Friday, February 24, 2012

I want a home!

Some personal life issues are coming up and one of the latest is telling a family member, "I am not going to move anymore". They may decide to move on or not but I have drawn a line in the sand.  When one is fat and been sick, they want to have others by their side. They want to know people in real life, not just on a screen or on a phone. They want friends. They get tired of seeing the back end of people. They want people who "know" them.

Some time ago I wrote about losing my last small town, and while I faced the grief of that for many years, I  made up my mind to seek friends and connections here too which I have started to find.  Being told by the rolling stone family member, "it's time to move again". I asked them, "Are you nuts?" I have told them recently, "No I will not." There comes a time in every person's life like this, what will you tolerate and what will you not? I could be hanging on the cliff even with the nursing home awaiting, but I am tired of giving up what I value and care about and will not anymore.

When one is poor, the economic nomad nonsense, that the upper middle class subscribes to for career advancement is a waste of time. Take it from me, unless the corporation is going to add $50,000 bucks to your salary every year you move, stay in one place even even then question the wisdom of ripping up roots, and realizing you are left with nothing. Working class and poorer people like me, stay by your friends, that is your riches. I should have never moved from the one loved community and letting economic desperation direct some bad decisions. As one gets older, and lacks money for visits, even your family will become nothing but a series of strangers you exchange holiday and birthday cards with. Who wants to live life alone and unknown? Doesn't one want other people even to give to?

Of course when one moves and sacrifices so much and the other party does not keep their end of the bargain, things do start disintegrating. I am one fat woman, that has tired of facing poverty and the street, and knows poverty is easier and better with some friends who are at your side. So having reached my middle age, I drew the line in the sand and said, "We will either stay in this community, or move back to the former one". "Nothing else will be tolerated". Sometimes you have to do for yourself what you need to do.

They can make what choice they want to make, but I've drawn my marker. I think being someone that wants others to be happy, that in this case, I forgot my own happiness and I am not going to be dragged along for failed ventures anymore.

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