Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Chubby Chasers Give Me the Willies!

Chubby Chasers and Fat Admirers/Fetishes:, the men that are out there with their overwhelming desire for the full figure and who love fat women over all other kinds. I have absolutely nothing against a man who thinks a 300-lb. and over woman is beautiful, as a summation of all her parts personality, values, and even, yes, looks, but to be frank the ones who have turned fat into a top priority and a fetish creep me out.

I'm glad whoever wrote this Wikipedia entry on fat fetishism gave a nod to fat people in size acceptance who got a bit fed up with the objectification of fat women. This website will help explain some terms I use here, like "fat admirers" [though they hold a more fence-sitting view], feederism and more.

Some people involved in the fat acceptance movement argue that fat fetishism undermines social movements towards fat acceptance, through counter-productive objectification and dehumanization of fat people.

This may be politically incorrect to some liberals and others but when it comes to Chubby Chasers and "Fat Admirers", outside of men who are dating fat women because they are overweight themselves, or looking for you as a whole person....Run like the wind!

I was a pretty enough woman [today I'm much older with years of illness notched on my belt], which garnered their attention, and have had some chubby chasing type strangers, show up at the grocery store, bookstore, and other places, come up to me to say "hello". Perhaps some were truly interested in me as a person, but I know especially at my peak weights, I was fat enough to gain some attention, and in my case, was oh so young, when hitting the top weights. Anyhow, their efforts were for naught, hitting on a woman who was attached by age 25.

Years ago, once at a conference for fat people, I got a secret admirer sniffing my trail and remember telling a lady whom he wanted to serve as a go-between: "Tell him, I'm married!" In certain circles of size acceptance, this was no stumbling block, but of course it was for me.

Luckily this man didn't even know my name or address, but a realization hit me: somebody who never spoke to me was enamored because of how I looked. Now this can happen to all women, thin women talk about their objectification, and when a men and women do meet each other, appearances is all they got to go on in the first seconds and minutes of meeting each other, but it just felt weird overall.

This is because by then, I had seen so much weird stuff around me. As a fully monogamous, then engaged and married woman, I was an outside viewer to the size acceptance date and relate world. I know today I was beyond very horribly naive, in thinking these groups could be about platonic friendship, size activism and not just about sex, but then being in the 500-lb. and rising class, social isolation from my size was already affecting me and I just wanted to make regular friends. My experiences include some fat acceptance conferences and social groups that focused on BBWs and larger women.

When it came to the men, the few good ones loved fat women regardless of their weight -- maybe they were overweight themselves, maybe they had grown up among a loved fat role model -- anyhow, they just saw weight as a physical trait, and did not glorify it. These were the ones who were overweight themselves or in some way, could relate to previously suffering from obesity or growing up with it in some way.

The worst men gravitated towards fat women whose mannerisms left their would be suitors believing that they were passive, compliant and easily controlled. In some cases, this was true, in others the vultures left empty-handed, sorely disappointed.

I believe most fat women who are mid-sized can date normally, the world is full of all sorts of sizes in healthy marriages, but very super-sized women especially need to be careful. People under turmoil and in vulnerable positions can attract those who do not have their best interests at heart. One friend said it this way, "Broken people can attract other broken people". This doesn't mean everyone who is very fat is "broken," but definitely they are facing things the normal healthy folks are not facing. This may include severe health problems or food addiction.

I have heard horrifying stories, even from other people in size acceptance circles and organizations, about the treatment of very large women. They ranged from an 800-lb.-plus woman being kept entrapped in a walk-in closet on the floor, to finding out about feeders. I had the experience of befriending a lady near my size [she was in the high 400s], thinking we would relate to each other, and then being shocked on finding her feederism website. That new friendship was ended quickly.

There are men who like their women more easily controlled and that can happen especially with fat women facing mobility problems. Very fat people who have faced social ostracization or rejection need to be extra careful as to their selection out in the dating world.

But as an outside observer, with my fiance and then husband at my side, it was quite obvious -- for men, it was an absolute buyer's market with women always outnumbering the men. While some men were overweight, super-sized men were basically nonexistent, and most of the chubby chasers were of a thin or average build. Married or otherwise attached couples made up a sizable number, but still remained in the minority. This was no place for Christians or the traditional, which is one reason I left size acceptance too. A wedding ring meant little, judging by the men who ignored the silver circle on my left hand and those of other women.

It seemed when fat women discovered the opportunities in this new "fat-loving" underground, they went absolutely boy crazy like teenagers. But boy crazy at 35 or 44 is different then boy crazy at 15; hotel rooms can be rented, and trips made with no more required parental supervision. It was no holds barred.

Promiscuity ruled that world [and I think it would be worse today], which is why I removed myself from it. This applied not only to the socially focused groups, but the activism one as well. Ideas about platonic friendship and finding a wouldbe fat sisterhood was a joke, in that crowd. My morals didn't fit into this hedonistic mentality, where very fat women offered themselves to any man who'd have them driven by the nudge that whispered, "Take what you can get honey!"

I still remember one conversation I had with one of the ladies in one of these social groups. "Hilda" [name has been changed] reveled in her largeness, claiming that she liked weighing 320 lbs., and when she fell under that oddly chosen benchmark, ate to get back up there, and dieted to not get too much over it, fearing the immobility that comes with larger sizes. She'd married a very timid man, who catered to all her desires who openly admitted he was only with her because she was fat.

One day I made the mistake of asking, "Well what would happen if you lost weight, say, to getting a digestive disorder or something?" "Hilda" didn't hem or haw for a instant: "Well, that probably would be the end of it!", she said.

It didn't take too to figure out that others like "Hilda" populated these scenes; outside of the regular world of dating and marriage, very fat women seemed all too vulnerable to the new flattery they encountered, and became easy marks for the most predatory of men. This doesn't mean there aren't thin women who also become marks, but just seeing human beings treat each other as objects will forever stay with me.

Towards the end, before I cleared out for good, I realize that some fat acceptance organizations seemed far more interested in fulfilling and pleasing chubby chaser and fat fetish/admirer desires, then raising any awareness or help for fat people. I want to keep this article rated G, but I found out about too much: women my size signing up to have soft porn videos made of them [they were told it would "empower" them], realizing swinging wasn't just something left behind in the 70s. You know life has gotten strange when your local plus sized social club, calls you "the prude" because of your refusal to join in on their lifestyle choices. By then I had seen enough.


  1. I'm glad you escaped that kind of lust-driven environment. I can't claim to know what it's like to be surrounded by people, pressuring me to give in to lust, but like many men, I know what it means to face that temptation. In a way, I guess you could say I escaped from the opposite side of this same trap.

    I've always found fat appearances to be a lure, ever since I was very little. For a while, I even thought this was the reason I'd never felt like dating anyone.

    Then I got into high school, and I met a few people who I thought were pretty, and I still couldn't stand the thought of a serious relationship with any of them. That got me thinking, and I'm glad it did, since it lead to perhaps my most important resolution for years; not to ever inflict myself on a woman unless I was sure I understood how to make a meaningful relationship work. It's an oath that I think more people should take. It's served me well.

    At first, I thought I was just a little different from everybody else; I felt like I was in a world where 95% of the population looked bland, and another 4+% wanted to. However, as I matured, I gradually realized that this conflict was not merely between my desires and the world, but between the different parts of my own human nature. No simple appearance would have been sufficient for me, because I wasn't just an animal, or a painting. I needed something deeper and richer than that, and I've still not found it in any person I've met thusfar.

    I think your friend's words about "broken people" strike home to me with some force, because I know how true they are in my case. I've been broken since the day I was born. I'm just glad (for my sake, and for the sake of everyone I know) that I realized it before it was too late. It's only when we know how broken we really are that we turn to the one mechanic who can actually do something about it.

    God love you.

  2. Just read this (I know its an old one) Very interesting. I am a large woman and recently began watching videos online by fat admirers, explaining their desires for fat women. However, I also found one of them to be rude towards me and he also said some very sexual things about thin women! That is contradictory and shows a tendency to just lust after women in general. It is about how big women make them feel, and not about the woman as and individual. Glad I read your article; I can relate to it. Fat women don't want to be put down and hated but that doesn't mean that going over the top and sexualizing fat is good either. Fat should just be a neutral term and only one aspect of the person. Thanks for writing this.

    1. I found the fat admirers gross when I ran into them. The ones who were fetishes to be frank were perverts, but a guy who is attracted to a fat woman who loves her for her, is a whole other ballgame. Love and Lust are two different things and women want to be loved. Entering the world where you are seen as an object is definite recipe for disasters. Spiritually even before I became a Christian I found the fat admirers fetishes seriously lacking. I wonder how many are narcissists now, to be honest. I had a few leer after me, and I was very huge at a young age, when I went to size acceptance groups. Thanks for your kind comments. Some got upset over this article.