Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count

A lot of art or writing brings vulnerability. We are putting ourselves out there. This can bring in the critics and nay-sayers. One way to know you are being of some affect out there, is when they come crawling out of the woodwork to shout against you. This blog is a vulnerable blog in that I am sharing personal things that have happened to me. This includes both the "fat world" posts and the "ACON" "adult children of narcissist" posts. Both are highly stigmatized areas. I take risks doing this blog as it's traffic increases.  There is vulnerability in doing this work. I have shared personal stories of childhood abuse and scary rare medical scenarios.

 I think about a certain blog that suddenly popped up where there was love-bombing at the start and now continues with a smear campaign and irresponsible writing about pyschopaths. When I protested about it the second time,  I thought of young ACONs finding a blog that told people to seek out goodness in psychopaths. This troubled me deeply.

Some narcissists may think it is a bad thing to "fight the demons", but I've been an activist all my life in things that matter to me. Some people choose to live their lives for other purposes, but I have the right to dedicate aspects of my life to what I want.

There has been a smear campaign against me on that other blog that continued even after I left the first time in peace. Her intense desire to label me and to seek to silence my words in the face of others was obvious. She slams those who have faced abuse with every word and trashes boundaries. No one else has the right to tell another person what to feel and that is a line she crosses over and over.

One thing about living as a "real" person in this society is you will bring hatred even for things that you love. My family did not want me to be an artist or an art teacher when I was young. I loved these things but paid a price for them. I do not regret it. Art kept me alive when I was young.

Even when I had an art show, relatives of mine scoffed at it. It was a do-it-yourself affair. I have read poems while others loved them, some people have been massively offended. You will offend someone doing any kind of art or project. It is a nature of the business. Artists and writers are called "crazy" and mocked for their work all the time.  I once sold a painting that someone else told me they hated. One person loved it who bought it, and the other couldn't stand it. These things happen in the world of art. They also happen in the world of writing, blogging, comics and zines.

One thing to note is when people go for trash-a-thons, it usually means you are hitting a nerve or asking questions they'd rather not answer. I believe there is definitely those out there, who do not want truthful exposes or discussions of narcissism. In talking about narcissism, we are talking about the halls of power and the manipulations that many of the wicked don't want exposed. They don't want people knowing and understanding how psychopaths and narcissists work. Can you imagine how this would change the modern day office even? There are many people out there who do not want this conversation uncontrolled. Isn't discussing narcissism the ultimate vulnerable position to be in? The Narcissists and some Cluster Bs will stop at nothing to seek to shame and silence those who want the truth out there. 

Brene' Brown is a researcher who has always fascinated me. I'm reading a book of hers now on shame and how it is used to silence and control women. "I Thought It was Just Me {But It isn't}". This book examines how shaming is used to silence people. Many women especially fall under it's brunt, making sure to craft false personas for the world that are more acceptable. In our narcissistic world, many will shame women, for being "victims" or not attaining certain statuses.

Many narcissists and Cluster Bs shame people over their vulnerabilities. In fact it is what they go they focus on. If someone faces the challenges of depression, they will use that. They use shame and blame while always elevating themselves to say "We are better then you and have better lives, or have more then you do". [The comparison game that Brene' Brown points out below.] To be honest if someone spends so much time trashing someone else, how really happy can they be? In their world where psychopaths are just "poor misunderstood" folks, where is there any real happiness? To narcissists and Cluster Bs, the world is not a place to dedicate one's energies to help others, but a contest to win.

 Shaming is often done to silence people. Every ACON out there, we were shamed.  Our abusers and family teamed up to shame us, and then later we often received shame for being abused in the first place. I believe any blogger that shames ACONs is serving a flying monkey role for narcissists. For the ACONs out there talking about what happened to us, this takes a certain degree of bravery because we are risking vulnerability especially in a narcissistic culture that more often and not that sides with our abusers. Some will even shame others for not being happy enough or for having emotions they are personally offended at. They enable narcissism continuing with these shame-games.

Brene' Brown is right when she says "If you are going to show up and be seen, you are going to get your ass kicked". This is a controversial blog, even for the fat topics alone. I am questioning some mainstream opinions and trying to get some new ways of thought out there about obesity. The way things are done now are failing and we need new answers. I almost died and know others are in the same boat. It drives me to seek to change things and get some truth out there.

With the ACON stuff, I am talking about severe devastating emotional abuse, now that is vulnerability and going out on a limb. Every ACON blogger with normal emotions and a conscience, I am sure feels that feeling of "What am I doing?" but ACON bloggers and writers helped me to figure out what was going on. They served an important purpose in standing up against these disordered personalities bringing pain to so many and to me personally.  I hope I have been of the same help on this blog to others.

Like Brene' Brown, I don't mind constructive feedback. Everyone has their faults including me. I know being Aspie, I have to be even more cautious in my communication.  However I'm old enough to know when someone just wants to trash someone or silence their ideas because they consider their ideas too threatening or want to serve someone more powerful who has played "defend" the narcissists and psychopaths for years.  With the obesity things, I'm already quite practiced at dealing with critics. Not very many people know what it feels like to go online and admit, "I once weighed nearly 700lbs and I almost died."

I thought about these obesity issues for years. I left the mainstream fat plantation to even stay alive. The people who will change obesity will not be those who stick to the old failed answers but researchers and others who stand for the dignity of fat people and believe them. The same goes for ACONs too. If someone does not respect ACONs or mocks or denigrates their pain or seeks to shame them, then they are wasting their time. They are a critic that does not count. The only thing to do now is stay away and not even let curiosity or a warning lead me back to see the put-downs.

Brene' Brown says "Without Vulnerability, You cannot create". This is true. She is also right about the three seats the critics take of Shame, Scarcity and Comparison. I plan to write more on her book on shame, but she is right, that the critics say things like, "Who Do you Think you Are?". I loved her line, "I see you, I hear you but I am going to show up and do this anyway!". Her discussion of courage too is also important. I agree that we are often our own biggest critics too.

Also her bringing up looking for the stranger in the mall, made me laugh. So many people get stuck in that place of worrying about those strangers instead of those who love us. I appreciate the others who have been vulnerable too and who have put themselves out there. My fellow ACON bloggers and writers who have taken the same risks, in putting themselves out there with honesty and courage.