When Narcissists Ban Photos of You

                                 A sample family photo wall, not my relatives, it's from Pinterest.

I've mentioned this one in passing, in articles, but if your "family" doesn't take your picture, or you are refused a spot on the family picture wall, it definitely means something. 

This may sound like a trite thing, but I was thinking about this the other day, having general thoughts about my life improving away from narcs.., and thinking why was this TOLERATED?

My mother's house was literally plastered in pictures of my sister, husband and her kids. Framed photos of all the children sit on every corner of the living room. There are some hanging up on the wall too.

No picture of me was ever put on the wall. Not one. As a child, she had a picture up for a short time in the 1970s that included me, and my sister and brother together, but that would be it. In these later years I had been wiped from existence.

 In the early 2000s, I gave Queen Spider a painted picture frame that included a very nice photo of me and my husband standing side by side. It never made an appearance on any wall. I remember giving it to her and this "gift" basically vanishing. This photo and frame never made another appearance in this world. If I did not have a photo of giving it to her with her staring at me holding it with dead pan eyes and no smile, I would have forgotten it existed.

My brother has two kids, two sons.  She never had one picture of them up ANYWHERE in the whole house. The GC's kids even got their pictures on magnets on the fridge.  I asked my brother once if he ever gave her pictures of his kids, he said "Yes". My mother took pictures all the time herself. For some reason, my brother and his kids did not pass the narcissistic "looks" test to earn a place on her walls or tables either.

It is kind of interesting to me how this was accepted and tolerated in the family. I pointed it once to my brother who said, "Why do you care about this stuff?" and got angry, and said his usual "That's just the way she is", like we were supposed to all accept it.

Now I was banned from my grandmother's photo wall too. My grandmother had this big living room wall she had plastered in family photos, every grandchild, family photos, personal portraits. My sister's wedding picture was up there, a picture of my brother somewhere, my mother's wedding photo, etc. Everything was lined up and arranged. She added new pictures to it all the time. New babies and new martial partners always got their place too.

For years, I was not included on this photo wall either. I remember complaining a few times, and they ignored me or laughed it off.  So here too, I gave my grandmother, a painted picture frame and put a nice wedding photo of me and my husband in it, for one Christmas. Some months later, I would return,  and noticed this photo was hanged on an opposite wall, not the main photo wall, where everyone else's picture was hanging and half hidden by built in wall shelf. Aunt Scapegoat's picture had been moved off the main wall too and hung under mine and the wall case and another picture almost obscured them both. It was a definitely and full blown snub. Back then I wondered about imaging things and being too picky now I realize what was being done.

When I think about those pictures, and how I was already "erased", I knew I had been smart to walk and go no contact and it had been overdue for a long long time. If anyone treats you this way, with that degree of contempt that you are not even allowed to be on the family photo wall, it's long past time to walk and be done with a group of people. The fact this could be done in front of everyone's eyes, spoke volumes. If you are an ACON thinking about no contact, look at the photographs in your relatives houses. Is your picture anywhere, or those of your kids?

When you are NC for some time, many things will fall into perspective. In four decades of life and every relative saw these displays,  no one asked my mother why she had no picture of me hanging up anywhere in the house, and no one asked my grandmother why I was banned from the "family" photo wall for life.

The Mind Body Problem

 From Roz Chast.

We need some override mechanism. LOL

Malignant Narcissism on My 600lb Life?

If you want to see possible NPD/sociopathy in full swing, take a look at the recent My 600lb life show with Steven Assanti and his brother Justin. They never have put up such a dysfunctional family on that show. I wonder about them going to the bottle of the barrel to find the worse fat people to make all super-fat people look bad. The show has gone from "inspiration" which I never bought into the wonders of WLS solving all problems to "side show horrors". Could there be an agenda with showing severely fat people who are like this? In Steven's case, why did they choose such a mentally ill/dark soul? This guy is like a one man advertisement for societal rejection and cutting off of the severely obese. He acts like one of those crazy "mind control" people that conspiracy websites are always warning about.

I even saw a petition for Steven Assanti to have all medical care shut off, due to his abuse of nurses and refusal to take any responsibility for his health. This is a show that definitely will INCREASE the hatred of fat people especially supersized people. In many ways I wish I didn't watch it. It was triggering and now I am watching it like a train-wreck kind of like Whitney Thore, to warn about it to others on this blog. I am NOT a supporter. As they fatten us up, and people become more severely obese, poster children for hatred of the obese are now becoming common on our media.

Steven Assanti makes sick. Spiritually, he looks completely seared. Considering my condition I am usually empathetic towards those who share conditions like my own but this guy made me want to puke. Some in the crucible of severe childhood abuse, do become like their abusers or choose evil. The show seems to show some evidence for drug abuse too. I know this show is destroying reputations of superfat people and how people will blame us all for our condition. To be frank,Steven Assanti with his high pitched voice, and other signs made me wonder if he has a chromosomal condition such as Klinefelter's or something. That condition doesn't explain or justify the severe malignant narcissism, everyone saw displayed before us on our TV sets. 

 I'm not the type to think people should be shut away from society but I kept wondering of him, why isn't he in a mental institution of some type or a group home getting some HELP or at least protecting the rest of society? The father is part of the problem too. I made the mistake of looking up his name online and his mental condition and his inability for empathy and immaturity are EXTREME.

I don't want to give this guy anymore attention but if you search for "fatboygetdown" on Youtube, you can see his old videos. It's a link I do not want any track backs from. He is seriously ill and [evil], beyond the weight. When I was watching the show on My 600lb life, I immediately thought narcissistic sociopath though a more blatant less cunning one that doesn't do a very good job of covering up to fool people. He was put in the news for being thrown out of the hospital for ordering pizzas and was on the "Dr Phil's" house years and years ago, where he didn't get along with anyone.

Justin the brother, needs to go no contact with his family to have any hope. I think he could have a chance to gain a better life in learning some social skills and seeing possibilities beyond his upbringing. I saw his youtube channel too. He posted a news story about his brother. Hopefully he can get his own weight under control as well.

Old House

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago. I have an interest in taking pictures of old houses and ruins. The shut up windows could serve as a metaphor of sorts. One can tell this is very old housing stock from the 1800s.

The Sisters of Mercy--1959

Ayn Rand: The Gospel of Selfishness

During my 20s, I read her books, most young people of some intellectual bent do, thankfully the books did not rot my brain and I kept asking myself one question, "How come there are no children, old people or disabled people in her books?" Everyone was young, strong and in control.

 I read Liberty magazine, a blue covered magazine exploring culture by libertarian edicts. Some of what libertarians have to say about civil liberties is good, but those got unloaded quick in the so called alt-right. Do you think Trump and Paul Ryan want to reduce the police state or care about vetoing a law where they now want to allow megacorporations to buy your browsing history? Ayn Rand was like a pissed off beatnik who got it in her mind to worship "free love", "theosophy" and glorify capitalism to greater heights then ever before. There's a reason today's right wing worships the bankers. Ayn Rand with her "Creators" gospel started all this nonsense, where the uber rich were to be honored and glorified. She is like transcendentalism for hard core capitalists. She basically made a "religion" out of greed and added a bunch of philosophical mumbo-jumbo and Nietzsche "super-man" yearnings.

From what I have seen of the Libertarian community now, the point of Social Darwinism runs the whole show, if you weaken, your fate should be death. Libertarianism is not a philosophy that works for the disabled. One ironic thing is Rose Wilder Lane espoused the philosophies of libertarianism, if you know what to look for. The influence is in  the Little House books.  Back then in a more agricultural society, there were facets of the "self reliance" at all costs philosophy that had it's attractiveness. The idea that every man for himself can work now in a megacorporate society where social ties have been cut down to nothing, when small business, land ownership and capital is limited among average folks, is insanity.

Big government or Big Bankers in charge? Ayn Rand was for the big banker "creators" and now in the world of third way politics, where one owns the other, what is the difference anymore?

"A Skeleton Key to the Alt-Right"

"The best way to ensure this result is laissez-faire (leave alone) capitalism! Only the anarchic market devoid of any rules allows the naturally strong (i.e. the genetically superior) to climb to the top. This is where their love of Ayn Rand and her writings comes into play. Like Rand, they believe that it is the “natural order” for the strong and talented to dominate the weak and feckless (and they invariably depict themselves as the strong and talented, and their opponents as less capable and intelligent). And only capitalism–with as few restrictions on the behavior of the elites–is an effective Darwinian mechanism. Of course, the naturally strong and talented people at the top of society tend to be disproportionately white males.

This is the reason they despise the existence of the state and intervention in the “free” market–it allows the weak and feckless to survive at the expense of the strong and capable. Social safety nets, which keep the poor alive, are bad, because they allow the genetically inferior to survive and breed. They are particularly contemptuous of notions of “fairness.” Things which help traditionally disadvantaged members of society–things like quotas and welfare–are undesirable because people on the bottom are there for a very good reason–that’s where they naturally deserve to be!

They embrace an absolute “Might Makes Right” ethos. Any attempts at justice, fairness or solidarity are doomed to fail, they argue, because society is a constant, unremitting struggle of all against all, and always has been. Furthermore, they believe that this is a profoundly good thing! Not only is it a good thing, but we should strive to create as much of a “winner take all” society as we possibly can, because only such a society will Darwinian evolution be driven to the fullest extent. They believe that human nature is fundamentally competitive and acquisitive. Thus, they take capitalism as “natural” and anything else as “unnatural” and therefore “social engineering.”

A Skeleton Key to the Alt-Right