Sunday, March 15, 2015
Narcissists Subvert Entire Families
They do take away our whole families. I am so happy Smakintosh made this video because it nails things for my own life. We all ask ourselves, how did these narcissists manage to take our whole families away? Why does the whole family enable them? Why do our ENTIRE family and friends of family even reject us? Why are our email and letters ignored? Why do they all speak to us as if the malignant narcissist is sitting right over their shoulder? Why do they all treat us like we are nothing? Because the narcissists have trained them to. Why is there no understanding or empathy for our positions? How do these narcissists get so much power to take our families away from us? I am glad God's Word addresses these issues in warning us about how this happens. These are warnings that can help us deal with the reality of these outcomes. I definitely am one that has been "sitteth solitary" in a family according to Psalm 68:6.
I had to face facts too not only with my mother being a sociopath, but also face the fact that my entire extended family does not like me and are controlled by my mother and other narcissists within the family. This may be a strange thing to say, but it is the truth. I have told myself, "They do not like you." and now I have given up. Finally I am dealing with my real feelings regarding them.
We are not going to be feel positive feelings towards those who treat us badly and who refuse to see us as human beings. They see the "image" the malignant narc has presented to them. I have to admit, outside the unformed younger members, I see them as weak people and those who do not care, and who are closed down inside. What is there for me to like or be attracted to anymore? Some I did love and care about but I have to admit I was horrifyingly disappointed about what some became under the evil influences within the family. I had the thought the other day maybe it is good that people like this do not like me. I aspire to different things in life. What I stand for is completely in opposition to them.
My family is a cult with my mother as the cult leader. She is never questioned. No one disagrees with her. So when she decided I was the "throw-away" and the "nothing", they all got on board without nary a protest. My narcissistic grandmother had cult leader status. I will be writing about her next. I watched people fall over her too to praise her, while others were ignored. Is it normal for modern day American families to be run with old school matriarchs that expect to be bowed to and obeyed? To be frank, people like this in some ways never grow up. I see some family members as eternal children wanting to keep "Mommy" pleased who never cut the apron strings. Even if I am broke and low on life skills, the maturity level of someone who starts living for God will always be higher then those who seek to please a malignant narcissists.
Sometimes I ask myself, "What took me so long to "get it"? Everyone wants a loving family. I have friends who see their families every week, and where they are a part of their life. Everyone wants kinfolk. This can be one of the most painful things during the life of a scapegoat ACON. The kinfolk that should there, simply are not. The malignant narcissist turns them against you. There are some I did care about and love, but what comes of love in a wicked system? It is destroyed. I hated who they tried to make me and tried to make me become around them. This was one important reason to break away.
I begged for crumbs from them for far too many years and allowed myself to be hurt again and again, and those days are over, this will be for my betterment. I know in my case, it was a miracle I did not end up like Aunt Scapegoat, I got away, and did not sit there and rot next to them but went to go find new communities and people who did affirm me instead of actively rejecting me to please an evil narcissist. While I lost some of my communities, and have suffered losses of dear friends due to death, I have found people who love and care about me. I have to face facts my family are not among their number. I'm not wasting any more years trying to find love, kindness, acceptance and sharing among people who have none for me.
These narcissists really do turn entire lists of people against scapegoats and ACONs. They can even destroy relationships between children and people if they have enough contact with them. A Narcissistic grandmother doesn't care about destroying the relationship between a scapegoat and their daughter or son. Family friends, ex-spouses, step-fathers and mothers, add them to the list too as the people who will listen to the lies of the scapegoat. Smakintosh is absolutely correct to point out that these narcissists set up things where the entire family system sees you [the scapegoat] only through their lens. This was a major problem for me as I realized none saw me for who I was. There were times I spoke to some where the brainwashing was so extreme, it scared me.
Smakintosh is correct that then us ACONs have to face the horrifying reality that there isn't one ally among our family. We do not have one person to stand by us or even who accept us or see us as a good person. He is right that the immediate and even extended family walk lockstep with the abuser. Here I think of the Bible verse in Revelation where it speaks of the world turning towards evil:
Revelation 17:3 "These have one mind, and shall give their power and strength unto the beast."
With the "beast" as my mother in this scenario, they all have ONE MIND. They did give her power and strength. They don't think for themselves. It boggles my mind asking how things turned out this way where one didn't break from the hive, so this video has helped me quite a bit in explaining the "whys" of it all. They do become "enablers" and "foot soldiers" for the malignant narcissists. One thing I encountered and I did try to reach out to my family is not one would separate from the hive. All spoke to me even ones living thousands of miles away like my mother was standing over their shoulder. Not one stray word could be said, where she may find out, and they would be punished. Watching adults act this way was disgusting.
There are very very dark spiritual realities when a malignant narcissist or sociopath is running a family, they become in thrall to her. Satan is overjoyed when one of his servants destroy people within families. He knows these are the painful things that can lead people to total spiritual and even physical destruction. I see Aunt Scapegoat as destroyed while I cried out to God to be rescued. God is working on rescuing me now.
I am forgotten about next to her, and invisible.I am having to face facts, when I made my decision to go NC with the entire family [outside the email contact with a niece and possible future contact with two nephews]. Even there my hopes are limited as I know the narcissists will work on them too. I couldn't allow myself to be hurt anymore and I was hurt quite a bit, trying to reach out to these family members with multiple doors slammed in my face. He is right to mention there is no love or empathy or support to come from a single cousin, aunt, uncle or sibling. We all believe family cares for us, but we find out the truth instead. In my case, I could not get close to them and blamed myself, but now I am seeing the bigger picture.
God has let us know these evil individuals infect entire families. I even ponder the spiritual realities about me being written in the book of Life as a born again Christian, and how this made me her "my enemy" right from the start. She knew I sought after goodness even for all my faults, while she chose evil and to shut down her conscience and this is what turned her against me, perhaps even from the get-go. There is a reason I got slapped as a child for being "too sensitive" and told to harden up. They wanted me to become them. My treatment in my case worsened after I became a Christian.
Smakintosh puts the important information in his video that we are not alone and there are others who have suffered this too. Praise God for warning us in scripture about this happening to people. This can give us the spiritual fact, that we are not at fault, and these people are operating outside of God's Will and seeking after evil. They are disorderly and do not care about following protocols, they do love confusion and muddying the thinking of others. They are vain and empty and self deceivers and deceivers of others. My mother has deceived my entire family. They tell lies and do subvert whole families. My whole family has been subverted. My family sees my mother as their foundation, the one who they measure everything by not God. They worry most about pleasing her. My mother has undermined the morals and character of almost the entire household. I think about how things I value so much, are not valued in my family. Everything is about looks, money, measuring up in the established system and pleasing sickening narcissists. When my father was alive he took things the same direction. She has manipulated perceptions, imaginations and feelings.
I am thankful for this video and it's spiritual warnings and reminders. The Bible has indeed warned us about these depraved individuals. I will turn to God to comfort and do thank Him, that I was not subverted as well. I was able to escape and have my mind be free.