Thursday, September 11, 2025

Problems with the Social Work World: There's Not As Much Help As You Think There Is!

 




Before I write this one, here is a caveat, some organizations have helped me, including a dental one, and some churches and their programs. So I am not saying there is no help out there, there is SOME, but I have noticed some scary things about the social work world.




 They are only getting worse. The social safety nets have decayed to the point of no return. Are there good social workers? Yes, sure there are, but they are within a corrupt system. They don't pay them much. Their overlords make endless demands of them that are nearly impossible. Their case loads are crushing. When I was a residential counselor, I was in that system myself, I saw myself a lot of crazy stuff while working in it. 



Some may say beggars can't be choosers, and maybe think I am entitled, if you can help yourself always do that first. It sucks to need help. Live responsibly. Pay rent first. Avoid drinking, gambling, and drugs.  Do what you can. If your body works, and you can breathe and walk, don't give up. 

I wish I had been able to have a more self-sufficient life. You have to know even years later, I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had stable employment and able to afford necessities and medical insurance. Even one good job for him, [we got some good working-class years via his employment with no need of help on and off] would have changed everything. 

The fridge is empty again, and I did figure out how to pay the hospital 30 bucks today to keep my payment plan. I can't walk today from my muscle problems [I could walk normal for me on my walker all week] so today is not an easy day.

EBT, welfare and food stamps is run pretty direct in my state, you either qualify or you don't. Social Security runs pretty well too, except many are worried about cuts there and what Elon Musk did to the place. But a lot of other programs and social services, it's complicated as crazy. 

I have noticed when people go seeking their help, that most of the answers always seem to be "no" or where you are automatically weeded out. I wrote about my housing troubles recently where I was 'weeded" out, but I've heard many of the stories of others. My weeding out there could be a variety of reasons from asking too many questions, to being super-sized to my husband's self-employment. It hit me hard. Why? Because I was trying to improve things and again it fell through. You get an idea, and want to improve your life. Why didn't it work?

 I have been shown the door in many other social work situations. 

Here are times I got turned down or turned away by the social work world during my life

During my 20s, I was severely ill in the city I lived in before I lived in Chicago, and had my anxiety disorders, and PTSD/panic disorder already diagnosed. I went to a program for housing for those with mental health and physical problems, I was desperate and about to be homeless.  I escaped the homelessness moving to Chicago but that came at great cost.

While I worked a lot, I had two major job lay-offs happen at the same time. I was not surviving well at all, and often did not have groceries or basic food or medical care .There was no health insurance. One therapist already suspected I was autistic. These people turned me down flat, there was simply no help. I got the feeling they only helped those who got referred or had wealthier parents who advocated for them. It was a strange feeling. No one ever gave me a reason. 

Also during this same time, I was turned down for food stamps and told that I was "abled bodied" and did not qualify. This was the 1990s, the rules are even more strict today. 

I applied for disability in my mid 20s, I got it in my late 20s. I knew I was getting very sick. I remember telling doctors, and social workers about constant pain, extreme weight, breathing problems and more. This blog exposed the endless fat bigotry but my medical problems were beyond the problems of obesity.  One thing that worked against me, is I could not afford to see doctors very often except at a few "free clinics" so my health records outside of the constant ER visits and hospitalizations for asthma/breathing problems and leg/stomach infections were minimal. That's a crack that many disabled people fall through. 

Once I had to get this lung medicine [I am on something stronger now] via the pharm company's program but they required you had a social worker sign off to receive your medicine. The social worker even after three visits from me, lost all my paperwork, never sent it in, and refused to help me. The medicine cost over 300 dollars retail. 

There are MULTIPLE times in my life, I have gone without needed medication. My inability to afford antibiotics put me in the hospital at least once in Chicago. The social workers never helped with any of this. Yes, I asked too. This was in the days before you could get cheap antibiotics, and they were 100-150 dollars.

Chicago, I have written enough about the nightmares there. It was hard to find any help, even food pantries when I look back seemed very rare or there were special groups they catered to, like immigrants or the Orthodox Jewish population I lived around but no one else. The offices of the 1990s were very draconian places. I remember there was a severe lack of help there in general, especially for a poor white fat woman. There were few churches that did any outreach. 

There was a time I went to a Vocational Rehabilitation career counselor, he yelled at me to "lose weight" and wouldn't help me with job placement or anything else. I went to a VR career counselor in another town who told me to become a residential counselor, because they were "desperate" and would hire anyone. Since I was on the verge of homelessness, I followed this advice and it saved me from homelessness, but my long term readers know how horrible that went. There was constant abuse.  

 My life as a residential counselor did not go well. When I look back, I am in shock, I needed to be in a group home myself having someone help me. You do want you have to, to stay alive, even if that means cloaking for an autistic woman or trying to hide severe health problems, which only got worse. 

Later, I was working class in my small town and husband had stable employment during those years, most of the time I did not need any help. I got 8-9 years as a "normal person" who felt part of normal society. I was very sick and faced those problems but life at least felt more secure, We had some years here, where we were working class, on and off here.  We had a few years until 2023, where we didn't have to go to any food pantries. When my husband was an assistant newspaper editor at a small town newspaper, I didn't expect for the poverty to get so bad. I thought we would make it. 

 My old small town did not have much charity help. There were only two food pantries and they handed out dried beans and peanut butter. There was a Salvation Army where they served some meals, but it was upstairs, and by my last year there where we did become poor after his job lay-offs, I couldn't do stairs easily. We turned more to my church for any food--we had a shared food pantry. As people here know I never wanted to leave, but rural America is being decimated. 

Most of the time it didn't affect my life, since we were financially stable for the most part. I do remember thinking why is there so little help here. I had friends who went to the one room "free clinic" from time to time and many were very undertreated. I do think a lot of my small town friends died young [40s-50s, I have outlived some of the even in the shape I am in] due to lack of medical insurance and consistent health care.

My old small town declined so badly. One friend a few years ago, told me, "Don't move back here, it's desolate!". I wrote about how when I looked them up on Google Maps a few years ago, that everything was shut down, barely any businesses were opened. They got a huge homeless encampment going there too for a time, and that was shut down and pushed out somehow--the population there is pretty conservative and some of the wealthier ones, do have negative views of poor people. 

Some churches here do help, so I was fortunate this town due to the wealth had some more programs for people. Before Covid there were some community dinners, we used those off and on as needed, but that stayed shut down after Covid. 

Well I found out the more recent HUD cut off, we both are above even just on Social Security for both of us. Around 15 years ago, I came up on a HUD list, that lady told us, we were too close to the cut off then, within 500 dollars. We were okay with staying in private so we just continued on. Oddly I have noticed few married people in HUD buildings, do the low cut-offs keep them out? HUD is far more direct at least they go person by person for apartments on a fairer basis, unlike the housing program I was on the list for. Maybe some places you have to "know" someone to get in. Who knows? You always feel there's some secret you aren't in the know about. The social work world may work like the job world. If you're not connected, out you go. 

I found this great job program for my husband, it sounded right up his alley, remember he has been in very low paid gig employment and this worsened after he had his contract job lay off too. One place is slowly shutting down and has far less work, and he does some freelance articles for 40 bucks an article. He works a lot but he doesn't make much. There are expenses too. Anyhow this place had jobs for seniors where they put you in offices, it paid around 11 an hour. He had the right skills. Not much money but it would be a stable 40 hours a week. Even there, we got some insane cut-off told to us. "You don't qualify". No one could afford to even live in this town on the cut-off they gave us. The only elderly person that could qualify for this, would already have to be in subsidized housing or living with relatives.

Keeping my apartment clean has gotten harder and harder. I complain about housework. Today since I can't walk, I made lunch and did dishes from my walker.  Desperation and fear gets me to clean it to a certain level but it takes pain to do it.

We get inspections all the time here which usually means a week of misery, and extreme pain. I do not get to live at the cleanliness level I want to live, because my body will not cooperate. He's sick too and on a rollator walker now to function as well--leg problems. In the last couple of years, I cleaned out a lot of stuff and took it to thrift, even last week, after we had a plumbing issue, we were forced to clean stuff out of the closets and I got rid of 6 trash bags worth of papers and other stuff that had been boxed up in the closet. 

 It has been a life-long issue. No amount of will power or forcing myself is going to make this place as clean as it should be. I stare at the baseboards and have daydreams about little elves showing up to clean the place out.  Around 7 years ago, I applied to get a home health aide and wrote them a letter telling them my husband had health problems. He was having a hard time with the caretaking and we really could use a home health aide to help us with housework, laundry and cleaning. 

This society kind of stinks, not to help disabled and elderly people with housework or make it possible for us to get it done. This time, I was told, "you make too much", That was laughable. These people acted like I could go out and hire a cleaning person. I would have already if I could. There's no realism in these programs. Probably 30 percent of the people who end up on Hoarders simply got too sick to clean and gave up. I can throw things away without a problem. 

One disabled lady I know tired to get a home cleaning person but for some reason they sent the cleaner from 40 miles away. Who is going to keep a minimum wage job that far away? Whoever set that up was clueless, she gave up, because all her cleaning people never showed up or called off, probably even lacking the gas money to get to her house. She has no one to help her with the cleaning now. 

I've talked about another health program I considered going into, age 55 and above, people with severe health problems, they offer house services, medical, cook you some meals, and offer recreation. My motive was to give my husband relief too from constant care-taking duties as his own health is suffering. It's to keep people out of the nursing home which yes I am worried about. 

There too, insane cut-offs, no one could live on that amount of money or even afford an apartment in my town. It's weird they advertise the program to keep you in your home, but the financials are crazy. So I never went into this program though I definitely wanted some of their help as they offered physical therapy and other things that could have been very useful to my life. Here too, if I went into the program, they probably would want me paying thousands I don't have. Why am I punished for being married? 

When middle class and wealthy people design these programs, they seem to have no inkling of how people actually live or how little we live on or how much things cost. THEY ASK FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE ALL THE TIME. 

Disabled people are probably figuring out now we are in an austerity society, we aren't going to be helped anymore. Plan accordingly.  I feel for anyone who is paralyzed or faces different disabilities. Think about me, no hearing aid for the last 6 years, my ears got too bad for my last set of hearing aids, they don't work anymore. The ear doctor the last time I was there said, "They make hearing aids for hearing loss as severe as yours now". I laughed and said, "Well, maybe if I win the Lotto!" The last set I got from some charity but they shut things down years ago. There probably was too many people desperate for hearing aids.

Remember I see a doctor house call service, that specializes in the housebound, elderly and severely ill. They do get other super-sized people. Even they can't access me hearing aids and things I need though about 12 years ago they did get me some physical therapy I needed, a hospital bed and have gotten me medical machines over the years.

My mobility is in bad trouble, so I'll never afford a scooter or lift I need. I got one in the 1990s, my husband would have to lift into the car but now he wouldn't be able to do that and that one is long ago dead and gone.  I managed to walk on a walker, but these days from my autoimmune disorders where I wake up and a muscle decides not to work right, and yes it can happen that quick, are very very scary. My apartment is not wheelchair accessible. That was one reason I was trying to get the senior/disabled apartment to plan ahead.

One thing I noticed over the years from my 20s on to now in my late 50s is the social work agencies I would go to, would hand me a piece of paper with phone numbers, "call these people" and then you'd call or visit those places to get a new set of numbers on a new piece of paper. It went in a circle. This happened to me with the aging agency, they gave me a list of programs from the health program to another disability program I never understood. 

It was maddening. A lot of people seemed to be paid a lot of money to compile a lot of paperwork and forms but I started wondering how many poor people were really getting help. This may sound cynical but a lot of agencies, seemed more busy paying salaries, making hand-outs and managing paperwork then really offering any concrete help.

. Everything was a weeding out, and "you aren't qualified" or "you make too much". Some rules were so complex, they were impossible to understand. The answer was always NO. Now one thing to remember about me, is I do not look healthy. One can tell looking at me I am not a normal fat person, my weight distribution is extreme, I have Michelin man lumps, I am covered in huge rashes from my autoimmune disorders. A person can tell I am sick. I walk on a walker and I am deaf and have to talk to all people via a transcription phone. If I am going to be turned down... who do they help? I don't want to be an object of pathos. But I had that thought, who do these social workers help if not someone with obvious physically seeable disabilities? Are loud narcissistic drug addicts getting in the door? I don't know. 

 I'm a resourceful person, I got hearing aids before and eyeglasses before. I know how to get stuff for free legally like cookware and other household items from Buy Nothing. I've been creative in getting things I needed, like buying used art supplies, and finding ways to find supersized clothing. 

Sometimes I do wake up and ask, why aren't we allowed to have enough money to survive and even have necessities. Disability checks are almost worthless now. I have told other nearly disabled people don't go on disability if you can help it. It means poverty. You want to avoid it if at all possible. I said this to at least three young people with more moderate health problems than me. Don't do it if you can work at all. 

I'm scared for the future as inflation shoots up. This article was written in bits and pieces over some weeks. Some may say "Oh there, she goes complaining again!" but hey this blog is about dealing with reality, there's a lot of crazy stuff happening and as people get poorer, at least there may be a few voices talking about what's going down. One way I have survived a very hard life, is to analyze some of this stuff and ask what to do about it. 

 I am in really bad shape today. My leg decided to say "Screw you, I don't want to work today". Most will blame my immobility on being fat but I was walking across a small yard to do some painting four days ago on my walker. I have two conditions that cause myositis. I hide a lot of pain from people. Some may say okay you can type this article, but I've worked on it on and off for days or weeks collapsing in between time. 

Everything is a dead end most of the time. America is a falling apart economy and now there's far more homeless and desperate people. Things were bad enough 15 years ago and back to the 1990s. Some will tell me the social workers are trying their best, well they aren't paid very much. One sincere man helped me with housing stuff, but he hit the same dead ends, I did. The place I was on the housing list for, wouldn't return his phone calls, I'm not sure what that was about. My whole take on most of the social work world outside a few good organizations and basic welfare, is that there is more an appearance of doing stuff than actually doing it. Why is help so hard to get? Why is it so complicated? Why is the system designed this way?

They did lower the cut offs for welfare and food stamps under Biden, few people know this. Our prices went up by 50-100 percent, but the cut-offs are at pre-Covid levels. Trump obviously is cutting welfare and access to programs even more massively. I fear for Medicare D, and another medicine program. Section 8 is now going to put timelines on housing. We don't have Section 8 here. One rule I read is that a family can't live in Section 8 more than two years, why even bother when the waiting lists are 10 to 15 years long? So expect things to get even more rough. Too many newly poor people who are laid off, are going to find out there's not as much help as they think there is. The old poor know things have sucked for some time, The new poor are going to be in shock!

It ties into the lousy job system. During years husband had more secure income, I needed less help.  How many jerks behind desks even put me this position? That's now failing as I have written on the economy here. Some formerly well-off and middle class people aren't going to realize how the system really works and they are going to be disappointed. As the job system falls and it is right now with endless lay-offs, the streets ARE going to fill with the homeless and already are. 

And why aren't there any job placement programs, one agency could make sure of criminal records and medical ability and then find jobs for people or even assign them if needed or if the person failed in the first place at getting a job. The system doesn't take into account how rampant discrimination is happening over age, moderate to mild health problems, looks, mild obesity, and more. People are getting sidetracked, but I noticed in the social work world people seemed to have forgotten about the term job placement instead of pushing people into a dead end job search process. This reminds me of those told to find an apartment with section 8 vouchers in that one book on homelessness I read, they got the vouchers but all the landlords turned them down. Why push people into the same job system that left them unemployed from before?

 With the ghost jobs of today and the endless AI disappearance of resumes, I doubt this has improved. The corporations are more busy giving jobs to H1-B for tax cuts instead of hiring Americans. You ever noticed they never confront the weaknesses of the job system and why so many people are closed out? They also never address that many of the poor and desperate now are working!




They won't realize the "weeding" out element of it all. An example of this, is one charity told me, "We will pay your electric bill only if you have a shut off notice", I had run up a giant electric bill a couple year ago from cold weather and was way behind. This is what they told me. I decided to enter this weird payment plan with the electric company where I had to pay 50 bucks a month for over a year to keep the lights on. I paid it off. The electric bill is paid up now. If one needs machines to live, having it shut off is a bit risky. 

I called once, hoping a senior or disabled apartment would come up, and asked if there was any agency to help move disabled people. I didn't want to burden friends unless I had to. We are too disabled to move furniture. I was in shock when I was told there was nothing like this. I remember one friend from the 2000s, telling me she had to go to the Red Cross to get help moving from one disabled apartment to another in another state. It's shocking some of the things like that, why don't they help with that sort of thing or make it possible. What do very old and sick people do? I'm not moving now at least, so that's a moot point.

My husband and I now joke about the social work world. "Don't bother" is our mantra now. He tells me, "Don't waste your time trying to get help from them".  I searched for cheap apartments and wrote about how that went. Sometimes I've asked for help and gotten some, like with eyeglasses and leg bandages for my compression machine they wanted a thousand dollars for but we know the answer is NO. Some food pantries are okay and things like that but I've gotten realistic about this stuff.

Americans are being made desperate, and they have succeeded in separating us all from each other.
Our rich families don't care about us even if we become poor. My mother had it in her power to help my husband get a middle-class job years and years ago. The pastors want your money, my second IFB that's all that guy cared about. The churches want dues, tithes, etc. 

We have some friends who have helped us, thank you friends. I would rather have been able to give rather than be in constant need. The social safety net is fraying and is nearly gone. This feels like a very dangerous country to live in for a very disabled person.

My own situations have been very hard but this kind of thing has happened to many others. Some of the stuff I have seen has troubled me. Remember in my case, I have basic medical care, and am housed in a safe area. I get scared for people. It's getting bad out there. 

Here are times I have seen others turned away from by social workers in some shocking scenarios:

I have seen plenty of people go through even worse than I have.

One homeless online acquaintance was in a wheelchair, and ignored and no one would help her. She had severe Ethos Danlos syndrome. The homeless shelter wanted people to walk a mile to go where they served food, she couldn't do it and had disabilities that made rolling her manual wheelchair that far impossible. She sat on the streets in her wheelchair for hours, and told me about it. She was able to find some shared housing later, but I always wondered what happened to her. She disappeared and sometimes I fear the worse. If she still reads this blog, please write me, so I know how you are doing.

I heard about people calling APS on demented parents who were hoarders, and who had become homeless or who were on the verge of eviction and nothing was done. They told them the parents had the "right" to live this way. Some of these parents were abusive and they feared them showing up on their doorstep. Some of these parents were even offered trailers or were signed up for housing by their adult children which the senile or abusive parent refused.  They were given every excuse under the sun why they couldn't help the parent. An elderly person in severe mental and physical health was left to fend for themselves in the streets.

Years ago I used to write to another homeless woman. I believe she is schizophrenic and she has serious problems. She definitely was an ACON and abuse victim though in her case she may have some personality disorder problems as a result. I don't talk to her anymore I sent her a box of food once and few clothing items, and a little money, I think it was 10 dollars, it was all I could spare. She has a YouTube channel and rants and raves in the streets, screaming about perps and thinking everyone who wears red is out to get her. I have thought why won't anyone help this person and get her some mental health care. She has detractors all over the internet who make fun of her and call her a scammer. Some of her detractors yell at her to get a job, she is far too ill to maintain any employment. She needs to be in a group home or something. Some time ago, I was curious and wondered what happened to her. Years and years later, there she remained, doing her channel, and screaming in the streets and still homeless. 

 She does get money from people from her Youtube channel. She's been out on the streets for YEARS. Nothing is done, and she's been in police stations and homeless shelters, but she's left to rot in the streets.  If you want to see the utter and complete failure of the social work system there you go. I wrote some people on youtube channels who were talking about her, and I said "Would it help to contact anyone, at least show them the channel to get her help?" They said they had contacted agencies, and other help for her, but nothing ever was done. 

I once called some social workers on behalf of this newly disabled guy who got evicted from my apartment, to help save some of his stuff. They told me, "We don't do that!". That guy lost everything and ended up leaving town. I think a friend helped him.

There are cases of online Lipedema friends I had who went through absolute hell. Some are deceased. They were denied medical care, or too far from it, or couldn't get mobility devices. One ended up in abusive housing situation and was trying to escape. There seemed to be no outside help for her at all. Stage 4 Lipedema brought many bad things to people. And often fat bigotry influenced the lack of help. I had a spouse to rescue me from the worse, others did not. Some of these people I would try to help with advice but they hit dead end after dead end. 

 Then you hear about some of these cities that get millions of dollars to help the homeless. Some of them buy a few tents or maybe a few better cities get some tiny-homes set up in a complex, but most of the time the problem grows worse, and there's no help for the homeless out there. Every American who is honest about it knows homelessness especially in bigger cities is skyrocketing.

 I follow this man named Kevin Dahlgren on X, he is a homeless advocate. We don't agree politically on some things, but he definitely exposes some of the problems in the homeless world. How the homeless are ignored and many social workers and organizations are saying they are "doing something" but you never see anything change. 

In another post he wrote about how one city's homeless advocates were all taking an international trip to Vienna. Wouldn't that pay for some housing for a few homeless people? If you look up the number of grants and millions handed these organizations over time you get the feeling, most of the money is going to 6 figure salaries, endless seminars, and not to any of the poor.  He warns about the homeless industrial complex, and I think he's right about that. Tons of money is being poured into it, but no real changes or help is happening.

I don't agree with him where he seems to think most of the homeless are addicts, maybe they are in Portland, but it's easy to become homeless now, all it takes is one job lay-off or negative event. I wrote and told him direct, not all the homeless are drug addicts though SOME of them are. The economy is crashing in America.

I won't go into these details again, but when I wrote about the abused kids shown on Youtube, there was social services failure written all over those cases. Some kids were already in the system and sent home to live with abusers. 

A lot of things aren't working now. People are 'weeded" out, the paperwork is hard and convoluted. Even people with college degrees have a hard time with the paperwork and documentation needed for many of the agencies. There's many programs getting cut, and as the numbers of people who need help skyrocket, what's going to happen? I think we are already seeing evidence of overwhelmed programs.

 Food pantries are handing out far less foods, that started happening some time ago. There's one food truck we used to use years ago that used to hand out at least 5-6 times as much as a person can get now. 
People may discover that programs they thought they can depend on are no longer there. Sadly the Republican party often makes cuts to anything that helps the poor but then the Democratic party got more focused on identity politics, and other matters and abandoned the poor and working class long ago.
Many social workers do lean left, but I have noticed they are on the identity politics side of the equation more often than not. Maybe that is affecting programs and making them less effective, kind of in a "some animals are more equal than others" scenario, where certain populations are helped more than others. I don't know but it's one thing I wonder about. People should be able to get equal help and really ask where is all the money going as poverty gets worse and you see people going without help.

Where are the disability advocates when it comes to the increased poverty among poor disabled people? I was part of one group where I don't go to meetings anymore because they kept censoring my speech about Covid and worries about where things were going. Something has changed and not for the better. The poor and working class became invisible even as their numbers increased.

                                     some of this stuff is happening overseas too, their social safety nets are fraying

I looked up a mutual aid society to see if one existed in my town. There wasn't one.  If I was a charismatic sort of person who had good social skills, maybe I'd start one but I don't have the health. Sometimes I think I am being too idealistic, in trying to find a working-class church that helps each other like I had back in my old rural town. That place may not exist around here. Hopefully some resourceful people can share resources, and combine households, we almost did with this one friend but some other factors have delayed this.

Sometimes I wonder why there isn't a movement for poorer people to join forces, and households to survive, or cook each other dinner-like a local dinner club where food could be shared, or more mutual sharing. Has our social system broken down that much? When I worked and lived in some ghetto areas, I noticed in many African American communities, that some of this happened, families took care of each other moving in their uncle or cousins and more. Some ladies in the neighborhood would make "plates" in Styrofoam and share food with neighbors. Sometimes it was free and sometimes they charged a small price that was very fair. There was still community and a sense of helping each other. I saw that in the church in my old small town in my 30s. We have lost that in America. Everyone lives too far away, as I have written about in other articles, many of us have no roots, we have no families. Everything has gotten too impersonal. We need some of this back. 

Some may tell me here, don't blame the social workers, they are overworked and overstressed, yes they have a point, but something has gone wrong with the social services system. There's a problem when the answer to most people is always no or you hear about some of these programs getting millions of dollars and you see no effective change or outcome from that money. Some of us are trying to deal with the fact that there's no one that is coming to save us and plan accordingly. I wish life wasn't like this. They have destroyed us economically and now are busy removing all the safety nets. What is going to become of everyone. Some fortunate people have loving families, I don't. I have a few good friends. Society has been broken apart. Desperate people are easier to control and conquer. That is what the 1 percent wants. Nowadays I think there is more of appearance of giving help instead of real help in many cases. Some serious changes are needed.



Divide and Conquer

 


Everyone's heard about Charlie Kirk's murder now. I found it horrifying, and sad, I saw a video of him getting shot, it was very graphic. 

I only knew a little about Charlie Kirk and had read Turning Point a few times, but he seemed to be a sincere guy. I agreed with him on some matters and not others. His view of empathy is insane, but sadly that made the rounds around the right wing where they see "empathy" as a bad thing. Do they see it as weakness? He supported Zionism and other political views I don't agree with. Some liberals have said he is a Christian Nationalist, and I don't agree with Dominionism. I agreed with him on the Second Amendment, free speech and some aspects of the trans movement. Sadly, America has now entered a time and place where violence is now seen as the answer against freedom of speech and disagreeing on political matters.

When I went on my social media yesterday, several liberal friends seemed to be celebrating the death of this young father. It troubled me and gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The internet is full of liberal young people expressing feelings that they are glad he died and that's a very bad sign. Where is this country going to go, if people think it's a good thing someone should be killed over sincere political beliefs? Kirk was a Christian [7th Day Adventist] and held many conservative views. He was questioning some things recently including Israel and even addressed income inequality


 

Do I agree with him about Trump, no, but I am glad he showed concern for the young people who are facing ruined economic futures.

In my regular life, I am avoiding politics for peace. I lost too many friends. Someone was upset that I didn't know who Stephen Miller was, I looked him up. Avoiding the news has helped my mental health but obviously one finds out news just going online.,

My husband is still a Democrat and liberal, I'm not. I have very Republican and Christian friends some from my first evangelical church and other places to very liberal friends. I have friends who are like me, I suppose we are called the "black-pilled" who reject both parties or are into conspiracy. Some of my closest friends are Republicans or reject both parties like me. I don't support either of the two main teams. As I have written here before, I agree with conservatives on many issues, and agree with liberals on some issues. 

 He did believe in free speech from what I could tell. Have you been noticing there's so many intense events happening, they are coming at us so fast who can keep up? There was more discussion about the Covid shots and what they have done, and Epstein, and so there's a lot of distractions to be produced by the powers that be.

Years ago, as a conspiracy theorist, on message boards, we openly discussed that the elites were setting aside America and were going to collapse the American empire and change the chessboard. It's weird to see stuff happening that was discussed years ago on conspiracy boards. One topic that was explored was the collapse of America into a Civil War. It is a danger.

Very few question how everyone is at each other's throats now in this country. Remember the 1 percent benefits as they got everyone fighting and not taking a look at them as they pick everyone's pockets and ruin our lives with pandemics and wars. Americans can't afford their bills, food, rent or mortgages anymore, and it's easier to impoverish and destroy a population while they got them fighting each other. There are people calling for a left/right show-down but they don't realize they are playing into the elite's hands. What happens if America does split up?

Many people are angry at the opposite side. I have my own anger to deal with. My disappointment and sadness over what people have chosen, and embraced, has taken a toll. I left a church even over what I considered degenerate leftist false politics, that came at a cost. Covid was the cleaver that came down and sliced me from the left. Some people try to tell me, "It's over, you still live in 2020!" but all I know is they still got those mRNA vaccines out there, still being financed, and Thiel and Palantir played Covid roles too. What one does with emotions is what is important. Sadly many people's emotions are being steered to the worse. How many of us over these last years have seen people fighting like cats and dogs over politics as life quality disintegrates and many real issues get thrown overboard? If they are going to start murdering people in the streets over political views, we have entered a new horrific era. 
This definitely can be used for more crackdowns. They basically now have ruined open political speech at universities. 

  Pick a side is almost like a hammer taken to the person's head who looks at both sides and says "You're both wrong!". The left betrayed pushing clot shots, and the right has betrayed over some issues. Both have betrayed the poor and working class. Some of us have horror seeing everyone at each other's throats and that seems to get amped up year by year. This latest event is horrific as it is will bring more divide and conquer tactics. People seem to be forgetting the humanity of other human beings. Everything is based on a political litmus test. People are banned and censored all over. 

Some years ago I noticed one couldn't speak as freely as we were able. People could disagree and stay friends. Politicians didn't seem to have so much control over everyone's mind and personal lives. We even said things like, "They are all damn crooks!" with a shake of our heads. And that was allowed. People admitted the ultra-powerful often lied or consolidated power for their own uses. 

Now we see a world where people are cheering the death of a young man who had views they disagreed with. The left scares me, I have felt fear around some of them since Covid. I am an "evil anti-vaxxer" to many of them, questioning trans alone, can bring threats in many circles, especially as some go after what they call "terfs". Identity politics went the way of Maoist politics in China, say the wrong thing and you became a "non-person" to be cancelled. There was nothing classically liberal about any of it. 

I have noticed free speech is not honored in many leftist circles, and I almost want to throw up at the hypocrisy of people going on about fascism, when they wanted to put me in a concentration camp for refusing an experimental medical product. The right scares me too, double-talk, imposed religion, not much mercy for disabled or poor people, law and order, and often police state solutions. Rounding up people based on looks alone and sending them to foreign black box prisons is a very bad development.

Very few are poking their head out of the sand and noticing our government is scary now and does not seem to have any care about the well-being of the American people. Look at this way, I believed they committed democide via Covid, do I think these top people have good intentions towards me? Nope. There are ordinary government workers, like the postman, Social security etc., who serve others, but the elites don't care about me, and they don't care about you either. Life is getting so economically hard, now many are openly warning of full collapse. We are going into totalitarianism, and the divide and conquer formulas repeat themselves.

There's a reason that the National Guard has been dispersed in major cities throughout the country, I told others, ICE and crime are just the cover story. It seems to me they do expect chaos or an event of some sort. Some have warned of collapse or a financial reset. Will we see worsening political violence? One thing people need to do is stop letting them steer you. Know it's a very bad day when people praise violence for someone who politically disagrees with them. This country is going to a very scary place. 

Update to this one, I still stand by the above and believe it is a Divide and Conquer enterprise, but I had a very liberal friend post that Charlie Kirk said children should watch public executions. I was in shock, that can't be real. Did he say it? Newsweek says he did in 2024. What is wrong with this world? 

Liberals Still Push the Covid Shots

 



 "BERNIE: “We are now witnessing a full blown war on science, on public health, and on truth itself … So I will take this opportunity to make a very simple point … Vaccines work, period.”

I used to support Bernie, well not anymore. It's sad because he did seem to care about the poor and challenged some of the economic oppression, but this, I can't accept. 

RFK once called out Bernie on his Big Pharm donations.


Most politicians are sold out, I don't trust any of them, but I looked up some of Bernie's big Pharm donations long ago myself to see if it was true.

                                                    the Covid one didn't not by any stretch of the imagination
Check this chart out.



I looked this up on Open Secrets:



I have seen this chart on X as well





As we watch people get sick and die, Bernie's words aren't going to age well. When it comes to these folks, I do ask "How come they haven't noticed the illness and death everywhere even on a personal level? So many people have died around me, it's affected me. There are so many sick people. I've already lost so many people; some were older but many of my friends died very young. Bernie's been immune to all the suffering out there? He doesn't know? How does this make any sense. I keep thinking someone has to be under a rock, to not know these Covid shots have harmed people.

I'm sick too but watching people destroy themselves because they trust in a bunch of psychopaths [still!] is starting to upset me. IRL, I have dropped politics and don't argue with Covidian people for peace and happiness, but watching this show is tearing me apart inside. Multiple friends are STILL LINING UP. I am not kidding. While many regretted or dropped off after 1 or 2, many liberals are still lining up in 2025. They talk about it on my Facebook. One told me today she got her annual Covid shot. Why? Haven't they read ANY of the bad news? Some of these folks I have done direct warnings to in the past. I avoid fights now IRL over politics but one friend posted this yesterday:




No, the people trying to kill us with mRNA are a menace. 

 I have a friend on Facebook, who had a TIA/mild stroke recently who posted complaining that she could not get a Covid booster. I guess she's on number 11 or 12 or 13. I don't know. I remember 2 years ago on a shared private board telling her the Covid shots cause all sorts of things including strokes. They are still pushing the clot shots. These people scare me on a level that is hard to explain. Are they going to force us one day? I will refuse. That is a hill I would die on. Every day I cry about how the shots "changed" people. I'm tired of watching people get sick and die.

 I wrote about this on X but one friend, who got at least 7 boosters, I was close enough to him to warn and be direct, "That stuff is going to give you cancer!" I hate being right, he came to talk to me and told me he had cancer. I care about this guy, and want him to live and be happy. He's a nice guy. It is depressing and horrifying. The world has been taken over by the Grim Reaper. I'm not the type to say "I told you so." but he had regret in his eyes when he told me about getting advanced cancer. 

My belief in all politicians is over with. With Bernie, we even sent him a donation years ago for his presidential campaign. This is disappointing beyond belief. I'm avoiding politics in real life, just got tired of fighting about them with people and many of my views were outside the norm. 

The whole Covid shot stuff, when will it end? It seems never. There's a lot of double talk out there, they finance mRNA while talking about the harms. The right wing double-talks about the issue constantly.  None of it makes sense. Everything seems like a manipulation, and a lie now. 

Monday, September 1, 2025

The Housing Saga Updated


Three years ago, I went on a subsidized housing list. It has fallen through. 


As folks know here, we have been facing economic troubles for some time. Yesterday I had to eat ground turkey for dinner, from a food bank, I made left overs and gave us smaller portions to have dinner tonight. Hopefully these will ease up when my husband will be going on Social Security [for old age]. I still need so many things. It is sad how many things I miss out on simply for having no money. I even wish I had some art supplies for one project. I did switch to water colors recently since they are cheaper. A good friend bought me some shoes for my birthday. 

He wants to stay here. I am okay with that and always liked our apartment here. I told him let me investigate having us move somewhere cheaper, it hasn't gone well. I looked for apartments in the 500-800 range and even included other states. Sadly, I would never see some medical benefits again if I moved to some states. Oh I "make too much" for a lot of stuff now since all cut-offs for social services were kept at 2019 prices. They don't care that prices have gone up by 50 percent. I have explored what to do with the housing issues for a long time.

Housing Issues: Trying to Choose Where to Live is Not Easy

I didn't know what town to move to especially ones that had cheaper rent. I would rather stay here if I can, I'm used to the place. Every place has good and bad. 

It can be hard to live in a town where everyone is wealthier than you, I've written about this already several times, though richer places have more resources we benefitted from too. It's complicated.

When you get old, you get tired of constant change. My family set up a life for me from all the moving and financial abuse to where I never got to have a "hometown" or a place to "belong". It is not a good feeling to be in your 50s and not know where to move to. I wrote about this very issue in the Economic Nomads article. Everyone in my life including friends is scattered here and there. There's a few regional friends I would rather stay living closer to.

My old small town is too economically demolished to go back to, and has too little medical care. Most people either have left or are deceased. Sadly, one of my friends there years ago wrote that the town had seriously declined, they had a homeless encampment there for a time in recent years. A couple friends even years ago told me, "Don't move back here!" One friend used the word "desolate" to describe things. 

There was another small town I liked and considered, I visit the place a lot when I can, it's too remote though, not enough medical care, there's no pharmacy which is a big issue for me, and the water is bad, to the point people need to have expensive water filters. Every place has problems. Rentals are rare there too.

Another town I have considered and still thinking about, well, all the cheap apartments are small. They are in houses with stairs and those horrific claw-foot tubs. I can get 400 square feet for 660 dollars, but what do I do with all my stuff? My medical supplies, mobility--we both are on a walker, and hobby related items would fill the place up. 

Some factors that apply here:

1. We both have clean records, and our credit is at a decent level now. I have some small medical bills I pay on now but that's it.

2. I have kept the rent paid here on time for years and years. I never have paid the rent late. I don't have any evictions on my record. Even in the poverty of Chicago, I kept all the landlords paid. 

 I like my present apartment, it is safe, quiet, they fix things and it's on the first floor so there are no stairs or elevator to worry about. I'm okay with staying here, there's just the money angle side of things.  

The housing that is cheaper is so substandard, it brings up survival issues, with no air conditioning, endless stairs I can't do, and fears of crime, mice and roaches from my past. I joined all these neighborhood boards for one town I considered moving to for cheaper rent, and the place seems like a crime fest. There are meth heads all over and stolen motorcycles for some reason. Where I live now is calm compared to that place. The exterior of the town looks okay but I wondered about one apartment complex that had very small apartments [480 square feet] for 660 dollars when people on the board, said, "The pizza man won't even deliver pizza there!" That's not a good sign! My burn out at looking at endless all the same "cheap" apartments, hit new heights. They all looked the same. There were no deals. Everything looked very small, worn and broken down. It was depressing. Life for the poor in America is definitely getting worse. 

I and my husband do not qualify for HUD. Even if we both just get Social Security and nothing else, we are still over the line. I think the cut-offs for married couples in my state are a joke. Who thought of all that? 

So I found another low income senior/disabled housing program to apply to and went on the list three years ago. I don't want to get into detail here, it's a long story, but we got skipped on the list, and things were strange, the rules made no sense. All I can figure out is, the building manager may not like self employment. Maybe she doesn't like fat people? I don't know.  Some rules of this other program which is unlike HUD disturbed me like finding out they could raise your rent mid-lease. 

From what I can tell, they don't like any self-employment, at all. If your income changes every month and ours does. They don't like it. My husband will still have to do some work for us to survive even after he goes on Social Security. This is coming very soon. It is kind of nuts to me that supposedly no other old people do gig employment or self employment. How do they survive? Maybe there are no married people in these places. Something makes no sense.

The social worker, basically found out everything was HUD except the one place and "family housing". He found some cheaper complexes, but they were very broken down or had stairs. He told me, "You may have to go to a more populated area". Bigger cities are harder to get by in, they are more expensive, there's far more competition for resources. Been there, done that. There's one town I used to live in years ago, I won't go there, why? The place is overrun with the homeless. While they have some programs for them, tent cities have proliferated all over the town. Drugs are a huge problem. This is a sign of how bad the economy is.  You won't hear this stuff in the news. 

Where I live now, they treat me well, they even made some disability accommodations for me. So I had it very good on that score. We can get plumbing problems here but they have fixed them. There is far more risks in moving, people don't want to rent to supersized people. Housing can be scary for us. Landlords don't get medical reports detailing my Lipedema or other medical causes. They may think I am like the people on My 600lb life, and the pizza boxes will pile up or something. I have heard, "Will you go through the floor before?" when looking for apartments. I was told before a house apartment was "not available" years ago. One friend when I told her the subsidized story even said, "Your husband has long hair, maybe she though he was a druggie or something". We don't even drink. 

 I'll probably stay in the present apartment for now. One can't take secure housing for granted.

The cut-offs for married couples are so low for HUD to be laughable. I wanted to stay in the county for various things and activities but looked around just wondering what others pay. One day I looked up all the under 800 dollars a month apartments in my entire state. There were only 541. They were either in very remote towns with no hospitals, think 1000 people or less or in very crime ridden "ghetto" towns, think "Newark" NJ-- something along those lines. I was thinking of the budget arriving at the 800 mark to try and ease things up.  

Cheap apartments were all alike. Stairs galore, nothing is built for disabled still, claw foot tubs, etc. They brought flashbacks to horrible places I lived in before, but even my boarding house rooms seemed in better shape in the 90s than what I saw. We haven't seen a mouse or a roach in 25 years. My husband has said, he wants to stay here. 

My town should build some decent senior housing. [I hate elevators and towers] and or moderate senior disabled affordable housing. They need to step up on the ball. This whole process was harder and more disappointing than I expected. This apartment is good, I lived here long enough, except for the inspections, LOL 




The Weather is Scary Here

 


Today I woke up in a ball of sweat, at 7:30 in the morning. We can't afford to run the A/C every minute. I usually run it for 10 minutes before we go to sleep and then shut it off. This used to cause no problem.  They crowed about it being cooler in the 70s but it means nothing, when it's 77/78 degrees and 90 percent humidity. It has been humid every day for three months. It is directly harming my health, and adds to problems with arthritis and UCTD/MCTD. It has been humid for three months in a row. Not one day for a break. 

We often hit 100 degree indexes when the temperatures were in the high 80s which was more days. The air is always thick, dirty, or smoke filled too. Yesterday the air was full of dust and dander. That affected us too. I have had to run my air filter at least 75% of the time. You can taste the dirt in your mouth. By the way I live in a northern state, known for snow and "cold". 

I don't want to know how bad the south is doing. People down there have to be dying. I have swollen up so bad I can barely walk. Lipedema and heat are a bad mix.  I haven't seen a blue sky with puffy white clouds in months. Some liberal minded people will tell me this is the effect of "global warming".  Yes, it is getting hotter but I believe the weather is being messed with. All one has to do is read about "geoengineering" and look up at constant weird cloud formations and lines in the sky to know that something is amiss. I'm a bit of a skywatcher. I took pictures of a cloud formation that was so weird, it gave people shocked faces on my social media. 


Imagine three months of this in a fat body, I feel like I am being roasted and melting every minute, the pain is out of this world. I had somewhere to go this day, and checked the aqi to see if it was in the red zone. I would have had to cancel them.  It was in the orange zone. I carried a nebulizer in my car and emergency lung medicine to go 25 miles. There was a few times, I felt like I was going to throw up. What's in the air? It doesn't smell always like woodfires but something with chemicals. We live in a dystopia now. Most of the think-positive NPCS and zombies, aren't even noticing.


Yes that was the creepy color of the sky. The picture didn't quite get the orange and green tones. The sky is often white and gross. The sun gives off a weird light, even as I look at my window, the slates of light coming through my window now are too "orange", the light has looked off even on cleaner air days for months. You think an artist doesn't notice this stuff? I do.  When I see constant "Xs" in the sky and always noticed the milky sky and "X"s come before extreme heat, it forms a pattern. I see weird stuff in the sky constantly, the other day I photographed what looked like a sideways funnel cloud forming. I told my husband if that goes vertical, we have to get out of Dodge. This was just an ordinary day buying groceries.

                                            picture by me

There are weird cloud formations, I never saw before happening all the time now, unusual "cloud shelfs" and extreme weather events. The skies are always full of ripples too.

                                              picture by me

I believe geo-engineering is going on. Research it. We no longer have blue skies very often anymore. It did finally cool down, maybe they gave the chem-trailers a vacation finally after months on the job. Hot weather and I do not agree. The air was so dirty all summer long. It was frightening. Some meteorologists are now saying that it's going to be cold this fall. That's fine with me. I hope it is a lot colder than usual. September sucks when you have to roast through it. 

Geoengineering Watch


Naomi Wolf Notices the Same Patterns in the Sky that I do