Friday, March 6, 2015

Very Dangerous Narcissism

One thing I've had to think of since my no contact is safety. It has bubbled up in my mind before. Remember the book, "The Gift of Fear"? It always told you to trust those inner instincts and if you think someone is dangerous they often are. Situational awareness saved me from even worse crime while working in the big city and with dangerous youth. I have been in positions that were life and death, kind of like a cop. Instincts are honed in this sort of setting. Maybe this was one thing that helped wake me up with enough time.

 One thing if you realize someone is a sociopath, and they are operating without a conscience they aren't held in by the same moral code. You know you have to watch your back. Sociopaths are dangerous. I have told friends if anything ever was to happen to me that is suspicious you know where to look.

Narcissistic Survivor is right to tell people how low these narcissists will go. They will lie to destroy your life. When he brings up the narcissists telling people that you are mentally ill, that already happened to me. Mine did that for years. That was started when I was very young and she used my Aspergers to ruin my reputation because I was not like most other people. I have written in another article that one thing that fueled my breaking away was her seizing guardianship over my Aunt Scapegoat who is in better health then me. 

My mother is very good at fooling people and I think is one of the most "talented" sociopaths and narcissists out there. She controls the entire family and just like my grandmother is considered the "heroic matriarch" to the other members of the family. She never goes without getting her needs met. In this world she has always come out on top in the extreme. She has always won and never lost in this world. Just the fact that "one" got away and out of the locus of control would be enough to bring extreme anger.

 One thing I have noticed about narcissists, some are bad at it, they drive people away, they do not have the charisma to pull off having a following. They end up alone and with miserable lives.  Mine is very good. She will never fear being alone or being the one left out in the cold. She will have minions to bow down before her for life.  She successfully isolates anyone she wishes to scapegoat without pause. There is a reason, I don't even have one ally or someone else who broke away within the family system on both sides. There isn't a sympathetic family friend either. I am sure incredible lies are being spread now.

 In my case, I do not see my narcissists as harmless. Not at all. My suspicions about them only grew as the fog cleared. I know mine could seek "revenge" and if things go on long enough, the pretend nice cards could end, and the narcissistic rage could kick in.  Mine would desire it just for making her "look bad" to the outside family by cutting her off. Regarding this blog, if it ever was found, I better keep praying for protection like I always do.

He is right to warn, "They will go to any length to destroy you". My guard will not be going down. I agree about saving all emails and voicemails. I printed out two of her mean emails, early on to remind me to stay of why I went no contact to begin with when the early false guilt came.

Anything goes for someone like that.

 I know in my case if I ended my no contact punishment would await even if there were tons of fake smiles and presents to be had. Some will do anything to lure back the ones who escaped, I keep seeing that story repeated over and over with other ACONs. I will never forget that during my first no contact, she had no way to find out where I lived but got it out of someone maybe an employer or even private investigator and literally "hunted" me down.

 Hopefully mine has thrown up her hands given the time that has passed but the creepy fake cards with the neat handwriting make me feel like she is "laying in wait" which gives me even more of a creepy feeling and an inner message to stay away! How do I explain this all to you? When I first departed I thought, "She will be happy to see me gone and it will be discard and devalue time", but it didn't happen that way.

 He talks about how "they are very patient" and they will "take their time setting you up." 

Sadly she will be looking for a new scapegoat to fill my position. Hey I warned who I could, so my conscience is clear.

Staying no contact is what will keep me and you safe---- "Never trust them not for one split second."


  1. I was just thinking last night to never let them know you have figured them out. Once they know that you know them for what they are they have nothing to gain by acting normal around you.

    1. In my case, mine knows I figured her out years ago. She would keep the façade on when others were around, it was when I was alone that the veil would slip. I and my husband made a rule in 2008, I never was to be left alone with her, in the house after we were visiting one day and he went to a specialist apt in her town [that is where his specialist was from our then small rural town 80 miles away] and she lit into me telling me I had nothing to show for my life.

  2. I get lit into as well, when we were alone together. But she makes it sound like helpful advice. After she would leave I would have to up the anxiety drugs. Sometimes I didn't remember what she did but I was "sicker" after her visits and would have to up the drugs.

    Those pills were dangerous too,as they took away my feelings, and I had less ability to defend myself around bullies.

    Now, NC and no pills.

    This is great advice, they are dangerous.

    1. Benadryl was my pal during family visits. I can't take it now because I'm on a drug that contradicts it so I understand taking the meds that take away feelings. I always took a couple Benadryls to deal with my family. I was zoned out from the Benadryl. It took the edge off. Later I would take Bentyls [big time IBS drug]. Always got IBS around them but this drug put me on a cloud and actually worked the best.

      I'm on a kidney medication that contradicts both so it's good I'm NC for that reason now. I only took all these medications as needed but around family would need them. Good thing I don't drink, I probably would have drank half a bottle of whiskey on the way to family visits. LOL. I understand about the baited "helpful" advice.

  3. I hear you Peep. I always felt that if I had been born a hundred years ago, I would've ended up one of those unfortunate souls that used to get buried in the backyard, reported 'runned off a drinkin', then gloated over by my psycho father. About a year after going no contact his heart began to fail him. I'm so thankful I cut them off when I did. There's never a more dangerous animal than a psychopath who's about to have nothing left to lose. I think of the many loaded guns he keeps in his house and shudder. Cornered evil produces headlines. Hope none of us end up in one! Stay strong.

    1. Thanks Anon. Yeah 100 years ago, we may have been gotten buried in the backyard or in my case due to the Aspergers chained in the attic or back shed. I am glad you got away from your psycho father. That had to be scary with all the guns in the house. :( Yes I hope none of us end up in any headlines!

  4. I need to remind myself, and I need reminders from others, every day of the world, that these people are dangerous. Narcissism Survivor's message brings to mind this verse (hope you don't mind me always sharing bible with you :-) - "For there are many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, who walk (live) as enemies of the cross of Christ (the Anointed One). They are doomed and their fate is eternal misery (perdition); their god is their stomach (their appetites, their sensuality) and they glory in their shame, siding with earthly things and being of their party." Phil 3:18, 19. The KJV reads that Paul was weeping as he attempted to warn this body of believers of the danger they faced. So why do I need to remind myself of this every day? And why is it I can't read my bible anymore without verses like Philippians 3:18, 19 jumping out of the page at me? I think it's because it's SO EASY for me to get sucked back into their labyrinth. Those covert, nice, polite, child-like, "christian", sophisticated, well to do, popular, polished, attractive looking and politically correct wolves are the worst. Like the serpent in the garden, some of these sociopaths are truly able to charm you right back into their black pit. There is a certain narc, an older man who looks like Santa Clause, I deliberately stay away from, because that old witch will lure me back into thinking he's so wonderful, yet poor and needy (the pity play) every time...until I leave his abode feeling like I need a shower for the next two weeks. Ugh. Thank you for sharing this reminder. Oh, and I want to let you know Peep that no weapon formed against you will prosper. You are doing the work of the Holy Spirit. I am telling you right now, He will guard and protect you.

    1. Yes these are definitely dangerous people smakintosh. that is a great verse thanks for sharing. Yes Paul was warning even of the wolves in the pulpit. God sent me free from their false fronts. To the world, they are the ones who look like they have it "all together", they are elevated in this world, respectful, with plenty of money, mind make a show of going to Catholic church, look 'how holy' we are. Yes they can charm people back into the pit and smile and set you up for new abuse. I know these types know how to manipulate, some like the guy you are dealing with can even use need while I have the rich narcs who in years past did the false generosity thing which always got thrown in my face later. The very day I went NC, my mother offered me a new "used" car. It was one of her cars. She knows I live petrified of being on the bus--remember I don't walk well. I knew it was so she could tell others, "Look I tried to help her" even as I walked out the door. It was all about elevating herself. It was the literal trying to buy me. It was like "come get this car now before the offer expires".

      So some use need and the rich ones use that on your needs. I felt like I needed a shower too. I agree the Holy Spirit will protect you and me. I pray for God's protection everyday.

      By the way, your latest videos great stuff. I rewatched the Narcs Bewitch Entire families, mind boggling and so so true. I plan to post that one and another one on here later! God bless you for your work too Smakintosh. That one helped me. I love seeing the direct scriptures warning of these wicked people.