Saturday, March 28, 2015
Milquetoasts of the World: Men Abused by Narc Women
I saw a Dr. Phil yesterday where the man was totally controlled by his wife. He was dying of cancer but one could tell a foundation had been set where he was afraid and totally controlled by her to the point he had let all the relationships with his children be in danger. I had to admit I thought the man was very weak. His wimpiness was beyond cloying. Maybe he was afraid of her turning him into a toad, she looks like something that crawled out from the bottom of the house in the "Wizard of Oz."
One runs into these men who are the milquetoasts of the world going "Yes Dear", to the meanest wenches in the world. Often the children and adult children suffer as Dad becomes a weak enabler to all the evil the narcissistic mother wants to conduct. The man's blindness to his wife's manipulations and even outright theft from his adult children is disgusting but even my father called me a liar when I told him my mother had stolen my identity.
I don't get how men can act this way. How can the man on Dr. Phil diss several of his grown children for his cold and evil wife? He is a slave to her defending her in thrall just like the broken down husband who does everything his wife says in "People of the Lie". Hell awaits for him in his weakness and turning his wife into his "goddess".
I have met men who have been afraid to meet with friends or even take phone calls because their girlfriend or wife may "get mad". Some of these men act like their wives or girlfriend are going to give them a big spanking when they get home and are shivering in their boots. Ever go out to dinner with a friend and have the one in the crowd who has his girlfriend or wife call every 10-20 minutes? It can get crazy. Some of these women want total control but sadly men give it. [This of course can go the other way too with women manipulated by controlling narcs]
In some situations the woman wears the total pants in the family, she is the one with the money and good job, while the man may be unemployed or underemployed and beaten down. Of course there are the "users" out there but some are men allowing narcissistic women to play a "mother role" to them. They want mommy to take care of them and they let mommy "punish" them. It weirds me out to be frank. Some men escape when they realize their wife is a narc, they are strong enough to get out and even keep a relationship with their children but then there are the other kind.
My father was fellow narc, he would yell and scream, but when push came to shove, he allowed my mother to run the show. He never disagreed with her on anything important and while I remember stupid quibbling arguments, most of the time he was her mind slave. He made most of the money but let her spend all his money like water on her endless shopping. She controlled the money and put HIM on an allowance.
One never defended us from the other. He would always tell me, "Your mother is right". It bothers me more and more when I think about it. A strong man would have defended his daughter and said, "You are not going to abuse her anymore!" or later when I got sick, he would have told her to help me. It didn't happen. He always did everything she said, and she actually laid out his clothes and helped him to dress every morning like she was actually his mother instead of his wife.
My mother's present husband who she married about 8 years ago is totally in control by her. She yells at him and he does everything she says. His whole position is to please her at all costs while she makes endless demands. Honestly seeing a middle-class man give up his entire house, and every possession except some of his tools, clothes, walking stick and gun collection to move in with and marry my mother was odd. I was not invited to the wedding, my mother picked the coldest day of the year in January to make sure I would not be there. He even gave up his church and religion to join hers. She didn't have to give an inch except she gave him a room in the basement. The last visit I was at her house, she was shouting at him to unpack something and look for something that was lost. I found myself asking "Why does this guy who has a close knit family, grown children in town and who had good jobs put up with this stuff?"
Sometimes when young, it seemed to be the "meaner" girls getting boyfriends and married faster. It was like "nice girls" finish last. I suppose often the narcissist women go after men more aggressively, they are not shy or holding back.
Maybe these men are marrying or living with a replacement for their narcissistic mothers. They let the more vulnerable around them be destroyed. They help the narcissists and sociopaths gain more power over others. I believe men should be loyal protectors. These weak men either knowingly or unknowingly are enablers and helpmeets for the wicked. Some definitely were abused themselves, men are just as vulnerable to the outcomes of abusive childhoods and the manipulations of sociopaths, but I hope they wake up, and realize the harm they can bring to others being in thrall to a narcissistic wife or girlfriend.