"On his sister Tiffany, who took her own life in 2013
My sister Tiffany was child number five. So she was the youngest girl and the second to the youngest child; there were six kids in the family.
It's interesting. Looking back over her life, my mom never really liked Tiffany very much. Tiffany was too much like my mother, and I remember that as a child almost ... I just thought, Ugh, wouldn't want to be Tiffany. ...
The rest of us should've said, "Mom, you need to do something about this, because that's not OK for you to treat somebody that way." But we never said that. We never called our mother on her behavior towards Tiffany. You think, You're 7, what are you going to do? But I wasn't always 7. I was 20 and I was 30. ... Tiffany had a lot of anger at us and a lot of it was really well-founded. We were adults, we could've said to our mother, "This isn't OK." ...
[Per Tiffany's wishes] nobody [from the family] went to the memorial service. Her ashes went to somebody that she had worked with once, and my sister Lisa called this woman and said, "Could we have just a thimble full to scatter in the ocean behind the beach house?" And the woman said, "No." I understand that. Tiffany didn't want us to have them. The woman was just honoring Tiffany's wishes."
David Sedaris On The Life-Altering And Mundane Pages Of His Old Diaries
I always wondered if he saw some of the Internet controversy about Tiffany, and how she was viewed. I wrote about how I believed Tiffany was a scapegoat some time ago.
In Defense of Tiffany Sedaris
Oddly the story of Tiffany resonates not only with myself removing the problems with drug addiction and time in an abusive boarding school but with that cousin I recently wrote about. Her life reminds me of what Tiffany went through too and she suffered the challenges of drug addiction.
Maybe some of the writings and videos on line got David Sedaris to think about a few things, I hope so. I am glad he admitted her anger was well-founded, this validation well it's kind of late, but he at least admits that they betrayed her standing by as adults remaining silent as the abuse continued.
Why do people stay so silent and why is the good will of narcissists always more important? These are questions that are hard to answer. I do hope he has found more understanding in what happened to his sister. I am no contact with my entire family now, and with a few, I heard the words of "regret" and admissions that my mother and others were abusive but no one ever spoke out for me. As their loyalties lied with the narcissists, many of us have no choice but to part ways from our entire family systems.
One cousin even wrote, "She still abuses you" which probably tells me that some mighty smear campaigns have been in the mix, but no one ever has spoken out in my entire life. Most scapegoats go through this, and adults who should know better, stay silent in the face of abuse.
Tiffany had some friends speak out for her after her death and the person they described was so different from how her family viewed her. This definitely would apply to most scapegoats from narcissistic families. Those who love us actually "see" us while the families only see what the narcissists want them to see. Hopefully David Sedaris is getting more insight into his upbringing and it's affects on the siblings including Tiffany.
Someone Who Agrees About Tiffany Sedaris