Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Not Allowed to Be A Girl!

                                                 [picture source]

This is part of my abuse that may weird some of you out. Be prepared, this is where the weirdness of my freakish upbringing really shows itself. I think it was insidious and evil. It really disturbs me now when I think about it. Even beyond sexual abuse, narcissists can use sexuality itself to destroy a soul.

Remember how I was an art teacher and majored in art education for my bachelor's degree? Well both my parents were against this. Later I would have my regrets worrying they were right, but if I had a healthy body, I would have gotten a decent middle school art teaching job. I did work in the field as an art teacher under a grant at a juvenile home which included art therapy for three and half years. Well one of the conversation was very odd we had, my father sneered at me, "That's a woman's job!" when I said I wanted to be an art teacher.

Now isn't that weird since I am and was a WOMAN?

But that is what I faced among my family. In many ways I was not treated as a girl growing up. It was really sickening. I am NO FAN OF FEMINISM, and maybe you all will see why.

 My father and mother in many ways seemed to be misogynists of the highest order. Obviously you all know I am no bra burning feminist, but there can be people out there who hate women.  Feminism and hatred of women can go together. I know some feminist readers may read this and not be happy at me saying this but there are the powers that be who have used negative aspects of feminism to enslave. My father I believe married the most masculine woman he could marry who was still "straight". He used to scoff at female tears as all manipulative feminine wiles. I realized my father hated women and hated emotions and femininity. This is why he picked the woman with no emotions and the hardness of the most stoic warrior on the planet off the shelf. He wanted to sleep with girls but hated girls.  My brother's womanizing ways was his own new thing but disrespect of women definitely is something he inherited from my father.

My mother was very hard like the hardest man, she did not cry, outside of cooking she explored no womanly arts. She wore only pants and very masculine clothing. Even the Mini-Me will only wear a dress for a rare 'special occasion' but otherwise dresses in Khakis and polo shirts like a man. Gentleness among the screaming and yelling was out the door. The worse aspects of feminism were shoved down my throat. I was told my career would empower me and that I was too fat and ugly to "marry well".

                                          [picture source]
My mother's best friend who dated back to high school was a feminist nun who participated politically in having women become priests and other feminist liberal agendas. Both her and his nun and other relatives when younger worked at this boy's military school run by priests and nuns which was notorious for the things you can guess many of those places are. Seeing the place listed on a SNAP forum creeped me out.

I learned about her extreme feminist proclivities looking her up as an adult but of course as a child only knew she wore more regular clothes then the nuns teaching me. She was the first canon lawyer in the Catholic church, she quit the nunnery and got a high level job in state education. Of course those connections were not used to help me get a teaching job. Growing up, she was one of those liberal nuns, who wore the plain habit. She would visit my family household all the time when I was in elementary school and she was my confirmation sponsor. A semi-rotund woman even in her youth, my parents emulated her, after all she worked with high level Bishops and Cardinals and was "connected". She didn't like a lot of my youthful religious questions or then burgeoning atheism but I could talk to her and thought she was at least a bit nicer then my mother. She was held up as a role model to me growing up. I was told to study hard, and basically become her, and that I should never marry or have children but focus on a career and perhaps even join the convent one day.

We would move away but my mother would remain in contact with Sister Feminist to this very day. She stopped having anything to do with me when she realized I was independent minded when it came to religion. I left the Catholic church when I was 17. She would not like the beliefs I have about Catholicism today or that I am a born again Christian today.

                                      [picture source]

As I wrote before both parents were very angry when I left the Catholic church, some of my family estrangement comes from that. However even after I left the Catholic church, my father would tell me I needed to be just like Sister Feminist. Both parents wanted me to be her. They were angry when I did not match her career mindedness or drive. They knew I questioned the system too and was not ready to become a papal bootlicker and were not happy. One day when I was home from college, I and my father got in a fight while we were downstairs cleaning the basement. He told me "Why am I helping you pay for college, when you could just join the convent and get your education for free like Sister Feminist?". I told him, that I had read enough memoirs on convents including Maria Monk, and not every nun gets a JD degree, they pick some to clean the priest's toilet instead and this is not via the individuals choice. He wouldn't listen but then complained, "Let the convent take care of you, you'll never get a job otherwise!" I pointed out then how I had left the Catholic church formally joining another church at the time. He said to me, "They don't need to know!"

I wondered if Sister Feminist may have been a lesbian but then she left the convent and was married twice, the second time after being widowed. She left the convent after 23 years in and told my mother she was tired of working as a lawyer nearly for free. I think about all this influence on my psyche at the time. I was paired up with Sister Feminist constantly who would visit and take me on trips to Catholic basilicas in the large city my family lived in. I remember one day she bought me this pink rosary.  When we moved away my contact with her became far less but the messages remained the same.

                                              [picture source]

My parents constantly told me I was too "ugly" and that I never would be married and no man would have me. That I was "too weird". Oddly at the same time they made extreme strict rules to guarantee these outcomes. I was not allowed to date like other girls or even talk to boys. Get too friendly or flirt with a boy and my mother would call me a whore. When one of my 13 year old friend's got pregnant she threatened to throw me out of the house. I would be a virgin into my twenties, but my mother treated me like I was out ready to prostitute in the streets. One odd thing I remember it is like my family wanted me to be a spinster by age 10.  By age 24 sans boyfriend, I met my husband at the age of 25, my family screamed at me for being an "old maid". The double messages hurt me badly.

I was not only dressed like a boy, I had to do a boys work. While my sister would be in the house helping my mother cook and prepare meals and dust, I was outside digging holes with my brother and father while wearing the t-shirts and dungarees.  I was kind of the extra worker, not good enough to be shown really how to fix the car which my brother was shown with both of them under the hood, but sent to fetch things and told to shut up. So it was like I wasn't treated like a girl but not a full boy either. I was expected to be as strong as a man, and back then before my health broke I did have some strength. This including carrying heavy boxes, heavy car parts, and moving couches.

My 6 figure earning parents didn't hire a moving company when they moved, they made me and brother move everything. When my parents moved 2 miles to a smaller house-well before my mother added on to it from our 6 bedroom country club house, they had some messed up house closing, where they talked a neighbor into storing our items in a large garage before the other house opened up. This means my brother and I had to move hundreds of boxes and items not once but TWICE. My sister didn't have to move anything.

I have noticed since joining Facebook, that all my young high school mates were married in their late teens and early 20s. Many are grandmothers today. I realized they were allowed to date and see boys and allowed to be girls and women wearing pretty dresses. Feminism was not used as a hammer on their heads and they weren't told to emulate a feminist nun as their role model because they were a bit on the heavy side. Even the fat girls got married and had children. I now realize how vast the divide was between how I was treated and my classmates.

What does it mean that I had to cry to get to wear a dress and never was allowed to wear a dress in high school? Oddly I had the favor of wearing my hair long while in elementary school and was saved enforced masculinity via Catholic school jumpers but when I hit junior high and we had moved out of the Catholic system, it's like my mother wanted to dress me like a little fat lumberjack.

                                              [picture source]

 I still remember my first day in public school, wearing a flannel shirt and Wrangler jeans, every class I walked into, the kids laughed and laughed some more. In high school, I got called "dyke" by some classmates as my mother forced me into too tight Lee Jeans and tailored shirts with tabs on the 3/4ths sleeves that I absolutely loathed. I was dressed like I was a would be transgendered person going from female to male but not by choice.  Jeans were the worse thing I could be wearing on a pear shaped fat body. I would cry for years for feminine clothes even some flat jelly shoes and be denied. Ugly sneakers adorned my feet just like boys wore too. I believe many narcissistic mothers wish to desexualize their daughters and dress them ugly so they are not competition. My mother did it to control my social status and keep it low. I also had severe neglect with clothing when my outfits became few in number. There were more then a few times when I only had two pairs of jeans to wear that fit or one or two sweaters.

I avoid jeans like the plague and the day I turned 21 and was out of the house threw them all in the trash and quit wearing them. When I was around 22-23 and buying all my own clothes I started wearing dresses as much as possible. I got stuck with a few cotton knit pants for work but in the mid90s I gave up wearing pants entirely on my extreme lipedemic body. I also started wearing jewelry and bows in my hair. My mother by the 1990s when I was wearing bows in my hair and flowered dresses would be disgusted. She would scream at me to wear pants and once even machined sewed me some pants, which I never wore or asked for. She was angry that I was not dressing like her. She was angry at me for being a failed feminist.

For some reason I look back and think "Why wouldn't she buy me any dresses even to hide my bad figure flaws?", Why couldn't I get flats or pretty jewelry like the other girls? Why did she buy me so many boy clothes?" Ugly fashions in Lane Bryant and other plus sized stores didn't help either. Those stores with their horrible clothing and never any casual dresses were the bane of my existence too.  I was forced to dress like a boy. Is there any wonder that I as a fully straight girl in high school got made fun of for supposedly being a lesbian?

                                             [picture source]

My mother would only buy me dresses to go to special family weddings. I remember owning 4 dresses from age 1-18 and that's it. I was not allowed to wear them on non-special occasion days, so some dresses I only remember wearing once or twice. My mother forced me to wear ugly nylons with the dresses and bought me dresses that were too short.  When I outgrew one red prairie skirt I had talked my mother into buying, this made me cry. It was hidden in my closet since my mother threatened to take it away since I wore it so much. Makeup-nylons, shaving, nail-polish, pretty bows, flowers were not part of my existence. I wasn't allowed to have these things. As an Aspie I preferred some comfort to painful fashion but this put me way behind the fashion and popularity 8 ball. I never went to any proms or formals. That was for "other girls".Ever notice how masculine Meg is dressed on Family Guy?

For some reason I was not allowed to be feminine. I don't know why. Even with the PCOS and being I was somewhat masculinized by PCOS, I did have high testosterone and a higher degree of body hair then other girls, that didn't explain the depths of their depravities. This made the issue even more complicated. They treated me like I was a boy and by the way things got even worse.

Being a shy Aspie, I did not date much. My confidence was nil from severe emotional, physical abuse. I almost was date raped by a friend of my brothers. Well I really was not on a date, my brother left his friend and me alone in the house when I was 14 years old and he was around 16-17. This guy was friendly to me but it was to set me up. He kissed me a few times, which I went along with, after all I liked him a bit but then he jumped me, saying "Lets have sex!" I was a virgin and scared out of my wits, he shoved me against the wall, and tried to take my clothes off. I fought back hard, as he laughed, but I was able to get away before anything more dire happened. He must have been a sociopath to try and jump a girl in her own house. What if someone had come home?

I didn't say anything to my parents. When I tried to tell my brother he didn't believe me or told me his friend was only horsing around. Having your shirt ripped off and your boobs grabbed crosses that line. This kid was a real sicko and didn't stay friends with my brother but for some months he would follow me around high school stalking me there. One day he disappeared, maybe he moved away but I was relieved.

So lets just say my experiences with boys was minimal or negative. Being the fat girl there was a connection with boys being the one's who teased me. My father was a raging brute that never treated me with any love or kindness. Part of me was very afraid of men. Sometimes I think it is a miracle I ended up married, but I digress.

So I didn't date at all in high school and in college. I was sexually attracted to men though. I knew I was in a quandary, because I was very attracted to men and I didn't think one would ever have me. I was not attracted to women. I had no interest in that side of things. My family when they realized I wasn't going to enter the convent or become a carbon copy of the wildly successful Sister Feminist then started in on me for not having a boyfriend.

                                   [picture source]

I didn't know this at the time, but I kept wondering why my mother hated this one close best friend I had. She would come visit me and my mother would huff out of the room. We would take trips together in our early 20s and while I was living at home before my first no contact, we went to a resort area for a week. I still have this friendship and we are very close but it is fully platonic. Back then I realized with my horror, that my mother believed I and this friend were two lesbians. Or maybe she didn't actually believe it but decided to cook the lie while knowing the truth. The fact we were roommates for 2 and half years help my mother build this lie with the family that I was a homosexual. My friend is not a physical demonstrative sort, I probably have only hugged her twice in the history of our friendship which makes this even weirder.

My mother told the entire family I was a lesbian. Why was my mother so fixated on naming me a lesbian when I had only attraction for men? This was her spiteful meanness. She knew it would drive a wedge in with the other family members. For a year, I was clueless while I was getting jaundiced looks and the family seemed even more disgusted with me.  I believe that many of them still believe I flirted with lesbianism to this day. This was one of her worse smear campaigns against me. When I got engaged to be married and met my present husband, I got my father on the phone, I told him, "I am engaged to ******",  He told me, "You have to be lying!"

Some years earlier, my father came up to me, this was before I met my husband, and he told me with woeful eyes and sighs, "I suppose we will have to accept that you are a lesbian, and if you want to bring your girlfriend home, we will allow it". I looked at him, and asked him, "Are you nuts? I am not a lesbian, I am not even bisexual!" He didn't believe me and I walked away.

My brother at this time actually got in a fight with both parents. He told me both my parents believed I was a lesbian and told him and that he argued with them and told them I was straight. He said to them, "She has a Play-Girl poster on the back of her bathroom door! The man wasn't naked in this photo but had a towel over his nether parts for this poster. Remember I wasn't a Christian yet, and had gotten this poster as a gift from a friend. They still argued with him. Isn't this absurd. These people really didn't even know me. At the time I was after this one young man my brother hated, and he told my parents this and that I had romance books at my apartment. I suppose my mother had to stick by her lies.

So growing up I was not allowed to be a girl. My father hated women. My brother learned to see them as sexual objects and not as human beings. The rest of the family elevated all the twisted crap of feminism. Women were not to be protected, women were to all supposedly have great careers that paid all the bills, women were not to be soft but hard as nails. I was supposed to become a super-feminist lawyer but keep perfect house like my mother and pop out grandchildren. One year I was a ready-made slut for even wanting to talk to a boy, and a lesbian for being too old and without a boyfriend. Career empowerment is what they stressed as they held me back and destroyed any idea of being taken care of by a husband or supporting me in being a female. It was all nuts! Even now the feminists still cling to the beloved corporate careers that only come to a very few! [see picture below]

Women who had feelings and love and care were seen as weak or silly. I got the double message of "Don't be a whore!" while forbidden to date at ages most girls are meeting even their future husbands and then abused and put down for wanting to be a virgin until I got engaged or met my husband. I was dressed like Paul Bunyan and then was yelled at for not being popular like one of the "Heathers". I was not given any true Christian values by my family when it came to dating or marriage.  I was dressed like a boy and denied all femininity in looks, thoughts and emotions. Mini-Me was allowed to be a girl, and I was not.

Today I am a woman. My husband likes that I am feminine. He told me he liked the bows I wore when we first met. I think the narcissists were evil to try to even take being a girl away from me!


  1. Oh my, what a posting this is. I admire the vulnerability and authenticity you shared. I can see your feelings all the way through. I'm so glad you made it through.

  2. Thanks Joan, I know it is pretty crazy stuff. Thanks for what you said about it. I am glad I made it through too :)

  3. Hi Peep. I'm a newbie I haven't replied before but I've been lurking on your blog for about 6 months now. I'm also an "orphan" who went no contact last June (2014) and am just now becoming strong enough to tell my story and I'd like to tell it here. My writing skill are nowhere near good as yours but I think we really help to validate one another by telling our stories. We sure ain't (sic) gonna validation from our families!! It's as though they all have a hive mind. NONE OF THEM seem to be able to think for themselves and when we are hurting emotionally they just pour salt in the wound and then stick another knife in on top of it. Anyway, thankyou so much for your blog. It truly is a blessing to so many ACONS. I'm sure there are many more like me who are "lurkers." If not for the internet and people like you, I would have eventually either been destroyed by my very covert "saintly" malignant narc mother or I would've just felt "crazy"and "guilty" for wanting nothing to do with her as was the case before I even knew what the problem was. I've felt repulsed by her for years without knowing why and feeling guilty about it. But I know why now. Anyway, I plan to comment again and give some of the details of my ongoing nightmare of a pretend family. And yes, I was made out to be "crazy" just like all the other ACONS. That seems to be standard narc protocol across the board. The reality is that I was the only one who told the truth and the only one who thought for myself.

    1. Hi Welcome to the blog Free Spirit, I am glad you are commenting now and thanks for the compliments regarding my writing skills, I hope you can start a blog too. Us ACONs can help each other telling our stories.

      I agree about the hive mind. They all act and think the same. It was like the Borg for me, not a creative one in the bunch. I agree none of mine think for themselves either on anything, it's all about impressing the narcs and yes, they have betrayed us and poured salt in our wounds. I am glad I found websites too describing what this was like, my blog actually is 5 years old and I started it to find out what was wrong with me--[the 400lb weight gain and extreme body problems] and talking about obesity issues, which of course I still do but I am happy I did start writing about the narcs and warning about them too. If you had a "saintly" one yes that would cause problems and make you ask why do I feel this way about someone "so good" but she wasn't good at all. Yes mine labeled me as "crazy" too by childhood. I may write about this soon, and how that alone will invalidate a child very early on and into adulthood.

  4. Dear Peeps, my mutha didn't have much desire to instill feminine values either. Guess jeans and t-shirts were less bother. As usual, your posts are right on. God bless you, Peeps :)

    1. Yes it was easier to dress us like a boy. I think in high school, there I am being made fun of for dressing so masculine, of course they put the "you are too fat to be a decent girl" baggage on me too. The PCOS added enough problems but they added to it!

  5. My mother's sexuality was so all over the map that I still can't put it in a box today. All women were sluts yet she slept with every man that showed up at the door. Like vacuum cleaner salesman etc etc. Listening to her describe women and men hooking up was enough to make me a life long celibate. Women were nasty creatures that got pregnant and made messes while men were deviants that liked it anyway they can get it. As much as it sounds like a rampant case of projection it was so much more than that. There is a chapter in the mask of sanity where cleckley has her affect nailed. Something about sex being more an act to they could use to smear themselves on another person. It's about time for my yearly post about her and his descriptions of psychopathy sexual dynamics so rather than try and sum it up here I may post it again soon.

    1. My mother was exactly the same way Q. A little perfume and lipstick made a woman into a first class whore. Meanwhile sleeping with every man in sight is ok? Well I guess it is as long as you didn't look like a girl, and took control. And as long as only my mother did it.

      I worked hard training my brain to learn the truth about sexuality and what actually goes on. Until then, I was only going to have horrible relationships. No high value man would have anything to do with me. And I wouldn't have known what to do with them either.

      For me, vulnerability was completely out of the question, until I learned some things. My mother was the same as yours in that aspect Q.

      Of course, we are not supposed to blame our mothers for anything.

    2. My mother gave me the whole "I am pure act" but I highly suspected she had an affair in high school--this is not looking back but even saying "I think my mother is having an affair" and remember discussing it with the Mini-Me before her brain got totally taken over and the Stepfords got her. I know about another one a relative told me about but the pieces fit. So here I was being forbidden to get with the boys and told I was a whore in waiting, more of that projection thing? What is ironic is I grew up listening to both parents prattle on about their office being like Peyton Place as if they were all pure as driven snow. My mother would flirt with men openly at parties but it used to confuse me since she dressed so masculine and never wore makeup some of them still liked her. I think with your mother there was more then that, I am sure she used sex to control and probably plotted and planned. She definitely was a sociopath. Sex to her would be a means to an end.

  6. Hi Peep,

    I'm sorry your parent called you fat and ugly, and nobody reported them to Child Protective Services (CPS). I think your parent set you up with a feminist nun and schools from Catholic Church, because they did not want your neighbors, teachers, and employees at a public school to call CPS or social workers on them. Your mother used her nun friend and and then paid for her education at law school. That nun sounds like a crook or a very corrupted person.

    I hope you will find out why your parent abused you and had inclinations or motivations to called you fat and ugly. Most mothers usually hate their child when the child is a product of a rape, the child's biological father ditched her after he got her pregnant, or the child's biological father denied them of financial support. In the 1960s and 1970s, society was still ignorant about Asperger's Spectrum, but I am not making excuses nor justifying their prejudiced attitudes that led them to abuse aspie children. I remember that some aspie classmates were miserable in school because some kids made fun of them. And then I saw their parents at PTA meetings. I saw some strange parents or covert narc parents before I knew the terms, as well as normal parents who loved and accept their aspie child. Some people tried to find ways on how to deal with their aspie children and learned to listen to their child. And not every parent of aspies were abusive. One of my high school friends was one of these lucky aspies. Some parent who did not have NPD made peace with their aspie children years ago while those who have NPD or sociopathy did not make amends or repent.

    I hope you will find out why your parent used their feminist nun friend to steer you away from a marriage and family life but did not do the same for your sister. I think there was a possibility that they paid for their nun friend's law school education so she could do some legal work for them, just in case you and other people would take legal actions against them. They probably kidnapped you or something like that. Their nun friend might be there to protect them against you and anybody who had grievances against them.

    I was raised well by my foster parent and had chance to be a girl during the first eight years of my childhood. I had good memories of having a chance of being a girl and how boys treated me well. Then after I moved in with my narc adoptive mother, she cut my hair short, changed my first name, and told me to do chores that boys usually did. My adoptive narc mother set me up with a special education teacher who agreed to call me by the name she wanted call me, not to punish boys who made fun of me or encourage me to hang out with other girls. Boys made fun of me, hit me, made face, called me names, laughed at me, tried to play rough with me, followed when I ran away crying and screaming, and humiliated me. I ran, hid, and screamed. I asked nice boys and other girls to protect me.

    (to be continued)


    1. Hi Anon, Yes they called me fat and ugly even into adulthood. I ended overt abuse standing up in my 20s. I wish someone had reported them to CPS, but because I did not have bones broken or any burns [there was some major physical abuse but not hospital stuff] no one cared. Even the feminist nun, when she came for visits and I had some time alone with her. I told her my parents both hated me and abused me and she saw for herself how my mother treated me and did nothing about it. No one ever has stood up against my mother, except my brother's ex wife who was one of her scapegoats.[At least that girl had her own family even if massively imperfect they did not reject her and her mother did love her] I think I was in Catholic schools too for them to get away with more. A regular public school even at that time would have dealt with the Aspergers. We had no social workers and not even a school nurse or any counselors. Oh they didn't pay for her education the RCC did but they wanted me to be a feminist nun too. I think she is very corrupted even now. She has no faced poverty or anything else I have. She always had great jobs and was always "connected". I wrote her in 1994, what a big mistake that was, asking for help when I got laid off and was worried about being homeless, I still was certified to teach in regular public schools, and she flat out ignored me. She is another one who joined my mother in betrayal.
      I do wonder why she hated me so much. The whole family did and VERY EARLY on too. Outside of the Aunt Who Loved Me, the whole family treated me like I was trash and poison, even by the time I was 5 years old. I asked Queen and Mini-Me why they hated me years ago and they refused to answer. All their pretending for others made me sicker.

      I agree there was more ignorance about Aspergers but they ignored so many medical and other issues including depression it is unforgiveable. I asked people on an Aspie board I belong to, if they were abused exploring my refrigerator mother theories. It seemed to run 50-50. Some seemed to have kind Aspie parents,while others had full blown narcs.

      I hope I find out too, they definitely tried to use her that way. My sister was not raised that way and was told she was pretty. She also was taken care of and told she could be a housewife which she became. The message for my sister was that she was always to be taken care of while I was not.

      Interesting theory about the nun's legal education. They had less money then but who knows? She definitely is connected and the family hid a young member-cousin getting a good job at a Catholic university and even lied to me about where she lived for three years. This is the one who married the multi-millionaire. My mother got her first job at a Catholic university too, and I believe the connections with this feminist nun helped too. This is where she escaped the farm and moved to the big city.


    2. I am glad you had a chance to be a girl during the first 8 years and were loved by your foster parents. I hate how that monster could adopt you and they couldn't. I know boys treated me less well after I was out of Catholic school where I got to wear the jumpers. I got some fat and Aspie teasing but it worsened when I was dressed like a boy. That is horrible she changed your first name :0 Eight years old and she told you nope that is not your name anymore? How narc can you get? I think the school yard bullies know who is protected and not protected.

  7. My adoptive narc mother misled me about her plans to adopt me because she did not want me to say no to her. She gave me a day off on the last day of school and legally adopted me. She did not tell me in details what would take place except that I would see a judge and eat out afterward. She did not mention the word adoption, legal implications of it, and on whether I had a voice. When I learned years later about sealed records and that she was my legal mother, I felt violated like a rape victim. I would have said no because I wanted a two parent family or a heterosexual single woman who planned to get married someday and let her future husband adopt me. My adoptive narc mother touched me inappropriately and I did not feel right. She was also mean and backstabbing. She let the boys make fun of me and did not let nice boys to protect me. She liked a school teacher who left me on the cold. I was miserable living with her. Feminism opened doors for that evil woman to adopt me.

    When my adoptive narc mother told me she was unsure or did not want to adopt another child, I told her I did not want to live with her anymore. She was angry when I mentioned a father. Then one weekend in April or May, two children who were about to get their adoption disrupted visited us for the weekend. After an exchange one night, they told me that they would be my adoptive brother and sister and several weeks later, they moved in with us.

    My new adoptive brother noticed something wrong with my adoptive narc mother and told me that he thought she was queer. He told me what homosexuality was and how they acted. I confirmed his suspicions. We hung out, rode bikes, and munched on candies at stores. Then we spent a month in summer school and when he was not around, boys made fun of me and teased me mercilessly. I cried and screamed. Other girls stayed away from me. My brother finally confronted several boys and the teasing eventually subsided by the time summer school ended.

    Feminism was problematic for me and my adoptive siblings. We did not support the type of feminism that kept us from finding a good spouse, getting married, and raising a family. We agreed on issues that feminists supposedly fought for such as that women should not be pressured to have sex or else their date would rape them, that husband should not abuse their wives, and that women should be paid the same for doing the same work for their similar job duties as their male coworkers, and that girl babies should not be rejected. We did not support the extreme type of anti-marriage and family feminism that our adoptive narc mother supported and wanted to shove on our throats.

    My sisters and I were not interested in becoming strong, independent career women. We would work but we preferred to be a wife and a mother. We were aware that some women preferred to be a career women and that having a family was their second priorities. We supported their preferences and their decisions. We did not like the kinds of feminism that scare men away from marriage and pressure men to choose a career woman over a woman who prefer marriage and family.

    1. It is horrible how she lied to you and forced an adoption you did not want. No judge or any social worker asked you if you wanted her to be your mother? Yes that is horrible. As a sociopathic narc I am sure she fooled you since you were just a child.

      I would be upset with the sealed records too. I think the adoption process is abusive and a racket even where only very wealthy people can adopt children. I support changes to adoption law and OPEN records.

      Why wouldnt you want a normal family instead of some weird lady? I am sorry she touched you inappropriately. That is horrible. Yes before feminism some weird lady would not be able to adopt multiple children and call herself their mother. You deserved a father figure like other children. So she went to go adopt two more even after learning you were unhappy? That's messed up as well.

      It does sound like your adoptive brother was right to have suspicions about her being a homosexual. I am glad your brother protected you.

      I hate feminism and yes I was told to focus on career, there was nothing said to me about raising a family or being happily married. I was not protected like a girl should be by her father. I kept thinking about this, there I was having to work in the inner city and without violent youth, my father and mother did not care. Normal parents would have been concerned. I should have been protected.

      Yes we agree on the part of feminism where they are against rape and against women being pressured to have sex. I support shelters too. Sadly feminism today seems to be all about making women into men and gung-ho careerists even as the economy falls apart. I want to puke seeing feminist women behind desks who think every other woman makes 6 figures. Maybe they should realize what reality is. I am old enough to remember when feminism was against objectification of women but that is over as everything now is about looks and "Slut-Walks" and being "sexy"--you have to look confident and be good looking for that high power corporate career. I am sorry your adoptive mother shoved feminism down your throat too. My mother definitely did. She was so proud of being a "working woman" but even there my father gave her, her good govt job as I struggled working 4 jobs sometimes. She wanted me to wear pants and to be aggressive and not like art, flowers, birds and feminine things. My mother in the last years before I stepped out not only mocked me for being poor but made fun of my love for my last small town, old fashioned life, values and of course my faith was rejected.


    2. I think feminism has done many many evils. No this does not mean I support patriarchy--the so called Christian version of it, or men abusing women or some creeps instituting Handmaid Tale nightmares but I believe women should be protected and we should allowed to be women. Many women of Gen X who are now childless and unmarried, know that the career stuff was bunk. We got laid off, or disabled [in my case] Gloria Steinem has her bags of cash what does she know? I am even okay with some women NOT wanting family life etc and wanting to be career people but a lifetime of being told I had to prove my worth via a successful career that didn't happen has taken a toll. Many women are fed up, feminism isn't discussing economic realities. Narc women used feminism to abuse us even more, because we were no longer to be protected by our fathers or society, we were told to go out and be hard like men. We were told relationships didn't matter and caring about other people should be last on the list, as society grew more hard and distant and embittered around us, we know we have been sold a bill of goods.