This one is to thank my husband for being there for me during my wisdom teeth removal and other health problems. I wish caregivers were given more credit for what they do. He's out doing my laundry right now with a bum gout knee. My husband has stuck by me with the utmost of loyalty and love. I love him more then words can say. He faces his own health problems too, which can be scary for a caregiver as well. For those with a chronically ill spouse, many do not understand what the more "healthy spouse" has gone through, they face the fear, the hardships and pain too, that severe health problems can bring. More need informed on what it is like.
18 Secrets of People Who Became Their Spouse’s Caregiver
Read more: http://themighty.com/2015/11/18-secrets-of-people-who-became-their-spouses-caregiver/#ixzz3tV50PIae
That's just beautiful. I know men will do anything for the woman they love, its just what they do. To establish that kind of connection is hard.
ReplyDeleteThanks Joan. Yes that is true love when they stick by you in severe illness. When we married I had been given just a short time to live and was in and out of the hospital a LOT even compared to now. While some relationships have gone sour in this life, this one went right. This doesn't mean we haven't faced challenges, we have been married long enough, that those come up for anyone who has been together for 20 plus years. We do have a strong connection. When I met him my family was mad, they angrily called us "two peas in a pod", I think they knew I wasn't going to be alone in this world anymore.
Delete"I love him more than words can say." And because love is a four letter verb, he demonstrates to you the same kind of love in return.
ReplyDeleteMy late DH and I were going through a horrible period in our lives. (Again.) We had gone to bed, said good-night and we're both laying silently on our backs in the dark. After a few minutes when I thought he was drifting off to sleep he said, "Ya know TW, sometimes the best thing you can say about a day is you survived it. We survived it. Sometimes that's enough."
I really like what a few of the caretakers in the link said about not feeling special or like they're doing some kind of extraordinary feat by caring for their partners. Sometimes I wonder though, if we really knew what those words would require the day we so joyfully and willingly said, "In sickness and in health, till death do we part..." I didn't think about them at all, TBH. The future stretched out indefinitely and I could not imagine this man, now my DH as being anything else but what he was that day. Outwardly he did change as did I. But the "who" of who he was as a human being never faltered right up to the last words he spoke before he slipped into a coma,
"TW, you ARE the love of my life."
Not many people get what you and Mr. Peep have, Peep. I bet if you told him how much you appreciate him going to do the laundry he'd look at you with surprise. To him this is nothing special; to you it means everything. It is this love that binds you together and gets you through the difficult times, the scary times, the bleak times, "...in sickness and in health." When you face these kinds of challenges, it really demonstrates love in action. It is a gift you give each other and a gift you give yourselves. It really never does end.
TW
I agree about love being an action verb. It is shown here.
DeleteI am sorry you and your late DH went through a horrible period in your lives, I totally relate to that conversation you had with your DH, TW. We have had times like that. Sometimes we have thought, "Why is life so hard" and discussed this followed by "What are we doing wrong?" He has told me point blank defending me from my worse moments, "What has happened is not your fault, you didn't choose to get sick", this was a bolstering moment, against the voices I had always telling me I was a horrible person. I told him the other day too, "you have done everything you could as well, you always worked hard and you were not treated right especially after those 12-14 hour days at the newspapers." He deserves/deserved better then what this world dished out to him.
I am glad the caretakers said they didnt feel special either, that is just being human and taking care of the person they love. It is doing what comes natural. I went through a period where I was worried I was bringing him down, with such severe long lasting health problems but he assured me to the contrary.
Our story is unusual in my case, we married believing I would only live around two more years or less. Keep in mind I was in and out of the hospital, and I was near my peak weight. There were times I questioned doing this wondering later what fate I had consigned him to, but we were in love and wanted to be together. We did not expect 18 more years at all. He does say to me "Every year is a gift". There were a lot of naysayers, shocked he was marrying me. Yes the marriage vows, speak to this stuff, in sickness and in health, many people marrying do not realize what they really mean or how life can pan out. When you are young you don't realize. Everyone changes during a course of a lifetime. I am so glad your DH had a chance to speak of his love to you TW before you lost him. I know that is the hard side of loving losing your dear one.
Yes when I thank him, he does look at me with surprise, he is doing what has to be done. He is sick himself too. I am trying to take care of him today in ways I can, making him a good lunch but we are both in bed otherwise.
I agree this love is what has gotten us both through. I told him one day that without him I probably would not even be alive. He says he doesn't know how he would have made it either. The love has kept us going. I believe you'll be reunited with your DH one day TW. The love will keep going.
My husband asked me the other night where I want to be buried, lol. I know, it sounds so creepy, but this is actually him caring to make sure I want to be buried with him. lol So he asked me if I want to be buried with him, and I don't know, this is strange.
ReplyDeleteI know this has little to do with your post, just had to talk about it, lol.
I know those conversations have come up. In our case there will be no burying, probably more likely cremation. My ashes can put on the shelf. I have made my wishes known that my family not be involved and I am not buried in the family Catholic cemetery. I doubt I would be since who would want to spend the money? I don't want my things being pawed through by a bunch of narcissists. We only have simple wills now, but need to make provisions this doesn't happen if we were both to go at same time or he goes before me. I also publically renounced the Catholic church which gets you banned from those church graveyards alone. They almost kept a relative out as a possible suicide. I did write in my will, that I am not to be buried in the family plot. I understand these discussions. My husband and I even had a conversation where I told him I didn't think I would make it without him and he told me to keep going.
DeleteThat's great you have that worked on. I can't even talk about it. I feel I barely came to life and now I have to talk about death? I pay attention a little, I tell him to look after it. I'm not ready for it. Spent my whole life trying to figure out why I was the walking dead and now I just want to live. I know we have to talk about this stuff at some point, I told him maybe in ten years, and no one has the certainty of living beyond tomorrow anyway, so I don't care. I should just tell him, lets figure it out quickly, and then just stop talking about it. He has willed me all his things, and made sure I will be provided for, but I can't stay out in the bush by myself. So, lol, this is the most I've talked about it. lol
DeleteI just came to life, I'm not ready for death yet. I guess no one is.
YES, everyone in my family gets cremated,and I agree with that.It is more CLEAN.--which is why we do it.The mortuary business is not necessary now.That is very expensive,and just a con-game now.Mourning relatives get duped into paying thousands to "preserve" a loved one who's still dead."The Loved One" is a good movie. try it!;)
DeleteHi, folks, Mr. Peep wants you all to know -- I'm doing better now, though last week has been pretty hellish on me.
ReplyDeleteThe things I do for Mrs. Peep reflect how I was raised, since my dad was a caretaker for much of my mom's life. When he died, my sister continued that task, until my mom died -- so the cycle kept going.
All during that time, the message was the same: "Everybody does their part." Simple as that, no more, no less. Doing anything else would never have occurred to me.
Otherwise, if you're not helping that person, you're cheating them -- because you're not giving 100% of yourself to them, something that morally compromised people don't understand.
And that is the other great lesson I learned, one that has been reinforced by my punk rock background: less is not an option. So that's how I see it.
I am glad you are doing better Mr. Peep :) It comes with great relief to me. Yes your Dad stuck by your mother and helped her which was a good example. Morally compromised people do not stick by others, they kick people to the curb they consider 'burdens'. We are both in for the long haul. Love you Mr. Peep.
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