Say No to Digital ID

Years ago on my bible prophecy and conspiracy blog, I used to post about this kind of stuff.
I did this article on a biometric global cashless ID in 2013. It's weird so much of what I used to write about on there has happened. 

Religiously things have changed for me, more on that later. BTW this is not conspiracy. Multiple countries are lining up for Digital ID right now. 

You will be unable to work without a Digital ID in the UK

A digital ID [e-ID] passed in Switzerland

86 million bank accounts were closed in Vietnam for not signing up with a biometric Digital ID.

There's many more places than this.

They want to bring Digital ID here in the USA too.

"The plan is to inextricably link a formal, government-ID-linked profile to your internet access, ISP, and social media accounts. The goal? A centralized database of everything you read and consume online, all under the guise of solving bot activity and illegal immigration.

Who's behind it? The push traces back to entities like the ID2020 Alliance—founded by Microsoft, Accenture, and the Rockefeller Foundation—now folded into larger alliances with the same funders. This is about creating a global system of financial and social control.

The sales pitch is tailored:

• To the RIGHT: It's a tool to stop illegal immigration.

• To the LEFT: It's a shield against hate speech and a way to protect children.

The system will appear "vendor-agnostic," with different providers in different countries, but all data will be exportable in the same format to the same centralized database. This is the illusion of decentralization to mask a truly centralized control grid.

This digital ID is the key that unlocks the next phase: programmable, surveillable digital currency (both CBDCs and private versions from banks like JP Morgan). It’s the foundation for a public-private partnership that will determine your ability to participate in the digital economy and society.

The endgame? An internet where economic, social, and educational activity requires a digital ID. A world where your online presence—validated by this ID—could be tied to a gig-economy-style social credit system based on clicks and likes.

And in this "verified" world, who controls the bots? Governments and militaries openly admit to using bot farms for narrative management. The very institutions promoting this system are the ones who weaponize disinformation.

This isn't just about an ID; it's about building the infrastructure for a totalitarian panopticon, sold to us as convenience and security.

~ Camus"

Think about the global roll-out for the Covid debacle/Covid vaxx, this seems to be worldwide too. That's not a good thing. Twenty years ago, Christians like me were talking about how they wanted to install a global control system. We remember the warnings of Revelation 13 and other bible verses. I have talked about the "internet of bodies" on here multiple times, and the possible connection to vaxxes and more. 

Even if you are not religious, do you want to live being this controlled where all freedom is gone? Do you want every expenditure tracked? Do you want to live in a 15-minute city where you need to have your ID approved to go anywhere outside the boundaries, they assign you? Canada just banned walks in the woods in some areas, imagine not even being able to take a stroll anywhere without government interference? Do you want to live under a Chinese social credit system where you are blocked from employment or taking the bus if you write something non-government approved on social media, or have "too many vices" as they subtract from your score? Study up on China, it's coming here. 

Most Americans should get retroactive Fs in government class for supporting this, and other draconian measures. They must have slept through class when the class was reading 1984, Brave New World or Fahrenheit 451. Sometimes I do post on risky subjects on social media. I did on this, only a few Christian and conservative friends agreed with me. Too many of the liberal friends seem gung-ho for dystopia. That said, the politicians on the right are working to install this system as much as any liberal ones. 

You ever wonder why Trump is installing troops in multiple big cities? Makes me wonder what will happen here. Trump really seems to be into the AI thing. Remember Stargate? The right wing is for this too. Trump just told the UN, he plans to put in an AI system [most likely with the help of Palantir]

I've written about Thiel and Palantir here multiple times too and the growing control of the tech brothers.  Remember Palantir tracked Covid vaxxes nation-wide. People don't realize the implications here.

Ask yourself, why are they building multi-billion-dollar AI centers all over the place? What do you think will be used to manage all this micro-managing of everyone's life and control matrix? They plan one for my area. They already are jacking up the electric bills of many people where these centers have already been built. Hey when corporations like Blackrock and others who own the AI centers own your government too, you think anyone is going to care about keeping the bills in check?

I didn't own a smart phone until 2020, which was 10 or more years after people started getting them. Some people used to be in shock I wouldn't get one. I lived in an extremely rural town, where less people had them and had culture shock when I moved here because most had them.

 I only got one from a disability charity because I got too deaf to talk to people, don't live around anyone who knows ASL, and found ASL hard to learn,. I never wanted one. I have noticed in the last two years, I keep having to use my smart phone to "prove identities". My husband still does not own a smart phone and we can't afford one anyone. If mine dies or breaks, we probably couldn't get another one. I would have to talk to people writing back and forth, and yes, I've had to do that a few times. It does seem a Faustian deal. 

 They do plan to make your Digital ID be tied to your internet life, so there would be no more anonymous posts, if they get past internet activity, my social credit score for "conspiracy" "misinformation--I hate that word" and other activities probably would start me off with a score of -1,000. I don't care. Some speak out as they feel led. Maybe the day will come where I will have to leave the internet. If I was not disabled, I would have "dropped out" long ago. The modern world and me are not a good match.

I don't even believe in credit scores even though my present credit score is not that bad. It's just slave numbers to the megacorporation and matrix.
 

I remember all the talk of making the Covid vaxx mandatory and wondered if I would have to flee, or go into hiding, I still think about that stuff. My trust of anyone who pushed this or embraced this is gone. It separated me from an entire church. 

I have had so many friends die or get sick with worrying conditions that will shorten their lifespan, it's disturbing. The amount of human suffering and lost is indescribable and there are people who have lost even more people.  Think about how sick I am, I did not expect people to "go" before me.

 Then I go on my social media and see the brainwashed go on about getting new boosters in 2025. Some wanted to put us in concentration camps. Remember years ago when I wrote about the online guy that said I should be put in a concentration camp, he recently admitted to me later he regretted getting the shots and apologized. This is a different friend from the man who got cancer.  I didn't refriend him, but was polite and accepted his apology. Maybe he got health problems too, but who knows?  All the regretters know they are censored and the vaxx injured have gone through hell. 

Imagine a world where they could take a job or groceries away if you don't get a mandated vaxx? Maybe Covid was the practice run.

The other day Trump praised Bourla and Operation Warp Speed with double-talker RFK standing right there. He made a 70 billion dollar deal with Pfizer. Do you think the attempts to have mRNA forced on us, are over? The days could be coming where people will be refused employment, buying food, boarding a bus for refusing the latest vaccine. Vaxx passes were used in multiple places in Europe via smart phones and in liberal areas of the USA. There's one giant city in my region where the unvaxxed weren't even allowed to go eat in restaurants or go to shows. Now imagine this with a Digital ID and social credit system to keep people in check.

From a Jack Chick tract, I don't agree with everything he put out there, but is this so far-fetched now?

Add in all the puzzle pieces, the "internet of bodies", the tech dystopia, the rise of AI, the involvement of mRNA/vaxxes, the millions of jobs being done away with and the dystopia they are now building.  Go read and listen to some of Whitney Webb's podcasts and websites.

Caveat on all the above: I wondered if they were going to collapse the system, and if we were at the end of the industrial system due to peak oil.  The Great Reset may be a dismantling of the present industrial system and a neo-feudalism with people working in the fields and no more travel. They could still play the biblical "one world government" games with a new system.  Advanced technology and air conditioning for them, and the fields, pods and primitive life for you. One thing I used to warn of on conspiracy boards and I was seen as kind of a weirdo in doing it, was that a false great awakening was always possible. Where they claimed to be against evil elites, but then brought in worse. 

There are some out there who theorize that the Digital ID, Tech "Utopia" technocracy is a cover for what is really happening and they just don't have the energy or desire to pull it off. I have posted on X articles on how AI is a fraud and fake. It doesn't seem to "do" or produce anything except surveillance.

It is interesting in the Chinese video above, while they talked about the Black Mirror aspects, that they laughed and said, "This is China, things don't always work!", repeatedly. Hope that's not more propaganda, but it's possible. One thing that is not being talked about is how the USA dollar is dropping like a rock, gold is now selling like 3900 an ounce and silver is going for near 50 dollars. Most of America doesn't realize how rapidly the USA dollar is losing value.  I've had a few silver coins before but had to sell them for groceries. 

I did form the belief especially during my time in conspiracy, if you knew about it, there was other things going on or other things they were distracting you from. I still don't want a Digital ID though.

Fat People are Hard to Kidnap!

A Peep from 2002, front page of comic dairy sketchbook. 

I'm going to share some writing here, the stuff I may try to publish will remain private for now.  I wrote this recently for my writer's group. 

Fat People Are Hard to Kidnap!

They won’t be able to lift me up, I’m too heavy!

 Fat, plump, big boned, fluffy, corpulent, fatso, huge, supersized, infinity-sized.

  You are your own planet with billowing tons of flesh pouring out of its cup to claim you against your will.

 Fat people are impossible to pick up. 

 Calories in and out supposedly control it all but bodies don’t run like cars no matter what the Weight Watchers point system says.

 Why doesn’t the diet magic happen for us all among all the diminishing nearly thin people. No one believes you used to weigh 200lbs more.

 Stephen King called huge people monstrous. The Witch who said Fatter instead of Thinner unloaded her curse with a bony finger. A puff of smoke and 30lbs a month poured in.  The deliverance minister said Satan sent you your body. Your soft arms hug your husband tight, why is round always bad?

The doctors want to experiment, cut, slice dice and throw your stomach away even though food tastes like cardboard and you haven’t eaten a fish, a potato or a hamburger in more than 10 years. You refused Phen-Fen not wanting to be a lab rat, the acupuncture failed too.  Tell the 90lb medical student who graduated last in the class, it’s L. I. P. E. D. E. M. A. not Lymphedema though that comes to the party too. Their blank eyed stare condemns you with visions of those inhaling whole pizzas on My 600lb Life.

A body full of oceans operates different. Who grows old at this size? Make sure you prove them wrong. 

 

 Metabolism a word they forgot long ago.  Lumbering side to side every movement seems to take 20 thoughts but you’re “lazy” not to move more.

Fat is always 57 even when you’re 29!

   

Shave your “beautiful” face that very old women always praised in your youth asking why don’t you force your body to match it?

 The fat boy in Matilda hated that chocolate cake and Mrs. Trunchbull was 50lbs away from putting the shot putt away for good.

  Augustus Gloop wants revenge for chemical farming GMOs and high fructose corn syrup. Factory Farms and Glyphosate sends his blood pressure soaring. Willy Wonky was a skinny penny pinching crack dealer and coke head preaching abstinence at the factory. There's no real gardens among the sickly sweet lollipops.

 National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance or N.A.A.F.A. showed the way out of diet hell but Health at Any Size ignored the obvious. Supersized People don’t run marathons. No one asked why so many grew so fat no matter what they did. They ate bacon and eggs in the 50s, and lived life, their bodies not betraying. 

 Eyes cross from hunger, lunch is 4 hours away.

 Thin Jane in tight yoga pants ate her apple that morning she feels fine, intermittent fasting brings her self pride. It brings you the floor and funny colors in your vision. You drink the glass of water to smother hunger pain but it never works.

You eat lunch they desire you feel guilt with every bite. Boiled cabbage and eat tofu but look like you did other things. 

A rare fat foodie rejecting GMOs, you desire the wild sour dough bread and the seitan made with parsnips. Jars of wheat germ, hummus, and mushrooms of every sort populate your food imagination. The clown with red shoes brings disgust.

Wear your ruby lips and poufy hair to ring your wide round face, short heeled shoes and be vivacious or else.

 Whitney Thores dancing as fast as she can. Chris Farley fell through the jolly trap. He didn’t want to be the class comedian anymore. There’s too many fat people to give the acting job to one in a fat suit!

 Wear hot pink like fat activist Marilyn Wann, screaming fat is healthy when you want to wear black, and walk for miles instead. No one chooses this. 

 A thin woman in Japan on Youtube eats crisps, fried chicken, curries, burdock root, udon noodles, bonito flakes, tofu, a sweet every afternoon with milk tea, and never gains weight. Obesity is a disease of lack not abundance. America grows fatter year by year while starving for real food.

 

The Roulette wheel broke in the matrix and spun onto circus fat lady. Thin women in slacks with legs crossed drink coffee nimbly eating a piece of pie. The spigot filled up the lower body like a giant balloon ready to burst.

Peter Griffin goes on many adventures, but fat people don’t fit in kayaks.

 You can’t stop living for thin tomorrows knowing the fat reality is what you have.

Whose bright idea was it to swell humans up so it would be hard for them to walk? Does God listen to the prayers of fat women? Preacher told the church on the day you missed the revival, Gluttons don’t see heaven, they’ll be burning with the adulterers. That huge woman has the door of heaven closed for good! There's no barbecue in hell!.

Everyone loves a jolly fat woman arms brimming with cakes and children and Mother Earth nurturing, not a childless serious poet who wanted a body to match her art and books. A hyperlexia brain in a cumbersome box. The Gnostics were right to see the body as a prison, spirit imprisoned in flesh.

 

Why Does Everyone Hate AmberLynn Reid?

 

I kept seeing the name AmberLynn Reid pop up. She's a super-sized youtuber who is around my size, who does online eating [mukbang], and has videos about her daily life.  I found this Youtube Channel called Irked Content that makes fun of her eating and what she shows on her videos. AmberLynn is well known online but not in a good way. I saw a Kiwi Farms post on her, where they really rip her down. They have a special hatred for fat people on that board so not going to link there. I've seen her mentioned on multiple message boards over and over, where people really ripped on her, and were disgusted. That's one danger of being a public fat figure in anyway. 

I went to go watch her channel. She likes to talk alot but she could just be an average neurotypical and I'm being too judgmental. To do videos, talking a lot and for some periods of time would be a necessity. Her life seems kind of boring in her grey-doored apartment where she is doing her make up a lot.  I should be one to talk I'm not exactly living an exciting life since Covid.  Sadly a lot of super-obese people end up socially isolated. I have to watch more videos to see if I am misjudging this, maybe she has a lot of friends. Sometimes it seems people do youtube videos as a way to connect with others, well this was a motive for even my own blog. 

She dates girls only so I'm guessing she is a lesbian, but she could be a bisexual too. She's far healthier than I was at 31, but she's had a hysterectomy and gallbladder problems. I guess if you're on video, you have to fill the time, which if I had ever done a youtube channel, I'd probably talk about conspiracy and religion too much. She has a bad reputation I think for being a fat mukbanger--a phenomenon I never understood. Do people watch others eat so they don't eat? It made her far more severely obese. She started the channel 10 years ago and was very fat then too. Maybe she needs to think about the eating on film stuff, it's not doing her any favors. Maybe she's running off to the bank not caring most of her viewers are now "hate watchers".  I don't get it. Also one way I worry for her is her identity seems completely weight based, supersized people can fall into the trap. Maybe I'm weird so focused on artistic pursuits and questioning the system, but that's something too she needs to escape. 

I feel sorry for her, she's a far healthier younger me and so we are very different people but you can tell she is stuck on the obesity gauntlet too. She's done the dieting and now is investigating weight loss surgery. I have seen so much regains in weight loss surgery, in my case around that age I decided against it but didn't believe I would live through it. It's probably a miracle I lived this long. Age is catching up on me. Sadly Amberlynn probably is going to have a difficult life too. 

In her case like Tammy Slayton if she wants weight loss surgery, she should go for the DS weight loss surgery too. She says she has BED or "binge eating disorder" but seems to dispute that on later videos. She does eat a lot. The outraged Irked Content people are correct she eats too much. My life was always weird watching My 600lb life people and her eat far more vast quantities of food than I could ever take in. Some of us really do have metabolic problems. Her life seems to be a video diary of eating bad American food, that definitely has affected her obesity. Well I've asked for years why don't we get to have more healthy food in America? There's a lot of fast food I wish I never touched when young. 

She appears to be far more socioeconomically comfortable especially for a supersized woman than most. One website detailed her worth at 4 million, I don't know, a lot of those websites are wrong. She's not living on a disability check alone to have all that makeup, jewelry, and take-out food. I read too she used to be a super-sized model. I do get the feeling from her art work, and reading about her family history there was some early trauma, I've only seen a few of the videos so far. Her eyes have a kind of distant look to them and her art work is so "controlled" with repeating lines and patterns. This is the wannabe art therapist in me writing.  In one video she said she had OCD, her's definitely manifests different, I can see it.

They sell basically garbage for people to eat then they wonder why people are so diabetic, obese and sick. I get so sick from processed foods, I was watching one of her videos this morning to write this article, and had to be careful, I can get IBS from weird things. Once someone was talking about tiger poop on "Meet the Irvings" and they showed the poop on TV and I got the worse IBS attack ever and almost threw up. She was eating these 5 bright orange Taco-bell Tacos. I had a very bad effect from Taco Bell in my 20s, I never have eaten there since, and almost felt like puking.  That's a horrible giant meal for someone of her size to be eating. Maybe I am guilty of judgment too but something went wrong for her to even want to eat foods like that. 

She does eat very badly and has an eating disorder. I get the feeling the youtube channel was at its peak some years ago when mukbang was more popular and she gained weight doing some of that. Self-destruction for money is never worth it. Sadly that's a trip too many fat people took both in the eating world and sex-worker world.  She shows signs of definite satiety disorder and the processed food, sugars and salt can't be helping. One thing I note is how there are so many haters, her channel is basically a "hate the fatties" channel with angry outraged thin people disgusted by her food intake filling the comments about how she is a "loser", and it's her fault she got turned down for weight loss surgery. Surely she realizes that most of the attention she is getting is negative. She was recently rejected for it. That seems to be a thing out there where people all gather in shout down groups to the so called "deathfats", merely existing at a certain weight makes you a ready target. 

As I have said for years, no one questions why someone even wants that much food? My endocrinologist will have access to the medical nutritionist's report.  I add up calories constantly in my diet journals, to know how much is going in to avoid gains. There's Budgies and then little food lists, I've even draw them. I ate 1970 calories 6 days ago. Yesterday, I was busy and annoyed as hell by hunger pain at least three times, I had crap to do. I have hunger pain now, it sucks, it never leaves me alone. I had an egg sandwich at 9:00 pm on multigrain bread and a banana. My blood sugar was 99 this morning.

I ate half a turkey sandwich at noon, but right now my stomach is growling like hell and its only 3 hours later. I'm planning to make some tomato and orzo soup later but still have to do nebulize my lungs and a few other things. That's my life. I'm don't want to cook but have to because everything processed leaves me dying in the bathroom. I find it a pain, and when you get old food doesn't taste the same anymore. I never got Covid, and can still smell but my memories of how food used to taste aren't the same as now. Old age cuts the appetite down but sadly the metabolism goes with it. 

Thin people don't get that. Hunger pain, and it's actual pain doesn't bother them like fat people. I watch Amber Reid eat and think what are the levels of hunger and satiety? I learned to embrace some hunger pain not to gain but its bugging the hell out of me. Yesterday I ate some eggs, cabbage/green onions, two oranges at different times, an avocado vegetarian burrito, some corn, and noodles and a turkey polish sausage. To the haters, how dare I eat anything? Her food amounts aren't good and the quality of the food is abysmal.

Amberlynn does eat bad food, no doubt of that. She's one that needs to realize processed food is crap. Maybe in her case she would normalize down to the midsizes alone if she gave up fast food and processed. They also put crap in it to make you hungrier and want more. There's too many empty carbs and french fries in her world. Eating mashed potatoes and mac and cheese at the same meal is a big no-no. Sometimes I think supersized people are the canaries in the coal mine, they more affected by all the bad low nutrition food. 

What is scary to me is there is more than one hate channel for AmberLynn Reid. I haven't finished adding them up but there were several. It's kind of scary. People call her names, a glutton etc. I don't agree with some of her choices either, but you can tell there is a lot of amniosity. Hopefully this isn't another case like Whitney Thore, where some bad behavior and ill treatment of others has brought out the hate too. 

It's weird alcoholics aren't hated as much as fat people "overeating" I find that an interesting thing. Maybe that's why there's more treatments for them. People don't like drunks either but I don't see websites where people call out alcoholics or even drug addicts like they do fat people and often the societal damage and harm to others is far higher with those who suffer from substance abuse disorders.

 Amberlynn Reid is on the weight loss failure merry-go around. Diet-binge, diet binge from what I can tell. Too much pleasure is invested in food. I hopped off the weight loss merry-go-round. I got tired, I never could stick to diets, they made me feel like shit, they always oddly skyrocketed the blood sugar. The last diet attempt where I tried to stick to 1600 a day, I couldn't do it.  I stopped dieting years ago which I'm sure has some people here in shock. She got turned down for weight loss surgery, I'm not sure what that is about, she probably failed the weight loss diet to qualify.  Maybe in her case, just trying to eat sanely, put herself on a food schedule and eat healthy food, could take her to midsized land without crazy diets. She would have to give up mukbanging. 

Fat hatred is increasing, one can tell. Fat acceptance kind of screwed over fat people with it's constant denials, about how weight affects health.  Some are disgusted and outraged with superfat people claiming there's no health problems from being obese as they struggle to get up a flight of stairs. This denial always bugged the hell out of me and in the very early years of this blog, I wrote about this writing endless articles against HAES, and more.  Things are getting worse for the obese. Ten years ago I remember thinking everyone's getting so fat, this isn't going to end well and it hasn't. Obesity treatment seems like Covid vaxxes, they don't really work but they push them on you anyway. Hopefully Amberlynn can find her way out of the fat thicket, only very few do. 

As I used to write about years ago, with people growing so fat, why doesn't anyone want to get to the root of the problem? While there was rare fat people in centuries past, no one felt driven to overeat. Some would say there wasn't enough food to overeat for most but obviously the food was a different quality. Covid seems so targeted towards the overweight, I have the phrase "fattened up for the slaughter" going through my mind. The worse thing for fat people is how you lose your humanity, all these people present themselves as faultless who comment on her eating as if they are all marathon running professionals with full bank accounts who practice sexual chastity and only eat boiled broccoli for their dinners. I doubt it. 

There is far more success treating the substance abusers then BED or obesity in general. Here's the difference: They are still seen as humans. 

Fat People Hating Medical Workers on Reddit

 

                                                      "I had a 600lber just last week!"

Check out this thread, it's scary. The reddit nursing board has problems, they ban anyone who questions the vaxxes or what is happening now but overall, you can see it's open war on fat people. Even "leftists" who are against racism, homophobia, etc have no moral qualms in going after the fat with no holds barred.

https://old.reddit.com/r/nursing/comments/yac3bw/an_open_rant_to_a_supermorbid_obese_patient/

"Supermorbid obesity is absolutely a mental illness. To consume enough calories to be 400+ lbs is an eating disorder. I don’t discount that.

But how is it fair to burden the medical team with your care? 4+ nurses lifting your body, risking injury to themselves. A body you created with no consideration for the others who care for you.

You can’t walk so 4+ nurses have to pull you over and put a bedpan under you. Your shits are massive and frequent because you eat so much.

You can’t wipe yourself, and your gluteals are so huge they have to be spread open to clean your anus. The size of your gluteals means the shit smears and gets trapped in the cheeks as it leaves your body. More for your nurse to wipe.

You haven’t been able to bathe properly in a long time, so you smell. The fungal rashes under your many folds smell putrid. More for your nurse to clean.

We teach you about diet and exercise, but when the dietary person comes you order 3 peoples worth of food. Your husband brings you bags of candy and snacks. You yelled at him because he brought Mike and Ike’s when you clearly asked for Now and Laters.

How is it fair to our already understaffed unit that we need to accommodate your self-created burden?

On top of it, you’re rude to staff. Extremely demanding and shout because it hurts you to be rolled to your side, demanding we “HURRY UP”

I would never tell you to your face, but nurses let out a sigh when they see their name next to your room. All the men who work on the floor know they’re going to be called every time you need to shit.

I hope you get the help you need. The help we need.

Edit; thank you to whomever reported this post as a mental health emergency, you could’ve just downvoted :)

Edit 2: wow top 25 on r/popular, thats neat. Sorry it's marked as "nsfw" which means people browsing dont get to look at it without a reddit account which is ridiculous (shoutout to r/watchredditdie).

Final edit: a special thank you to the people who can’t comment here so they are finding other comments I made and replying there to call me a fatphobe and a piece of shit. I literally don’t care about your opinion, 12,700 upvotes, 18+ awards and frontpage status is enough to prove that the overwhelming majority of reddit is in agreement with the content of my post. Perhaps seeing so many reddit clinicians posting in agreement is a shock to your ego? Maybe you were expecting the typically-tolerant reddit user base to tear me apart and are now appealed to find out the truth.

If you are overweight I will absolutely give you the same level of care I give to every patient, and I will greet you with a smile and pretend I don’t care that you smell awful and need me to exert 400% of my strength to move you. But inside I will have the opinion that thousands of others have posted here."

Then read this post which was a response.

"[–]FaeryCourt 1 point 2 days ago 

Asa paramedic -who has had to call firefighters and off duty police officers -in order to simply be able to lift a morbidly obese patient(s) from bed to stretcher; who has listened to Children worry and cry that they had to call 911 on their parent because they couldn't lift 400+lbs by themselves and knew they would be punished and blamed for doing so; who has had injuries from these patients (who blame everyone but themselves), who has seen coworkers go through YEARS of physical therapy and surgical interventions from injuries sustained, who has seen-repeatedley-these patients not give one fuck about who they injure, emotionally destroy and blame for their CHOICES, I agree, wholeheartedly with this fine nurse, who finally said what WE ALL ARE THINKING. Thank you, RN. Your words mean much. And, for the family, children and spouses of these patients, my heart breaks for you.

Notice they all write it's a choice. Like everyone is supposed to have a body that works right.  You won't see these people complaining about other people who end up at the hospital via drinking or high extreme sports or drugs. I'm tired of being told it's all a choice. Who would CHOOSE to live in the hell of extreme obesity?

Of course none of them ask why is the care for the obese so lacking? Why don't they have better methods for transfers? Some of the more compassionate ones, talk about the abuse and high ACE scores many superfat people went through. One mentioned Lipedema and women with legs as wide as their waist.

This applies to me of course. I don't think all of it is food addiction though, some are of course but some of us probably ended up with hypothyalmic and metabolic damage as a result. You know there's a problem when someone has so many autoimmune diseases they lost count, and have some people never heard of before. Very few question what drives the food addicted ones to eat or what is happening in the brain or what kind of depression or mental problems could be fueling all this. But what about ones who aren't food addicted, who may have undiagnosed Cushings, severe Lipedema, and other endocrine problems who aren't getting help? What about those with other disorders?  People like this aren't going to help them get answers.

Sadly superfat people are being dehumanized and look, at a nursing board, where it becomes a popular post. The open "othering" of a people for a physical characteristic is accepted. Hatred of fat people was obviously growing as we saw with Covid and they told us fat people were more likely to die of it. Maybe that's true but then keep in mind all the "triage" stuff they were pushing in 2020.

One thing they put a barrier in front of people at every step. I've made it clear I want in-patient treatment now for obesity even to get 100 off. Medicare would never pay for it. Because of Covid, I'm no longer pushing the point.  I remain pissed off beyond belief, that I can't go safely back to my old Planet Fitness in the eternal pandemic without end.  I need to. These are barriers that are never addressed? Why didn't these people get help before their obesity become so serious? I remember asking for help at 300lbs before I hit 700lbs.

Did any of these 500-800lb people already go to their doctors about their weight loss failures or lack the money to make some of the things they needed to happen? How many like me went crying about their extreme weights already?

Where they turned away as their problems got worse and worse? Remember I was 700lbs at one point and almost did die. I thankfully did not lose mobility but I was close. Today my mobility is in bad trouble but some outside factors are affecting this. I am dealing with some muscle weakness that could be due to one of my autoimmune disorders and some joint problems. I can't take Planequil for my UCTD because I fear eye problems being deaf, so here I am in pain a lot. The other day I asked my rheumatologist for other remedies for pain and fatigue and was just turned down. I told the doctor point blank, "I can barely function now due to the severity of the deafness I can't take that risk on." I don't think he was happy with me but why were there no other options? At least I am still considered "Stable" and I didn't go into full lupus but the pain and other problems are there. Why is it okay to make me at the risk of being even more helpless with no life quality left especially being an artist?

I could always walk when I was in the hospital, and even walked myself into the shower once while hooked to an IV because nurses wouldn't clean me up or give me tools to clean myself up. I told them due to my skin problems I need a shower daily and was ignored. So I took care of business. I knew if I didn't keep clean that I would die of the infection I had.  Probably some of you have figured out I am not a passive personality, I can't afford to be. 

I haven't been in the hospital overnight since 2001. The house call doctors kept me out, there's been a few ER visits for injuries, parotitis and problem I got with my better ear.  I wrote a PM to this person, telling them "I hope I never get you as a nurse and this is why I took 30 years to get diagnosed with stage 4 Lipedema". and "Stop abusing fat people".

Hospitals scare the hell out of me, I have to be dying or have serious problems like a broken bone to go to one. The line now where I would even go to one? I have to be nearly dead or acutely dying. Even then I may think about staying home just like I did with multitudes of kidney stones, drinking watered down organic cider vinegar in a bid to stay alive. Most of us superfat people already know hospitals are not friendly kind places for us. Some medical professionals are kind and nice to us but we have been around to know the score and how we are "seen"

Sad to say I figured out this person is probably a moderator over on My Big Fat Fabulous Life, [different identities online] or if not an avid supporter of this fat hating nurse, and they started writing more insults to me on that reddit message board about supersized patients being so hard to take care of.  And I got banned from that board even though I had posts people liked reading and I got a lot of "reddit karma" for.  This person who claims to be "happy" sure seems to spend a lot of time complaining about fat people. I criticized Whitney too but wanted her to change her show to HELP fat people but sadly Whitney was just the usual corporate "make fat people look bad" product. They tried banning me so I wrote a complaint about all these posts to reddit, and asked them if they are trying to revive the same attitudes of the Fat Hate Reddit board that was later taken down.

It was scary to see hundreds of medical professionals all bitching about super-fat people on that thread. There was only around 5-6 compassionate ones among the 1,000 posts decrying the horrors of caring for severely overweight people. 

As I have written on here before, no one crosses the 400lb mark without something being even physiologically wrong with them. Physically normal people would not even have driving hunger or desire for that much food. The 800lb mark and above, that's pretty much the case. BTW they don't care if your weight is from fluids, fat or the other complicated myriad of reasons why someone would have gotten that fat in the first place. Too many of these lauded professionals aren't studying the latest obesity research that talks about problems with metabolism or hyperphagia or saitety disorders. They don't care, they consider it YOUR FAULT and that you did nothing with yourself but pig out on everything and it supposedly was all by choice. One reason I always wanted hospitalized for weight loss was to have the "eating seen" but maybe I'd be called a liar and told I was "sneaking food in" even if I was not. 

Lately I have been thinking about how I have been treated my whole life for being fat and how bad it is. I worked around things the best way I could trying to speak out and do art and be involved in community stuff but you always KNOW. "You are not like the others" and at supersized weights it's even worse.  Even if you cut all the abusers out of your life, and manage to get enough presence to stop all overt abuse--it's been years since someone insulted me in the street--it doesn't stop the subtle stuff or the endless strain of rejection that remains "hidden".  Some liberals may refer to those as "micro-aggressions". After my no contact I changed. Oh I told this nurse, if I ever got her as a nurse, I'd call the ombudsman and then my lawyer.

I wouldn't yell at anyone especially while overnight in a hospital even if they were being horrible to me. I'd be figuring out how to work my way out of the problem. I don't like that I have to lay there with an unlocked door which always destroys sleep for me. Sleep deprivation is a very serious problem for me in the hospital. I begged a doctor to go home more then once so I could stay alive but of course past serious infections needed IV antibiotics. Some of the people who are shouting and freaking out, have been neglected or having pain or problems.

 One of my now deceased fat friends said she was abandoned to lay on gurney in the corner for 16 hours. In her case, she couldn't walk out. This was pre-Covid days. Many of us chronically ill know what hospitals can be like.  I would be the type to sneak out if they were actively hurting me even if I had to pay a bystander with 20 bucks to give me a wheelchair to roll out in if I was unable to walk and then go call a lawyer. Fortunately I haven't had any abuses that severe.   

Years ago when a good doctor showed up at 3am to save my life and get a working IV, I almost had made the decision to go home.  This wasn't abuse, just more likely collapsed veins from illness in that case. Most hospitals have treated me okay, at most I got benign neglect when I had to talk a janitor lady into helping me with a few problems. I would say the most dangerous times for the superfat is if you a] can't walk or b] are unconscious. 

Looks like I wasn't being too paranoid with those thoughts given the posts above......

Years ago I got a thick skin. Hate my blog? I don't care. Hate me for being fat? Get in line with the other jerks. It's nothing new. I know I'm a rare one who speaks out and they hate that even more. See any other fat people calling this crap out? I will because I feel like it. To me, this reddit post and it's acceptance points to some real rot in society that is growing worse. The severe obesity too? People are getting sick, physically and emotionally and superfat people are probably canaries in the coal mine. Sure some are BED food addicts but even there, the limited attitudes and stupidity shown except by the very few compassionate ones was nauseating.

By the way this is just the kind of society, where people even young ones can start dropping like flies of myocarditis and blood clots, and no one cares....

"FaeryCourt and I got in an argument. They were even angry at me for questioning the "elite" which was kind of laughable to me. There's a reason psychopathic nurses has become a trope in horror movies. Yes why wouldn't they believe in this sick system being a product of it? But sadly this body I deal with is a product of the system, with ill health, destroyed metabolism, endocrine system, lymph system. I just read the book, "The Body Keeps The Score" and I KNOW this was NOT my Choice ever. This book details how trauma and medical/autoimmune/mental problems interact. I had myself in therapy by age 18--self chosen. I always tried to get help and to stay alive and "be responsible" so I am done with taking people's crap. 

It's horrible for these immobile fat people who are dependent on medical professionals who despise them. Instead of anyone asking why aren't there better lifting machines or hoyers or other procedures or even why no one is doing anything that actually WORKS for the severe growing obesity problem in the US. Decent food is hard to find or whatever environmental problems are leading to this including the endless trauma, they blame the patients instead. "It's their fault, my back went out!" There's  thousands of drug and alcohol abuse clinics but nothing for the fat beyond weight loss surgery. Ever wonder about that?

I worked with the disabled for a very short term job, I had it around 8 months. I was pushed out of this job from my own failing health unable to do lifts.  Some patients were large we had to move around, I had to move people in beds to change diapers, etc, I had to puree food, do bathroom duties, and feed people with a plastic spoon. The work is NOT easy. I get that part. There is risk of injuries. Most of these places because of corporate greed are understaffed and most of these medical professionals are having to work with too few co-workers to help them with lifts and more. So I have empathy for the ones who did get injuries, it's horrific but don't blame the patients and take it out on them. 

 It's not meant for everyone but this post scares me and all the angry people, and sure some of the patients are probably guilty in their fear and other problems in yelling a bit or taking things out on people they should not, but this post to me was representative of a very serious problem. 

Severe obesity is growing, I used to be RARE where I never saw anyone my size in the 1990s. Now I see more and more people near my size. 500lbs may still be uncommon but I see people near my size at least once a week if I am out and about. [My weight was 511 last week] I saw someone who weighed about 50 pounds more then me just three days ago. 300-400lbs is actually common now. Go in a store, you'll see a few and a 400lber here and there. Obesity has increased. Now let me ask this question, how are any of these people's attitudes going to help the problem? 

Whitney Thore and The Life of Fat Women

Sometimes there's far more wrong than being fat. That applies to Whitney Thore, she has many problems in addition to obesity. Hey that's true for my life, I deal with a lot more then being five hundred pounds on both the emotional and physical front. Just becoming deaf, is pretty big, and maybe I should post about that a bit. 

  My concerns about this show, is that it puts fat women in such a bad light. It doesn't offer us help or anything concrete to look to.  It's entertainment but what kind of messages about fat people is this show putting out? Is the public going to become more sympathetic to us or less?  Whitney has a lot more problems then just the obesity. The show also shows the limits of the "fat and sassy" stuff. Remember the years when I got in debates with size acceptance people for talking about the limitations of HAES and when I told Marilyn Wann to go visit a nursing home with super-fat people?

On a recent show, Whitney Thore was shown taking a trip with a Fat Women Traveling Group. It exposed a lot to me. Here's a caveat, being so different, I would not fit into the fat woman group either. I am on the autistic spectrum and have anxiety disorders.  Obviously people who can afford travel and a trip like that are in different shape to me. The women seem nice but I am not into twerking and there's no bathing suits that would fit me. Damn I loved the tricycles, I want one, wish I could afford one. You know I found a bicycle company about a year ago for fat people, they even go up to 550lbs.

You can see her problems right there next to them all. She's pretty, she's actually made up well, and all the women were wearing very nice clothing, and looked great. But you can see the personality stuff. You can tell they almost feel sorry for her. Such as when she is talking about her Frenchman. You can see their unease and worry. The immaturity is glaring.

One fellow fat traveler, Rebecca was trying to warn her, like you are falling into this same trap with the guy in France again like with Avi. Rebecca had dated and been conned by Avi too. Being fat you have to be careful in the dating world and I had exploitive men try to come after me too when I was young.

If you are Super-fat, toxic men will try and mess with you. I had strange men attempt stalking on me and other crazy stuff. As past readers here know, I was raised uber Catholic even though I deconverted from family's church which meant I was a late life shy virgin and so not as likely to have sex with them. I also was too autistic for the exploitive men to understand or get with.  These men fortunately rejected me for my weirdness and for being a bookworm.

I was able to avoid exploitive men though or being used by one, and married my first love, but these special circumstances protected me. Many fat women sadly have to deal with these kind of men. Well all women do but with super fat women the risks are higher. How come Whitney doesn't talk honestly about this? She encourages the exploitation of fat women by toxic men in her own man and baby hunger. She's a walking cliche of the desperate fat spinster. She dates men who dump her for thin women, ignores the guy [Lenny] whose actually physically attracted to her and makes the worse dating choices possible. 

 She's definitely no feminist rebel against the system on our behalf. She's taking the crumbs and that makes me mad. I wish we had a fat strong women who wouldn't take crap from men. This is the worse personality for young fat women to watch and be instructed on love lives. This may sound weird from deconverted me but perhaps the nuns and others who instilled all these high ideals in me about love, protected me from some of the worse.  

Toxic men do prey on super fat women. They tried it with me and failed. Rebecca was trying to break through Whitney's wall, because it seemed like she learned her lesson and Whitney was just repeating the same mistake. I got frustrated because I wanted Rebecca to be more direct but she did at least get Whitney to ask if the Frenchman was another AVI....Well yes.

The other women do seem to have more sense of self, and career success and a presence. I do envy their confidence. I see Whitney lacking. Whitney tries too hard. While Whitney has a TV show and fame, she lacks this inner peace and stamina inside, that the other fat women have. It is something I have had to work on, like I got to the edges of it via ACON recovery and going no contact from abusers. I do think of recovery messages all the time in my head. I think Whitney should go into therapy. She is messed up inside too from feeling like she is "not enough", that will mess people up. 

Whitney I think has something odd with the parents she needs recovery from. They don't seem overtly "abusive" [Whitney was never hit, or yelled at or stuff like that as far as we know] but there's some weirdness with Babs I pick up on. I read Babs as having some elements of covert narcissism that have carried over to Whitney. Babs comes out with passive aggressive stuff all the time with a dark undertone. One thing to notice with Babs is while she appears "nice" there are a lot of disguised comments, like compliments with a bite, is the best way I can describe it. Babs has poor boundaries too always saying sexual things that are over the top too, Babs doesn't touch people but crosses people's boundaries that way--the apple may not have fallen far from the tree.

Whitney could have been in a golden child role. Whitney obviously believes she has to perform to please them. She is in this weird trap. It's given her drive, and ironically fame, but she is having problems with all her relationships and doesn't have a calm or peaceful presence.

You can tell she is comparing herself to these women and considering herself not to be "enough", the jealousy is busting out from her to the immense. I am a 4 on the Enneagram, we can be jealous types and it is a "shadow" I have to deal with but damn she is so jealous of them, it's insane, like green eyed monster has taken over, and scared not to be the center of attention. This goes with her lack of inner fortitude. Something is missing there. I see a nice group of women, and she is there to compete and one up them all. They can pick up on it too.  They can see her emotional abuse fueled shame and other problems. They ask her to teach them some dancing but instead she twerks around and destroys personal bodily boundaries slapping all the women on the butt.

I do think there could be some implicit personality disorder as discussed here. The top theories are BPD and NPD, she seems to show multiple narcissistic traits, and that "hot" and "cold" stuff.  She seems to fear abandonment and is unable to spend time alone.  This explains a lot of the weirdness with Buddy where one minute he's the greatest thing since sliced bread and the next she turns on him putting him down. The clinginess, endless demands, loudness, crossing of boundaries and the constant quests for every room to have her as the center of attention, all speak to some sort of personality disorder.

She idealizes Buddy and then trashes him all within 20 minutes. I am often curious at Buddy's past, did he face abuse growing up? It makes me wonder why he is in the abusive dance with her too. One thing with people abused when young is the dysfunctional relationships and even friendships can continue late into adulthood.  This happened to me. Someone taught Buddy that this was how one was supposed to be treated though I think sobriety and probably "recovery" classes are waking Buddy up. I was in a depression recovery and peer group a few years and it helped wake me up to get out of abusive relationships including friendships.

She treats her friends horribly. I feel bad for Ashley and Heather because I keep thinking betrayal is coming girls, unless they remain "mirrors".

I question this show a lot, but sometimes even ask "Why was this person chosen as the example for living happy while fat?" It could be called "My Big Fat Miserable Life." She has a TV show and fame, and you can tell she doesn't feel like "enough" and she has some problems. I think she needs to address. Being super fat can mess people up. You know I deal with some crazy stuff because of it but she's not in a good place at all. 

Fat, sassy and active is possible at stable midsized weights. some of the women at the Fat Ladies Traveling group were midsized and looked like they could maintain a life, though some better focus on weight stability to make sure this does not change. Some were above 300, and probably most likely would face some health issues. 

Rebecca however is near disability, and large enough to be disabled if she is not very soon. I could wear Rebecca's clothing, I have more of a hanging stomach from my fatter past. She looks like she weighs in the high 400s to even low 500s. My last weigh in was 515lbs. Rebecca seems to be a very nice person, and I wish she was the star of this show. 

As people here know I have CFS and complex autoimmune problems most people have never heard of even beyond the Lipedema stage 4.  Yesterday I went to get a blood test, did some gardening --tearing out my cucumber vines that died, two veggie stands, a small estate sale, and cooked curry for dinner. I am exhausted today and in bed, because my swelling got out of control. Add in autism. Autism and autoimmune diseases go together too. 

I am seeing a nutritionist for the extreme uric acid they now think is from a rare inherent condition instead of anything I am eating and focusing now on getting more help. The rehab and clinic thing is complicated. I'm talking now to a nutritionist and others about what I should do. I may need to explore going to a pain clinic. Every time I try to be active at all, the pain gets out of control. The joint and other pain is hurting me. I am being what my brain calls "lazy" right now but laying in this bed has dampened down the pain. It creates this weird cycle in my head that troubles me. There's times I am literally limping at the end of a day.

One issue for me in the size acceptance world, as people here know who have read my much early articles on this blog from the early 2010s, is too many of them denied the health effects of severe obesity.  While I have seen some improvements in this arena, Whitney is definitely still stuck in the old mode. Does being superfat have to be tied to denying reality? Sure I can't stand the diet brokers and fat bigots either but isn't she playing into their hands?

I remember those days still where I told Marilyn Wann on a online message board under another name that I was 700lbs and dying. She invalidated me. I did have many things wrong and I went on to live for 25 plus more years. 

Whitney doesn't know it but she is very close to being disabled. 50 more lbs. and she may not be able to walk. I was very tall, almost 6 feet when young so could carry a lot more weight. I lost a massive amount of height and am only 5 foot 7 inches now. Whitney is short as hell so 400lbs on her, would be equal to 500lbs on a taller person. Whitney's clothes would fit me but would all be "too short". If she is as "wide" as me, she is in big time trouble. I still hold to my theory that she has Lipedema. I could be wrong but I noticed the tell-tale sign of leg lumpiness, though she doesn't seem to have the ankle cuffs, when she attempted to go tubing on her birthday.

Her body is breaking down you can see it, and age worsens this. One thing that is unusual about me is I am into health food, and will not eat processed food, desserts, or "normal American food", I already would be dead. I don't see Whitney eating vegetables, salads or cooked food, but microwaved crap out of cans. How come we never see WHAT she eats? That seems to point to some possible problems with food addiction, we don't know her eating and other habits. If she was open with those, it would help others too. How come she shows no interest in cooking, eating, or nutrition? Whitney could even prove what she eats via her show and talk about weight in a honest fashion. If she has satiety issues and hunger problems she could talk about it. I told my nutritionist, I can stick to regular meals during the day, but I have intense hunger all the time. Lay it out on the table. Why hide everything? If she didn't hide stuff she could either get help for medical problems underlying the obesity, or get help for any would be food addiction. 

Whitney could lose her show, from a health crisis alone, a hurt leg, cellulitis bout, or other health issue. She can't keep up now, and age alone will end all the feigned athleticism. She could end up on a walker too. I think she needs a cane now for balance and to walk around safely, but some may disagree with me. I have watched her at the gym and she seems to do little cardio. I am not in shape, but determined even when I did the gym, that one needed to do a sustained activity for 15-20 minutes at least to get some heart and lung benefits. I don't see her doing this. She does a lot of weights and grunts and pulls but no sustained cardio. That was always strange to me, when they showed her exercise segments.  

She is in denial about how bad of shape she is in. They do this to people in size acceptance world, I used to protest it and HAES. There was a healthism in that world and still is where only the healthy are embraced, I used to tell people in NAAFA at 700lbs I was sick and dying, and they'd get pissed because I wasn't presenting the picture of the happy sassy fat woman. As people know my own history with the size acceptance movement is very fraught with controversy. Don't get me started how the fat and sassy crap doesn't work for those of us on the autistic spectrum.

Whitney is stuck dancing as fast as she can. She would do a service more to other fat people and herself if she got real. I have needed endless medical support to even stay alive this long. You don't want to know how many specialists I see. I have something like 7 doctor appointments in the next month. She actually has more health resources then me, she doesn't have autoimmune disease, she can breathe properly [the gym wasn't even possible for me until I was on a strong enough COPD medicine], she has money, she has a loving family. She needs to go to some damn doctors and therapists instead of playing at being a trainer. She is close to being disabled. When that happens, there will be no more show. She could help a lot of fat people having such a platform. It could have been used for so much better. 

My Big Fat Fabulous Life Gets Another Season

My Big Fat Fabulous Life is back for another season. Sadly it looks like they are having her do another "fake relationship" that will end up in misery. Doesn't she date in real life at all? I hate that she can't get a long sustaining real boyfriend or husband. Can you imagine if we got to watch an actual wedding or real relationship? It's a repeat of the "desperate" fat woman who can't get a man trope.  I would have more respect for her if she just decided to live a happy life being single.  Enjoy having a family that cares about you and so many friends. She takes the friends for granted and gets too jealous of them. She also makes impossible demands of them like when she asked Heather to be a surrogate. Who are actors and actresses and who are "real friends"?  Buddy looks checked out and like he wants to run but stays for a paycheck. She is always grabbing at him which is kind of gross. 

Whitney also ditches men that seem actually interested like Lenny and goes for unobtainable men like Buddy who is distancing himself more for her lack of boundaries. Dating some "secret" guy in France isn't going to cut it, if she wouldn't move 2 hours in her own state for Chase. Who knows if that relationship was real either? She's not going to do it for some unnamed and unpictured French guy.

She pushes this idea everyone has to be coupled up or they are worthless and I hate that. She pushes old fashioned meat market ideas about thinness and fatness that make life worse for the fat women. Give up the desperation for a man! She's too picky and cast off the ones who would have had her anyway. Any single fat women watching her show aren't going to be empowered but more depressed. I've been married over 2 decades and find the man hunger depressing.  Her possible personality disorders may be scaring the men away anyhow. She discards the few good ones when she's bored and is always looking for the next best thing.  She seems to show borderline, narcissistic and even histrionic traits. The psychiatrists would have to figure it out. I know people who want attention are more likely to get TV shows but even there, I feel some disappointed. She doesn't treat people very well, she wants everything to revolve around her. 

She hates being fat and mentions weight loss surgery more than a few times. She also gained during Covid lockdowns.  Who can blame her for that though? People in general have gained a lot of weight. I went down a little bit when I got weighed 2 months ago and find out next week where the weight is. I hope it did not go up.

Ever since it was hot, I swelled like crazy, my legs feel like logs of pain even though I have done all the wrapping and Flexitouch time.  Some smaller people who used to be average or thin have gained a lot of weight. There's women I see on Zoom who look like they have gained 100lbs. I feel sorry for them all because once it's on, it's almost impossible to get off. A thin person who enters fat land has a special version of hell to confront. People will not treat them the same.  They lock everyone in cages what do they expect? Some people with weight and metabolic problems, are scared of life like this. I need the gym back, my health has gone downhill from the stress, lack of personal contact and more. There's so many activities that got wiped away. This is not living. 

One thing bugs me about Whitney Thore is if she is so unhappy being fat why not go to a rehab or clinic?  She could go to Duke or Mayo. She has the money to make it happen.  It makes no sense to me. I wonder why someone with money who is so overweight and faces problems from it, won't buy some relief and support?

She could find out she has Lipedema or other issues affecting the weight. I know institutional life is probably worse during Covid but I always wondered that before. This one lady I know went to a clinic for chronic pain and told me, it would do wonders for me, but she doesn't realize for people in my socioeconomic class, those are pipe dreams. Our medical bills are huge just staying home and getting the necessary done, especially since my husband is not insured. 

My mobility is getting bad lately, I wish I could afford to get more help. I may seek out a pain clinic. With food, I did take the diet to new places, with vegetarianism, and more health food. A person can only do so much.  I'm kind of at an impass. I know some of my rheumatological problems are progressing, I've been seeing a kidney specialist over a urologist too. Some of the pain is getting out of control, every joint feels like it's failing even one wrist at times.  My Lipedema is progressing, it got very hot and humid and I swelled up so much it was horrific. It is a scary life where just to move means some pain and more swelling. This was always an issue for me, the more I did, the more I swelled up. Now couple that with the pressure not to be "lazy", or the pressure about "gaining weight" if I don't move enough. It's enough to drive a person crazy. Other people with CFS who are thin waifs can stay in bed, someone like me fears weight gain and pushes through the fatigue and pain.

I can still walk, [not well on a walker] and was told years ago, that bed bound people would be prioritized in the few specialized obesity rehabs I did find. I understood this. Of course they would have to help those unable to function. I fear for my functionality by the way but at least can shower and cook a meal. I also do not want put into a nursing home like the one show on that one TV show years ago with the severely obese. Lipedema does progress and it's scary, the older you get, the worse it gets.  The pain is affecting my life. I have to try and get more help for myself. I am not sure how I will make it happen. Most of my life has been spent trying to stay out of the nursing home.

However Whitney has the cash to go into whatever rehab or specialized clinic she would want, where she could be supervised by endocrinologists, physical therapists, have a full exercise program, foods---all salads and whole foods, and more. She could get 100 off even and be a far happier midsized person. I am always working on things, but this body is beyond me. To get a hundred off would be nice. Just getting back into the 400s, would please me immensely at this point.

I tried to go into an inpatient weight loss programs years ago [Brookhaven, etc] but due to my low economic resources, it seemed like it was nothing but nursing homes that specialized in the obese, and because I could still walk, I was told I'd be long down the list. One friend who was in rehab told me in institutions the food is a lot worse.  The Brookhaven diet looked disgusting. I know normal people aren't eating teff and buckwheat noodles. I pay 10 dollars for a special large yogurt that doesn't have the endless added sugar of the majority.  My diet is far more extreme even to keep would be digestive problems under control too. 

To go into institutional care in my case, I would have had to shut down my entire home, life, and live on 30 dollars of spending money.  Enough friends in rehabs or nursing homes, told me about the real deal. A lot of women with advanced Lipedema can end up in nursing care, so this is one reason I know so many people who have been in them. Before Covid I had somewhat of a life and did not want to lose it, fat or not. [art class, church, etc etc] although my bad lungs would keep me housebound at times.

Whitney whether she has a binge disorder, ED or Lipdema or other medical conditions could get more help. She may even need an androgen blocker to lose weight. That helped me years ago before I was forced off it.

Whitney has the CASH to get her problems dealt with and the fame to make it happen. She needs real doctors not WLS salesmen because if the inner hormonal and other problems aren't dealt with, she will never lose weight. I still think the possibilities of her having Lipedema are very high. Some people tell me they disagree, and she has eating disorders only, but if she does have Lipedema it would be better if she found out. Imagine what it would do in education about the disorder. 

The show does make me sad overall, because society sees this fat woman, and makes judgments about fat people accordingly. She has a happier fuller "life" then many and still is healthy enough to be active, but sadly with the "desperate to have a man" attitudes, and the refusal to get more intense help when she is unhappy with being fat and going with the usual non-answers, sometimes the show can get depressing.  Her personality issues are hard to bear, and make it hard to relate to. I am still watching it more like a car crash.

It's not exactly fat acceptance empowerment city when a show protrays a woman who cares the most about her attractiveness on the meat market of dating and aspires to be just like "thin athletes" not taking the reality and limitations of her body into consideration. Even there the usual fixes are pushed like weight loss surgery instead of deeper examinations or even honesty about would be endocrine disorders, other conditions or the real struggles of fat people.  At least they are showing her going to this one fat woman's travel group, to be around other big people. 

Questioning the Covid Lies in Memes

Here are some memes with comments for today. I save memes I like as I scroll the internet so here you go. Comments included:

I wanted to be "rational" and give up on conspiracy theories. I did learn many were lies, and propaganda used to steer the population. There's a lot of phony bull crap out there.

Qanon definitely was put to use to put us where we are today. What am I to think when things are happening that I warned about 20-10 years ago during my most hardcore bible prophecy and conspiracy days? I wrote on my religion blog, that the powers that be could use a worldwide plague to crack down and take control. Hmmmm, I wrote that in 2014. Even the Fema camps don't seem to be an impossibility now.

 

Google Mike Yeadon, who used to work for Pfizer. Why they are giving experimental vaxx to teens and children who have no risk from Covid? You don't sacrifice the young for the old. That's definitely one way society has gone twisted. Psychopaths don't care about experimenting on children and putting their long range health and fertility at risk. There are doctors and scientists who are not sold out warning about what is going on now.  They have silenced all these doctors and scientists on mainstream media.

It's obvious that monied interests are now ruling the planet. It's weird how the left now bows at the feet of the uber-wealthy just like they got the right to do so via billionaire Trump. Have you notice how people always get to the same place? During Occupy days, one wasn't a "CoNsPiRaCy tHeOrIst" for questioning the powers that be. 

Now unless you believe every word are out of their mouths, you have been silenced and you are labeled "crazy" just like how the Stasi did it if you dared to "question the system". It feels risky even to simply write about this stuff.  Imagine if you were around people who fully supported the system where you felt it was "dangerous" to open your mouth. The only people I know who question anything are online and far away. One thing I am noticing is how many news stories contradict. Almost as if they want the population in a state of cognitive dissonance and destabilization.

How am I supposed to believe the government cares about people's health. I was disabled when young due to lack of medical care and extreme poverty.  So I am to believe a bunch of people making billions of dollar and who profit from crisis, "care"? Give me a break.  I can't even afford the high power hearing aids I need, that cost as much as a new car.  How many people are going without insulin and other needed medicine, but we are supposed to think they give a damn? I'm sick of being gaslighted and lied to as well. 

People at least used to question corporations. The pharmaceutical companies do make some medicines that work, but whose holding them accountable anymore? I read the horror stories online about everyone getting sick from the Covid vaxx, and no one cares about those folks. I've seen them get banned and censored too. 

Why and how is this all still acceptable? Two years of our lives taken away for what? My social life is basically gone. I feel distanced from every group I am in because they believe all the rhetoric. I've been silenced and ignored even with the most mild of statements. The poverty and other signs of decay are growing around us.

Remember in my case, I believe the virus is "real" and the people who actually had it got glass lungs and a need for oxygen. The PCR tests labeled a bunch of regular colds and flus as being Covid.  It's like being an anti-Nazi during the Nazi era, I'm scared to be "found out", they may all put the "unvaxxed" in camps one day. I already lost two friends writing what I have on this blog. They never tried to talk to me. I was just cut off. People don't see how the division in America has been used to have them march onward with no critical thinking.

Outside of my marriage I am living in complete isolation. There's no fun or joy left anymore at least where I live. I and my husband do have fun together but imagine a life with no other people in it. People are so depressed when I do go out, it comes through even in the grocery store. I wish they'd get pissed instead and start asking questions and making demands. 

There are groups already banning people for refusing to sign up for the vaxx. I have taken refuge in art and movies, but this is time, I could ill afford to lose. Now they are saying there is a "Delta" variant the Covid vaxx doesn't even work on. What next the Gamma variant? The vaxxed here by the way did not return to normal life, all events have been held outdoors in the heat, they still space themselves out on chairs. It is like the war on drugs and the war on terror, designed to have no end.  Once the lock downs began, I believe they never planned to end them. Some places like Florida and Texas people are living more normal. That's not where I live. 

This is proven stuff now, they are trying to institute a social credit system in America tied to the vaxx, and it's not conspiracy. These V. passports will mean all freedom is lost. The government now can lock us down and call for a new booster every 6 months. Google "Digital ID", "Whitney Webb", "The Great Re-Set". People think "Oh it never could happen". Remember we were told two weeks to flatten the curve and now we are well into the second year. 

I am now politically homeless. While I support some traditionally leftist political positions, the left has betrayed and disappointed beyond measure. The days of protesting against WTO and big corporations is over. Even many social movements and causes have been co-opted and exploited by big corporations and sold down the river. I am not a right winger either. Notice the trend for both sides, is the authoritarianism they both support. They hand all the power to the top. I am an anti-authoritarian, so there's no political place for me. 

One thing I noticed is no medical exemptions. They didn't care about people with extreme autoimmune disorders, or a history of anaphylaxis or even those with an immediate family history of pericarditis and other autoimmune vascular disorders.  Even the fact they are pushing all these incentives is suspicious as hell. None of this has been normal whatsoever. They also didn't study either, the effects of other medications. It has been scary to watch all the numbers of the vaccine injured rise to the skies, and endless reports of horrific side effects, there's two women who have their stories of blindness being shared on Twitter and no one cares. All other medicines with these side effects would be taken off the market. No one cares about the young men getting myocarditis either. 

My life is spent on computers, well many zoom groups have shut down, but this seems to be the future they want for us, with no spontaneous interaction, community or living a real life. They want us living a virtual life through screens only. I am right now trying to figure out how to get a "real life" again, I am not happy living in a community where I have no close people to talk to about anything "real". I have withdrawn from circles, where I have felt silenced.  It is scary out there as independent thinking is not accepted now. Living 2 years like this has hurt me. If I was not married, and did not have  his love and support it would be even worse. We are lucky to have each other. I feel so utterly lonely now outside of my marriage. People don't question any of this around here. 

 No one seems to be thinking ahead on the long term, as to how society is being massively changed. I remember when Covid first broke out, I was asking those questions already in this article:

The Social Engineering of Covid19

It turned out far worse than I could have dreamed back then.

The Covid Isolation of an Ex-Scapegoat Aspie in Dystopian Times

 

The isolation of Covid19 is getting to me. If not for my husband I would have already gone mad, in a spiral of complete loneliness.  My life was isolated before, this has firebombed any idea of a social life or social connections. How many single people are ready to lose it, after a year of solitary confinement and just seeing blank masked faces at the grocery store? Many including me are not doing well because there's no one to talk to in person anymore and it feels like all the good things in life have been taken away. Fun's been cancelled. Line up for your card and food rations--hmmm maybe those days are coming.  I was struggling enough in 2019 when those two Lipedema friends died, and from going deaf, and this has just felt like too many losses.

Is anyone else questioning how Covid is being handled? I wore/wear the masks and followed all the "rules". I am now am upset over the possibility of an experimental vaccine being forced on people or being under vaccine passports. The more I researched the vaccine and it's health impacts, the more upset I got. While I got mad at right wingers, and regret a few things, most of the left's blind marching towards an experimental vaccine is freaking me the hell out. Safe vaccines are good to me. If it is safe, tested and true, great! I believe vaccines have saved millions of this lives. This type of vaccine still troubles me. 

Remember when investigative journalism still existed? I guess I am old enough. Those on the left better not make the mistake of silencing other voices. I went to go listen to a Dr. Tenpenny video, she explains how the mRNA vaccines work and the troubles with them. As I read studies, and literature from the companies themselves, she didn't say anything wrong about these vaccines.

To many liberals, she's just a "anti-vaxx" "nutter", but according to my research she didn't say anything wrong about the vaccines and in how they work. And that's what bugs me. Some of us who have no problem with vaccines--I got a flu shot and tetanus shot last year will be labeled "antivaxxer" crazies because we don't want to be guinea pigs.

 I did hours of amateur google "research", and just got more upset, it was enough to know there's problems here.  I went to Google and did "mRNA" studies, doing a search where I wiped out results from 2019 on to clear up the field and noticed the scientists were pointing out the risks of extreme immunological reactions even as late as 2018. If anyone is interested, I'll send you the links.  I want to know what is going on, and the dangers. My personal risks are not small.

I am facing something "new" too. Some weird labs are cropping up, and they are in shock I am still creating tons of kidney stones even while on a very strong medicine. I am being sent to a nephrologist. This came out of the blue and is something another doctor wanted. I am researching now as to what could be the problem and it's probably something complex.  I have holes in my science knowledge and education, but I am more used to reading some scientific writings as related to the medical field more than an average person. I read Pub Med for years. 

 Some early animals studies went very bad. Google ferrets and mRNA research.  It seems all people with common sense would be thinking, "I don't want to be an experiment!" This could be the biggest medical experiment ever done on humanity.  The right went so extreme with the Capitol insurrection and Trump's craziness, that the left is being led by the nose into supporting the system at all costs. I remember when leftists questioned the mainstream. Do we have to prove we believe in science by being human petri dishes, putting our immune systems perhaps at risk for the new "gene therapy"? I believe the majority of people believe the Covid vaccines are like the vaccines of old. They are not. Maybe China and other countries have traditional vaccines, but this would bear some looking into.

This week, I found out one of my acquaintances, got the first dose of a Covid vaccine and has been very sick in bed for 10 days. I don't know if they will end up hospitalized or what will happen but they sound like they are in dire trouble. Worried voices all fluttered in anxiety. What worries me is at least several people on my Zoom groups have listed horrifying flu symptoms or worse, feeling like they were on fire, spiking high fevers, extreme fatigue. These were the things they were telling groups of 15 plus people, what was going on behind closed doors? How many will remain silent or minimize things out of embarrassment that they lined up? With everyone so separated now, are the side effects even being reported or known to the point they should be?

These were healthy people. What's supposed to happen to someone like me? What's going to happen to these people long term? It doesn't take much indepth looking to find the people in nursing homes who supposedly died after the vaccine or other older people. Sure some will die via statistics, just by the numbers game but what I have seen seems beyond that.  I live in a body that is an autoimmune nightmare. I wake up daily sometimes to my skin on fire, my forehead burning, my mouth full of sores, the pain and fatigue I face is hard to describe. People see a fat woman and think I can fix everything just by putting down the cakes and cookies, I wish! People don't know what they are playing with, they are playing with fire. Maybe I am a worry wart for thinking it could go bad, but didn't we get in trouble with Covid19 in the first place because people said it wouldn't be a problem?

I've kept my mouth shut, fearing shunning, fearing ostracization for not going with the program.  I don't want to interfere. There's a worry about people getting Covid too. I attempted a subtle warning..."I don't trust the mRNA new tech and have to talk to my doctor" and Zoom rooms fell silent as if I committed a huge taboo. Some people probably will give me a break. A few already have. They will know that with my health history, there's too much dangers. I am worried however for other people too. What will happen to children if they give these vaccines to them one day? I am older, what about younger people who would be betting against their entire lives?

One thing creeping me out is how some people getting the new vaccines are stating, "it's my immune system being reprogrammed" as if their illness was a good sign. Sorry but if you feel sick your body is under attack. While vaccines can affect people negatively, all the historical vaccines that worked never made people sick. Is this article trying to tell us bad side effects are good? Give me a break! My flu shot was like drinking a glass a water in how much it affected me, not at all!  I have asked questions like, How will the spike proteins turn off when it comes to other tissues? How do we know what will happen long term? We don't. Maybe I'm one of those people who ask too many questions but this is the time and place to ask them.

It's weird how way too many on the left have been led to be blind conformists to the capitalist system and now enablers of pharmaceutical companies that while some have brought us medicines that have saved lives or keep us alive, there's been problems too. Think of words like baby powder or medicines that have been taken off the market for having side effects, black box warnings and all. All I got to say is I hope there's no dire effects long terms from all these millions of vaccines being distributed, but I am really worried about it. There is nothing democratic or freedom loving about virtue signaling or leaving everything up to experts who are definitely not free of money influences and other angles without examining things for yourself.  The people who were minding the store failed when it came to Covid19 itself, so will we see failure and disaster here? Us natural pessimists are shaking in our boots a bit. 

This is creating some angst. I don't just accept things at face value. If you choose to get a vaccine, given the horrors of Covid, I understand the motive, but please make sure you do a lot of research and examination and know what you are getting into. In my case, entire countries are telling people with my medical problems such as having anaphylactic shock not to get the vaccine. I am not sure why the USA is not delivering these warnings. Maybe they are being given in other states.

Yesterday I told my husband, there's a point I am going to have to return to living life, Covid or no Covid, because living like this seeing no people isn't going to be tolerable much longer. My time on this earth is probably limited as it is. Do I want to live or be in a cage night and day? 

I outran the Grim Reaper all these years for this? We haven't even gone on a short day trip in more than a year. I haven't gone more than 15 miles from my apartment either. We haven't seen one close friend in a year and half. I have seen doctors, and nurses and masked UU church members outside dropping things off or picking things up, and that's it. I have been in 6 stores and medical places since this crap all started. I may go to a thrift store this week since I need some things but that comes even with trepidation too. One lady at a group I belong wants to meet in person next month. Should I take the risk? Since it's for a meal people would have to take off masks for a short period of time. All these things are going through my head.  Some are vaccinated but probably some are not. The vaccines don't make people immune anyhow. Another group wants to have an outside meeting in masks, I may go and do that but yes the worry is there. 

My dreams are strange, rendered abnormal from lack of people and new places and things to do. Reality TV is forming more of my reality, when I find myself talking about people I will never meet online from Whitney Thore to the ladies of Sister Wives. It's scary how I eagerly anticipate these shows. I was watching 1000lb sisters last week and will post on it too.

My mind is being affected via lack of stimuli. While I have done some art work and done a lot of zooms, it's not the same as conversation in person. Even with my bad hearing I managed some. 
My husband keeps me going overall. He does put a smile on my face often during the day too. He keeps busy with some work [he is partially unemployed but there's some to do] and we have worked on projects together. We did form our own little caccoon. I do live in terror of him catching Covid and something happening to him but we did come together more as the world imploded. 

 While I have my husband, it's strange not to have conversations with people anymore. Some may say "Well you have Zoom....." but there a formalized exchange is about on par with what most people may face at work, you are not going to open up. When thirty people can hear your words at once, it's not the same as having private conversations. Some of my organizations definitely have added intellectual interest to my life, some activities with me writing and doing a few lectures for them, fun activities and needed stimuli, but it's not the same as real social interaction. The transcriber phone did work to fix the not being able to hear anyone. CART services and some captioning were offered on a few groups as well. 

I find myself if this is affecting me, isn't it affecting others and what is going to happen to all the kids? Life was already socially disconnected to the max for too many. All the young ACONs now forced to spend every waking hour with their narcissist parents are going to have it far worse. How many kids are going to develop personality disorders, anxiety, PTSD? I worry the younger generations undergoing this are going to be suppressed to be even more compliant and beaten down. That scares me for the future.

I've noticed most people go inward and don't talk about things when things go bad. Being a sharer, outside of my closely connected husband, I feel even more weird. One online friend is willing to talk to me, about some of the crazy stuff, so that's helped. We even talk about what we are going to make for dinner. I need some of that type of conversation. She questions the system like me and that helps. However with a lot of people now I feel uneasy. I lost all these friends from my religious deconversion and being so against Trump, some I would have stayed friends with but they were done with me. Now being in liberal circles, where I thinking more thoughts that have to remain "unspoken" else I could be shunned, there is this feeling of total repression.

I suppose the normal neurotypical reaction to tragedy, is the stiff upper lip face.  Life goes to hell and you go on. The pressure to not show emotions is even more. How is an autistic with a boatload of PTSD/CPTSD supposed to process all this?  I have learned the world's rules of never showing weakness, the hard way as shown on this blog. Showing feelings invited all the abusers in. Age taught me to emote less. It kind of sucks though. I worry I am becoming too closed down. Too many words measured by teaspoon. Inside feeling more and more alone, knowing too many emotions and thoughts are deemed "non-acceptable" by the world at large. The narcissists leave me alone now but it's like living in a repression box.

I notice sometimes even in one friendly group as some of the wealthier, academic types who have been given a place to speak, that they come from such a place of privilege, it is awe-inspiring. Their words are given weight. They hold a respect. They have a trust in this world. I do not. Am I crazy or am I just a realist? Science has brought us some good things but it can be corrupted too.

I think about my life time of invalidation and "independent thinking" that has cost me too high of a price in too many places. I pissed off the Christians and never fit in there. I am always in this place of not being able to "be me". Some people in these groups have given me compliments, "you are very intelligent", maybe those few would listen, but I feel the pressure. Does this make sense? I think what if I told some people how I really feel about the vaccines? Would they still talk to me? Would I face shunnings? How about the fact I believe this Covid stuff is being used? I believe the virus is real, don't get me wrong, but that fact is not escaping my attention and I wrote about it here. 

I regret some political stuff, and I still hate Trump but I feel so manipulated, I am on the verge of throwing all politics into the trashcan for life. I was so active but the same players always win. The world as a chessboard with every demographic at their propaganda beck and call. There feels like a uselessness to it all. I am burned out. There are regrets too that I "got too political", though I don't regret some unpairings there, when some had no independence of thought or supported full authoritarianism. I have every possiblity of getting in trouble with liberals as with conservatives so maybe I put myself out on an ice floe. Centrist Democrats considered me as an unrepentant radical too more times then not. Cancel culture bugs me, I can't stand the racists and other jerks either, but censorship sucks.

Biden is fortunately far more boring than Trump, and I've been ignoring politics lately, but why did he bomb Syria?  The centrist Democrats now are fighting about stimulus money or cutting the money or eligibility down.  We were able to pay our taxes, but a lot of our stimulus money has been used to purchase a specialist for my husband who has no medical insurance.

I am tired of hearing about variants and lock downs and unlock downs and feel like I am being gaslighted about a plague that just won't end. Does anyone remember when they promised it would be two weeks to flatten the curve?  I still wear my mask, but they've ruined everyone's lives. How many years will we all lose from this nonsense? Will I finally go see some people in masks while outside and then return home fearing "I caught it?". I think being ruled by fear is a path to misery too but it's like everything's been ruined. People are changing too, even more closed down quiet. The single and alone are suffering immensely, I've talked to a few and the ones with families around them are the extreme socially privileged.

I don't trust "vaccines" that don't work. Aka... no permanent immunity.

I don't trust being told masks still need to be worn by everyone vaccinated or unvaccinated. What use is the vaccine then? Seriously. Full blown risks with none of the pay-off?

I don't trust all the talk about how asymptomatics. That alone upped the fear factor by 100 with this stupid virus. You couldn't see evidence of illness in front of your face.

I don't trust the talk about how people will need boosters or a new vacc every 6 months. 

I don't like that I saw censorship being done in front of my face. Anyone even talking about side effects is being silenced and sequestered and to me that is a giant red flag.  

The elites are growing too powerful. They seemed to have benefited from a virus that serves their totalitarian needs on a platter on every score.  One reddit board banned me for a week for expressing worries about the Covid Vaccine "side effects" board getting taken down and censored.

I've shut down otherwise, "no one wants to hear it". I make jokes to husband saying: "The world is burning and collapsing but you must pay your bills!" Add in another rant for 10 minutes about us being forced to live like we are all like the kids in Flowers in the Attic. I probably would offend most people with my humor, but at this point what does it matter?

I know everyone's so burdened what is the use of adding on my load? Some friends are sticking by me even while facing troubles of their own,  but a few friends have been disappearing. People I used to talk to weekly on Facebook, are gone. A few are left but I wonder how many are withdrawing into extreme depression, homelessness or no more internet from personal economic collapse. The world has grown into such a scary place, people are freaked out and it is showing. While I enjoy aspects of social media, people are very supportive of my art work, and belong to and even admin groups like one deconversion one, there's this weird feeling with some of it. You miss real world interaction. I have dreams of returning to the real world but find myself worried they want a world where everything is virtual and private conversation becomes very rare.

With Covid, I am not adapting. The "new normal" sucks. I was too way hard on those I called "Covidiots" because too much BS is continuing and a lot just doesn't make any sense. I got caught up in the fervor. Now I am looking around saying what the hell is going on? This definitely has taught me a lesson about taking political hard lines when our politics is so deeply manipulated from the top. The antimaskers will still annoy me, but now I will leave them alone. I'm tired of all the fear too. 

 I am questioning some aspects of the lockdowns as they seem to have failed. I question there being a new variant every week. I question them monkeying indepth with the human immune system with their "new gene therapy". Has this vaccine been stopped in America yet?

My choice now is withdrawing more from politics and news. To free my brain from their constant trauma programming. I am scared to return to "real life" but living without any people or activities is no life. If I go too long never talking to anyone in person there's going to be some severe side effects especially given my history.

There's risk to everything. Unlike some, I think the virus is real, but it's definitely being USED. I also realize as someone whose almost died of allergies before multiple times with all these health problems, I have to take care of myself. Society is turning totalitarian. I worried for months about it coming from the right but there's aspects of it coming from both sides.

The DNC could step in for it's brief interval and then we could get a stronger more charismatic fascist that will outgun Trump. The pendelum will keep swinging. The technocrat future seems to dream of nothing but control and misery. 

It's scary to have viewpoints you know won't be accepted. I was on the Covid true believer bus, I still am wearing the masks and believe the virus is real still, but it's like religion, don't believe everything you are told.