Oversharing in this Crazy Covid World is a Danger!

 

From "Suffering is my Hobby" on Facebook.

 I can't be around people I have to walk on eggshells around all the time. Every time I open my mouth even for the most mild things, it's smack down time. Outside of my husband, I'm in a life where I am not free to me.

I was on Facebook earlier, and I put up some post about Bill Gates, it was about how he is backing a scientific experiment to block the sun with dust [reported in Forbes magazine by the way]

https://www.forbes.com/sites/arielcohen/2021/01/11/bill-gates-backed-climate-solution-gains-traction-but-concerns-linger/?sh=4877314a793b

Can imagine what that will do to my asthma....Didn't Mr. Burns on The Simpsons get this idea first?

One person who believes narrative got upset at me for criticizing Bill Gates, I wrote her and told her read RFK's book "The Real Anthony Fauci" to learn more about Bill Gates. She told me RFK is a "conspiracy theorist, and told me "Be careful at what you are getting yourself pulled into".

I can't talk to these people even about basics, and the most mild thing seems to be a problem. On Zooms at these groups, I've smiled a plastic grin on my face as they blame people like me for every problem on earth, and help the powers that be dismantle all Western freedoms we took for granted. I can't do it anymore.  I took the post down. 

Light ostracization already has begun in one group. I faced facts I feared being around them, should my status ever be found out. What if I showed up finally in person and they caught Covid and then blamed me? Many people around here are not the live and let live types, they hound you about your private medical choices. I'm cool with being on a "no need to know basis", just letting people be. However around here, full conformity is expected, mask wearing won't help you either, you have to be ALL IN.

No one understood or had empathy for my immense medical pressures. I have gone more deaf during the time of Covid. This has been a difficult backdrop, this loss, and well in dystopian world, there's no one to care about your more "minor" problems. 

I'm realizing yet again, I am around the "wrong" people. I wasted 5 years trying to "connect" only to fail and be turned into "the enemy" from things beyond my control. I liked these people a lot for years, and enjoyed my time around them. Covid is ruining my relationships with them, not just from the social distancing but from other things that are happening.

In an instant I was divided and made the "other".  It is ironic some liberals pride themselves on being so tolerant, so accepting and warn about discriminating against others, but it's empty words. This is bullying. Where you are deemed "unacceptable". They scare me too, seeming all gung-ho for WWIII to break out too. I guess now we will have pestilence and war. In too many privileged worlds, Covid didn't stop the long distant vacations, concerts and life. In mine it did. 

Inside I feel "afraid" of them. The book The Gift of Fear warns you if you have emotions like this, to pay attention to them. Am I paranoid to think they could even be a danger to me? These were former acquaintances in liberal groups I liked and got on with. Inside I feel afraid. Does anyone understand what I am talking about? 

I am far far far far less outspoken in real life than online so when I say, the retribution for mild statements is what is happening I mean it. Can you imagine if I told them what I thought the vaxxes they already took are going to do? By the way it has been proven now the vaxxes are integrating into the human genome. Those of us who warned this was an invasion of the human genome were CORRECT.
See below:

https://twitter.com/Parsifaler/status/1497303352484548608

@JikkyKjj WHY THE F*KC DIDN'T PEOPLE LISTEN TO MYSELF AND THOUSANDS OF OTHERS! MY WORST FEARS COFIRMED.

PEER REVIEWED.

FEYESER WRITES ITSELF INTO YOUR DNA JUST LIKE HIV! W.T.F.

https://twitter.com/JLegalt/status/1497333043568136194

https://old.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/comments/t1fg6h/worst_fears_realized_pfizer_mrna_integrates_into/

I am not talking about this stuff in real life. I have to lock it down more. I have to stay safe.  My husband told me I need to be more careful of what I say to people but then also was apologetic saying he didn't want to repress me. Are some of you walking on eggshells like this? We are living in times where it's dangerous now to TALK to people. Does anyone feel it? It's like you have to fit on one side or the other. 

It is scary to be in a life where you can't talk to anyone openly. It reminds me of life with my family. I would rather be alone than deal with people like this. I have to put more energy into making decisions about my life. It scares me in trying to do positive things with my life and get out in the community that things have become this broken and messed up. Did I just waste 5 years? At least some activity based groups I visit on Zoom are still okay. 

 One friend told me too, these wealthier liberals and academics got to the higher echelons by following all the rules, they don't like independent thinkers when it gets right down to it. Some people online told me, they felt forced to move from areas like I am living in to get happier lives. I'm not sure what I am going to do. Something is really wrong. I don't feel the same about a lot anymore. Is leaving my liberal circles for conservative ones the solution? Should I pack up and move to a "red state"? I was IN  conservative circles as a fundamentalist Christian already. You all know how that worked out. Why is everyone turning so authoritarian now on both sides? I guess I am screwed because I piss everyone off. 

There are too many "wrong people" I overshared with. I've gotten to the point where I'm scared to open my mouth in real life. Caution needs exercised on Facebook. I'll post art work from time to time and that will be it and talk to friends on messages and private groups there. I hope for anyone that they have people they can talk to who don't treat them this way. 

I still question things on the "right wing" though even if I agree with some freedom principles, I'm not going to go vote for Trump in other words. I sometimes get worried how the virus is seen as "harmless"  among parts of the right wing, why can't they accept both vaxx and virus can be harmful since both deliver spike proteins? I don't trust Joe Rogan and pals to bring all the solutions either. Even if I agree with them on mandates, what's going to happen to a USA that goes ultra-right wing?

I'm having difficulty with my PTSD lately, every time I go to a grocery store, or feel an allergic tinge in my ear or snot in my nose, I get scared I have caught it. It's caused tears and more. My panic attacks are out of control. Sometimes lately feel like I can barely think. One side tells me, I am foolish to worry, one side thinks it's my fault for not making their same medical choices. I feared getting it and dying and being made an example of. My family if they learned of my would be death would say, "She got what she deserved, she was crazy anyway." Even in apocalypse, I'm supposed to be positive and focused on achievements. I wear KN95 masks still and make people wear them in my apt including 2 friends who visit on occasion. Most right wingers would call me a nut who got suckered into the plandemic. So to say I can leave one side for the other isn't going to work either.

Lise wrote a good article exploring all the sides here. 

The Narcissistic Nation: What side are you on in the Covid War over Masks and Vaccines? Black and White Thinking and Confirmation Bias About Rights During the Pandemic.

She wrote this and I agree. I think both the vaxx and virus are dangerous in my case.

"The one thing I notice too, is that the against-the-vaccination "side" is studying and reading about mRNA, and how safe and dangerous the vaccinations are (and not reading much about the disease of Covid) and the for-the-vaccinations side is studying a lot more about the disease of Covid and not much about what is in the vaccinations. One side is blind to what the disease is doing to their fellow human beings (or they down-play it as some sort of a survivable flu and that their countrymen are babies for making a big deal out of it), and the other side is blind to the "novelty" and the possible long term damages of the vaccine (or they down-play it as like every other vaccine that has been introduced and that their countrymen are like babies for not getting jabbed). "

As I have said, I believe both virus and vaxx are dangerous. This whole problem has been so politicized we got a giant mess on our hands. I remain ultra-concerned how they have censored and downplayed serious serious side effects from the Covid vaxxes. That said, why is the "right" side so intent on claiming the pandemic is OVER and that Covid is harmless? I've been posting some scientists on Twitter who have warned that more variants are coming and that Covid itself is bringing real harm. Some of these scientists reject the vaxxes too. 

When people are afraid to talk to each other, and I am in a life where I can't safely talk to others, we got a bad problem on our hands. Reality is going to fall through the middle here you see.