Some were churchgoing people, however, their outlook and understanding of God have been different that those who grew up in an abusive and/or narcissistic homes. They usually do not post these memes or give out Christian tracts with some false platitudes about life in general. You will see as you go along with your healing. Don’t let narcs and their enablers tell you how to feel, what to think, and ruin your healing journey.

    1. Yes many in the church going world will say it is evil to be NC from abusers. Some will tout false forgiveness while others will say you must honor your parents and this means going NC is total evil. Once I was at a book group, I kept my mouth shut about being an ACON, and this one woman was angry that the main character had gone NC with an abusive parent. She said there is no reason to ever leave a parent and if they even beat you to a pulp you are to hang in there. She said that is their religious duty. I said I did not agree..

      In talking with others who have gone NC, I was warned it could bring an adjustment of all relationships refusing abuse, and standing up against it. I was told on one board, when people go NC and are NC long enough, it will change them and their relationships. I know I am done with project friends and avoiding narcs as much as possible.

      Sadly some Christians believe false theologies about God, and try to say God has brought someone suffering, and these people may mean well and even have sincere beliefs but these type of teachings can hurt those who have gone through hardships and their relationships with God. God is not the author of evil. Telling a homeless person God will fill you up as they freeze under the bridge and eat out of a dumpster is a cop-out. If they know you personally they should be helping the homeless person or taking them to someone who can help.

      Even with the divorce stuff. I do believe one is to stay married even if husband loses his job or becomes poor. It's
      "for richer or poorer". I know those words were in my vows. I do believe if your mate is trying hard and doing everything they can, then this should not be the reason for your divorce. This is different from someone whose husband has abandoned them, and who will not work at all--non-disabled.

      That sounds like a false church pushing divorce and alcoholic beverages there is even a bible verses that says a man needs to make sure the needs of his own family are provided for first before running off to anyone elses. It sounds like these were bad husbands at least in one case where he was not providing at all or even attempting to. I am glad they were able to get jobs later.

      I am glad you befriended normal people. I had good friends too before and even in my last church in my old community, I know they are out there. I met one nice lady in the church I even recently left. Many of the "real" people don't bother with those false platitudes and surely there are others who see through them too. Thanks ThreeThousandMileRunning, agree about the narcs and enablers. :)