Why are Amy and Tammy Still So Poor? Poverty and Obesity

With my own long history of poverty,  I found a way to work around it and Covid. We still struggle, and medical bills are the worse but I was able to get to a happier place in dealing with it. We also have had more periods of stability in recent years.

 In my case, I decided it was better to try and be as happy as I could in my circumstances.  Gardening became a new hobby of mine. I replaced lost activities to Covid with an Aspie group online and continued different UU related things on Zoom including conferences and other things I attended. I replaced the gym with videos on the TV like Sit and Be Fit and actually search on Youtube on my TV via Comcast saying "Exercise for Fat People Youtube" to get a variety of videos. I increased the health food in my life and numbers of vegetarian and vegan meals. 

A lot of my decisions in life are based on how much money I have or not. There's things I wish I could afford right now, from a personal trainer who could meet me at home or in a small private room, rehab--to deal with my weight loss failures [I've kept it stable] and to get a 100lbs off, and mental health counseling. My history of PTSD/CPTSD and anxiety disorders/OCD has not fared well from Covid pressures. Often in America, your quality of care is based on how much money you have. Thankfully under Medicare, I do have some decent medical specialists. 

 Many people are in very bad shape right now, and sadly I've noticed the poor including the newly homeless from Covid, seem to be even more ignored and neglected in society like they don't even exist. That's been shocking to me. There were many businesses that failed from Covid lock downs, unemployment ended in August, and lots of people have to be suffering now. It's strange that Trump was far more generous to those ravaged by the effects of Covid with stimulus money and Biden ended all those programs. I blame both of course.  We survived a lot better then many people. 

I've been poor most of my adult life. I hope people can understand how poverty has affected Tammy and Amy. Their show 1000lb sisters definitely shows how poverty and obesity work together. Being poor makes obesity more likely and obesity makes being poor more likely especially if you are at the level you are supersized, disabled and dealing with mobility problems. 

Despite three years now on TLC, Amy and Tammy still appear like they are very poor.  That seems odd to me. Maybe medical bills could be eating all the show money. I know disabilities rules and these two don't have work histories for SSDI, and the show money would cancel out SSI. If they don't have Medicaid or Medicare, Tammy's medical bills alone would be tens of thousands of dollars. Her rehab at Windsor alone is 5,000 or more plus a month.  Now on a trach, her medical costs have to be going through the roof vacuuming out every dime.

Since Amy lives in an apartment with mice and cockroaches, that is a sign of poverty. I lived among mice, and cockroaches during my most poor days. Fortunately I have an apartment that is free of cockroaches, no cockroach or mouse has shown up in 15 years and I like it that way. Poor quality housing brings out these vermin.

I've had bouts of being working class during life, dependent on husband's former newspaper employment. I've been super poor too. We go up and down. We live an odd life surrounded by people far richer than us. We live in a town that has a lot of wealthy people in it, though there are working class people here too and a poor "inner city" area. We stayed here for better medical care and resources. Poor and working class Unitarian Universalists are extraordinarily rare. Fortunately my church preaches against classism and we are treated well.  The IFB just wrote me off and ignored me because I didn't have huge tithes to bring to the table.

 There can be a price living among the wealthier that is difficult, their lives are so different, you may find it harder to connect, but then there's actual specialists in town, the library has new books, there's an art center,  the resources are more available.  As everyone here knows I lived in a very small rural town for years so we feel the differences. However I relate to the level of poverty Amy and Tammy have lived in most of their lives, that was/is my life too as an adult. In my case, I and husband have the benefit of more education, but the lack of money still applies.  There's very few people who are working class or poorer on TV anymore and this is one of the few cases. They also live in the very rural town of Dixon, Kentucky. Dixon is smaller than my old rural town but not by much.

Poverty and obesity do walk hand in hand. Poor people often have eating as their one source of pleasure when they cannot afford others. There's less you can afford to do. Eating should not be used this way but people do it. That's a problem in America. The poor are banned from too many pleasurable activities and as society gets more socially isolated--Covid has worsened this, people are going to get even less exercise, movement and other activities to keep them engaged. 

Poor people don't get as much activity because activity often costs money. Some will say walk around, well yeah that's free but think of the sports, trips, vacations, social events that would bring activity and exercise if there is enough money. 

Severe obesity scares away friends. I was talking about this with a close friend, someone sees a 500lb person coming down the road, people do shirk away. I had this friend who unfriended me locally who was done with me because her family told her, that her being friends with me embarrassed them. This happened to me in my 40s, so it's not just fat teenagers coping with social rejection. 

I feel bad for Amy and Tammy, with Amy if she got decent money, I think Amy has the aspiration to want to do better. I want to see her living in a comfortable house at a good midsized weight where she is even more mobile, maybe even down to 200lbs, where she has enough money to pay bills and feel comfortable and safe in life for her and Gage. It helps she does have a working husband too. Money could bring better education and far more. If her own medical bills get under control maybe she could see her fortunes rise. I worry TLC is massively underpaying both sisters. It is strange to me that people who are so famous show so many signs of still present poverty. 

 One Reddit commenter said she thought they should do a documentary on the Slayton sisters, let it be a show that documents American lives and real struggles with obesity and poverty and how people slid through the cracks.

Amy's life with real money behind it could change for the far better. She could elevate Michael, Gage and her family to a far better future. Maybe she could go to school or Michael could get more of a tech education for more income. All of them would have improved health. They could join a very good gym--even Planet Fitness would be affordable now, and they could go back if Covid ever ends. One thing I always forget about myself, is we did succeed in digging ourselves out of severe poverty at least once. I went from the most poor life right above homelessness to a decent two bedroom apartment married to a newspaper assistant editor. My husband does have some respect in town, in his profession, and did during those years too. Amy is in the position where she has the fame and more to dig herself out. I never wanted a suburban or corporate life even before I was disabled and maybe that shows. Amy may have different interests too that are more down to earth but I hope she and others like her can get a more comfortable life.

Tammy I don't have as much hope for, I am not sure Tammy would do much with money but waste it. She doesn't seem to have aspirations to better herself. She has a self sabotage thing going with the horrible men. There seems to be some block there in shutting down with therapists. She doesn't have introspection, she seems to live moment by moment.

Tammy's future looks dire once the show ends, nothing but disability. On disability you are POOR. The income even on SSDI is barely sustainable level. SSI, I have known people on SSI who were homeless and could only afford rental rooms if that. These two need to focus on gaining as much money as possible while they can. Write a book with a ghost writer. They need a better deal with TLC, if they are still living so poor.

TLC money should not be having them live in a broken down duplex with grotty walls and cockroaches! I don't know if they got a bad deal or if medical bills has eaten up all the money but something is very wrong to me.

 I think medical bills could be taking all their money from the show, because the show cancelled out SSI for the both of them and they don't have Medicaid or Medicare anymore so Tammy's money has been cleaned out for food addiction, perhaps around 500 a week and tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills to hospitals, doctors, and 5,000 a month to Windsor. Amy, she's got to have at least 20,000 coming in a year from Michael [10-12 an hour at the lowest] but maybe some medical bills like paying for her baby being born cleaned her out.

I just don't understand why those two remain stuck in such dire poverty, trust me I know the signs, when they have national fame, a TLC show and more. It is shocking to me. Are any of you wondering why they are still SO POOR? Maybe we will see that change.

Maybe I am misjudging things. They could have the fancy houses behind the scenes and the duplex is like a stage for all I know. 

I want to see these two succeed especially Amy and have stable money. I am sure they have suffered enough in poverty because I had my own experiences in extreme poverty. They have opportunity to escape poverty, but I hope they see it in the distance, I hope they get a better deal.

It makes me sad to see other fat people stuck in poverty because of my past struggles, the judgment and more can make poverty so much worse.  For those who grow up in poverty, they are not taught how to handle money. Many of the poor do not save, because some understandably want some pleasures in life, and will go for those wanting to have some positive memories. They are not taught how to handle money.  One thing strange about me is with all those ex-millionaire friends, I know about passive income, brokerages, and investments but never had money to make it happen. I am the spendthrift of the household always knowing the exact amount in the bank. 

On the first show of the season they showed Amy doing an exercise class with middle class and above suburban Moms.  I could see why Amy was uncomfortable in that class. Most of the women were thin, one was a little chunky but main thing to notice was the class differences. The nice hair cuts, the black sporty infant carriers, the jewelry, and fancy exercise clothing were all markers of far different lifestyles. She said something about them being "fancy people". Hmm I related to that. That's my life as I said above, living as a poorer person in a wealthier town.

They dress and look different, they get better food. I have that weird mixture of some education with the poverty. Amy at least has some people around her and a family she fits in with. I never fit in my family obviously. There's a lot of money issues that do affect weight, people don't realize it. 

I really felt that moment when she joined that class. She was the fat one among far more "fancy" people. She at least left super-obesity of being 400lbs for being more midsized, but you could tell while the women were kind to her, you could see the differences.  As I have written here many times, poverty and weight are intertwined for me. 

I felt for Amy, she didn't have the benefits of many of those women, which would include good wardrobes, preventative health and dental care. Amy and Tammy definitely seem like they were denied a good education, maybe even in Tammy's case, she was stuck in the back of a special ed classroom with low expectations. Even my ordinary Midwestern high school in the suburbs taught me the basics of health, nutrition in home ec, class and how to make white sauce and open a bank account. They don't seem like they got any of that.

Trauma also impacts one's future life and health, in safe homes free of abuse, these women were starting from a far higher point.  This is true of my own life and my own classmates. Amy and Tammy probably have the most financial security of their lives right now even on underpaid TLC money. I remember seeing a video from some time ago where Amy was crying about having no money.

I have a "white trash" background on one side of the family though some escaped it and got into money--my mother, but then cruelty towards the poor and fat can be increased. "White trash" is not a term I agree with but using here to explain. Appalachian culture has many of it's own riches.  Our failures are even more offensive to the family. Oddly I was the first person on that side of the family to get a college degree. I know people see me as "poor white trash" sometimes.  I had a Southern accent I had to learn to cover up in junior high school after we moved. In my case, I have champagne tastes and interests on a less than beer budget. 

There are multiple class "codes" people do not realize exist. I don't want to offend any richer people I am friends with, but some of those include that wealthier people are more formal. There's more expected boundaries. Working class people emote more. These are all generalizations but everyone's seen a taste of this with watching how corporate culture operates compared to the working class pub down the street.  To make my life more peaceful I  did learn to hide my economic realities somewhat but that has limits when you weigh as much as I do.  Amy and Tammy may not even realize how they are being mocked or even that those codes exist but may feel a bit uncomfortable inside while not understanding why. I wonder if they realize how they are "seen"?

 It can make watching these shows kind of weird sometimes watching America laugh at the fat "side-shows".  Tammy and Amy are basically just a repeat of the successful Honey-Boo-Boo formula. I don't have nice haircuts, I wear old shoes. Though in my case, I don't speak like Amy and Tammy and I read library books for fun all week. I have a gifted and intellectual husband.  Sometimes I worry about how poor people are shown on TV and it can get to me. The fact now that two can even be famous and still so poor is weird to me.

My Visit to the Food Bank and A Lifetime of Poverty

Saturday was food bank day.

Have you ever wondered who got together and thought that the poor should all eat corn flakes, cans of corn, tuna and macaroni and cheese? Our food pantries in my locale never heard of a fresh fruit or vegetable. Not in a million years. Even if you are allergic to cheese and fish, you still get a bag full of it like everyone else. At least I got them to exchange the nasty Froot-Loops for some decent corn flakes and got some cans of green beans.

We went to the monthly soup kitchen, that is held at this one church and ate some pasta with chicken and corn and salad, they also passed out cupcakes. The folks at this church are very nice and do not shame the poor whatsoever. I like them a lot. It wasn't a bad meal and if you wait until 1:00pm you can get leftovers and take them home for dinner or the next day. So Saturday which thankfully was warm enough for me not to be housebound was like charity day. We have a soup kitchen elsewhere in a neighboring town that serves daily but sadly like so many places like that, which we wouldn't mind using it's in a very bad neighborhood where going down there alone means taking your life in your hands.

We have been scrounging away. I made cabbage soup with turkey necks, and will be making black bean soup with some frozen chicken and rice from the freezer for tomorrow. I definitely am encroaching into my food, I consider the "emergency" meals, which is kind of scary and have been for the last week. Groceries have gotten so expensive. I laugh at dieting because when I read diet books or even Rachael Ray's Yum-O! cookbook which I probably got for a 1 or 2 dollars some months ago everything has a million ingredients.  The carbs always go up when you are food insecure. I don't care how much broccoli you buy. Let the people who don't have to worry about involuntary calorie reduction try dieting for a change. There is a difference in feeling between refusing to eat snacks and simply not having the option.

I am stumped in how to change my circumstances. We did sell some ebay and such. The scary thing is he is working freelance and we are still so poor. They just don't pay him enough and the flu cut off 200 bucks last month. By the way, with the jobs in his field,  they are far fewer in number they all pay the SAME EXACT salaries, they offered in 1999, when we moved for one of his newspaper jobs out of Chicago.  However now, the health benefits are almost non existent for most. One guy told him at his newspaper their medical insurance was the same as Wal-Mart's which basically means useless. That is some of the secrets about our so called "booming" economy.

The bills are growing so high we as I have written before I feel crushed. I am talking about moving us into a disability apartment and getting on the waiting list, but not thrilled with the rules or if he makes more money we get punished for it but rent is so high now it's eating a great deal up of our money. We may have no other choice.

What scares me is things are this difficult even doing the pay bills by hierarchy formula. Rent, electric, insurance, medical, taxes and food. We have never blown the rent money on a shopping trip or faced a near-eviction. We try to be "responsible" but in this case it doesn't seem to work. Maybe life is this hard for most people and I didn't get a clue around the spoiled narcs. Could that be it? But there is something wrong when there is always more month then money. We are always planning ahead and in survival mode. We have decided we need to keep the grocery shopping at the ethnic stores 15 miles away and an area Mexican grocery store because the food lasts longer and the owners aren't out to gouge us like the main grocery stores.

We have made it a life-rule not to live with anyone. Some may say, "Why don't you two move in with one of his relatives, like his sister?". Some may say, "Why don't you find a friend to move in with to make it easier?". I have lived with friends in my 20s, and gone down that road. Aspies and especially very sick Aspies need privacy. I still remember the year I had to move in with my parents and what a nightmare that was as I struggled to graduate from college.

Another blogger wrote about what it is to be poor, and I wanted to share her words here.  I definitely related to many of her words.

My Lifetime of Poverty

"Some people will tell you that there is no shame in being poor.  Really?  What planet are you on.  Of course there is shame, even from the one who is supposed to love you.  It makes you a low value person, very, very helpless and stupid.  Let's be realistic here.  Why didn't anyone actually connect to me?  Why did they sit all happy and tell me that and ask me a huge list of invasive questions.  Early on realized that you weren't allowed boundaries when your poor. "

There is a lot of shame in poverty. I am struggling with it immensely. At times I get brave and write about how I want to be above it all and how God will honor the poor but when push comes to shove, it is shame inducing and embarrassing. Poverty makes you angry. Poverty makes you see the long list of things you don't get to do. One thing that does happen is you plan to do stuff, "I want to visit ****, I want to see ****", and then you look back 5 years later and none of it happened.

I was showing this article to my husband while writing it, and he said to me, "Why should I feel ashamed when the game is totally crooked!" I noticed he has not internalized these things like me. Maybe he is better off in avoiding that! Hey I don't shame any poor people myself,  I agree he is right in my head but my heart needs to learn it.

I am working on leaving the narc family mind games with poverty wishing a few breaks or at least peaceful steadiness would kick in. My brother showing off his $15,000 dollars worth of furniture got to be a bit much the other day. That must be some insecurity to show off your presents, your furniture to a sister on the lower rungs of the ladder but I know the sick crucible that was all boiled up in.

It's been sad having a life where poverty has affected for so long.  I don't know how to make money or "hustle" or the things people do to bring in the cash. I have done things like tutor and sell the occasional painting for money in the past. Remember disabled people can make a little bit.   The scary thing is without my husband, I would have been even poorer and not able to at least enjoy the 10 years of the more stable working class mode. We also have done everything from sell so many things from our apartment like records or books on ebay to collecting cans. He even sold ebay last week.  If my husband sees a can he still picks it up. "Once a can man, always a can man" was the quip to this sentence.

I suppose one has to brush one's self off and tell themselves not to give up, keep walking. There is no other choice but do this. I am worried about my eyes and 7.9 A1C but I was very ill last month when I had the blood work done. My eyes could just be very dried out with the sinus pain. We try what we can. We have grown old but I found this poem the other day and it is MY LIFE:

              The Bean Eaters

Gwendolyn Brooks, 1917 - 2000

They eat beans mostly, this old yellow pair.
Dinner is a casual affair.
Plain chipware on a plain and creaking wood, 
Tin flatware.

Two who are Mostly Good.
Two who have lived their day,
But keep on putting on their clothes
And putting things away.

And remembering . . .
Remembering, with twinklings and twinges,
As they lean over the beans in their rented back room that
          is full of beads and receipts and dolls and cloths,
          tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes.

I know I am fortunate not to bear this poverty alone and have someone in it for the long haul but it can get scary sometimes. I do believe ACONs who are scapegoats do get set up to fail. I have spent DECADES working on life skills I should have known far earlier. On the Afraid of My Shadow blog, she also wrote:

Let me tell you something.  I met some real down to earth wonderful and actual poor people on line. These people had good educations too, but somehow we tend to walk around with holes in our gathering baskets. Unable to rise to the top.  This was all caused by an abusive childhood.  I realized right away I only loved my mother in theory, because I was supposed to.  The real authentic me couldn't stand that creep.

I understand what she means by holes in the gathering baskets. I hope one day to plug mine up or reweave them and fix them.

See: The Wolf At the Door and Other Poverty Posts

Are Your Bills Crushing You? Surviving While Poor

Are your bills crushing you? Mine are. There's three of them above ready to get me! lol Will payment plans keep them at bay?

I want to ask people how do you survive? Hey maybe fill me in here.

My life has become a litany of food pantries and the rest. Last week we went to the soup kitchen, in the inner city. They fed us spaghetti, it was direct, you line up, some people got free loaves of bread. Some of the men in there had "house arrest boxes" around their ankles, well that part wasn't good. It was rather austere but the meal filled us up.

 Some people would be afraid to go down there, but I have lived in ghetto areas long enough to know how to survive in them.  This is life as usual for me, as we have gone to community dinners. My husband went to a food pantry yesterday.  I was cooking all that squash I got and the last of the cabbage was used up on soup last week. Tomorrow is a community church lunch for the poor. Let's hope it's not hot!

 If you were to ask me what did you buy that was "extra" in the last three months beyond base survival, I would say, "One day I bought a chicken burrito for 6.95", and another day, I saw this beef jerky on sale for 3.50 which was half priced, which I bought and snacked on. My card making hobby was shut down, the money for supplies simply vaporized. I haven't made anyone a card in 8 months. Stamp collecting? I haven't bought a stamp even a cheap one in almost a year. Oh I think I went to the nature center on June 6th, that's 3 dollars each to get inside. Clothing? One project friend had her parents buy me two dresses in 2011. I got one dress from another friend as a present in 2010. So yes, many things did get cut to the bone. My husband seriously needs clothes, but finding larger ones in thrift is very hard.

I always thought I was a frugal person but I wonder why even my frugality seems to be failing me. Is life getting this tough for others like this out there? If you have poverty surviving ideas, add them in the comments. 

1. Try and find a Food Co-op [there's ones for middle class people too where they share organic and other foods]
The food co-op I joined is a food bonanza and was a great decision. We won't starve at least though I wish there was more meat. We got more meat then most food pantries though. I got two bags of walnuts, to me that is like a kid in Victorian England getting an orange in 1870. Nuts are expensive. Now I can put some in salads and maybe some bran muffins.

2. Always pay rent first even if it's a boarding house room.

My first advice, is always pay rent first. Stable housing is the make or break in terms of surviving poverty. If your housing is at risk then you always are.

When we run out of food during the month or have to go line up at all these charities, I have said to him, "Shouldn't we give up this apartment?" but then I am caught, I am too sick to deal with rental rooms, and the boarding house life in this condition.   Two life rules I have are--stable housing first and foremost, and second life rule, never live with anyone where you are not the adult in charge. No one is clamoring to have me move into their spare bedroom but since I moved home at 20 before my first no contact this has been my rule.  What I went through was not worth it. I could never do it again. This can be a way for people to save money if they have friendly relatives or friends, but it's risky. Because of my Aspergers, I need peace, quiet and a refuge from social demands.

Most rental rooms are upstairs. Roommates may not have patience with someone who is always home or spending an hour in the bathroom.  We have had this discussion over and over and the "roommate" discussion. We would take this one close friend if he became homeless and others but strangers seem too risky. Maybe we are paranoid or maybe I know not everyone would be understanding. Sometimes I worry we are too risk adverse, but you can see how life made us that way! For many poor who are in better shape and not two old married people set in their ways living with roommates sometimes works out.


3. Don't waste money if you do have it.

Facebook is crazy. Watching the higher socio-economic classes burn money with a lighter in front of my eyes is insane. A few wealthier types have been ordering those companies that put together cooking boxes.  Time is money but they spend around 85 dollars to get FOUR meals. I have fed both of us for an entire week on less then 85 bucks, which is 21 meals. We eat a lot of eggs, cooked vegetables and soup.  One lady repainted her door 4 times, trying to get the "best" color on the front of her suburban home. How much did those cans of paint cost?

It's their business but watching my mother waste money, right in front of my eyes, with her 10,000 glass snow men and shopping was insane. How much did the second vacation home alone cost in money and taxes?  My husband tells me, "Don't worry about being cut out of the will, there's no way nothing is left, she's probably even re-mortgaged the house again.  Past behavior tells you future behavior." I added up once what she spent since she got the big insurance pay outs of 1998. The new cars and house renovation alone would equal half of what she got back then and almost 20 years have passed. I know two government pensions are good, but I don't think they are that good.  She made good money selling her soul counting body bags for the government and Bush's wars even without a college education but there's a limit to everything.

Years ago, she told one aunt "My children will be rich when I die", but I thought that's gotta be the biggest nonsense going. I was told I was cut out anyway.  The level of money I saw being spent before I walked, I was in shock she had not run out. To be honest, to me it would be the ultimate justice if she ever was poor, but my mother never has gone without a dollar she has wanted.


3. Sometimes you can sell stuff

Yes we have done stuff like collect cans and sell ebay.  More then ten years ago, we sold off books, CDs and records on ebay when ebay was going strong. I don't own much to sell now but if you do own things sometimes if you sell your antiques and other valuables if you have them it will raise money.

 I sold a silver necklace for three dollars once at the gold and silver place needing some gas money. It was thin and light. Some towns if you play an instrument you can busk, make sure they don't require permits. Some towns have flea markets were you can set up a garage sale and if you have your own house, garage sales will work. Living in an apartment makes sales like that too difficult.

4. Begging is probably a bad idea [unless you are so desperate you can't help it].

 We have never begged on the street with the cardboard signs. Been tempted but never have sunk that low thankfully.  I am too visibly disabled and people will pretty much know I have a social security check and may ask what is that woman doing? This town is small enough too, even if we went to the outer highway by the mall, my husband could see people he freelances for. We can't have that. I feel for people in that situation. Some towns have laws against it.

5. If you slide through the cracks medicine wise, there are organizations to help you.

Even now I ask my husband, "What are we doing wrong?" I go up and down the list. I get ideas, "Let's do this, Let's do that". They have us herded and "caged" on every front. One slip up and I could fall through the cracks.  There was a time when he was working and "made too much" for me to get medicine, and that was scary and I did go through the cracks. Fell right through it. His work place insurance had done away with pill coverage. I found a special program and without it, I probably would have died. It was called RX Outreach. If you are poor and can't afford medicine this place will help you out. I also would go to the websites for the Pharmaceutical companies, and many offered special programs for specific medicines. Here is an example of one.

If you ever see diabetics who have had a foot amputation, before you judge them and think "why didn't they take care of their diabetes" know that they have made insulin equal to the price of rent. People like me on disability have a few options many don't have. Diabetes is going untreated  None of the cheap pill programs cover insulin either. Maybe some charities are covering this, I would like to think so. I knew this one lady who walked around for a year and half with a blood sugar over 250 because she didn't have money to go to the doctor and no insurance. 

 See if your town has a free clinic, many do now. Sometimes they are in a church. I spent years going to clinics for the very poor. One thing to be cautious of, they are not good at diagnosis, they are trained to deal with immediate problems. Referring MYSELF to a specialist bailed me out once. My husband uses a local free clinic.

6. Avoid the Lifestyle Trap:

My husband paid 300 a month in gas alone to get to one old job. He reminded me yesterday that while back then there was no soup kitchens and going to food pantries--well I went to one at my old church, we were always just as pressed. That never ended. One thing if you do get money, don't raise your lifestyle, keep it the same and enjoy the feeling of "freedom", that's what I always wanted. If you win the Lotto. just keep your old house, and clean it up a bit. Don't increase everything up a notch and be pressed again. My mother spent money like one of those people who win the Lotto and end up with nothing. One huge mistake people make is increasing the lifestyle when they enter into any money and then the level of demands and stress remain the same.

7 Sometimes moving is a good idea, but sometimes it's a bad one.

 If you are poor, don't make our mistake, of moving around for jobs, hoping to become better off.  I have moved too much and to be frank, it made life more difficult. One time it worked and fixed things, and another time it didn't turn out so well, but I ended up with better medical care.  I moved to avoid becoming homeless so the stable housing rule took precedent a few times. My move to Chicago was to avoid immediate homelessness.

  At a certain age, you won't meet people like you did when you were younger and if you get poor enough or disabled enough, your social life will be dead in the water. If you know you aren't going to reach a certain socio-economic level, it's better to invest in relationships. Better off people can travel to see relatives and old friends. If you are a poor person, moving constantly and distance breaks down relationships but then some of this can be beyond your control, even when I have stayed put, others have moved. I didn't have a decent family all in one place but if you do have a decent family like that, rethink moving away. Consider your support systems. Life without a support system is far harder.

8. Compare prices and always look for deals

Another gym I plan to visit now is a 10 dollar a month one, if I can use any of the equipment. One guy I knew told me why are you going to go to ones you can barely afford and told me this gym could be an option. He's right even for the 45 dollar one, I wondered where was I going to find the money but I will compare them all.  I do compare prices on everything.

If you get car repairs, go to poorer areas to get them done if you know you can trust the garages. Try and get word of mouth about who is the best.  Some poor areas use street mechanics, but I have avoided that for now. I know Aspies suck at networking but this is the information about life that helps cut the risks. We once got a radiator fixed for 300 dollars when this other garage on the richer side of town wanted 500. Haggle over the price of things, you CAN save money. I may sound like a cheapskate, but I even have tried to cut deals at thrift stores and garage sales. It has worked.

9. Fighting your way out of poverty doesn't mean you'll never fall back In

My husband says "Maybe we won't be poor forever" but with the declining health and our age, I pretty much have consigned myself to it. Digging one's way out takes good health and neither of us have that.  Anything could happen and I'll be happy then but one has to deal with reality too. We still have some goals we have not let go of. He is still working on another book. I plan to make a zine or something of the comic.

If someone was to ask me, "Don't you know how to dig your way out of poverty?" Sure I do. It takes getting a skill and getting some sort of decent regular employment. That usually takes a degree of health too.  If an ugly man with a beard  in 2007 had not decided that my husband was not a good copy ad writer, my life could have gone completely different.

 I am not some Republican that thinks all poor people are poor from moral failings but if you have bad habits like losing at gambling, drugs or drinking or the rest that cost money or kill employment, then do what you can to get away from them. Whatever the size acceptance delusionists say, being fat is probably one of the biggest money killers in the world. I do think if I had not gotten sick and if the lungs had stayed intact, I may have been okay. Life would have gone a whole other direction.

If you are young and weigh in the mid200s and 300lbs, do everything beyond moving heaven and earth to avoid supersized obesity because once you go beyond the 250lb norm, good jobs unless you are a STEM computer expert will be impossible to get.   If you have health problems and are gaining weight like crazy, demand everyday to get treatment and tests. Don't end up like me. Get diagnosed earlier. Well I tried my best.

The right kind of education can sometimes be a way out. Think practical not liberal arts. Liberal arts stuff, the internet is at our beck and call. One does not need expensive degrees to learn things anymore. The Internet is for the taking. Always live in an area with good libraries. There's two here.

One core component is health. However digging one's way out of poverty is far harder then ever before. They are designing things that way. The jobs are not dependable. We climbed out of poverty once, via a job, from Chicago the rural town, and then we fell back in again moving here, when he lost the job we moved here for.  Sometimes I've had mean types yell at me, and tell me "Well you two need to get yourself out of poverty" with bootstrap lectures. Well we did it once before escaping Chicago. They don't get that. I was still disabled but we did have our life change.


Things could have been worse if he never found his freelance work. So "poverty" even in itself can be relative. There's poverty where you still have an apartment and a level of well semi-dignified living, and then there's homeless poverty where the bottom completely falls out. There's levels a disability check will keep you from. I have been far poorer then now even.

10. Information about homeless shelters

Homeless shelters are not the salvation many think they are either. They can help so don't take me wrong on this but many are FULL and will tell immediately homeless people even poor women, "Sorry there's no room today!".  I have been friends with or known people who have been homeless in the past, they have told me things about that world. I avoided homeless shelters by the skin of my teeth but many people who are new to the fall down the ladder, expect more help then is really there. How do I say this, you can't always expect the calvary to rescue you. I've been in many spots where no calvary was coming and a friend had to rescue me or God Himself had to send strangers to do it. I hate those circumstances, most of the ones I am thinking of are where a natural disaster and fate took me to a bad place.

I suspect many of the homeless are scapegoats from narcissistic families. I had this discussion somewhere on my blog once upon a time, where people always think of the homeless, "Well they must have burned all their bridges!" Some get angry asking "Why doesn't that homeless person have any family to take them in? Look at me, it isn't that hard for a scapegoat to end up with no family. Some of us may have had friends or they died or they lived too far away or are too poor themselves to help. My husbands family except for one sister has literally died off. When I see homeless people now, I think "How many were the scapegoat and cast away or were forced to leave the family behind"?

11. Facing the Fear of Poverty

 Sometimes I do get scared a lot from being poor. The fear is weird to me. My husband has remarked I act like the desert is near, and soon I will be cast out. I know where this comes from, my poorer days in my youth? When I was young, I ironically hoarded money. My narc parents would laugh about how I was a miser. I really was. I probably was thinking of a great escape or something in the back of my mind.

 This week one day when I wasn't housebound, I was at the grocery store, and I thought I had two 20s and only had two tens, I had forgotten about spending other money. I usually know to the dime how much money I have, so this was an unusual slip up for me. I was embarrassed as we had to put food back and lower our bill from 24 dollars to 17. I was buying meat to go with food pantry food. Inner shame rose up in me. I felt scared and angry. Examining these feelings I asked myself, "Why?"

This is something I am working on. I am not sure where it comes from. Queen Spider did a number on my mind about poverty. She hated herself as the poor farm girl and decided to get money at any cost and did. This hatred was unloaded on me especially as I involuntarily became a poor adult. Sometimes I try to cope with these emotions. I am messed up when it comes to money. Money is the biggest taboo subject in America not sex.

12. Facing the Emotional Stigma of Poverty

Even with my family I believe I would have been cast out for good even if I had not gone no contact. People who are traveling to Europe, and who can afford a new car every two years, don't want someone like me around.

I believe even if I hadn't gone no contact myself, my worsening poverty would have caused the family to cut me off completely anyhow. I was being cut off more day by day.  All of them would travel the world, and buy new furniture and new cars. I am sure now my mother is enjoying her new $35-50,000 dollar vehicle, the second one bought in three years. I only know about it from recent hoovering.

Part of survival while poor is the emotional survival. The world will try and crush you. This is actually more dangerous then any of the physical lacks.  I am working to overcome the damage to my self esteem on so many fronts and money is a big bugaboo for me.  You have to learn to put your own survival first sometimes, and "harden" up to a degree, not in a bad way where you close down your conscience but looking out for your needs.

Even if I had done everything that doctor told me, and not gone on the emergency antibiotics, and waited until Wed when he finally did call, I would have been in the hospital by Monday or Tuesday. It's kind of like that. Same with being poor, you have to protect yourself. When one is vulnerable some toxic people will try and hurt you. You have to find the ones who will help. Don't take advantage of their good will of course. We don't go to the food pantries and community dinners if we can feed ourselves that month, and there are months we don't have to go.

My self esteem during the last 9 years at times took a massive battering. Since working on myself and going no contact with the family, I thought about these issues. Things are improving since the weight of expectations and being called a "failure" got lifted.  They were never there for me in any real way. I even started thinking more about my Chicago years and this may sound like a strange revelation, but my parents weren't the only ones who betrayed me, there were many other middle class and above members of my family, who took the tactic of "just let her die". My eyes were opened wide. My siblings were adults of certain means and knew what circumstances I was in.

A lot of my emotional survival while being a poorer member of society is refusing the judgments of narcissists. If you want to make it, you need to find people who will understand and have compassion. Those of you who are young and healthy enough to make it out of poverty, make sure no one's around you whose drilling a hole in your boat. I tell people on ACON message boards, keep job plans to yourself. Narcissists will do anything to keep a scapegoat especially down. Realize you are a valuable human being no matter your socio-economic status.

If you have any ideas, add yours, or discuss...

Suntopia: Helping People Help Themselves

Why Are The Poor More Religious?

I know poverty via disability [and trauma] in general took me into fundamentalist religion. I believe now religion is hitting the Republic of Gilead danger zone in the USA, because of the disenfranchisement of so many people economically. Heaven seems like your only hope when economic hope is lost. There's a reason my old rural town that had a 37 percent poverty rate has grown even more extremely religious. I believe there is a connection between growing religious extremism, and major economic changes in the United States. Religiosity always is whipped up whenever there is a natural disaster, war or other severe changes in a society. It's happening here and yes it's connected to new drastic laws and Trump remaining in power.

In my case, Religious Hopium was like a weed on the river bank, I grabbed as I was drowning. I have more understanding and compassion for myself for how things progressed. I went to religion to "save me" to "fix my life" believing then in the "magic". This was borne out of desperation and a feeling of utter powerlessness.Life was crushing me. Religion promised me hope. Even now as an ex-Christian, I remind myself, don't ever put any hope like that again in any new religious philosophies, it is a dead end. Many people turn to religion to solve their problems in times of extreme trouble. When people feel powerless, religion and "magic" feel like the only solutions. 

Sadly I do think toxic religion will grow in it's influence especially as we have an American society that grows far more poor and public education declines. We have a lot of people now left out of the warp and weave of normal mainstream society. When people feel powerless, oppressed and like there are no answers that will work, religion is there to offer it's [false] hope. You hold out for your dreams coming true in eternity, and no longer in this world. Life is lived for the great beyond and not for today.

This is one reason people are letting of science and ideas of "progress" and have more hope in a would be eternal heaven then any hope on earth. Sadly this is one reason I believe fundamentalists and evangelicals do not believe in social justice or even openly disdain it like that one paper 4,000 evangelical preachers signed against social justice. Poor people do turn to religion and sadly often extreme versions. A lot of it is human desperation, wanting to change their lives, have things "turn out" hoping God helps them. That applied to me. Many fictional books display hardworking "salt of the earth" people who emphasize strong faith in God like in The Grapes of Wrath.

I do find myself having cynical views now. This pertains to some of those verses that showcase poor people as having stronger faith and being told the world will always have poor people and rich people having less chance of getting into heaven then a camel through the eye of a needle. Talk about manipulation. My deconversion rests on my socioeconomic experiences as well. I do dedicate some of my life to class issues, and justice issues as people know. I also tend to have some jaded views about some religious circles that seem to glamorize poverty as they seem to always think it is a positive character building exercise or that vows of poverty will make people "more holy" or "closer to God". One definitely understands the warnings against materialism, and greed and how one should love their fellow man, but there's things preached about on poverty I don't agree with anymore.


Karl Marx once said religion is opium of the people, I can go with that. There can be positive sides to some spiritual quests, but I believe religion is used for societal control. The ultra-wealthy and powerful of society have definitely used religion to tell the poor to "stand down" and accept their lot, as God-derived.


In this country, we have the prosperity gospel that has infused into everything. God blesses the "good" people and the "bad" ones, or as David Ramsey and the Republican party tell us over, and over, are poor because they were not "faithful" enough or didn't "work hard enough" or obey enough. The strain of paternalism is active in many a faith-based initiative. Here things get complicated as there are GOOD rich and poor people, and ones who aren't. Money isn't a definer of the other qualities of human character, but one worries about religions that grow divisions between people, connecting money and success to goodness. Churches that teach messages like this just prop up the status quo.

Like many others, I thought God would make things better if I obeyed and lived the "good' Christian life. I was told depression and anxiety were sins caused by lack of faith  They emphasized how lazy everyone was, which was not easy for a person who is on disability. A lot of my religious craziness was borne out of desperation and this feeling of trying to climb up a mountain where the dirt always slid back. I never wanted to be rich, I just wanted to survive and live a life with some dignity. However the years in Christianity chipped away at my self esteem in ways I can't even describe.

How much of religion is for social control? I saw too many messages in the evangelical and fundamentalist world where they seem to agree with the message "work will make you free" as they put down unions, worker's rights or any fair and equitable wages for other people. Christianity especially in America has become a vehicle for empire building, that elevates the powerful, that's a problem. I wonder how much of religion was built for self-policing and control among the population too.

Why Are the Poor More Religious? [see above map from the New York Times too]

The Poor and Disabled in Churches

Update on this one: I consider myself a Christian today but I am not in a church, obviously for many of the above issues I described. Many of the poor have been forced outside of the church world. Some may be fortunate to have country churches with sincere pastors. I believe those are rare now. Most of the evangelical world is wrapped up in the prosperity gospel to some degree. 

Ramen Noodled Out: Fat and Poverty

Fat people are poorer and poorer people are fatter in American society. There has been many studies on this. One article with a very unfortunate and troublesome title asks in it's subtitle "Does Poverty Make People Obese Or Is It the Other Way Around?"

My own life experiences, have shown me poverty and obesity have served a symbiotic relationship, endocrine problems aside. More money means better food, and better nutrition means a better working body. Thinking on days of poverty knowing one can approach kind friends and family only so often, being relegated to pre-diabetic one meal a day eating years ago, and discount grocery stores, I know why personally poverty and fat go together.

Food insecurity means finding out you only have a carton of eggs and a package of bread to eat, the highest carbohydrate-packing foods from your local food pantry where you are far more likely to be given a box of pop tarts then a container of hummus, it means too many cheap packages of ramen noodles, cans of tuna, higher fat hamburger and facing the reality that the more greasy, unhealthy and fatty a meat or other product is, the cheaper it is. Food insecurity means making odd meals such as egg salad spaghetti, and hot dog omelettes [don't ask].

There are a few cheap win-win foods such as dry beans, broccoli, and carrots but overall your poor American isn't making salads with 6 different sliced vegetables on them and a good vinaigrette, they are down at McDonald's buying the dollar meal for themselves and their kids because to buy the makings for the salad, would set them back at least 20 bucks for one meal.

Whole Foods and stores like it, can almost be like a dream world to the poor gazing upon the aisles of healthy food, drooling, knowing eating it would make them feel better, rather then bloated and hungry for more, from the low quality stuff, but then who has 300-400 bucks a week for groceries? Looking at their "meal of the week" page; and the requirements to make those foods, there's a few on there that would set you back 30 bucks per meal.

Rich people have more leisure time to take walks, go on vacations where physical exercise is fun and not a boring chore and to put thousands of dollars into busy activities, sports equipment, team and gym memberships. Joe Six-Pack or a "Plugger" [see the cartoon above], after a day of sitting at the drill press [or now in our economy sloughing depressed through the want ads at employment agencies] comes home to eat, rest and watch television before another day of drudgery, and is too tired to feel the enthusiasm to exercise. Sometimes the only pleasure he can afford outside of cable TV is what he will have for dinner that night.

But that said, fat discrimination is a new weapon in both sides of the divide class warfare. Many a fat person can attest to the endless job discrimination even an extra 40lbs can bring. Studies have found just being fat can knock off thousands of dollars off your salary. Social class is already visible according to body weight. The rich are becoming lean aristocrats with the financial and other resources to control obesity. An upper middle class or richer person can grill some salmon, vegetables and make watercress salad. The poor is relegated far too often to cheap processed foods, that barely resemble the real thing. Healthwise in America, the rich and poor live in different worlds.

Add to this that food processers abuse the human system of hunger to make money. They add sugar, which has an addictive quality and makes people inclined to eat more. Grease and hydrogenated fats add more taste but also leads to more obesity. Salt is literally poured into food as well to cover the fact it has little taste. In addiction add in the higher stress of trying to make ends meet, and the feeling of feast or famine as a person lives paycheck to paycheck, and the outcome is not good.

Now we have this new "war on obesity" and these factors are ignored. They repeat the same answers over and over, but no one addresses the food and money connection. No one addresses the fact that too many Americans live a life where they are like gerbils on a hamster wheel spinning around, where high stress and bad food, comingle into a one bad formula. America is getting fatter. The usual overused answers are failing. Greed is ruining intellectual honesty. Greed is making us fat with adulterated food.

A Study: Poor People are Lonelier

 Men aren’t lonelier than everyone else. This group of people is.

The group of people are the poor.

If you are poor enough, and I've written about this many times, you are left out of the warp and weave of society. Poverty is one reason I no longer have a family. Poverty led to my being disabled in the first place. Poverty keeps me from doing activities I would rather be doing. In my case I am fortunate, I do have my husband and a few good friends despite being poor. I'm not really lonely as of late doing activities with husband and friends, but I've had those times in life. Society is indeed headed in a direction that is scary for social connection. Maybe once I figure out a new church or other things I can improve things even more. This article is true though, the poorer you are, the lonelier you will be. 

 For homeless people this is even worse, think about this, if you are homeless, there's no one close enough to be taking you in. That's the loneliest place to be. Can you imagine?
The Bible had a verse I still remember. 

Proverbs 19:4 “Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour”

Doing stuff, hobbies, going out, and gas for visits all cost money.  Even if I get an art scholarship for an art class, I still have to pay something to be there. Other activities cost supplies, entrance fees and money for gas to get there. 

So, this doesn't surprise me.

The article talks about how the work world has changed, the low paid jobs are often outsourced so the workers don't feel embraced by the company. They are underlings kept separate from everyone else. The book "Bowling Alone" is mentioned, and how civic organizations have died out in America. Lower income people have far less groups to go to in other words and have to work more hours more often than not. 

They discuss how poverty itself can burden friendships since poor people often need more help and favors and how one's self esteem is affected negatively. Those who are single find dating much harder and too expensive. I talk about how the poor never are able to find each other, we are isolated from each other. Some may tell me go find people in your same situation, but it has felt impossible around here. I asked my husband many times "How come I never meet anyone in the same circumstances as myself"? I do online but IRL it's very rare. I befriend people from all walks of life instead. 

Society is changing in a way where the isolation is growing. There's less opportunities. I notice with older people they have groups to go to and participate in but many of those groups just have boomers and older and no one younger in them. I've been in a multitude of groups like this. It's better I did things that way instead of hiding at home. The library book club had people all 20 years older.  What happens when those groups all die off? I made an effort for community involvement and it paid off. Is part of the problem that only older people [boomers and above] have the money and social capital still that the predatory capitalists have now erased for anyone under a certain age? Are younger people having socialization problems? I've noticed young people seem quieter; I don't know if it is because they aren't going to talk that openly to a disabled old lady or if they are spending more time alone and it's taken a toll. How would I know?

 Most who have read this blog have seen me talk about how money has affected my life in organizations including churches.

Should people accept such a lonely society? Do you see how society is basically no longer working or it costs money to even be seen as a human being?
Here is a Substack article written on this Slate article.

"I am the male loneliness epidemic"

He's right about a lot in this article. I agree with it. He talks about the demise of social lives in American society. I addressed how we were forced to move away from each other years ago in my article "Economic Nomads in the Geography of Nowhere"

In some ways, I never recovered from that last move, while I came to accept life here and found the good things and a few friends, there was always part of me that thinking, "I'll be wrenched away from here too now". It was a theme of my life always being taken away from people and places. People need to have a HOME for life. Humans need connection and security. That's one reason American society has so many mental health problems. All this moving has ruined society as a whole. I hope in the future people won't be forced to move so much. 

As I have written too poverty ends belonging now in American society. 

He writes:

"I’m desperately lonely.

And not on a purely personal level. Compared to the past, we are all desperately lonely in the modern age.

Do you have 4-5 friends that would come over and play a game with you?

Do you entertain guests at least once every two weeks?

Have you ever been to a dinner party with a bunch of adults your age?

How often do you go over to someone’s house that you’re not related to?"

In my case I do see two friends one about every two weeks, and the other about once every 6-8 weeks, one lives around 20 miles away and the other 50-60. I could not bring 4-5 friends together unless I was doing something with my art club. My art club usually met around once a month. Autistics don't always get "friend groups", we usually befriend one on one or on occasion couples or do activities.

 I have never been to a dinner party outside of a church context. Some of my churches sponsored dinner parties but I know I could not meet the expenses of holding one myself though I attended a few in my first IFB including a large barbecue. That reminds me of my mother when she mocked me, asking me "Having 25 people in your home is not something that doesn't require work, you would know this how?" That woman has never been lonely which gives me some strange thoughts about life. I never go to anyone's house though this is complicated that some have stairs and it's hard for me to get into their houses. Otherwise I probably would visit more of their houses. I would have some friends and me meet at the library and other places sometimes to get around this problem.

He is right about the death of the extended family. My mother grew up safe and secure among literally 100 relatives. There was a small town that was full of my relatives up to the early 1970s on the side of the family. Most moved away starting in the 1960s. When I read old books like James T. Farrell and Saul Bellows, the social and family networks even in big cities are VAST and long in duration. That doesn't apply to society today.

"In the early 1900s, it was completely normal to be in proximity to your uncles and aunts, cousins, second cousins, third cousins twice removed (I don’t know what that actually means), And so on.

He talks about how people were more interdependent with one another. People weren't eating alone and going days and days without seeing or talking to another human being. We have each other but in-between times I see my friends or art club I can go days without talking to anyone else except online. One reason I DO live in small towns, is I do like getting to know clerks, and others. That does happen if you live in a small enough place. My town is still small enough to have vestiges of the old school friendliness here and there.

"Society used to operate on a web of relationships between people that were interdependent on each other.

The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. Each of them had a trade and something they could be relied on for. Some of you reading this likely have a last name such as, Fletcher, Gardener, Baker, Smith, etc. All of these are jobs that cemented someone’s place in society. If you have to go and get your bread everyday from the baker, you’re probably going to develop some kind of relationship with him.

“Hey Tim, how are the kids?”

For the first time in human history, this interdependence has been obfuscated.

He talks about how women while they had to work all day cleaning the house, cooking and taking care of children got far more time to be social, caretake and volunteer. "Bowling Alone" talked about how this helped with societal connections in past decades. Many times, I have mentioned when I was in my 30s talking to Silent Generation friends in my old rural community, most said life had far better for them than their daughters. Most of my silent generation friends are long deceased now. At least two told me, "Life used to be better!" People weren't so overworked. 

I don't think life was supposed to be like this. He makes a list of changes. Maybe life was meant to be more than just living in an economic prison where life is all about money and work.  The rest of America knows America lost the plot. Even many realize most of the evangelical world seemed to sign on more with predatory capitalism than the actual teachings of Jesus Christ. Some of us discern the AI cage being built and are already being harassed to death and punished for not having money over and over! I've noticed AI and abusive mega corporations abuse those without money most of all, or who need an extra day to pay a bill.  He also talks about how society is rapidly declining. Seriously where is the motive to have children in a world like this, so they will be broke and alone too? Even with those regretful parents, time is so short, you can tell a lot of the regret is pure exhaustion. 

He agrees too.

"Work was meant to supply us with the things we need to live, not be the reason we live.

We have embraced materialism in an effort to be fat and happy, but we only got fat. The world is so inundated with cheap plastic from China that is has entered our brains.

The modern person works more than his ancestors for money that can be endlessly printed. All to come home to an empty apartment in a city full of strangers.

Aren't we overdue long ago for a backlash against all this crap?  Do real countercultures happen instead of sponsored ones by intelligence from Laurel Canyon?  Maybe in real life, think about new ways to do stuff. I try to use small businesses as much as possible. I try to get to know store clerks and others I do business with. I still want to try and find a church that is more old school and follows old ways with social connections. If you can buy something local do it. That's gotten harder but I try. Some new thing may be spending less time online, I will still blog, and getting more involved in local art happenings as my body allows. 

Are more thinking people realizing we need something very different? Where people finally say "ENOUGH!"  to a depersonalized, asocial economic slavery and oppression society. Poor people shouldn't be lonelier. Money shouldn't determine having others in your life. 

 How can we go back to better ways? How can we not let technology rules us or get led by the nose into lives with the soul washed away?  I read my state wants to put a tracker in every car to track your miles and where you go, for the future carbon credits. I told some people on my Facebook, isn't it time we say ENOUGH to this crap. "We don't want to do it!"

We are losing even what it means to be human in this mess. Is money the price of even having human relationships?  Add AI and it's even worse. There are parts of my personality that yearn for the past, and there's definitely a reason for it. With poor people being lonely,  we have to try and reach out to others, and in those things I had some nice things happen. They are throwing up barrier after barrier in front of people. I hope more speak out. We don't have to do things this way nor do we want to. Reach out to any lonely people you run across too. Be social. It's not easy for autistic me always. I don't want to live in a boring technocracy where dollar signs are your whole identity. America is getting to that point. 

Poverty: The Wolf At The Door Trying To Gobble The Fat Lady Up

link to cartoon


I am lucky to be online.  Who can afford an Internet hook up, when there is food to buy and rent to pay? The only reason I am online, is the Internet is a necessary work-based tool for one family member and a marketplace on occasion even for myself to sell things. One generous friend also helped with the computer some time ago. I have had the blessing of some education and a way around a computer, but it can feel lonely out there.

Nothing against you well-meaning people out there getting the 'treat the fat people fairly" message out there too, but sometimes when I read the blogs about the vacations, jobs, NAAFA conferences, fancy fashions, I know I am living in a different socio-economic universe. People like me who slide through the cracks usually are not blessed with Internet access. Most disabled fat people are living on very small fixed incomes, that preclude computer ownership and Internet access, in other words, people in my boat, on the web are probably rarer in number though I have met a few.

Trust me, I appreciate it, as I take nothing for granted, once living without a phone, a car, a working stove, and almost the apartment itself. Homeless has loomed over me a few times in life. Today I have good friends who would not let me hit the streets but those things stay with you. I'm one of those people who is thankful to God if there are groceries in the fridge and money to pay the rent.

I have thought more about how poverty has influenced me as a fat person.  I believe the poverty and severe weight problems have had an interesting relationship and are connected to one another. The other day, I was talking to a newer friend about my past, and realized to my horror, that I was telling her, how I was going HUNGRY in my early 20s, and how there was no money for groceries, and realized that too was part of the picture, that the feast and famine stuff, did no wonders for my metabolism either. It was quite strange remembering those days of actual hunger and having no food, and one time having nothing but a carton of eggs in my refrigerator, box of spaghetti and a loaf of bread for a week's worth of food. Spaghetti mixed with hardboiled eggs and mayonnaise probably was not a healthy dinner. That young and naive', it would take me years to figure out how to seek help if needed.

I have written about some of these things in previous articles:

"The Sesame Street's Puppet of Hunger"

Obesity Risk May Be Lowered By Moving Into A Better Neighborhood

"The Bus is No Fun"

Squeezed Out of the Job Market For Your Body

Poor People And Fat

The Conflation of Poor and Fat

Poverty and Fat: Food is So Expensive Now.

and a few others even.....

How does one even dare to talk about these things? I know even admitting these things is enough to get the rocks thrown, but I figure this long down life's road, what does it matter anymore what any of my detractors think? I am no one's victim and have survived things, that probably would have left many flattened. Even to survive being near 700lbs, I had to throw out what I was being told, and demand real answers. Trust me at this size, you either buck up and learn to stand up against your haters, or you end up totally flattened.

The Poor are left silent. Think about how the working class, and other poor people have been disenfranchised even in our own media, I laughed watching Laverne and Shirley on TV the other day thinking, wow they used to show REAL people or actors who were as real average people, you know 80% of the populace instead of just the ultra rich. Outside of the TV show "Roseanne", poorer people [well except ones they showed being arrested like on Cops] disappeared from our TVs and Roseanne the show was ruined when they all won the Lotto, and left the rest of us "poor saps" behind. Supposedly the star of Roseanne is bringing back a sitcom about poorer working class people living in a trailer park. 

That said, the same applies to FATDOM, frankly I see a navel gazing, upper class, academic world, on some of these fat websites and places. Where they tell me to care about things, I could care less about? Why are they so pretentious?  Do any of these types ever deal with what is real, or are the fancy terms meant to cover up lives they really know very little about. It didn't escape my attention that "class" was left off the "fat intersection" list. What is fat intersection? LOL  Hey most of these academics aren't dealing honestly at least publically with the college bubble or the failing American economy either. Maybe they will when it all finally hits home. 

I know the class divisions are even there in the size acceptance world, the people able to afford $500-$1,000 bucks for travel and hotel rooms for the latest NAAFA conference or other size acceptance social event live in a different universe then I do.  I sometimes wonder to myself how can people not see how the country is on economic life support or where things are going in a wide variety of areas? Sad to say I see some as living in delusional bubbles. Can one really "celebrate fat" in a country where 1 out of 7 people are now on food stamps? What does that mean when there are people struggling to feed their families? How many normal average Fat Joe Sixpacks and Janes even know about NAAFA? I find myself having to explain what they are to the majority out there STILL.

One thing I know this fat blog lacks the perkiness of many others out there. Most of the fat acceptance blogs, not ALL thankfully, are focused on trying to sell how great it is to be fat. I know I haven't done that. The things that are great in my life, are IN SPITE of the fat. Sorry there is no salesman of fat here. Forget accepting FAT, how about accepting and treating people right?

 I take refuge in my hobbies, spend time with my husband, do volunteer work, call up my friends and try to focus on happy things, but sometimes when sitting down to write, I want to give myself a break from my 'social face' and talk about what is REAL. In other words, I don't want to have to be fake on my own blog especially a blog that deals with being so hugely fat and the resulting ramifications. Americans as a whole are busy putting on their happy face, while this country crumbles down around them and our insane leaders even speak of more wars. Well I refuse. I know I ruffled a lot of feathers out there, talking about things, and often am ignored or outright banned in a lot of the fat venues, but going to use my freedom of speech as long as I can, before Obama manages to sign that right away like he did most of the Constitution with NDAA.

Looking back at my life, I often have wondered why money seems to elude, even pre-disabled days, working so hard at so many jobs, I wondered why my pay was so little. I do not think I wasted money and tried to be frugal but all best efforts end up in a heap of dust. Even when I lived in one huge metro city, I thought back and realized I was paying nearly $500 a month on rent alone, more then 40% of my residential counselor take-home pay. But one thing, being educated, this happened to many others, while our voices have been marginalized by the mainstream media out there, this has been reality for millions.

Many fat people are poor too, there are more fat poor people and our numbers are huge. So whose speaking for the poor people struggling with obesity and trying to maintain a semblance of health in a world that seems intent on marginalizing them into voicelessness? Ever notice most of the ANSWERS out there, take COLD HARD CASH?


At least this person seems to get it: "Obesity is about poverty and cheap food, not a lack of moral fibre"


One thing many fat people not only face is the shame of a fat body that others try to foist upon them, but also the stigma and shame of poverty and we know that fat people especially those dealing with the upper ends of severe obesity face health issues [whether they be the cause or the result] and if still able to work serious job discrimination. Even on size acceptance websites, they talk about weight costing real dollars. Some out there see the correlations, and it goes both ways, if you are fatter, more job discrimination, and also the fact that poverty and obesity go together:

Your income and social status are written all over your body, Adam Drewnowski says.

Drewnowski is an epidemiologist. He directs the Center for Obesity Research at the University of Washington in Seattle, and he lectures frequently. "I can pretty much guess the income of an audience by the number of obese women in the room," he says.

"If one-third of my audience is obese, I don't think, 'Oh, my God, these are people with weak willpower or who made bad choices.' I say, 'These are women who do not make more than $40,000 a year.'"

  Being raised by a upper middle class family with some relatives that just told me what a failure I was in many different ways despite a college degree and nearly another was very painful. While some remained helpful, the unwritten message of condemnation was there. For the ones, who never lived it, you just couldn't bring them to understand. For you see, my being fat was not the only crime against what some of them expected me to be, but also falling down the economic ladder.

 One thing I faced, considering money, even during my art teaching/social work days, and the rest, the jaded eyes looked down at me clucking their tongues, because I was not able to replicate the suburban home with giant flat screen-TVs and new carpeting and cars in the drive-way. Honestly, that type of life is not one I ever wanted. Recently, even one uncle basically called me a "deadbeat" on a social networking website. But dealing with an extreme narcissists, this is not someone you can go to and discuss "hurt feelings", they will cut you off at the pass and tell you to "Relax", and "you are making mountains out of molehills!". They just do not get it, never will get and refuse to get it. Their hyper-Republican politics tell them anyone without a dime, is poor and deserves their poverty, illness or no illness. They have been indoctrinated by Fox news, to believe the "lazy" poor are the reason for the country's problems and not all our jobs sent overseas or the trillions spent on war.

Health problems, job lay-offs, the collapse of the economy are mere window-dressing to listing a person's multiple faults. Horatio Alger, couldn't light a candle to these folks. And to me this is the same thing with the obesity stuff I write about. Obviously bigger trends are making us fatter then the individual's personal choices, and the same goes economically. The powers that be do NOT want you to look at the bigger picture and how many individuals are basically riding waves, not of their own creation. Just like poor people who work hard, live frugally and find themselves left hanging despite doing everything "right", obviously it's happening to the fat too isn't it?

Speaking of the wolf at the door, who has been there too often, acouple weeks ago, my husband told me, his freelance work is being cut by his main freelance employer, and already we were down to the bone. Five years of unemployment or rather underemployment have made things hard for him too. If he was not exceptionally skilled in one area, the streets already would have awaited. It is hard to explain to people how this feels, and while we had some years of working class stability in our earlier married life, how you just want the roller coaster to end. Never take security for granted.

Sometimes I wish I could go to my husband's second to last boss, the one who uprooted my life for "economic reasons" and tell them how that impacted my life, taking me away from a loved community, putting us under so much strain and how because of my husband's age, that left him in the almost 50 age discrimination limbo land, where his years of experience became more of a deficient then a help in the job world. That said, I know others who are worse off, where homelessness and permanently interrupted lives, have demanded 45 year old men living with their mothers, and people who live in RV campers.

When people constantly bend down to rip the carpet out from underneath you, it does something to people who never feel they have anything to depend on, and like the entire social contract is nothing but a joke. This has been my entire life. Even during my periods of stable employment, only one job paid what could be called a living wage.  Knocking on doors for opportunity sometimes things just felt tough. One good job, that is all that is needed. One that lasts. One where they do not have the entire household move and then kick you out three months later. We would already have been homeless or living in a state disability apartment or moving in with others, if we did not keep fighting. But sometimes people running a marathon with the wolf nipping at their heels grow tired.

 Sometimes I feel like my life is a version of ground-hog day where the bad stuff always gets revisited. Right now we busily working to meet another demand/hoop laid on by more economic oppressors, and it's like life has just become a series of making sure to please endless unreachable demands that others set up for us.

Add to that guilt in that I am in no shape to return to work and been disabled so long.  Even writing on this blog, I lay down in between articles and while writing many, the body is unforgiving. The other day when it was 40 degrees but a bit too damp, when I decided to venture out, I walked into the front part of the store, a store I usually can traverse and realized my lungs were not cooperating whatsoever, and stood there in the front, having my husband go to the other part of the stores to get some cheap toilet paper and paper towels. It was actually kind of frightening. Sometimes this can feel like a scary world.

The worse however hasn't been the going without, the frugal life, the planning, the endless emergencies that come from not having funds to back up life, thankfully blessed with generous helpful friends and others, but the stigma and condemnation. That doesn't seem to be getting better even as more people fall into poverty. That part I do not understand. Anyone want to step up and admit they agree with me here?

Obesity Risk May Be Lowered By Moving Into A Better Neighborhood

"Obesity Risk May Be Lowered by Moving Into a Better Neighborhood"

see here too

"Obesity rates are about one-fifth lower in women who moved from poor neighborhoods into low-poverty neighborhoods than those who did not move, according to results from a federal housing program initiated in the mid-1990s."

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I found this one really interesting, it seems living in a dangerous crime-ridden neighborhood heightens obesity risk. I wonder how much of this is increased cortisol from the constant 'fight or flight" feelings one has living in such a place. When I had my weight gain, I lived in a more dangerous 'inner-city" neighborhood for around 4 and half years. Three of those years, I worked, but the last was when I was disabled.

One had to be tough to survive, we are talking a place where beggars would come up to you daily at the local bus stop, and where you could get jumped. I saw an armed robbery, got attacked--was able to fight off my attacker whose intentions were rape before anything too bad happened, and life was spent with constant crime, stress and knowing that your neighbors were not there to "help" you but often there to rob or take you for a ride. The times of being followed or being set up as a "would be" victim, were incredible. There was a meanness in every place, no mercy, no neighborly kindness just cruelty, get sick in a store and ask to use a bathroom, they would send you away. By the way, the most dangerous place was the subway stands and daring to leave the house after dark. Even the cab drivers and cable companies avoided my then neighborhood. One I befriended from meeting his cab in a neighboring better area, provided a lot of my transportation while others refused.

  For many in these bad neighborhoods, life itself is filled with daily danger. Gang-bangers in the streets, beggars, and would be hustlers on the take everywhere you turn does not make for a pleasant life. Even the closed Chinese restaurant across the street from my ghetto apartment had homeless people sleeping on it's ledge with their shopping carts. Police cars filled the streets to bust the drug dealers across the way. It was despair, depression and fear all rolled up in one. When you did meet the occasional kind face, they were beaten down and poor too.  Home life wasn't much better, I would see around 6-8 mice and rats a day run across the floors in the cramped 2 room apartment. Well at least with the rats and mice, there was no cockroaches.

Some may be in shock, that I would admit such poverty, often times in this culture, one is told to hide such a thing, lest it be a negative reflection on you, but I lived it, and it played an integral part in my health collapse and severe weight gain. 

I did not end up there by choice, I moved to that big city to avoid homelessness after a teaching job lay off which led to a year of unemployment and underemployment, piecing together sub teaching jobs and fast food work, hoping I could jump onto a career track in social work and finish an already started paralegal degree. My first teaching job was grant-based and the grant had ended. [I had a bachelors degree from earlier on]. I did not drug or drink my way into this life, but slipped through the cracks and then some.

Later my family would help, but a older male relative at that time, was of the "let them sink or swim school" blaming me for my then growing weight, career failures and health problems. Looking back, even the pictures of my swollen face, hands and feet were extreme, I was sick before the move to this place even happened. My health had been rotten since college, denying me even regular teaching jobs from failing medical exams. This was during my mid 20s and during the mid 1990s.

My low residential counselor wages, while offering me training in self defense ironically and experience working with the very violent and mentally ill youth which served as being useful for street survival, just didn't pay the rent in a better part of town. $350-450 dollar a month rent in that particular metropolitan city meant living in dangerous neighborhoods. My take home pay was a lousy average $1000 a month. Transportation was very expensive as well, even a trip just down the road could cost 6 dollars to even just get there. Which made life much more narrow, and activities more dear. I know that impacted things too.

I do believe that my weight gain came about from severe economic stresses and what I faced day to day, and my endocrine system saying "I am out of here!"

That is one thing they do not tell people, live in a constant state of vigilance, and fear and the body is pumping cortisol like gang-busters even in normal healthy people. This is one reason I believe obesity is far higher in impoverished populations in America. Add to that endocrine disease and the use of steroids to control serious breathing problems and it was the set up for the snowball to run right down the hill. They should do a study of the obesity differences between huge teeming cities and more rural areas, would be of interest. When humans live in concrete jungles, health diminishes. How much of the obesity epidemic is based on the bad environment so many are being forced to live in? In other words, its not you that is "sick", it is your surroundings and their impact on you.

They mention the lack of access to healthy food, that plays a part. In the ghetto, you have the corner stores full of snack foods and the food is of far lower quality even in the bigger grocery stores. That's where they send the rotten produce and meat. I have seen it with my own eyes. No cab money to get to the decent grocery store in the neighboring suburbs? You are stuck with the little store across the street that sells ramen noodles and hotdogs and one dying onion in the bin by the door.  By the way, the poverty brokers like the food pantries and rest, aren't passing out fresh fruit and vegetables, you are getting the most processed carbohydrate rich foods possible. This is true across the board and even applied to later communities. Who decided the poor should just eat endless boxes of spaghetti, beans, and rice?

I believe poverty itself in this society which does not offer strong social networks, stable jobs or communities anymore, jacks up ones cortisol levels to the ceiling especially when crime rates rise. I know how I feel when the budget is always strained to the breaking point or weeks where I am trying to assemble meals from the dregs from the refrigerator, and it's always the good stuff that disappears the fastest. Often the very poor do not have resources to even cook decently. Slumlords do not care about making sure your stove works. I was forced to cook with an old microwave and one plug in spiral during these years. No baking bread, I didn't have a bread pan, or gardening there either, there was no land to be had or patio.

Life in the ghetto stunk. I often think to myself if I had been a woman of normal socio-economic means, that my life would have turned out far different. For me obesity is automatically tied to food insecurity and opening an empty fridge and realizing that week there is no money for food. Some may say, how does one get so fat, having no food? Wouldn't it be the opposite, but I often wonder how my 1 meal a day lifestyle, during my worse years of poverty affected my metabolism? Even now, during the wealthier times, I know the weight dips. More food and more variety for me means, better weight loss and control of hunger. More money means more activities. Today I am provided for and God responds to my needs, but those times have stayed with me.

There is a reason I escaped to a very small town, a town I still miss right now. Watching its economic demise, was very difficult. This place is too urban for my tastes though I live in a safer more affluent neighborhood here by default. But I know it's important to pay more rent even for my health and well-being, but live with a life long fear now of living in a place where just leaving your front door, means the predators are upon you. I have decided if I am ever that poor again, that I will hop on a bus to a middle of nowhere small town and rent a room. Learning the hard lesson that peace and safety come first came too late for me.

The night before we escaped to a small town for almost 10 years, I still remember the gun shots at 5 am. Bang Bang Bang! probably some sort of gang fight down the street. I was very glad to be getting out.

Being poor does make you fat. The elitist size acceptance types can claim that obesity isn't a disease or ignore the poverty and obesity quotients. No hobbling to the bus stop for them worrying about getting jumped. They live in another world. Sadly because of their elitism, those who suffer from obesity and are poor and who live in neighborhoods like this still will go unheard. At least I am one of the lucky ones who escaped.