"The Dangers of Belonging"

 This video is an interesting one, since he talks about the "dangers of belonging". He also talks about those who keep their real views secret and those who feel lonely in a crowd. That's a theme I've addressed on this blog multiple times. 

 There's an age you get to where you just get tired of trying to fit yourself in other people's boxes and just don't feel like doing it anymore. That happened to me. Some of us may have a few friends, but are semi-recluses. We are tired. Maybe you get smarter about things and know "trying" so much just sucks up energy. Invest energy in those you can be yourself around even if it's fewer people. 

I relate to this guy too who tells people  "Stay Inside". There are those warnings now as society falls apart. Don't go looking for trouble. A lot of people are not doing well lately. Find your peace and safety! One guy told him, "You need to go outside more, don't live in fear!" One needs balance. If one lives in a rough neighborhood, advice like this would be more imperative. I've been there.

Some groups are fine and there's still some I belong to like my art club but in art you are allowed to be more of an individual, maybe that's why it works.

 There is loneliness if you are around people who expect conformity and obedience. This is what I started to hate about the left, there was this long checklist that you were expected to meet, and if you didn't, you were out. It happens on both sides. Many of us are tired of that. 

The vlogger says "If changing your mind means losing your community, then I think ignoring facts is only part of what you are dealing with than you might be also losing friendships."  Relationships definitely changed for me when people knew I disagreed with certain things and changed my mind about others. We all need to develop being true to ourselves and God too. Truth-tellers don't have an easy time in this world. The Covid debacle was so over the top to me and against every value, I couldn't "go along to get along". There are no regrets in my refusal to accept any of it. 

He's right about the group preferring you when you weren't an individual. Why should I follow ANY group over a cliff? Sometimes I get disturbed, I messed up religion so badly for instance, but then groups I was in were horrifying me, like that church I walked out of that was praising war and preaching the poor deserved to suffer. My beliefs were different at the last church and some of those had changed. That's one hardship, you change, but people aren't ready to accept the "new you". 

There are people you discover where you are just on a different page. Some grow past others. Some discover new things about themselves. Some are ready for something different instead of doing the same thing over and over. Experience is a teacher that brings new views and outlooks.  No contact can change an ACON. There are moral issues and ones about life, we don't see the same way on. I hate gambling so I'm not going to hang out at the casino. I'm a marriage traditionalist so won't be hanging out at the bar flirting. 

Many of us in narcissistic families were never allowed to have our own beliefs or opinions, they were mocked, ignored and reacted to with derision. It took me years to learn the art of disagreement. With narcissists, you were either in or out, aka you had to agree with everything they said! He's right the advice when you are told "Just be yourself." is loaded when "everyone else thinks you're a piece of shit" if you do just that. "Be yourself" was kind of abusive to autistics who could get beaten up just doing that!  I don't have to share everything with everyone. Keeping things light in certain situations is better. However, it's a game changer too as I've mentioned multiple times, to decide to feel and think what you want to feel and think. Don't waste time bowing and scrapping and faking things to people to get them to like you. It is always a waste of time. 

Maybe some of us face the facts that being true to ourselves and God means not following the group, the propaganda. Some of us don't want to "sell out". This doesn't mean go looking for fights. Peace is far more important. One lesson I had to learn is I don't have to share my beliefs with everyone or go looking for debates and fights. Let people believe what they want to, you just don't have to follow it. Stand up against evil as you can or if someone is trying to cross your boundaries or make demands you refuse. There's a point, where you want free of the control, shame and constant feeling of walking on eggshells. 

Maybe losing my entire family just for being me, gave me a certain immunity against social ostracization. The worse has already happened, your name was made into mud. If you've been rejected over and over, yes examine yourself for faults, but also look at who is doing the rejecting and why. If you are weird, you are you, it's not like you are going to wake up and be someone else. That's one other conclusion to come to.  Maybe you are too much for them but let's all stop shrinking ourselves smaller to please others. If I want to do experimental art or spend my time reading books, it doesn't hurt anyone else. 

 He mentions those who have "echo chambers" and how some people are being pushed out, no longer listened to and about the dangers of that stuff. Hey the corporate and money masters, are manipulating society on so many levels now. He's right about people being silenced. It's increased the social problems out there big time. 

He ends with warnings about becoming the loner who lives at the edge of town and having nothing to do with anyone. He is right isolation can be trouble too. I'm too isolated of a person, but some of that is not by choice, without the medical and money problems I'd be out and about far more. I have some friends , but run into people who have no friends.  Cults go looking for the lonely and disenfranchised that want a place to belong. Those of us who had families that rejected us, we can be in danger of always searching for that "belonging". 

Some of his commenters point out how sick this society is, I agree. Maybe the ones of us who reject it are the healthier ones. We are social animals and still need people but considering how toxic and corrupt this society is, that's something to face. 

One guy named dansthemansmial wrote "Unfortunately as a person becomes aware and begins to see the things that everyone else desperate won't, the desire to belong quickly goes out the window. You can only belong if you willingly just go with the herd."

There is that element now, and it's grown stronger. One can't put the horse back in the barn and refuse to see what has already been seen right in front of their face. 

There is something to be said for the fact people are questioning some of this social stuff now. Who am I outside of the group? What is safe to show others? Why do I outgrow groups or end up leaving or struggle with integrity and other issues so much in groups? One asks is it me or them? "To thine own self be true" and follow your conscience is my advice.