Run little girl Run! {ok this being the Victorian era people didn't smile
for photos so hopefully her Mom was a nice one and not a narcissist}
I'll be no contact outside of sending my no contact letter for exactly one year on June 28th, 2014.
I can't believe I've made it this long. By the way, even after the two line brush off, my NM tried to call me on the last holiday--Easter. I wasn't home thankfully.
For me leaving the family "cult", all narcissist families operate like cults in a certain way in that certain beliefs and rules are insisted upon, has led to me challenging long held beliefs and how I see the world. This has included redefining myself and also redefining my view of the world. This has led to changes in my life.
NO MORE "SUPERIORS VS. INFERIORS" or AKA SCAPEGOATS vs. "Winners"
Some people are irritated with me by the Tiffany Sedaris article, but even if she was full blown bipolar or other theories I've seen forwarded, don't you see why I saw some things in common? My family aren't millionaires, but upper middle class, I saw the scoffing, the raised eye-brows, from the narcissists, what some liberals call "micro-aggressions" on disgusted faces. So few understand what it is, to be the scapegoat, the one who "didn't make it" in a family where achievement and appearances counts for everything and the pain that this can cause a person. Some may think I am making too many inferences, but to be frank, I read his essay and wrote my view of what it had to say. Nothing more, nothing less. If only Tiffany had been able to be free of these messages. I know they are false messages that have led me almost to the pit of despair. This is why God's Word especially regarding the truth about the poor and how children of God matter beyond material success were like a life-line thrown out to a drowning woman.
Everyone interprets things via their own life experiences. For me, her story is a greater story, in that in too many families now there is little care and comfort for those who may struggle from challenges. Family break-up isn't just coming from divorce or long distance moves but also from changed and colder hearts towards people in general. My mother used to write on a social website, "how proud" she was of one relative and another relative, constantly. I translate these messages as ---We are proud you reflected well on us.---- You know that sort of thing.
Ever sit at a high school awards ceremony where they crowned the best and the brightest plastic silver painted crowns for the beauty queens and felt that creeping feeling that your looks, athletic ability and 3.5 gpa or even 2.0 one didn't cut the muster and like less of a person? What is sad is the competing never seems to end. Why do we have to prove ourselves so much? Why can't we just be? How many great individuals are being lost in the morass? Status is so much in American society.
Now imagine your family being run like a high school awards ceremony and beauty contest. The narcs paying homage to the beautiful, thin, and successful. I saw an aunt crack up from not achieving what the family thought was worthy. For years I heard how she was a loser and deserved her poverty. I know the same things have been said about me. Life together competing instead of working together as a team or sharing any true fellowship.
This is one web I am untangling now in my mind and walking away from.. Some aspects of society back up everything they said and did to me. That is the worse thing. Religious faith, gives me honor as a child of God, but how many hits are millions taking to their souls, for being told it's not about who you are but what you achieve and that if you don't win a crown or make enough money that you are a nobody.
So this is one belief, the "cult" taught me being ground into the dust under my foot. Here I am claiming dignity in myself as a person and realizing I am not worse, or inferior. I am laying claim to who I am. This is definitely one burden that if I succeed in throwing it over the side of the boat, I will be a far happier person in the long run. Compassion and love will grow in a the crucible of being away from this narcissist training.
NO MORE FEAR
For years I lived in fear of that woman, lesser so with her Mini-me. Every time, we would drive up her long black drive-way up to her house, a feeling of nausea would come over me. One was on edge, as if they were walking at 2 am, in the worse neighborhood they could find in a huge city. I was afraid. Very afraid. I prayed to get through the day.
ACONs know the dark fear, they instilled in us so directly. As a child, one look, one sharp word, you were scurrying to please the narcissist to avert the punishment or back stabbing that you knew would be inevitable. Even today I know my fear was almost irrational. When I was young, I towered over her and outweighed her. Keep in mind I am woman who has directly worked with gang-bangers and teen murderers and rapists. I'm not a shrinking violet, but that woman always has scared the crap out of me in the depths of my being. Sometimes I think my upbringing instilled an outer toughness, so the juvenile home and residential counseling place for sociopathic and/or violent girls, thought well that one will survive here, lets hire her even though she is fat with an odd body shape!
But for all that at least surface toughness, inside my body was roiling. I was afraid of her. I used to ask myself, "What is wrong with you?". She never touched me as an adult. As I got more ill, I realized severe illnesses could be triggered around my mother, where my asthma would become out of control, where the day I had a visit was always the same day giant kidney painful stones came to visit. They came at other times but were guaranteed on those days. Leg infections would be triggered within minutes in their company. My immune system seemed to collapse whenever I was in the same room with my mother.
Benadryl and copious amounts of a IBS drug used for what it was prescribed for which gave me a slight buzz would be my "helpers" during my visits. My last visit in 2013 at her house, I started projectile vomiting, and actually barfed into a bag in the car to get the hell away. Not wanting to to end up in a hospital 75 miles away from home, I puked continously as my husband drove, while he asked me if he could take me to the ER instead. Head shaking saying "No, No, No", I just wanted to get home to wait out that would be kidney stone passing. We had the rule that if I got acutely ill, we were to immediately leave. Asthma, too much swelling, breathing troubles, barfing, meant an immediate exit. This was no mother that was going to pet me on the head, or bring me chicken soup or even give me a place to lie down during extended visits. The expectation for someone like myself who sleeps in a hospital bed at night and has needed at home-nursing care several times, is that I always was to go her way. Today I know that was insane in itself.
Mine is so good at creating fear in others. It still boggles my mind. I'm the only one in the entire extended family who has ever stood up against her on anything. The rest don't even have normal human disagreements or arguments with her and that's a red flag. One strange thing I have noticed for years is how many would tell me behind the scenes how they agreed with me, that something with her [and my sister] was very wrong and that she was not like other people and she was cold and cruel to me. Some even whispered how she had done them wrong or frightened them. Despite these backdoor conversations, no one ever challenged her, or disagreed with her, EVER, well except for me! The only exception to this was my brother a few times did stand up for me as she insulted my weight with me not present.
But even as this crushing fear affected me so much of my life as I still worry about our finances, or experiencing worse poverty when I sat back and thought about things, I thought "What can be done to me anymore?". As long as the system has not crashed, America helps out the disabled and gives you housing. I have friends and a church now. Oddly I have smiled multiple times to myself over the last year thinking, "they aren't there to put me down anymore".
No more do I have to sit in a room, a tight smile on my face, waiting to be told that I am inferior or that my life doesn't matter or watch a nasty woman sneer at me. They aren't there to tell me I am wrong or to devalue me. Their opinion no longer matters. I can face whatever life will bring but be free of their cruelties and that inside fear, that used to tighten my stomach.
For years I had anxiety disorders, some are medically related--if you have breathing problems or sugar crashes, you will feel anxiety, but I have regular anxiety too. These often can be co-morbs that go with Aspergers too. My panic attacks and feeling of inside fear, dropped by at least 50% since I got away from the narcissists. My inside fear started going away. One recent therapist told me, I appeared far more confident.
So my fear dropped. And today, I stay away from people who make me afraid.
DEVELOPING BOUNDARIES AND SELF CARE
Malignant narcs and sociopaths train scapegoats like a puppy getting their newspaper, hey when we are children we do not know any better. We are trained to be subservient to their needs while neglecting our own. The needs of a scapegoat mean nothing to narcs. One negative attribute of this that can be lifelong for ACONs is they do not learn how to take care of themselves. I also have had to fill in multiple gaps on adult living skills, some of which have been worked on as late as this year, when I had occupational therapy.
I was severely medically neglected when I was young. This ranged from neglect of my serious signs of autism as a youngster--not walking until I was nearly 2 years old, stimming, etc to the ignoring of several of my medical issues. I had serious signs of PCOS while very young by the age of 12/13, where my neck turned so brown my mother would yell at me. A then 100lb weight gain which took me from near normal to midsized, within a period of one year was ignored. Lipedema was coming to join the party along with everything else.
My asthma was neglected for quite some time and diagnosed on the day, I was 18 and had a university health center at my disposal. Before then when I could not breathe, my parents would just yell at me, "You can't cope". Luckily I just wheezed and coughed and coughed and didn't get to the turning blue point at that time in life.
When I became a adult I did not know how to care for myself. Today in my 40s, I have more ability to care for myself and have learned how in a better fashion. Being around people where I can express needs and put up healthy boundaries, has been a joy. I also realized as I got older and was around NICE people, that life spent among positive, nice, kind people who make allowances for other human beings and treated them with compassion is a far happier life. Even years ago I made changes this way, but these were continued. Leaving toxic relationships left more space for good ones. It also allowed me to learn to form better boundaries.
It is okay to ask for help, to rest and to seek happiness. It is good to seek positive self-care and take care of one's self. I know as I went no contact, I was able to deal with my health problems in a more positive fashion where my self-care and self-love grew. There was forgiveness for myself in getting sick in the first place.
This erased some shame and blame that I had carried for far too long. Facing down the great lie, that I was a failure in getting sick, and that everything was my fault, was extraordinarily freeing. This was yet another lie of the Narcs, I was able to confront and set myself free from.
IMPROVED RELATIONSHIPS
There are only a few relatives left in my life, but relationships free of back door back-stabbing sessions by narcissists and triangulation, IMPROVE. With a few people I care about and love, I reached back out and the ones willing to know me outside of the picture presented by the narcissists, I saw definite improvements with. With all parties I have opened up and told them things, they simply did not know. Not being too naive, I have even warned that the narcissists may try and get in between us and said, "Do not believe anything they may say about me." Here getting to know people and having them know me outside of the narcissist control has been a joy.
In my journal, I drew a cartoon of myself breaking the chains...and that is exactly what it was.
They want us dead peep. And they want us to suffer as much as possible on the way out. They have an uncanny ability to amass an entourage of cruel bastards to help them. People who would never think of mistreating an animal will join forces with them to pile on and inflict as much torture to a fellow human being as possible. Most times with little or no pay off. Other than the joy of watching another human being suffer.
ReplyDeleteI think so too Q. I think mine is in shock I am still alive. They had the means to get medical care for me. She has made endless use of her one off statement about Mayo, said as an afterthought when no real help was every offered. I was already going to top docs in one of the largest cities in America. Acting as though she cared. All I had to do is look at the picture when I was nearing my peak weight covered in sores, and she is standing at the door smirking at me to know exactly what she thought of me and considered the worth of my life. I told one relative, about how she said of my scapegoat aunt, how she should just go die, instead of getting another surgery. I said to this person, if she values her own sister's life that little what does she think of mine? In some ways I am far more ill then that sister--well before she had her fall breaking her leg. Yes they can amass an entourage of cruel people to do their bidding. Mine basically sought to cut everyone off from me, even telling one side of the family, I didn't want to come to an event and lying all the time. Even the "good" ones who admit something is wrong with them will never say anything, but let them carry out their dirty business with no challenge. One thing I have noticed with my mother, she bonds over abusing people and putting them down. She seems to have an affect on people where she turns them evil, and leads them down the road of no compassion and empathy. She has a way of getting people to want to please her at all costs. Watching her on a smaller scale, has taught me something insidious about the worse aspects of human nature.
ReplyDeleteI think us coming right out and saying they want us dead is where we lose the focus of people from normal families. I find it hard to believe the thought actually crosses their minds. It's that they don't think at all. They just lash out and cut off any means of support or avenue to a better life and wonder why our life is such a struggle. In a moment of humanity, or her torturing me my ex-wife commented on how much it amused her and my mother to sit around and discuss my failings as a human. When they are the main reasons I could never quite get off the ground.
ReplyDeleteI agree. A lot of people from normal loving families do not understand these experiences. If My NM fooled even those within the family system what hope would there be with total outsiders? It has not escaped my notice that many of my closest friends have gone through abuse, or other trials in life. I think they may not want us dead, but may consider us "burdens" like in my case for the disabilities or the obesity that gave them embarrassment or negative narc supply, but the main emotion could be of INDIFFERENCE, as they go on the prowl through life always looking to increase their own benefits.
ReplyDeleteIn my case too, I think many did not believe me or considered me exaggerating because my narc parents put on such a good image.
If one is surrounded by people who destroy confidence and life is nothing but a put-down, criticism and negativity parade, getting anywhere is near impossible. I am sorry you had a wife join in, I suspect these narcs do glom on to some married partners and turn them against the chosen scapegoat. I know my years of having so many turned against me, [thankfully in my case husband was not included] and even that way that narcs would join with others in mocking you, took a massive toll especially when I was young.
I suspect that I could have been totally destroyed if I did not have some art talent or early academic successes where there was a few positive remarks slipping in to counteract the rest. I told someone the Aunt that Loved Me, with my 6 months with her, probably saved my life in the long run. I even sit around and think how they would all put me down in a subtle fashion, and how I would fight back, and be rendered so intensely voiceless. Sorry you went through so much. Normal people do not understand the complete void of love within Narc families. I do know my brother cares about me, but even now inside, I know she will attempt to take him away from me as she did so many others. I told him this too, and now am telling others what I think. I do try to understand the normal people who have never gone through this, they can't even imagine. I am glad they did not go through it.
I probably wouldn't cop to my ex being involved as closely with my mother if it were not such a glaring example of how thoroughly narcs can hollow your life out. In fact I am pretty sure the only reason my mother bonded with my ex in the end was because she knew I hated her so much after the divorce. I say this because if I had to rank the level of hate people in my family had for my ex after we broke up my mother would have to be ranked number two behind me. I've never seen two women hate each other more. When one wasn't around the other would talk the most vile trash about the other. Except when they needed an all purpose scapegoat and then they put away their differences and found something they could agree on.
ReplyDeleteThat I suck!
Yes I think your mother selected your ex to go hang out with just to hurt you. they use people like poker chips and chess pieces. Behind the scenes even multiple narcs within a family system or outside even, hate each other and will talk trash about each other, but it's all smooches for the public. One thing narcs bond together on is trashing scapegoats. It's kind of sick to watch. Even if narcs appear to have friends and allies, in one way they stand alone because they are not close to anyone and they know their flying monkeys only fear them or want what they have to offer--money etfc., they do not have affection for them or true attachment. So glad you are away from both. To have a martial partner join in the rejection of familial narcs has to be very very difficult.
ReplyDeletePart of the problem is that Narcissistic people are constantly reinforced by being told that they are "good." So they get the best of everything. While we get the scraps. Susanna
ReplyDeleteYes I definitely think that is part of the problem, they are told they are superior and act like they are superior. I wish I knew then what I know now, not to just beg for crumbs anymore.
ReplyDeleteI'm an ACON in the middle of separating. I'm glad that you have gotten away from them. I knew that N parent disliked me a great deal but wow. They have blocked so much. N parent always wants to speak for me and accompany me. My other parent is over protective. They want to protect me from everything and everybody but somehow failed to protect me from N. Lol. It sucks a lot that I have been denied the basics. I am working through this and it irritates me that they both go out of their way to do things for me that I have to do for myself. And when N parent is denied access to attack my independence I am verbally and emotionally abused and things are tampered with. I have had to shut down emotionally which bothers N parent because they can't upset me as easily as before. But what N parent can't get from me they get from my other parent. N parent comes from a family of Ns. And the mother of N parent has instilled in them that they are above everyone. SIGH.
ReplyDeleteHi Anon, I hope you can get away. I have read there are two different kinds of narc mothers, ignorers and engulfers. I think you have an engulfer. Sorry your enabling parent never protected you from the N, they should have been looking at the enemy at home. Sounds like your N parent was the GC, mine definitely WAS beyond measure. They could do no wrong.
DeleteNow that I think about it, N parent alternates between engulfing and ignoring depending on the company. Engulfing when strangers and authority figures are around and ignoring when their family or friends are around.
DeleteIn my experience the "thought" of wanting me dead does cross the N's mind. In fact, that's the problem - they are obsessed with thoughts of trying to destroy me and they carefully plot, plan and scheme to "kill" me one way or another (financially, psychologically, socially or drive me to suicide). I don't say this lightly. A MN mother does not hand her vulnerable 15 year old daughter a note suggesting she go commit suicide without wanting her carry out the act. She doesn't email that same note to her daughter some 25 years later, after hearing her daughter had been struggling with depression, without wanting "the message" to sink in. A MN sister does not clean out her sibling's bank account without thinking. She cleans it out because she knows damn well that's the only financial security her sister had. If the sister had hoards of money, the MN wouldn't have bothered to empty the account because not having the money wouldn't make a difference to the sister's life. They are evil and they seek out our most vulnerable spots to attack. They are cold and calculating - they THINK long and hard about the most effective ways to destroy their target and they carry out their malice very covertly. Even deprivation, neglect and indifference are calculated acts. It takes energy to ignore someone and their needs. I takes energy to resist helping someone in distress. Some people call this passive-aggressive. In my books this "passive" behavior is just as aggressive, if not more so, than visible acts of aggression. Whether the MN is passive-aggressive or outright aggressive - they do not wish us well - and they are careful to couch their sinister acts of malice in plausible deniability: they feign victimhood, they feign "not knowing" they fake "concern." In my case, understanding how devious and calculating the MNs are is what keeps me safe. If I were to think for a moment that they are "not thinking" about their insensitive "choices" toward me then I might be dead. They know EXACTLY what they are doing. I cannot stress that enough. And knowing that they would love it if I was dead, motivates me to take good care of myself. In my case, no contact never stopped them from trying to destroy me.
ReplyDeleteI think they do want us dead. Mine I think is angry I am still alive, and especially after the years I became, viewed me as a "burden". Being told "don't move to my town" when I and my husband were having problems after his job losses, is the last thing a severely disabled woman needed to hear. Talk about being abandoned at the time, but it wasn't the first time. The years in severe poverty and when I became ill were there. There was never any help. Today I talked to a nice paralegic man I know, he talked about "family love" and how his family rallied around him. Outside my husband efforts, that is completely foreign to me. Mine abused me for being sick, and allowed no leeway for breathing problems, the lipedema, etc. And when I got sicker, it was like hell with you, we won't bother to make any effort. She would say things to other people, like she is "just lazy", she could show up if she "tried". I told one nurse about some of this stuff and she was horrified for me.
DeleteThe me of today asks what if I had gotten help at the right time? What would my life have been? That was cold and calculated and done on purpose. I always was shoved aside for others. Even when well-meaning brother said, well Dad was sick, I said, well so was I, it's no excuse. Her little bit of help years ago I realize was to throw me off track, and keep me under her thumb and not go investigating too much. I relate to your story at 15, I didn't get a freshly written suicide note but made the mistake of trying to turn to her for solace, crying and telling her I was severely depressed and said "Sometimes I feel suicidal", and she turned at me, her green snake eyes glaring, and said, "Go ahead and do it then!"
continuing...
DeleteTo send it the letter 25 years later, yeah she knows what she is doing. Same as mine did, when she told me "don't move to my town" after acouple of my friends had died, I feared for my marriage and lost my old community on top of severe health problems where the doctors had only given me two years to live at the time. Funny I was still dragging myself out to her house. That was a sock in the gut among many. By then I knew never to show any vulnerabilities, but I basically slipped up under duress.
I think your sister is a sociopath too and yes she cleaned out that account to hurt you. My sister never helped me either as I was dying in the ghetto. My brother didn't have the means in his case. I know my sister will sit there with a Cheshire smile on her face to get every dime for being Mommy's favorite. These types don't care if they are swimming in money, they get off on impoverished scapegoats around them. I see three cousins being left in severe poverty, and put down already for having nothing by people who if they were normal could give them a step up. They need future slaves and scapegoats I guess when I am gone. Who knows which niece or nephew will get the future honor. Honestly with one, I think they are treating her as a temporary GC, so she doesn't run to me.
I agree they do seek the most vulnerable places to attack. Mine used my health, telling me I was a malingerer and planning family visits on purpose when they knew I was housebound, bringing me even more sadness and isolation. I believe mine has targeted me for years and didn't expect me to live this long. She knew I was sick by the time I was a teen and simply did not care or seek out any real help for me.
My needs always came last, and it remained that way. I was denied seeing rest of the family for years because others always came first.
Yes they feign not knowing, "I didn't know", mine acts as dumb as a box of dirt, whenever it helps her. I spent years trying to explain every simple thing until realizing that game. They are evil and manipulative, and always on the take. I agree they know EXACTLY what they are doing. I know for a fact mine derived pleasure from hurting me. I saw the smirks, and nasty looks. I have stayed alive even with severe severe health problems in knowing they would be glad I was out of the picture. To be frank, a lot of no contact was around being so sick last year, and not wanting a bunch of witches cackling over my body and making comments about how fat I was. I am putting in my will--oh I know I got to get a notary, that I am not to be put in the family cematary. Doubt they would bother but just something I want. I never felt a part of this family ever. I care about my brother, niece and nephews, and cousins who know who they are, but the rest of them may as well be strangers. I don't know Lisette if you have seen what I have written about the potentials of being adopted.
I hope the lawyers are helping you too.
Yes in your case, they still seem to be pursuing you and want to destroy you. I am troubled for you, and praying. I thought seriously mine were done with me around March, glad that the "burden" is gone? But then I got a phone call on Easter. I worry the cold fishes are just waiting me out, hoping that economic desperation/softer feelings which they do not have/guilt will lead me back to their satanic doorsteps.
Yes realizing how calculating and devious they are, I probably will have to watch my back to an extent the rest of my life. Acons especially with severe narcs and sociopaths need to exercise caution. Image is so important to mine, I know inside her insides are grinding over me "talking" anywhere. I know even the familial relationships I have managed to keep she will do anything she can to destroy them. That is how she operates.
We both had basically the same thing happen at 15, today 30 years later, I ask myself "What kind of mother is that?" No one who loved their teen would do something like that to them, more like the opposite. I ask myself why have a child if you are going to loathe them? I told my mother once when I was a teen, why did you have kids if you were going to hate them, you know what birth control is.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to be done. So glad. Normal loving nice people have helped show me the way out. I meet acquaintances, who show me more love, attention and care in 20 minutes then my mother ever did for my entire life. I am going to celebrate June 28th, as a personal holiday. :p
A big hug to you all going through this pain. I've been diagnosed with PTSD for severe complex trauma that manifests in physical symptoms. Seeing an amazing therapist, who specializes in Narcissistic/sociopathic abuse and PTSD.
ReplyDeleteI was brainwashed my entire life and lived in an isolated reality created by MNPD/sociopath mother and sister, while father and other family members supported it. She exploited my sincere love and trust for maximum damage. As a child, she told me my father was going to murder her and make it look accidental. This created hyper vigilance and mistrust of my father. At the same time, she lied to my father and extended family about me starting as a child. It's like she and my sister wanted to make me a "monster" in the eyes of everyone. I would experience such odd, cold behavior from relatives, friends, anyone my mother/sister knew. When they began seeing my hairdresser, I was going exclusively to her for two years. Nikki started saying "crazy, crazy, crazy" every time I spoke. So as she was cutting my hair, she would ask me questions like what I had plan later that day and I would say, "going to a movie" and Nikki would say "crazy, crazy, crazy." I would listen in on her other clients while my highlights took, and Nikki never said this new annoying phrase, just with me. It started after my sister and mother started seeing Nikki. I call this phenomenon "the virus." This has been my whole life.
The worst thing my mother did was prime me for a decade long nightmare hence severe PTSD. In 2004, two months after moving back to the same town of FOO, she cried to me about the town after her due to brother and his wife spreading rumors about childhood abuse. She was paranoid, and I wanted to help and protect her (my role my whole life) continued.
I am sorry you have been diagnosed with PTSD. I am also glad you have broken out of the brainwashing. I was diagnosed with PTSD at least three separate occasions--some due to crime I saw--[but learned about C-PTSD later] That is sick she would cross boundaries and say that about your father, even to unload that on a child is so wrong. I know mine made me a "monster" in the eyes of everyone. I even in the conversations with sister realized that, that my mother had brainwashed her to dismiss and devalue everything I had to say. The odd cold behavior is worrisome from everyone but I relate to that too. The NMs train them to dismiss you and treat you a certain way. PTSD occurs I think in ACONs from having to watch their back every single second. I think even my GC sister is afraid, it is scary to watch and was made one of the most repressed human beings on earth outside of whatever Narc personality she acquired. My NM never sought help or protection from me but I have seen Narcs use that technique.
DeleteBefore moving back to my FOO town, I lived 5 hours away. On the phone, my mother filled my head with her fears and woes with my brother who had moved back home at almost 50 (18.6 yrs older than me). So I, in turn, would comment and had anger towards him for a lot of reasons. I drove 5 hours alone to visit, and unbeknownst to me, my brother was trying to find me all weekend to confront me over whatever my mother said to him. On Sunday, he arrived at my parents house, and said, "I heard you have a problem with me." This whole weekend was a set-up by my mother and father. I drove 5 hours alone, without my husband, to be ambushed. Timing is everything.
ReplyDeleteThis was the same brother my mother had sadistically abused as a child, 18.6 yrs older than me. Wouldn't common sense tell him that whatever I know about him - mostly bad- came from our parents own mouth. He was never in my life to form any opinion, good or bad.
In July 2004, my mother began priming me to believe this same brother and wife #3 was were telling the community about his childhood abuse at her hands. She described receiving odd and scary behavior from the community. She was distraught, nervous, showing signs of PTSD. This, I would learn, was a false reality. I was alone, no other witnesses. So I immediately go to my brothwr's home, and tell him off for hurting our mother. My rational was if what he was saying was true about her, why move back at 50 for 2 yrs.....why bite the hand that feeds you. The confrontation was ugly. Later, I learned from another brother that our mother and father had the brother I had confronted over for dinner the very next day -damage control/spin. I look like the crazy one. Seeing a trend.
Soon, the script gets flipped, and the community begins harassing me. Stares from complete strangers, being told I'm being watched, got ran off the road and followed 2 miles at night, felt very threatened, by someone we later learned with police report was "judicial", break-ins where stuff is moved around, gas lighting. My mother had to prime me first, have me see it "happening" to her for it to get turned on me for revenge, for being a threat b/c I'm not afraid to confront, and discover the truth by doing so.
Sociopaths and MNPD distort truth with lies. They speak in riddles. Assume everything they ever told you, probably when you are alone or with their co-conspirators, was a lie or false reality they wanted you to react to so that they can play the victim, and make you look like a crazy monster. I shudder at what people must think of me. My mother, sister, brother and his then wife (mother said her father was a judge and very connected) had set me up for life. This is the severe PTSD and had manifested over 10 years. Funny, my mother said to me more than a few times that she felt I would be murdered. What mother would even say that allowed, especially to a daughter living extreme low risk life style?
Continued
Sorry you got set up. I know I have made my mistakes, always having given some a chance I should not have. I worry I may even have too much contact with sister in sending nieces and nephews cards. They brainwash people so badly they can even abuse them and trash them behind the scenes like your brother and they will never believe the scapegoat. I probably was fortunate with my brother, but then we all live long distance and that helped, it doesn't mean she will stop trying. Can you tell the brother you got angry with the truth for hurting your mother? I know mine triangulated like mad and then some. Yes they will try and get you labeled as crazy. I worry about old emails and PMS being sent and shared, a few times where I got a bit angry and told people off. They try to use anything and anything. If you live in the same community as your mother I feel for you. I am glad I do not so I have a chance to make friends and not be trashed.
DeleteI know moving is hard, but you are probably thinking about it. They play so many games it is crazy.
Yes they do distort truth with lies and they also speak in riddles. I know mine lied all the time. She would lie even when she didn't need to and yes it was to make you look bad. One horrible thing is you never get anyone to talk to you, they have a way of making everyone afraid to talk to you, they do endless set ups. Sounds like your mother could be making indirect threats. I wouldn't put it past some sociopath NMs to enter the real world and cause real world trouble for someone who has gone NC.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MUGozZDfLSg
ReplyDeleteAbove is a link to a substantiated news story with police validation that organized gang stalking is real. This is what is happening to me since 2004. My sociopath mother, sister and other family set me up to fall into this nightmare, even though I am no contact 3 years. This is abuse by proxy starting with smear campaigns. Maybe my mom's comment about my murder is not too far fetched.
I will pray for you and you should protect yourself. Write a letter and give to close friend, about your suspicions should the worse happen. I would consider a move if they are sending people to harass you in the real world. I am sorry you have faced so much. This is total wickedness what they are doing.
DeleteIt can save your health and even your life to avoid psychic vampires. Kudos on protecting yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy family isn't as toxic as yours, but I still limit my contact with most of them. After an evening with my mother, I tend to feel like drinking an entire bottle of wine. That can't be healthy.
I am glad your family is less toxic. I was on low contact for many years but some of reason I went no contact was health reasons. I felt like I would literally die if I didn't get away and I was no longer able to do the visits--2 hours in the car each way there with husband driving with a 4-6-hour stretch sitting up. I've thought about that I didn't feel comfortable enough even o lie down a bit anywhere, nor was the offer made. If I wasn't on meds that make drinking impossible and wasn't allergic to so many alcoholic beverages, I could see me drinking up a storm around mine. Yeah it's not healthy. I am dealing with some hoovering lately and some more confusing stuff. Ugh....
DeleteYes, they DO get weak exes to collude with the narcissists. This happened with my first husband.
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