Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Dating While Fat: How I Met My Husband.

                                     [picture source]
I never expected to marry. In fact by age 25, my family had written me off as a perpetual spinster. Being an Aspie, shy and fat, I barely had dated. I placed a singles ad, detailing myself as an eccentric artist demanding finally a girlfriend and drug FREE boyfriend. In the ad I admitted I was near 300lbs. [my weight gain had begun around this time]

Using this ad, I dated a Momma's boy architect, a slow security guard, a bi-sexual man who wanted the "experience of being with a large woman", and a laughing gas addict into techno music who at the age of 35 still lived in his parent's basements. There were never any second dates.

Due to all this disappointment, I almost didn't show up on my future husband and I's first date. Expecting disappointment, I talked myself into being polite and showing up at a the Olive Garden where I then lived. It's a good thing I went and didn't let the voice in my head steer me wrong telling me to blow off the date.

He showed up wearing black jeans and leather boots. I was instantly attracted. I had worn a black top with many buttons, a semi-gothic outfit of mine with a black skirt. Oddly we matched. He was large and tall with long blonde hair. Here was no wimp. The physical attraction was strong but so was the other things that lead people to each other. He also was extremely intelligent and I could talk about anything with him. We were talking about poetry, art, music and history. I was smittened.

I was very attracted. I would go home and even write some love poetry. He had kissed me on the cheek. I would go home hoping he'd call. By the second date, we were kissing on the grounds of my old college--I still lived in the town it was in. By the third date, we were joking about getting married. We would go to spend hours and hours in the resort town where he worked as a newspaper reporter. Sometimes I would wait for him and we would go sit on the beach at midnight and into the early morning hours. That was a very romantic place for courtship with it's breaking surf, sunsets over the water, and light houses. I'd recommend the place highly to anyone for falling in love.

Our relationship would go on to be forged in fire over the next years. Both of us probably failed to know what was coming as I have detailed on this blog, with the money and health problems but this April 29, will be the 20th anniversary of that first date. 


  1. This gives us all hope for romance! Congrats!

  2. I love "How We Met" stories. Thanks, Peep.
    No, we have no clue what's coming our way but the Wedding is a DAY, a marriage is a LIFETIME. And what happens between the former and the latter ultimately is all that will matter.

    I've been a widow now for 21 yrs., 22 this coming Oct. I still wear my rings. I still love my husband. I've been one extremely fortunate peep myself! My decision to marry my late DH was every bit as life affirming as my decision to terminate (NC) the relationship with my CB "mother." And equally as life-altering.

    Congratulations to you and DH!

  3. Thanks Anon :)

    Thanks to you Tundra Woman too, you are right about the wedding being a day and marriage a lifetime, I am sorry for your loss of your husband but am glad you love him and had a happy marriage too. For many of us having love of a spouse can help in healing process with toxic families. I agree about it being a life affirming decision. Thanks :)

  4. Loved reading this. I KNOW how discouraging the dating scene can be, and we may have dated a couple of the same guys (except for Mr. Basement).
    I often get urges to cancel on dates, too. Then I find myself thinking about what I may miss, and usually go anyway.

    I'm glad you didn't cancel ;)

  5. LOL about the same guys. Yes try all the dates, and proceed carefully. LOL I'm glad I didn't cancel too.

  6. Beautiful story. We don't often here of real life stories like yours. It is a rarity for couples to work through the pitfalls; Your story is a story of God ordained true love. I pray that God will continue to richly bless your covenant with your husband.

    I met my hubby on vacation when visiting my granny. He was the song leader and I noticed his smile right away. Seven months later, we were married. xoxo