Sunday, February 12, 2017
Narcissistic Family on My 600lb Life?
The times I watch My 600lb life are rare. I don't believe in weight loss surgery. I know too many who have died of it, or had their few "good" years and then regained it all back. My year puking my guts out in 2013 from kidney problems is one reason, I have no interest. When the digestion goes, life is hell, and I prayed for death a few times that year hunched over puke pails, so no weight loss surgery for me! It seems many of these patients have lymphedema problems that are massively ignored as well.
This week, I kept watching this show about Erica after channel surfing, more intrigued by the family dynamics rather then the pursuit of the WLS. It probably was a mistake, the show was very triggering for me. I should have shut it off, but figured I'd watch it to the end, and then write about it on here.
Erica did have some faults, ones I didn't like. I hate how My 600lb Life, makes every supersized person out to be a food addicted person. I know they are out there, but there's a reason TV never puts low metabolism or medical cases on there. I never had junk food hidden in my bedroom. The way she talked to this nutritionist bugged me but then what good is a nutritionist who comes in your house and throws away all the bad food and replaces it with nothing?
No one will change my mind that obesity in America is a malnutrition problem via bad food and the expenses of good food. Finding and obtaining good food is harder and harder. Erica's personality is very closed down and very muted. She makes Aspie me look animated, she is so closed down. I wonder if something is wrong with her because her voice is so monotone and she is so shut down, but this will happen to CPTSD people undergoing more severe traumas and those with other mental health issues. That's beyond my knowing, but you can tell she has gone through a lot. She talks about being sexually assaulted by several men at the behest of a betraying "boyfriend" and also about severe abuse from a father who calls her "Godzilla".
Her family was as mean as rattlesnakes. They were cruel people and chances are, several were narcissists. They hated her, you could tell and she even admitted they never came to visit her, and ignored her more and more. Her weight disgusted them, though a few of them were mildly obese. Erica took things to the extreme in asking her brother to take months off work to go with her to Houston and that was some extreme boundary breaking but her sister and brother were both very nasty people who you could tell were absolutely sick of her. When Erica said to her brother in trying to get him to help, that she would be dead soon, it was manipulative and showed some of her mental health problems. I wanted to yell at the TV, "he doesn't care about you!".
They saw her as a "nothing" and a "failure" and I believe this worsened her problems. Take the father into account with his calling her "Godzilla" and this being acceptable in a family and the sickening detail the family did not pursue justice on her behalf when it came to a gang-rape and you know Erica was the scapegoat and dealing with some major narcissists and sociopaths. With my family, I was seen the same way. A lot of my going no contact, came about from my discovery of my Lipedema and being vindicated from all these years of ill health and abuse. I tried to seek answers via my adoption search they refused to answer, I knew I no longer stick around people who saw me as nothing. Sure I had my times of wishing I had been able to "get thin" or become rich to "earn their love" but as I healed, I knew I deserved better. Narcissistic families teach scapegoats to suck up the crumbs.
Even Erica's keeping her sexual assault secret from her father resonated with me. I had two attempted rapes where I successfully fought off my attackers before rape happened, but I kept those secret too including the one when I was 13 and when the young man stalked me at high school. I knew I would not be believed and may even be blamed. Erica's trauma was far worse but the family dynamics are quite similar. Not one relative ever learned about my attempted rapes.
The father did not appear on the show though some of his abuse was talked about, and Erica's mother had died. Erica had failed weight loss surgery at the age of 16 and I get the feeling it was something she was "forced" into by a family who used her like a trash can. This surgery failed, so I think it's even worse she got another surgery, and what will keep this one from failing too?
One reason I never wanted weight loss surgery is it does not fix inner metabolic problems. For food addicts it is just a lock box and for people like me it would not work, except for maybe a mild amount of weight in the short term. I sometimes wish a researcher would do studies on abuse as related to cortisol and severe obesity. It would make an interesting study, as probably daily grinding abuse and PTSD set people up for either addiction or inner damage to the pituitary-adrenal-thyroid axis.
Erica's family was so nasty and her sister and brother full of utter derision, it shocked me they didn't even tone things down for national TV and the sake of appearances. This show brought back memories for me of the endless derision I got from my family. In my case, while I got some help with cars and car repairs in my 30s, mostly to keep husband able to go to his too low paid work, I never asked my family to let me move in after the age of 21, or help with any caretaking or the daily duties of life. I knew they never were there for me. There was one time my mother even yelled at me, "Don't you dare move back to my town, you embarrass me!" I sucked it up and took the bus or went to the social workers or went without. Even at near 700lbs and I don't know how I did it then, but I was young, I was still taking the bus and able to walk. Thankfully my time at that high of a weight was short, but then I've been stuck in the mid to high 400s to 500s for a long time bouncing around always worrying about gaining.
Erica needed a lot more help from her family and one could see the major resentment and hatred for her. Some may say well they were practicing "tough love" for all her food addiction, but I didn't see that, I saw disgusted narcissistic people who had no forgiveness for a sister who was struggling. Even if Erica could be demanding, and probably the terrible dynamics set that up, the way they treated her stunk. I wish I could write her a letter and say "Go no contact with your family, they are toxic to you". Keep the niece she has some love but even there be careful she is not manipulated. The way her family treated her was very familiar.
While I never was dependent on my family or asking them to take me to Houston or haul me out of the tub, the gestures, looks, cruel words and rest all resonated with me. It was like watching my own life be rerun. I didn't cry or anything, I sat there in shock. My husband was busy transcribing while I was watching this show, and later I would have to go talk to him about what I saw on the TV. I exclaimed, "Thank God I went no contact, now I can have some dignity!" and he agreed, that going no contact was the best thing I ever did.
Back to Erica, I believe that the special circumstances of being severely obese and an ACON/scapegoat at the same time can be among the worse things a human being can suffer. It is a life I would not wish on my worse enemy. I have known very fat people loved by their families, I know two in town, one is an Aspie man and the other was a lady in the 400lb range who served as my Stephan's Minister some years back. It makes for a whole other mind set to be loved despite your physical failings. I found love in marriage which probably rescued me too and kept me from utter destruction but to have a hateful family and being fat at the same time in this society is a very bad mixture. For those who face physical, sexual and other abuse on top of it, with high ACE scores, researchers have already deemed a life of ruined health and more chances of serious addiction.
Her sister's meanness towards her points to narcissism, such as the time Erica is happy she has lost 30lbs and the sister responds, "it should have been more". Another instance Erica is in a hotel room after grueling travel and is sitting there, and the sister is angry at her being upset about her bed. For supersized people not having a proper bed can mean falls or being trapped and not being able to get up. Her sister throws her, a bagged dinner and walks out. The lack of empathy showed itself multiple times. Erica's sister even says at one point "Erica is an embarrassment." Society is always so hard on us, and if you match that up with a family who hates you and rejects you and tells you that you are not good enough over your weight for years and years, that is very hard for a person to survive.
Some close down like Erica, her emotions were so shut down to "survive". I know I had my slumbering and comatose years though I had my "fight back" times and my finally "run like hell" and "I am done with you people for good" time. If she hopes to regain her health, getting away from toxic people is an important part of this. It will be her only hope.
We Don't Love You Because You are Fat
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The sister was mean but the brother-in-law was even nastier - I think the sister married their dad - he was constantly negative and nasty and said _nothing_ when she was trying to say thank you.
ReplyDeleteThe counsellor seemed to understand that the Post-Traumatic Stress and all the associated guilt, etc, from the gang rape needs to be addressed. I noticed the siblings didn't discuss that at any point.
I noticed she gained 200lbs too after the mother died. Probably cortisol surging like gangbusters. It's hard to know what to believe about all the eating. I considered the BIL nasty too. The sister seemed like a GC narc in waiting too who married a version of her father. I got the feeling the siblings had the belief she deserved everything that happened to her. Narcs don't care about PTSD, yeah they all ignored it. I think her siblings are fools, they didn't even try to hide their utter hatred for the cameras. I hope she can get away from those people and narcs don't end up turning the nice niece against her.
DeleteI know there are always 2 sides to every story. I'm sure there may be good reason her family are a bunch of horribly- behaving people and they may be justified. But the fact that she is going on TV, has help to achieve her goals should make her family show some compassion, understanding, and patience. The hypocrisy is that many of them are overweight and on their way to being morbidly obese themselves, yet they project their own self-judgment onto her. If the family was not so dysfunctional, they'd have a heart knowing the emotional reasons that led her to deal with her emotions through food. I wish for her a tremendously healthy life so she can be independent of these mo'fo's, move away from her toxic family and establish her own life and screw them all. That would be the best thing that she could do for herself. All in steps and with a lot of counseling and support.
DeleteI kept thinking the weight she needed to lose the most was the toxic narcissitic family. She has issues too, but probably fleas from that environment. Outside of the niece, and I am surprised they haven't turned that niece against her yet, they all treated her with the disdain, I remember all too well myself. They are horribly behaved, and lets realize these people were on TV so probably scaling it back, so we didn't see the cuss-outs, and probably even more overt mockery. There are scapegoats where the narcs won't even pretend to be nice for public viewing they consider you such a lowly worm and if there are visible disabilities or fatness involved, they feel like society has given them permission to keep the emotional beat-downs humming. She does sound like she is trying to help herself. I wish they had a weight loss show that was not WLS based or crazy like Biggest Loser, I'd sign up, feed me some healthy food, salad, give me a pool and some PT place to hang out. This boring shit, of walking down an empty apt hall and doing a few leg lifts just to KEEP from GAINING weight while trapped like a rat inside in Arctic America, sucks.
DeleteYeah much of her family was fat, the brother was thin but he annoyed me the most. I agree their self judgment is projected. They have no heart for her. I think besides the niece she is wasting time with them all. I re watched this show recently sometimes I miss parts of shows, bathroom visits, medical junk, I am fidgety even being fat, and I missed the part where she talked about how they hadn't invited her over in a long time or seen her, and that was a familiar to me. They barely tolerated her. I think she did lose around 200 hopefully it will stay off but in WLS that's a gamble. She had the unusual thing of this being her second WLS. I hope she does get away from her mean family or the narcissitic members and gets her own life.
I just watched the trailer and Erica is so so sad, it really hurts to watch. It also pisses me off to think of all the people sitting on their couches watching feeling superior. I mean, come on, everyone has issues, some peoples are just more visible than others. The nutritionist though - I have to say - while she was kind in how she spoke with her, this kind of idiotic behavior of removal of all your normal foods and then saying, okay bye good luck! is classic nutritionist from my own experience. When I went to one she told me here's what you can eat and the list literally said : barley, oatmeal, lima beans. And I was like, you've gotta be kidding me. And she said well, these are just some examples. But no bread, no potatoes, no pasta, no bananas, no bread and on and on and I'm not overweight and I don't have diabetes! Nutritionists - except for some really special ones - are, as my husband said, "one trick ponies" - all they know how to do is tell you - don't eat any of this. Bye!
ReplyDeleteI agree, well her whole family thought they were superior to her and it was sickening. Yeah weight shows and everyone feels superior to the fat person. I had a few good nutritionists but a lot were bad. Still remember the one who told me to eat a low fat bagel in the 90s for breakfast, I would have had hunger within 2 hours. Barley, oatmeal and lima beans are starchy foods and the surest way to insulin resistance and sugar bounces. I hate oatmeal by the way, I will eat it in granola, and like in a meatloaf, but a bowl of porridge is gross to me. I have had so many health freaks try to push eating oatmeal on me. Eating oatmeal for an insulin resistant person is a waste of time and means guaranteed hunger within two hours. Yeah telling someone don't eat any of this is a bunch of wasted advice and time.
DeleteI thought the sister was evil, and a horrible person. Especially, when she said her sister was an embarrassment. That coming from someone who was also overweight was hilarious. I just don't comprehend my father calling me Godzilla my whole life would have done me any good mentally. It just makes me realise that the majority of people are bad when I read all these comments everywhere that Erica was annoying and her family had just enough of her. Come on ppl have some sympathy!!! The lady is obviously mentally crushed. If I had her life I would be too. If I could I would've reached through that TV and punched her sister and freak husband in the throat. Everyone needs kindness in their life and hers died in a car wreck. I'm just fuming and brokenhearted after watching this...
DeleteI think the sister is evil too, that's one headed for hell and a definite narc and sociopath. She was fat too you are right. All it would take is one massive gain to put her in her sister's place. I get the feeling one reason Erica got so beaten down and sick was the parent's abuse and the siblings inherited the contempt. I don't even want to imagine that including massive sexual assualt on top of it. I believe that if my rapists had succeeded instead of me punching one in the face in getting away and fighting the other one off, I would have been destroyed. Add in a psycho-narc family and so wonder she was beaten down. I hated seeing the people blame her, I think they looked at her weight first and the stigma is so great they piled on. That family is as much a reason for her weight [stress-cortisol surges, as any possible eating disorder] I KNOW my family destroyed my health. Having multiple autoimmune disorders is connected to ACE scores and multiple traumas. She is mentally crushed and being more mentally crushed being told she is worth nothing because she is overweight. Hey it was done to me. I wanted to punch her family out too. She had no kindness. I hope she googles herself and this show, and finds my article and learns that no contact from evil people is a solution for one's life. My weight was used for my abuse for years and years. Looking back I was abused for weight even before I was severely obese.
DeleteNarcissistis will kill your soul. This sister reminds me of my own hateful Narcissistic Mom and sister. Heaven forbid you were 20 pounds overweight. All about appearances and not about who you are as a kind loving person. I went no contact with my Nasty hateful mother who called me fat when I was a normal size. I was the scapegoat. Recognize these manipulative toxic people in your life. Go No contact.
DeleteThey will never wish you well. They’re jealous of you. Once you do, you’ll feel at peace and realize you were a victim of horrible abuse by people you loved. Best wishes. Believe in yourself
Yeah they kill people's souls. I hated how Erica was treated and this particular episode gave me tons of flashbacks to my own ill treatment. It sucked. Even the sneering faces of her relatives DISGUSTED by her. One thing I am glad I went no contact with and this was sheer poison for my life was the utter hatred for my body. The looks of disgust, but then I remember too when I was "near normal" [first stages of Lipedema, 'big" but not obese, I was already being tortured over being fat. Her constant exhortations of fat is almost like a curse I guess. Later I thought your fucked up genetics gave me this body, so screw you. I hope Erica has gone no contact. Some people revel in destroying others.
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Hello Peep.
I read this, watched the clip, then started watching all the current season of the show on utube. That poor lady on this one. The way her sister spoke to her, it was awful. I have been a fatty all my days and being treated like that by my family would have destroyed me.
I know how you feel about the size acceptance movement of which I was once a card carrying member, but it did teach me to value myself even at my size. I think that is something this woman needed. She was very filled with self loathing.
I have been right there myself. but still as fat as I am I saw the light of my own intrinsic value and that gave me enough reason to work towards better health,( where I can anyways...) and away from self destruction.
I saw that Erica is in CA. I came from CA as a young teen and I think changing scenes at that age, as hard as it was, showed me there are other ways to be in the world, not just thin and perfect.
I love reading your blog and have been for a couple years now. I am in WA and can definitely relate to a lot you write about.
CLP
I agree, the sister was the worse, and I believe a full blown narcissist. I wouldn't want her "help" either. I saw a lot of that martyred "fake help" around my mother. I never got any but she dished it out to other family members, "help" without any smiles and tons of hatred and resentment, why'd you offer in the first place? I hope your family didn't treat you that way. I didn't get fat until later, had fatter and thinner years but was in normal land even some of high school which made the later devastating weight gain more horrific.
DeleteYou know how I feel about the size acceptance movement but yeah I think it could help her. I do think the denial is bad, but they did help me in recovering some self esteem too, so I understand what you are saying. The hatred being unloaded on fat people is destroying them and ruining people's health even more. Erica definitely needed some self value. She looks like she was able to take care of herself even as a midsized and supersized woman having her own house and job for a time. I do hope your health improved. I do wish others had gotten to Erica first, I thought the last thing she needs is another weight loss surgery, her health needs other supports to really be improved.
CA is higher pressure on looks, a whole other culture. Thanks CLP, I am glad you have enjoyed my blog and thank you for posting.
I am a person who had WLS and I will NEVER suggest it to another person again. I have had my bowels collapse twice and the doctors think it was due to me WLS(Roux En-Y in 1995). The MD that did my surgery--and the surgeries of my then spouse, a family member, and several friends--had a support group where they used the most successful of his patients as examples to keep the brainwashing the ones waiting to be okayed by their insurance. Only one other person in that group had thyroid issues like mine. I have never eaten like the people on this show. I couldn't imagine eating like that but I was still almost 400lbs when I had the surgery. I am now under 250 but that has been where I have plateaued and stayed at for years. I am trying to lose but it is truly hard. My pouch is actually rather small.
ReplyDeleteThe thing for me is if I had known that my mother had the most severe form of osteoporosis; I would NEVER have had a gastric bypass. I am suffering from a condition which I was born with and didn't know about until about 10 years ago which causes my cells to not process energy from my food like they need to because the motochondria are broken. Mitochondria are the energy storehouses of our cells. So I am in permanent chronic fatigue and there are other issues attached to it; and I have serious issues with my backbone which is slowly disintigrating...the thing is...I wish Erica had been strong enough to tell her birth family where they could stick it. I had to do so with mine and it was truly the best thing that I have ever done. I has two siblings like Erica's brother and sister and one who actually had compassion. I also had a father who put me down for my weight yet he weighed 600lbs for most of my childhood. He saw my weight issues as a weakness, he never has taken responsibility for the criminal abuse that he, my mother, and their friends did to me. I hope that Erica can eventually drags her family to therapy and kicks their asses for how they treat her because they deserve it.
Wow they didn't check you for the state of your bones and the other condition. Do you have Lipedema too? Just curious, there can be weird conditions connected to that like Ehler Danos and POTS syndrome. Everyone I know who has ever gotten WLS got sick, major surgeries for blockages, dying within the year, some failed to lose any weight, it seems like you got a chunk off but definitely it kept you at a larger size. My mother had osteoporosis. So guess what could happen to me. I found out I am related lately plan to post on that.
DeleteI wish Erica had told her family to stick it. She had one nice niece, I think it was, younger girl but I could see that girl being turned against her. I am glad you stood up to yours. Both siblings talked to me like Erica's siblings, thats too bad you had two like that. Oh the show was very triggering to me, the same looks of disgust, etc, though a lot of that came for me early before the weight got severe even. JUST TALKED DOWN TO. As I said to my brother, "are any of you really surprised I walked?" Yeah she needs to tell them all to go to hell and walk.