Sednas Daughters: International Network of Daughters Surviving Family Shunning
Chart of Abuse in Family Daughter Relationships
about Sedna's Daughters
"Behavioral Chart of Abuse in Family—Daughter Relationships
Expecting daughters to endure lifelong abuse from their mothers is as damaging to women as expecting mothers to be perfect.
Possessiveness and Minimization & Blame
• Family does not take responsibility for their actions • Mothers claim birth of daughters ruined her life • Family claims daughter’s feelings are drama • Refuses to discuss or heal relationship issues • Tells adult daughter how to think, dress & act • Condemns daughter for moving away or having a partner • Telephones excessively/demands details of daughter’s life • Accuses daughter of abandoning them if she has her own life • Sabotages daughter’s relationships with others or with family members/turns younger family members against her."
I had a reader suggest this website. It has some good articles. I hope I can find their Facebook page and wrote and asked where it was, since the link was not working. This website is different in that she focuses on the whole ostracization phenomenon and focuses on those who lost the whole family. I do think this outreach is important. While some can keep some family relationships in going no contact, for some of us who walk away, it is the loss of an entire family. The malignant narcissists have "won", we end up with no one by our side from the family. Our decades of abuse and shunning have culminated in being free of kinfolk down to the last cousin, niece or nephew.
The chart detailing the various abuses basically sums up what happened to us. We all have to remind ourselves it is not our fault.
With the hoovering, some of it is strange like recently being invited to a cousin's wedding where he just grunted at me in 2006 and never has spoken a complete sentence to me in my life. I never got in one argument with him but would be friendly and he would simply turn away. The same went for his brother and sister to a lesser extent. I and my husband left that family picnic right after I sat at the table, and asked him about college and he just grunted and turned away.
It occurred that if this person who lived at home until the age of 32 with no job in his parent's attic was somehow able to find a wife, this means he actually probably SPOKE to other people and did more then grunt at them. He wasn't some extreme savant or schizoid. I was so used to rudeness and being treated badly, some things escaped my attention. Others around him supported this treatment of me. There's a reason my grandmother told me before she died, that he was her favorite grandchild. I won't be there of course but it's funny the new things that still occur to me now, even this many years outside the fog of scapegoat abuse.
I do wonder if family "shunning" is growing in modern society, social media, has given smear campaigners more power and ability to reach an audience. In the past, families were expected to take care of their own, and too public of a shunning, may have had worse social impacts when everyone lived in the same town, and knew each other for life. There's positives in modern society in that there's more avenues of escape now and information, but there are those negatives too.