Wednesday, March 8, 2017

She Destroyed My Winning of The School Reading Contest

Above is the actual book, I hid that with the comics journal too and STILL have it.
This is a strange memory that returned recently.
When I was young, I was considered very gifted. I had aced some of those tests they give young children and I was able to read adult books by the age of 7. I remember my mother getting pissed when my third grade level teacher told her I was gifted.
My undealt with Aspergers helped with some of these skills but there was many other detriments I had to deal with.
My school held a school wide reading contest, it was based on whatever kid read the most books over a set period of time won. This was a test designed for me. I was a voracious reader and hung out at the library as much as possible.
I won the school contest and they had an awards ceremony, my mother was there. They gifted me this new book and gave me a certificate. My mother started screaming at my teachers about how the book they chose for my prize was way below my reading level and embarrassed me. The book, I still have it, was an illustrated African folk tale. I liked it a lot. She of course didn't. She ranted and raved about this book, waving it over her head. She didn't compliment me on winning or anything else, she just wanted to fight.
So I started crying and all the teachers were disgusted and angry. I am sure this is what she wanted, to destroy the pleasant life I at least shared with some teachers and the joy of learning.
She ruined one of the few shining moments I had during childhood as a lonely little Aspie bookworm.
The path to destruction was on it's way.


  1. They are just on the take, and that is what I believe they are all about all of the time. What I realize about tv psychopaths is that they at least have some lucid moments, but writers of movies don't know the reality.

    My mother had a very different way of acting when I won something for writing. She would own the praise and the hard work she did in raising me to become so great. Teachers would have to praise her or else. Then she would bring me home and tell me how hard it is to be a mother, and the sacrifices and whatnot. At that point I always would put my great writing in the trash, I didn't want to bring it up again.

  2. yes they are always on the take. It's sickening. Looks like yours wanted to take the credit and did so to push you into a background and make it ALL her doing instead of yours. That is just as bad.

  3. Glad you still have your original book peep and belated congratulations on winning! I bet your teachers hated your mom for being such a jerk at the ceremony. I bet it made them more sympathetic to you, knowing what you had to deal with at home. Geez, woman, get your own dang award! And Joan - I'm sorry your writing went into the trash. Your mother probably liked that it disappeared though so it probably saved you some trouble. All my childhood writings were all thrown out, my stories, my journals, everything tossed by my father when my parents moved out of the old family home. My mother claims it was my fault for having upset my father so much by arguing with him about a piece of chocolate cake that he sold the house. (How does this logically follow? It's inexplicable, but that doesn't matter to them.) And later, he regretted selling it, so that remorse was my fault too she said! Written down it looks so ridiculous that it's funny, but it wasn't funny at all to me at the time.

    1. Thanks, I am glad I still have my original book too. I don't think my teachers were too happy. One teacher I had later but was around at that time would let me hang out with her quite a bit. She was a friendly nun. I actually looked her up to see if she was still alive and she is. It was weird because she is still playing the guitar I remember.

      Agree get your own reward!

      Yeah I am sorry you lost your writing too Joan and felt like she just wanted to take the credit and she was probably enjoying it being tossed out. My mother would find my journals and go into complete outrage after reading them. I hid some though she never found, I was the master of hiding places like the comic journal, and the fact I hid it for so many years is weird to me now, LOL I think I even took my 5 year old drawings with me to college. Sorry your writings got thrown out, that's sad isn't it. yeah if I wanted to keep something I knew not to leave it in their possession, art included, that means I got a giant pile of paintings. I got back 4 paintings once when I noticed she had no interest in hanging them up anywhere, these were "bird paintings" and I told her I needed them for an "art show", I am usually not an Indian giver but I took those paintings back and kept them.

      How does chocolate cake and the house follow? Your father is a mad man if he sold your house because you wanted a piece of chocolate cake as a kid. Anything to blame you, I guess. Sometimes we need to keep journals and writings to see their insanity. When I went NC, I was even in my comic journals going back thinking "Why was I putting up with that" I read them. Budgie would be there talking on the phone with one of the narcs saying "I'm so busy" or "We think it's best you don't come".

  4. I got to the point of not telling my family if I won something or was singled out for being good at something. Even when a small group of us went to collect an award, or see something we'd done exhibited (poetry) I just told them the whole class was going and hid anything I'd been presented with.

    They were so dismissive or negative it felt like I had done something wrong. Even getting a good report was something my sister would attack me over. I was treated like my existence was a deliberate intrusion into the family.

    It's so bewildering for kids who grow up in households where one or more of the adults hate them. We didn't do anything wrong but we're at fault all the time.

    1. Yeah I got smart and started telling them NOTHING. I got some certificate in high school for being the only kid in the whole school who got a 100% on one of those school wide tests for the state, and I never told them. Why bother? She probably would have yelled at me about the housework, saying I spent too much time reading. I can see why you kept your awards secret. In 5th grade I got some kind of art award I kept my mouth shut on, I didn't want art messed with, no way no how. Yes even when I had "good things" happen too, like my college graduation, she always made me feel like I had done something wrong. They are angry and jealous when you "do well". I even got the feeling my mother and sister hated me because I actually loved my husband and he did me. My sister always got funny looks seeing us together. Yeah I relate to my existence being considered an intrusion. I think leaving the so called "family" was best decision I ever made. I kept a few cousins who noticed I was alive and treated me human but the rest are gone and will stay gone.

      Yes it is confusing for kids when they are hated. So many too think they are bad kids. The reaction to awards or the happy events though shows the hatred.

  5. I'm glad you had good teachers during your childhood years and they with your evil narc mother when she did an outburst and yelled at them. I wish there was a law in place that ordered teachers to report suspected child abuse to Child Protective Services and authorities. It was unfortunate their was no such law at that time. If she had an outburst like that in the 1990s, 2000s, or 2010s, your teachers would have called child abuse hotline and filed a report on your narc mother right away. You would have been adopted by an adult who would have given you love over the years.

    My adopted narc mother did similar things to me for years since I moved in with her at age 8. I remember many incidents between many adults and my adopted mother. She did not like teachers, coaches, and adults who wanted me to succeed and be happy. She was angry with those who confronted her something she did to hurt me.

    For example, she was furious when my soccer coach called her angrily after I told him I could not join a week of soccer camp because my adopted mother did not want to pay for the camp fees. I was in the Division I team for the best soccer players in the city. That time traveled to different cities throughout the state of California, and some players had chances to connect with coaches and players who eventually played for the state and national teams. My adopted narc mother let me join them after a referral from my original soccer coach. Out of girls from my division, my teammate from my original team and I joined the city's team since we were the best players from our league.

    Well, after that witch got off the phone, she angrily told me that I was grounded for telling the coach I could not afford the camp and she did not want to pay the fees. She claimed that the coach did not like her and she thought he was a creep. After the camp ended and I came to practices, my teammates saw that I was behind in training and felt bad for me.

    The coach felt uncomfortable with me based on his negative experiences with my adopted narc mother. He did not let me play during the season and eventually cut me off the team. I was very upset. My teammates tried to console me. I went back to my home soccer team but I did not play well that season. The team won and we got our trophy. Then we moved on Thanksgiving week.

    It was an experience I remember with hard feelings based on what my adopted narc mother's decision to sabotage me. I lost friends in soccer team and coach's respect. He would have let me play more had I gotten a chance to join the camp. Because I was not in the camp, I missed so much information and training for a week. By the time camp ended, I was far behind. I was cut off from the city's team and my career was ruined. A teammate of the original team eventually played for college and local women team. She did not play for the state and national teams for some reasons. I heard rumors that I was a better player than she was and she was not good enough to play for the national team.

    In high school, I play for a man's team until I realized there were schedule conflicts with my cross-country and track practices and games. I chose to join running teams since I was doing well and coaches were able stem off my adopted narc mother's verbal abuses and threats.