Tuesday, May 7, 2013

So What if You Lose At The Weight Game?

When You Gain Control of Your Weight and Others Don’t 

This article bothered me deeply. I thought about posting a comment on her blog but we have parted ways here because I do not agree with weight loss surgery. However I want to address what is said in her article.

You wonder about those who do manage to lose the weight by whatever means, weight loss surgery, a bout of severe hyperthyroidism, do they retain compassion for where they once were?

With weight loss surgery, I always have understood why people take that gamble but there should be better treatment for the overweight.

So you get well and then a friend doesn't? Why should a friendship end at that point? If the friend was hurt, wasn't there a reason for her to be hurt, as she was dying and another was bragging about weight loss to her? Sorry but the last thing I want if I am laying on my obesity death bed, is someone coming along and saying "Guess What, I lost 100lbs!", I'll retort, "Guess What I lost 200lbs and it wasn't enough, I am still horribly fat!"

She says her friend was DRIVEN which should tell us that even the best, the brightest, the most responsible and the most driven can fail to solve inscrutable health problems which Diabetes I can be a pretty horrible illness and the horrors of severe obesity.

Even if her friend said "That wouldn't work for me" or failed, in her pursuits to stay alive, why get angry? One thing sick people and those who know they are going to die, or have faced life-debilitating illnesses, the worse thing in the world is to tell them they are "at fault", and isn't that is what is being done when you announce to the world what works for you, and then the sick person in return says, it's not an option for me! Why get angry that they are not on the same team with what worked for you? How does that make any sense?

Why is a weight loss surgery patient threatened with me saying there should be better, less invasive, less dangerous treatments? We had conversations here on different articles. While we agreed with many things, she seemed upset that I considered weight loss surgery in a negative fashion.

They did what they had to, but why not allow for something that is not so dangerous or put research into that?

She wrote:
"I’ve known a few people who dealt with life-debilitating medical issues. Eventually, they become bitter and angry. It’s easy to understand. But it isn’t so much that if they can’t control their lives, they’ll try to control someone else’s. Mostly, they are desperate for attention. They want to feel empowered in some way and that means being heard. They want their opinions to be considered important. The situation affects them in another unusual, more inscrutable way. They can become seemingly…a bit nutty. As they struggle to understand why they’ve been robbed of their lives, they may concoct all manner of theories. They will also invent theories that attempt to undermine people who are getting what they can’t have. They’ll be full of criticism for anything that is likely to work out well for you but would be ineffectual, futile, or just plain impossible for them."

Hey do what works for YOU. All of us have to survive the best way we can.

But the fact of the matter is, not everyone has control of everything that happens in this world. They assure Americans especially that every problem is fixable, every health problem is solvable and to be frank this is the worse burden to live under as the world for your ill health sees you as "failed", even "nutty" for describing what happened to you.

Let me ask a question, how many people do you know reached nearly 700lbs after gaining 400lbs in 2 and half years? Wouldn't it be expected that I would have some different ideas from such an unusual experience? Did I cross some "acceptable theories" of obesity line? I suppose I did. Why am I expected to have mainstream opinions when I have had anything but a mainstream life or body? Can some of you establishment pundits answer THAT?

I know in academia and a wide variety of areas, innovation is dying, the cries of "Don't go there!" when one shares their extreme reality is not something new to me. Read this article. I don't restrain my mind to what the world calls "acceptable".

 Ridicule of Conspiracy Theories Focuses On Diffusing Criticism of the Powerful [or of the diet weight loss industry that makes billions of dollars of profit]

Let me give this to you straight too. They don't want people asking serious questions about obesity, and they will do what they can to discredit anyone who does. The weight loss industry isn't threatened by the happy to be fat crowd, they may be in a bit of trouble when people start yelling "The Emperor Has No Clothes!". Ok you told us all we are at fault, and we are still fat!

Ah I tire of this, your ideas do not conform so you are not worthy of being listened to.  Do you all realize in America to what degree ideas are controlled? How anyone who thinks outside the box is maligned. Ad hominem rule, you are not a happy, positive serf, you angry bitter ingrate, GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE! I'm sorry but if someone can't even get a bit of mercy as they are DYING, that is seriously a bad deal!

So this is one response they will always come up with  if you have failed to get better or are in a fight to stay alive, is that you are "bitter and angry", we can't have anyone that deviates from the positivity patrol. Usually that is followed up with you aren't giving positive vibes to the universe so this is your Karma, and other such announcements, these can come in the New Age flavor to even a Tony Robbins quasi-secular human potential flavor. "You Lost Control!" How dare you!

On your death bed, you will be told, as you throw up into the trashcan next to your bed and gasp for air, "You are not positive enough!" with the subtext being whispered in your ear...'and that's why you are dying'.

God help us all!

The subtext here is that You are at fault. Only the winners matter, only the weight loss winners matter--the few percent that they are, so forth and so on.  Why wouldn't her friend be upset? She was dying, she was losing her life. You think dying is easy? You think being sick is a fun and games.
You think being 700lbs or dying of autoimmune diseases is a walk in the park. So you disdain the friend for WANTING TO BE HEARD and for wanting some validation and empowerment?

Give me a break!

Already I live a life where I don't want to "impose", "burden", be disliked for looking and feeling sick, and I have hidden everything from sprained ankles, dizzy spells,  to acute kidney stone attacks to going out into living rooms with a smile on my face after barfing my guts out. Her friend didn't need any speeches about what a bad person she was, or how she failed at doing something that someone else managed.  I put pictures on a social website when I am happy and don't talk about the "bad" stuff or severely limit it. Why? Because there are so many people like this.

One thing I know how I am seen in this society. I know there are many who tell the sick, you do not matter. I know if I am honest about suffering by many I will be told I am bitter. I know if I question the poor medical care or years of poverty or misdiagnosis that led me to be sick, I will be told I am angry.

Super fat people being the lowest on the totem pole are told in so many ways they do not matter and should not be heard, [well until the day they are thin] and maybe not even then if someone discovers their past. At this point she should get out a poster, that says "I WON!" and wave it all around. Ok you did. Jolly for you, so now if we cry a little bit because our bodies are imploding and we know we are going to die soon, have a little bit of mercy.

One line in the paragraph above, I want people to note is..."if they can't control their lives", we go right back to the theme that everything is under people's control and isn't that the hammer that is used to beat up fat people from smaller sizes to my size? You control your weight and thus if you fail, you are a loser. Ah this blogger, is intelligent and fair about many aspects of weight, but this idea of taking control permeates her words as if every medical problem was solvable.

And what about this line " that means being heard. They want their opinions to be considered important." Can someone tell me what is BAD about that? So your answer for those who fail to lose weight is their opinions don't matter and they are not supposed to be heard. I suppose yes that is what the status quo wants as the endless failures at the weight gain just means more BLAME and nothing new this many years in!

I know someone 30 years old dying of cancer, never smoked, or any other vices, and now entering the hospice. I knew a 26 year old who died of a brain infection who was thin and healthy. I knew a 39 year old who died of a brain disorder that created clots. Bad things happen to the human body many things beyond a person's control. Reality is not everyone is going to live til they are 90 years old.

I may have theory that younger people are getting cancer due to toxins in the environment. And be told that is "nutty" so if I apply the same sort of thinking to weight, many do not want to hear it. The traditional "system" worked for them. They were otherwise healthy with a cosmetic problem so they were able to solve it with the hugely invasive weight loss surgery method.

Even if it worked for them, and they ran the gauntlet from hell and survived, why get upset at someone for saying..."Maybe there should be something else available!" or stating "not all of us are going to survive it, and many suffer incredibly and there should be SOMETHING BETTER! I feel for her friend.

Now when you are sick and dying, in this society you are blamed, and it's not just fatness but a myriad of other illness. You didn't do this right, you didn't run enough marathons, your pain is your doing.

Your outcome is your fault.

These things impact even other areas in society, Poor and out of a job? You're a loser that failed, and didn't get to be king of the mountain.

Too much Oprah and not enough Bible? 

I'd say so.

But it's getting scary out there for sick people it really is.

When someone tells us that natural emotions regarding pain, severe illness, death and dying are to be suppressed and judged that is to step back and ask why?  Lack of compassion, tea with no empathy and people blamed for what comes to us all. You think a few coffins or graves don't get clucked over? "Why didn't they lose weight?" An object of pathos to the very end?

I feel for her friend.

Sigh where is this world going?

Some place really scary.

and it goes way beyond fat issues.

And if I am considered "nutty" for not buying into what they are selling...

so be it.


  1. Interesting: the American neurosis to be in charge of everything is one reason why those of us who live outside of that box dread the U.S. of A. influence being spread ever further around the globe. Beyond that, you make a compelling point: what do those who aren't fated to live to a ripe, happy old age do?

  2. I've met people who have moved here and couldn't believe it. One cried to me that people here were so disconnected she wanted to go back. I wonder if this lack of compassion is what she saw. I guess if you don't get the good body, the money and the ripe old age, you are a "loser" according to the ethos here. It's scary. There's some who see through it at least but it's hard to live with and draining. And that's who gets their point of view out there.

  3. If Studs Terkel was writing "Hard Times" today, he'd be turned down for the publishing, and told, "They aren't positive enough!, give us some winners!"


  4. I just read that post you linked...wow. Nothing says compassion like cutting off a dying friend because they dared to criticise you.

  5. Ah still no understanding. Censored at the other blog.

    If I ever was to become thinner, I promise I never would become this way.

    Now the claim is per the comments that that illness/fatness etc is someone's entire "identity". I suppose if you are very ill from something it is going to take a lot of your attention is it not? {more shame and blame}

    I may do an article soon on being sick in general in the human potential-karma society brings on a certain disdain. As long as you are not healed, or quite yet "perfect" even if you have survived. The establishment doesn't want to know.

    How do they know what someone's identity is or isn't? This blog is focused on fat issues and I made it that way on purpose.

  6. Anon, Thanks.

    I thought the exact same thing.

    If someone is dying or sick, they are in pain. I had a friend get angry at me, tell me off, and act all of sorts, it could have ended the friendship. I knew she was sick, called back, and she was on this medication that affected her that day. Later she would die. She was a very close friend who I loved very much.

    There is no compassion. Even religiously as a Christian, I don't get it. I really don't. Isn't that a small thing, and wouldn't you understand if your friend was dying, they may not be a full blown cheerleader in your health victories.

    I've lost friends including the one above, I've seen too many people die. There is no way I would treat someone that way.