"Guys Who Like Fat Chicks"
Warning the above article has some risque language.
I have written about the fat admirers before..."Chubby Chasers Give Me the Willies!" This article seems to back up what I said. Seeing women like in one giant meat-market as a bunch of body parts...
Entries happily, ravenously, robustly referenced double bellies, back rolls, and “big old ham thighs.” Feminine body shapes were compared to pears, apples, and one calabash squash; their weights spanned from 180 pounds to over 500.
and
In person at the East Village's Cafe Orlin, Dan explains that, yes, he likes round bellies. He likes double chins. He likes breasts the size of his head. He loves flabby biceps. “Fat upper arms are awesome. I would almost say I’m an arms guy,” he says, not by any means whispering. “I didn’t know that they would be that soft. I, like, fell asleep on a girl’s arm once. I was like, ‘Wow.’ ”
Excuse me, if I feel a bit creeped out. Maybe I am old fashioned, no let me say this, I AM old fashioned, some of you probably would think I belong back in 1880, and that's just fine with me! I read that and think- "look's like the "body is everything" stuff got to the fat people", and these skinny guys who are interested in dating them. Hey there is a person in there!
OK, I get that people are attracted to certain things, and to be with someone you want does take some chemistry, but it shouldn't mean everything. Relationships have to go beyond just a body that attracts you in the room, there has to be some personality and mental interest...remember the soul? Oh yeah, it's like they forgot about that!
This weird labeling of fat admiration, like other sexual categories is just odd.
Fat Admirers (FA) have historically adopted queer nomenclature for their self-discovery stages and preferences. Men who openly pursue, prefer, and date fat women are “out.” Men who like fat women but more or less hide them from friends and family are “closeted.” Men who say they like both skinny and supersize women ones are “bisizuals,” a controversial term that’s regarded as disingenuous in various online circles.
I never heard of "bisizuals" guess you learn something new everyday. The ones who hide their heavier girlfriends, are brainwashed by society and lack courage, and that lady should run not walk from such a relationship.
The article goes on to list "misconceptions" about the chubby chasers, LOL I think the writer would see ME as holding a few...but then I wrote from what I saw...perhaps not all the men take it as far as others but I'll stand by what I wrote in the other article.
This sentence is telling...
"Nope. Lawrence, who sometimes fantasizes about a 550-pound wife, thinks the smallest he could go would be 180 pounds, though that veers into bisizualism."
Who wants to just be a fantasy? Not me. I wonder if he realizes that a 550lb wife means he would be having to do a lot of errands, and helping take care of her? Maybe that's why he knows he has to go smaller, in facing reality.
The rest of the article goes on. I am glad that fat women, can get boyfriends. Why should men only date the skinny minnies? But part of me cringes that that just the act of dating someone who is heavy, earns you a special name and subculture and almost a metal! It seems to me fat women got husbands even 50 plus years ago, and they didn't have to go to a NAAFA meeting to find one either.
Fat people deserve love too, but there is a lot of weird baggage and debauchery that goes with the fat admirer world. One thing I want to ask is how come it's always skinny dudes going with the fat women? That is one weird thing, I guess if some guy is over 230lbs, he is fat too and not a fat admirer.
When I was younger and even at my severe high weights, I did get hit on, would just say "I am married, thanks but no thanks", and walk on. So I know these guys are out there, whatever their intentions were towards me. I was spoken for pretty young--by 25, and married by 29, and spent the majority of my 20s midsized before my weight gain, so the whole fat admirer thing didn't really register on my radar til after I was attached. I'm glad I didn't have to go swim in that slimy pond for a mate.
RE: In Defense of FAs and Feederism (the ultimatum politically incorrect position!)
ReplyDeleteElsewhere in your writings on this blog you've complained - no doubt correctly - that much of the discussion of the world of obesity concerns the merely fat, not the issues faced by people of your size.
That being the case, I'd like you to consider the following case for the virtues of "creepy" FAs and uber-creepy "feeders," in the context of the real world where physical attraction is part of what brings people together, and in the context of the real world where having a huge partner is an enormous burden (cleaning, caring, etc.)
It is basically a fact that the *ONLY* reason a man would consider a relationship with 500-600-700 pound woman, and all that it entails, is because he has a freaky/weird/creepy call it what you like attraction to the idea of having a huge gf and fantasizing about how much she eats.
why? for two reasons. first, the only people who are attracted to people your size or more have big fetishes about food, overeating, feeding, etc.
second, being in a relationship with a 300-350 pound person allows for basically a normal life, with plenty of fat and a few limitations. The 300 pound gf is fat but not so fat as to make normal life impossible or even difficult.
for those who are suffering at 500-600 pounds and are single, having a pool of FA/feeders out there is the only source of potential for love. yes fat women found husbands 50 years ago, but there are vastly more women now who are really fat (for all the reasons you have discussed).
w/out a pool of men in those categories, it would be close hopeless for the extremely fat woman. the fantasy motivates!
now, i would suggest we work on nurturing the feeders of the world and making them better peeps. i would agree that a relationship has to be based on something more than physical attraction, and that the FAs/feeders might be dangerously exploitative in many cases. figuring out how to bring them to reform those who are just in it for the fat is a worthwhile goal.
celebrate FA/feeders, but work on fixing them.
thoughts?
I don't agree in supporting FA's because that's all super-fat women can get. So you mean to tell me if someone is over 400lbs, those are their only options? Don't other people have disabilities or illness problems who manage to partner up? Yes it is hardest, but do we say to people who have other health problems, your only choice out there is someone who will make a fetish of you? Isn't there something creepy about that? Don't super-fat women suffer enough as it is? What a way to almost guarantee more dysfunctional relationships!
ReplyDeleteWith feeders, I disgree with the premise of someone even being a FEEDER. That may shock you but this is based on my own religious and other core values. Feederism is WRONG.
It actually sexualizes eating which to me seems to be a dysfunction that the Freudians of the world could run with. I have my own beliefs about "gluttony" not being an asset that someone should pursue. {yes there are those with eating disorders and the like but I am talking about those who celebrate gluttony and feederism as something to celebrate. I see it as something dysfunctional. Outside a person with true physiological or pyschological problems dictating severe hunger and eating, those who push eating this way, are doing so out of ill-health--pyschological or other. If you have read this blog you will see I do not hold an "anything-goes" attitude towards this world.
Did "feeders" even exist 100 years ago? Interesting to think about. Seems another phony sub-culture and one by the way with far too many abuses attached to it. I had enough time in the size acceptance world to see how these guys operated and my advice for the huge woman is to run like the wind and as far as you can. A huge fat woman has enough physical and other problems of her own dealing with this fat hating society and her body that does her no favors without adding a man with serious problems to her life roster.
Reform for a Feeder for me, would be a complete over-haul questioning core values considering the worth of the human being, and their over-focus on materialism and food.
http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2011/09/body-isnt-everything.html
Real love isn't just about bodies.
In a perfect world no one would care how anyone looked. We would choose our partners solely on the basis of personality, compatibility, and other non-physical attributes.
ReplyDeleteWe do not live in a perfect world. In the real world, people choose their partners in significant part based on appearance.
I don't doubt that there are a few women (or men) at extremely high weights who can find lovers and partners who are not FAs with feederist tendencies. Perhaps when your husband married you at 700 pounds, he was not an FA. If so you are very, very lucky.
But the truth is that in the society we live in, the 500-600 pound person is viewed as freakish...and just as importantly, getting seriously involved with someone that size comes with a lot of limitations and complications.
to live with someone that size, however, can be rewarding for those who are passionately excited by fat.
let's take two problems: cleaning and mobility. for the true FA excited by super-fat, cleaning between folds of fat is exciting, not a chore. It is an opportunity not just to do something nice for your partner, but also a chance to touch fat. For the non-FA, it is a time-consuming, difficult, repetitive and never-ending challenge.
For the true FA, his partner's lack of mobility is a constant reminder of the fat that causes the problem. Holding up your partner to help her walk is exciting, not slow and boring.
The FA can truly embrace and love his huge partner. The non-FA may as well, but the sacrifices are of an all-together different character.
I agree that we should all choose partners based on non-physical attributes. The issue is, in the world in which we live, is that a truly an accurate representation?
How many 500-700 pound women have found non-FA partners?
"in a perfect world no one would care how anyone looked. We would choose our partners solely on the basis of personality, compatibility, and other non-physical attributes. "
ReplyDeleteIsn't this how the world worked before everyone got shallow and brainwashed?
I mean not every human being in the world has bowed before Mammon and the Media Jungernaut in telling them what to think, do and love.
"We do not live in a perfect world. In the real world, people choose their partners in significant part based on appearance."
Not me.
And if someone chooses appearance first, and the other parts are lacking how long do looks last? Through the 20s? If anything people should be standing up against the worse aspects of this culture instead of saying HOORRAY EVERYONE GO WITH THE LOOKS AND DITCH EVERYTHING ELSE!
"I don't doubt that there are a few women (or men) at extremely high weights who can find lovers and partners who are not FAs with feederist tendencies. Perhaps when your husband married you at 700 pounds, he was not an FA. If so you are very, very lucky. "
ReplyDeleteMy husband is not an FA.
Does one have to be "lucky" to have that happen if they are big and fat?
I concede marriage for someone that size is RARE, even due to functionality issues, I probably broke a world record of some sort for being that size and marrying in 1998. But does this mean the super fat are relagated only to FAs or feeders, I do not think so.
Couples have other avenues of compatibility, intellect, interests, etc. In fact I know this ALWAYS came first to me.
You are right, that when one crosses a certain line, one does become what society more unpolitely calls a "circus freak". I am not sure if I even convey on this blog the degree to how this degree of being on the fringes has impacted my life.
But there is no way, I would tell a woman to seek after a psycho-sexually dsyfunctional man, to find "love". If anything rather then seeking someone who sees them as a fetish, they would do better with a relationship where companionship is of the first order whether this turns into love or marriage or not.
You are right life is limited when someone is severely overweight. My husband has to live around me being housebound, and has more responsibilities.
Those who are "passionately excited by fat", really have a dysfunction because the person becomes an object. There is no real love there. The super fat woman would be bound to be majorly disappointed in such a relationship. Relationships have enough complexities without adding this level of dysfunction. Keeping a marriage alive for 20 plus years isn't going to happen via some fat cells.
LOL I doubt anyone enjoys cleaning between fat folds. Even the superfat living in the body are annoyed by it. I have to shower every day even when I'm sick because of the demands of my body. LOL if someone wants to touch fat, go buy some at the supermarket. LOL
I cannot imagine a man out there, who would be excited to hold a fat woman, who can barely walk. Trust me I have had enough mobility problems to find this one unbelieveable. By the way even the strongest dude is not going to be able to carry a 500lb woman or serve that much to keep her going if her own power isn't going to propel her forward. A man may help a super fat woman out of love and help but I doubt any are getting "excited" by it.
How absurd.
I am sure there are some FAs where why they may have the weird fetish about fat, may even love their partners but it does define the boundaries of the relationship differently.
To me the non-physical attributes came first. Does that make me unusual or just a person who rejects some of societies worse norms?
I just don't think telling superfat women they have to "settle" is an answer.
Yes, being superfat may even preclude the relationship due to functionality issues to start.
But don't superfat people deserve real LOVE too where the WHOLE PERSON is embraced?
Yes I have had people come up to me in shock, that my husband married me. By the way, his family banned the wedding. Some people told him to his face he was nuts. I have been told I have married "out of my league" even based on his looks. {yes seriously}
And marriage takes work, but if you are going to have a FETISH skewing it all at the start how successful will it be? Perhaps some of the FAs overcome the focus on the physical and enter into real love that happens inspite of what brought the people together.
But why start off with such a handicapp?
I went almost deaf too, so there was more then fat for him to deal with...
Eh. My ex has a weakness for fat women, but he also told me he'd support me and find me beautiful no matter what size I was. If I wanted to lose weight, he'd cheer me on, and if I didn't, he'd love me all the same. To him, it was my body and my choice, and he just wanted to be along for the ride. You can imagine why it hurts so much to call him my ex.
ReplyDeleteI am glad your ex was supportive of you and didn't hold being fat against you. Sorry you ended up being an ex of him and it did not work out.
DeleteThis article is messed up and so are the comments. (By the way, 29 is not young at all to be married. And you say you are old fashioned) This article speaks of FA`s as though they are deviants who are solely attracted to large women for sexual purposes. I have read articles by men who love fat women (and women who love fat men) and watched videos on the subject. It seems to me that their attraction goes far deeper than just being sexual. They accept big women as they are and are not buying into the notion that "sexy" means thin. Also, I feel that feeders and FA`s should not be placed together. Obviously some FA`s are feeders, but for the most part this does not seem to be the case. Feeders enjoy control and want to make the person as large as possible. They objectify the person. Loving someone`s size as they are does not require being a feeder. What a shame we live in a society that requires such labels and stereotypes.
ReplyDelete