My Cluster B Parent Died and I Felt Nothing

 There was a LOT I related to in this video, including when he talks about picturing himself in the mental institution and how his enabling father would silence their laughter because it enraged his imposter mother.

 His discussions about dealing with the damage and process of discovery are quite revelatory. I think back on when I was a teen, reading psychology books from the library and when I discovered the book "The People of the Lie" at the age of 18.

One good part of the video is when he discusses how we remodel their abuse into the "love" we are told they have...where the bullying is called "acts of discipline". Sometimes it can take years to work through gaslighting ourselves as children due to this indoctrination. This comes from "the impossible task of reconciling malevolent behavior with a benevolent image". When he talks about not missing her and never desiring her company, that was me, and of course as children, that brings on the guilt. "Children aren't supposed to feel this way about their parents."

He also dealt with a two-faced parent, all us ACONs remember those sweet words to others, as they just finished cussing us out. Mine would smile and then after the visitors left, would say things like "Who do they think they are!?" and would complain about them. Most people never could fathom what my mother said about them behind closed doors.

His mother's other traits matched many of mine. Mine took some things further being higher on the Cluster B spectrum, but the vanity and masks are the characteristics of many narcissists. His discussion of when he figured out her cruelty and mind-games, when she told him he was going green, is also an interesting segment. It took me time to realize mine did a lot of mean things on purpose. It wasn't about correcting behavior or that I was "wrong", she simply wanted to screw around with me for kicks. My father was a narcissist too in my case, but followed many of the behaviors of Walter.

His discussion of "internal patchwork parents" also stood out to me. I did the same thing, with nuns and teachers I loved, that aunt I spent too little time with, neighbors and latching on to friend's decent parents. 

There is a part 2 to come. I've always liked Theramin Tree videos, his warnings about the corruption of organized religion too, have been helpful to me.