Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Social Stigma of Being Supersized in One's Family #2

During my life, I have faced some familial rejection. I probably could write a book and an entire blog just on that subject alone, if I am ever brave enough to air that much dirty laundry.  That can be risky online.

I wrote this blog entry some time ago:

The Social Stigma of Being Supersized in One's Family

My armchair pyschological analysis, of how certain personality disorders of others have impacted my life to it's severe detriment and how being an emotional person with introspective leanings born to unfeeling stoics and others where appearance means everything has been an interesting journey. The web is full of support, information and education that is very helpful.

This includes the usual saga of being disinvited from family weddings. You see, if you are FAT, people who care only about appearances, even if you dress well and as far as facial beauty did alright, such types want to keep you out of their wedding photos.

Last week, I had this aunt call me up, and brag about a wedding I was not invited to. It was quite strange. It was her granddaughter getting married, what is even odder, is I had already said I could not afford the travel, and health wise it would be too tough, but please send an invitation and at least I could send the wedding party a card, and some well-wishes. Well my mail remained empty. It's those kind of slights that add up.

During the phone call, and this relative knows about my lower financial and health status, she bragged about the wealth of different parties, gifts, money being spent, and others that were invited instead of me.  She made excuses for ill treatment and my being dismissed like I was nothing.  This included other comments about my weight. She weighs around 220lbs and hammers that gong endlessly.  This one issues her poison under a more sickly and fake sweet facade. The whole call was strange, inside I am thinking I would have liked to talk to my cousins again, and the whole message was "Stay Away!".

Years ago, around the age of 21, I was midsized and told I could not be in my sister's wedding party due to my weight. This brought up some really bad memories.

People who have refused to know me or include me in their lives and as I grow older, while some tolerate me and give me some brief notice, the message is to stay away as far away as possible.

I have admitted to myself, I do not have a family in the normal way, that a person has a family. There are some kind and good relatives, and others who do notice I am alive and care, but sadly most of them live far away, and the ones who have these other attitudes can at times influence even them. In fact one even told me, so and so doesn't have to visit you when I told them, I may be housebound due to weather during a would be mutual visit and I responded, "I matter too!"

I think I am growing healthier, because I now tell myself, invest only in those relationships where there is decent treatment, and stay as far away from people as much as possible who treat you like this, who do not see a person inside and who are cold and judgmental.

I will invest my time, energy and more in people who are my good friends, and who love me. I will give love, attention and kindness to those in need of it.

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