Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Learning to Be Happy
I liked this little sign. Lately I have been having some strange dreams lately, I've woke up with thoughts in my head, of "You don't have to hang out with people who don't like you anymore!". In some ways these have been freedom dreams.
Some of my guilt over going no contact has lifted. It was strange that I even put up with so much, but then you are told, "hey it's your mother, it's your sister!, you can't walk away!" Today one thing I am seeing change about me is I am having more standing in what I think and feel, I'm done questioning myself or second guessing myself so much. There were serious things to be concerned about. One way narcissists will mess with your mind, is all the gaslighting, "acting nice" but not really BEING NICE.
For years I felt bad because they didn't like me, at most tolerated me with a flash of disgust in their eyes, but what about my side of things? I realized there were many things about them, I did not like. Why did I try so hard to be liked and accepted? By the time of my thirties, numbness ruled, while I focused on my own life, but too much was still being accepted. I needed to pull the plug.
Number one, they weren't very nice to people, number two they looked down on those of lesser means--trust me I wasn't the only one who gained the ire and number three, all the "withholding", people like this you really cannot know. They do not share themselves with you, or probably anyone else for that matter, you stay strangers? Why pour energy into it all?
One thing I am thinking about lately is how does one find happiness? Whatever years I have left, I'd rather spend some time doing things I like and which have meaning. One is far happier if they get away from people who always tell them what is wrong with them, rather then what is right. Another thing too one can find people in their life who have light and life to them and around them you will light up.
Pull the plug from those who darken the room.