Sunday, March 22, 2015

Fat People Are Told They Smell

Smell-a-phobes can make people's lives hell, because it is so often used to abuse people. Sure there are street people or those who become mentally ill and can't wash, don't wash or are unable to, but no person on this earth was helped by being told "You stink!"

At one job, there was incredible bias and harassment shown to me. The me of today would pursue a lawsuit, but more often then not while at this job I was told "I smelled". I under went so much harassment and abuse at this job it was disgusting. Because of these experiences, I am paranoid about smelling, never miss a shower, sometimes shower twice in a day during the summer and never re-wear a piece of clothing ever. This means my laundry bills are incredibly high. We spend easily 120 dollars a month on laundry. Bullies and narcissists often will use "smell" because it can't be proven and only discerned to attack people and often for the fat person this will be a source of incredible abuse. When it happens in the work place it is the worse.

When I was at my residential job, there were probably some days, I got sweaty cleaning and moving around during the16-24 hour shifts in an overly heated house. We weren't allowed to take showers there. I showered everyday but today I know the co-worker who complained most about my smelling and got others including the clients to join in, was participating in extreme fat bigotry. It is a technique that works. Be caught on a 105 degree day with a little bit of sweat and weighting 400lbs and they will treat you like you are scum of the earth and feel smug while doing it.

This is one un-spoken thing fat people don't talk about too much.  I have to overcompensate to manage in society, while some people may run out to the grocery store in the morning without a shower, I would never dare. I would never dare re-wear a piece of clothing either.  This is what helps sell the idea of spraying chemicals on everything to cover smells. Frebreze is definitely helped out.

When I was in extreme poverty, in the ghetto, this was after I was disabled but the year before I escaped, there was one woman from the size acceptance community who visited me and told me, that I and my apartment smelled. She was so ignorant that she didn't realize I was screaming to the landlord on the phone everyday about the mice taking over the apartment and the fact they had poison in the walls and more probably dead mice in them. I know most people probably would have ditched that apartment and left, but for me it was living there or in the streets at the time. Water in the ghetto is not as clean as water elsewhere. Every time our rickety bathtub backed up, the water would turn black. Our bathtub has backed up a few times here and I have never seen that happen. It still scares me wondering what was in that water. Anyhow this was the water I was forced to wash my clothes in. Was there an odor I was no longer detecting? It was possible. My furniture was ugly, stained and used to the falling apart point.  While this lady was midsized, she was also upper middle class and had a job as a system analyst. While she pled that she was a liberal at the time, she didn't have one clue about what it meant to live in severe poverty.

She sent me a letter telling me, "You and your apartment stink!".

So back then I was getting it coming and going.

A reality about poverty, it's harder to keep things clean, my walls need painted in this apartment, but I can't afford to get it done, I need money to get the carpet ripped out, I bleach what I can, when I can, and hope it does not smell. It costs 100 bucks a pop to get the carpet steamed cleaned. I had it done last November. Money makes it easier for things to smell prettier. In my case being a severe asthmatic means no trash is allowed to fester more then 24 hours in here, and any mildew or mold has to be immediately stamped out.

I almost get flashbacks when everyone starts sniffing their nose around me. Unless someone is a close friend or my husband I keep a 3 feet away rule. My mother was a smellaphobe, she crinkle her nose up and one huge part of my abuse growing up was being told, "You smell!", "You have B.O!", "You're disgusting!". This never ended and continued into adulthood. I am sure there was a huge amount of fat bigotry involved. According to her, her own poo didn't even stink. Her constant offense at way-ward smells was never ending.

What gets me I have Aspie sensory stuff that makes me live in the shower and wash up more then other people. When I am sick, I will stand in a shower to comfort myself, I may need husband to help me if I am ill enough that day, but the heat helps take away pain. I will wash my hands even if I just touch pennies or money or feel something sticky and they are washed at least 20 times a day. I wash under my belly around 2-3 times a day.  I took a daily shower every day from the time I was eleven years old. During the summer I can easily be in there twice. In hospitals I have broke the rules and gotten myself into a shower even with an IV hooked into my hand. Oh I wash my hair every single day too.

Finding out about this smell and bigotry study was very interesting to me. How much of it is bias? Some may claim maybe fat people do have a different scent producing a very different metabolism? I don't know, they could study that. There could be health problems causing problems too. PCOS is known to cause grooming challenges. I know my sense of my own smell changed even when I was forced off a testosterone lowering drug [spironolactone] which I had been on for 15 years. However this said, wouldn't thin people even have some health conditions that affect them too?

I do agree there is massive bias towards fat people and the "fat people stink", is one major prejudice, that fat people are suffering under.

Anyhow I am glad the researchers are challenging some of this stuff.


  1. First, I am so sorry people have treated you that way and especially the ferret that got others to repeat her ugly message. What a painful and horrifying experience and so publically personal! You're so right about poverty and the expense of cleaning, replacing, painting, maintenance in general. But we've become a country of poor people bashers... "Bootstraps" nonsense. :(

    Secondly, since I'm inching ever closer to the menopause experience, my body's creating smells I never knew an armpit could exude! No offense to mountain-men and longshoremen, but I could challenge those guys to a stink-off some days and I'd be the sure bet! I've tried drinking ginger tea to maybe influence the scent my whacky hormones are producing... Dove soap is my best defense because it's mild; it has gotten kind of spendy and dissolves more quickly than other bars. These days, I use soap A LOT!

    I wonder if that ugly person from your previous job went through "the change" and was too "naturally perfect" to realize it till somebody made crude comments to her because she ACTUALLY stunk... Again, I'm sorry for your experiences. -- Lora

    PS When I was a kid, my mother wouldn't facilitate regular bathing; she just told me I stunk everyday. Life with her was a constant 'set-up' with proof.

    1. Thanks Lora, yes I had some real jerks to deal with. The work situation was horrible in that it was when I was very ill. I definitely was dealing with narcs and sociopaths at that job, they had no empathy for anyone and some were like the actually diagnosed as sociopath charges.

      Yes the worse thing about poverty to me is your surroundings decline. This apartment is not as bad as my old slum apartments but you see the chips, dings, less then clean and pristine walls, old broken down furniture and it gets to you. I know today a normal family of good wealth, would have helped a disabled person, with their place if they cared about them. I always have given boxes to thrift and we do constant clean outs of what we can do. One thing that stands out to me is I was told Aunt Scapegoat became a hoarder, [don't know how much is truth or lies] but supposedly she was even keeping trash and her own waste, and she destroyed the trailer my mother had purchased for her inside. I heard through the grapevine, they had repainted and recarpeted the place. I may have to do some figuring out with the apt since my managers told me WE have to paint. I wanted to ask, How do you expect me to get on top of a ladder? They also told me I need to come up with 200 bucks for moving fees for a new carpet. Yes all these things are expensive, and when you are poor, this world shames you for not getting those things done. Thanks for understanding. The poor people bashing seems to have grown far worse then ever too.

      Yes hormones will affect one's smells. I know since I went off Spiro I can barely stand myself and have to constantly shower when I am around people. I dread hot summers and stuffy rooms. I hope things get better for you there. Menopause can affect things quite a bit. I wonder if that horrible person too ever went through the "change". She definitely was a narc and sociopath herself. She would mock people's clothing and other things they could not afford. She seemed to have an endless stream of money while the rest of us lived in poverty. It probably came from dubious sources.

  2. Only narcs will have some smell-a-phobia or something to the effect. My theory is that because they have warped brain and some searing spiritual issues, they think they could smell something bad from a group, or groups, of people they are prejudiced against: fat, white, non-white, poor, homeless, people with disabilities, anorexic, or Polish people. When I was younger, several black people told me that white people smell funny and blonde-haired, blue-eyed people are children of Lucifer.

    Your narcissistic mother believed she smelled you because she has a warped brain and searing spiritual issues. Your former coworkers sounds like immature coworkers I had when I worked for McDonald's and several fast food restaurants.

    With the growing narcissism and a stubborn economy that never recovered, more and more people are resorting to hatred towards fat people and well as less fortunate people. We could see many hateful comments in the web and possibly dealt with cyberbullies.

    I'm sorry you have to take a shower 1-2 Times per day and still deal with hatred. There is a possibility that you are dealing with narcs or sociopaths. Hope you could enjoy spring and summer this year.

    1. Yes the narcs will have the smell-a-phobia and will often abuse people with it. It is sickening. I have a theory about the neat freak narcs, mine cleaned constantly, they feared any wayward smells. My mother was so nuts that if someone did #2 in her bathroom and she was walking down the hall, she would run in with a Lysol can and embarrass them. I actually trained myself to make sure I never went at her house. I now know this kind of treatment was psychotic. Both her and Mini-Me cleaned like crazy, and the houses look like museums. I have this theory they clean constantly cleaning their environments to deal with the blackness inside. Kind of like Lady MacBeth washing her hands.

      I definitely believe it could be spiritual, the demons inside producing smells filling their rooms? Mine almost seemed possessed as she screamed about "BO" and other smells.

      I am sorry you met racist people who went on about white people smelling. I wonder if there was racism with one worker along with the fat bigotry in the constant harassment about me smelling.

      Narcs and wicked people will focus on all groups they reject smelling. Racism, poor people, disabled, yes you are very correct. Funny you mention Polish, I invited a Polish friend home from college and all my mother did was complain about how she smelled. None of my sisters friends ever were complained about. One time I took a car trip with my mother, to her mother's house in 2005--big mistake--and we stopped to get some vegetables from some poor farmers in the south of my then rural county. She reacted with disgust to how smelly and "dirty" they were. I asked her why she thought farm work made one perfectly clean.

      I know that my mother used "smells" to abuse me. I showered every day and wore clean clothes. Before my weight gain, I was midsized or lower and not as severely obese. For years I rarely sweated because of severe hypothyroid disease that went untreated. My Aspergers made me borderline OCD if anything in terms of washing hands and washing my body and changing my clothes.

      I am sorry you had horrible coworkers too. I wish I had filed a lawsuit against that work place, but proving it would have been difficult. I agree about the growing narcissism and stubborn economy, we will see the perfumed and pampered becoming even more abusive towards the poor and others they see as less then them.

      If someone tells me I smell now, I have nothing to do with them. It is abuse, and doesn't help anyone. Thanks for your post anon and I hope you have a good spring and summer too.

  3. Worked with a woman who had a strong sense of smell - she was also a nosey (narc) bayoch. And Peeps, you are so right about poverty and the hassles of keeping things clean. So glad you are no-contact from those droids - people like that act like reprobates. If anything stinks, it's wicked-hearted people.

    1. Yes I've seen those types, they use their easily offended noses to hurt people and corrall them. I have allergies and understand someone complaining about cigar smoking or huge perfume, but those types they will wrinkle their noses at anyone they do not like, it is a form of abuse they often get away with. Yes Sue, thanks for understanding the poverty. It is so hard. One can simply lack the money to take care of problems. We are scrounging for food even, this month, though my husband is getting a bit of money so I can make some chicken or something decent tonight. There's no money to clean the carpet or get the walls repainted. I do keep my clothes washed. I know there are many people who would judge me. One thing since going NC, I don't miss Mini-Me and Queen Spider, coming in here on their very "rare" occasions with their "stink-eyed" looks and wrinkled noses. I think they are reprobates and I think the wicked do stink. Maybe around them I could smell the brimstone and sulfur as their deals with the devil have deepened. Thanks Sue.

  4. I think you are really intelligent and have been reading your blog the past couple of days. You cover a wide range of topics I find interesting. I am autistic too and do advocacy work with other autistics/disabled friends. I am friends with a lot of people from the Not Dead Yet group too. You make some excellent points. I am so sorry people have been mean to you about your weight. I was always normal weight but then when I was in my 20's I was put on high doses of Depakote which caused my weight too go way up. It made my appetite unending and also made me so sleepy I did nothing. The combination caused me to get to almost 300 pounds. Thankfully I got off the Depakote and my weight, without dieting, rapidly dropped back to normal. Now, if a doctor wants to put me on a new med I will refuse if I know I will gain weight from it. I got made fun of a lot and i was miserable and depressed. Anyways keep up the writing you are wonderful

    1. Did you go on Depakote for seizures? I once saw a thin girl become a fat woman, because of Depakote. Ever notice all the antidepressants fatten people up? I never could risk one. Sorry it made your appetite go up. Sometimes I think they design the drugs to fatten people always up instead of the other way. Glad you could be normal again. Avoid any that will make you gain weight. I am glad you were able to lose it and have helped Not Dead Yet and autism advocacy. Thanks for your compliments :)