It's weird how people will judge others on their happiness or lack thereof. You're a "Debbie Downer" if you even talk about one problem. One thing I have noticed is that healthy women with middle class incomes, have no problem judging severely disabled people or others as not being "happy" enough! Going deaf? So sick you are just managing to stay out of the nursing home? Be careful, a narc may be measuring your smiles!
"Get happy! or get out is their mantra. One thing I believe is the outcome of social media, is everyone comparing their lives in the extreme. Are you happy? Are you living fully? There isn't a person on the planet who wants to be unhappy, so faulting people for being unhappy I believe is a very narcissistic quality. It is the domain of the spoiled. American society is now run like a cult, everyone in their white tunics is making sure that everyone has a smile on their face. All dissenters are "bad".
Question for these types: How is your lack of compassion helping anyone's would be lack of happiness?
Happiness lies in escaping the measure up games.
I believe this is one way narcissists can put someone on edge. Narcissists want "happy", unquestioning supply. I don't give a damn if I am a melancholic, or not happy enough to "please you". I enjoyed some movies and had some fun this week. Often I have noticed with age, it is the most unhappy and hiding it people who are always going on about how someone else isn't happy enough. I know I laugh and smile more then some of these "be happy" or else merchants. It's none of their business really. Happiness is not supposed to be a contest.
One line in the sand for every ACON should draw is, "Don't tell me how to feel!"
PS: One blog, that will remain unnamed, is now defending psychopaths. The mind boggles.
As years went by and I stopped befriending abusive people, I noticed I befriended normal people who did not have narc parents. However, some dealt with narc bosses and psychopaths at work or when they dealt with neighbors or in school. There are still normal people around even though we live in a culture that elevates and rewards covert narcissism and “characteristics that helped them to succeed” such as doing well in job interviews, putting insecure people down, and “being thick-skinned.” Normal people could be successful too but their ways of doing so is working hard and other way, I will not reveal here—because I don’t want narcs to take advantage of normal people after they read my comments.
ReplyDeleteAs years went by and I stopped surrounding myself with abusive men or prospective abusive friends, my outlook changed and I befriended different types of people. Some of my “older friends” and I drifted away because they were narcs and/or did not support my NC decision. I read somewhere that some single women would have to settle in order to find a “right man” to marry. What they did not know was that these types of advice gave some women wrong ideas, which these women ended up dating and/or married to a psychopath, sociopath, and/or narcs.
Some people will defend their abusers, psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcs. It sounds like you made a great progress in healing since you no longer want to defend, be with, or reconcile with narcs, sociopaths, and psychopaths. I will pray you will meet good people this summer. Happy 4th of July!
I agree there are normal people out there. Even for ones who are non-ACONS many of them suffer from the narcs. The ones who work hard, have to have their narc radar on and to stay out of their way so their careers are not destroyed. You are right this culture elevates people for narc traits, "having a thick skin", making good first impressions--shallow charisma, and more. I am glad you found good people to be friends with. I was in a community where there seemed to be less narcs and had happy years there. I do think being in an affluent community, this does not mean everyone is a narcissist here, but the community is much more narcissistic in general and more invested in the societal "have a thick skin", "don't have too many emotions" etc. I think telling single women to settle to marry is bad advice. Yes some people will defend all of the narcs, psychopaths and narcs. Even that one blogger is making a constant habit of it. What is that society wide-Stockholm Syndrome? I am doing a narc-clean out. I will say I have healed in that way. Thanks I hope I meet some good people too.
DeleteOne thing I have noticed and wanted to add to this article, is it is the narcissists measuring everyone's happiness so they can use "not being happy" against someone, it is really sick if you think about it. Some commenter on the blog that shall not be named reminded me of this. The nurse Ratchet who complained because people dying in hospice weren't happy and content. Yes that is the narcissist mindset! They can all kiss my butt!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I have noticed and wanted to add to this article, is it is the narcissists measuring everyone's happiness so they can use "not being happy" against someone, it is really sick if you think about it. Some commenter on the blog that shall not be named reminded me of this. The nurse who complained people dying in hospice weren't happy and content really weirded me out. What does she expect? When people say such things about very ill people it shows their lack of empathy. Yes that is the narcissist mindset!
ReplyDelete