Will Anna Leave Josh Duggar? She Should.

I watched the Duggars for some time. It was a train wreck in slow motion. Michelle Duggar's soft spoken fake whispers are just an act.  She is so fake to me.  Both Jim Bob and Michelle are absolute narcissists. The Duggars represent a lot of why I am no longer in the church system. I have no interest in following those who are just useful tools for the power brokers.

Fake Pharisees don't do it for me. The Duggars act as an anti-Christian commercial in society with their extreme legalisms and weird sexual repression garbage that focused on hiding the real perversion behind the scenes. The side hugs garbage and not kissing even while engaged was the invention of dirty minds obsessed with sex and "purity".

There is a patriarchy movement taking over in evangelical and fundamentalist churches, and the Duggars definitely adhere to it. There is an overlap with Quiverful but not all patriarchials are Quiverful. They believe men are to be in charge and women are chattel and only seen as baby-making machines. One reason Jana still lives at home is they believe that women have to be under a father or husband's authority. That is why she is 26 years old living like she is 12. The men do get excused for everything and you see that in Josh where the daughters were not protected from him. The daughters are told they are responsible for men's behavior. They were put last.

 The Duggars are definite Dominionists who bow before right wing politicians. They are lovers of the "new world order".  Dominionism is about Christian political triumphalism that is more of the antichrist and with it comes a love and lust for war and power and riches in this world. The Duggars sought their fame as they became politically involved with the right wing and supported war-mongering globalist politicians. Dominionism is authoritarian where power is worshipped. This is why Jim Bob ran for Senate and why Josh Duggar worked for "The Family" connected Family Research Council. Check out this book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Family-Secret-Fundamentalism-American/dp/0060560053

The blind unthinking obedience taught to the Duggar children, leads to more hidden sins. Instead of a moral code being developed from within, the parents with their narcdom and focus on the rules probably lead Josh to go to a place of "What can I get away with?". Josh in other words did not learn right and wrong for himself and had no self direction and learned no self control. Control freaks like the Duggar parents don't allow their children to develop inner moral codes. Some may choose conscience irregardless but it is obvious Josh DID NOT.

The FLSD seemed to breed many mini-sociopaths and this seems to be true of ATI as well. The conscience is gone. Josh's is toast already which worries me for his daughters. Anna is wasting her time. At this point, since he got caught he will say the right words and act contrite, but chances are it will happen again. She has bet on the wrong horse.

 I think it's pathetic and sad she could be doing the "stand by your man" nonsense when he has cheated on her it seems more then once. If she keeps having babies with a man who has absolutely no job prospects, and has no loyalty to her and can give her a STD, she is an idiot.

 You ever notice this about all celebrities and politicians how the women all stand by the men? Even Hillary though that was most likely a sham marriage and "open marriage" at that stuck by Bill Clinton as he womanized his way across America. Funny how feminists never question that. She's an icon of female empowerment? Give me a break.

I think Anna should leave. Even biblically Jesus made the provision that unfaithfulness can be a cause for divorce. I never have been cheated on, but I would not stay if a man ever cheated on me. This is everyone's personal choice but if she stays this will show absolutely no self respect. She needs to protect her children from Josh too given his history.

Why does she want to stay with a cheat and a pedophile who shows extraordinary personality disorders?  She may be afraid financially and because she was raised in the Bill Gothard/ATI cult where women are not allowed an education or ability to take care of themselves she is more at risk. Jana Duggar it seems will live at home forever as her mother's babysitter and maid. It is sad to watch these people never think for themselves but that is what cults do to people. The men are in charge and do whatever they want and get away with what they want. Considering what Josh Duggar did to his sisters, I think the whole family needs investigated and there are probably other pedophiles in the family, Josh learned it from somewhere.

I am praying for Anna, that she gets away from cultic brainwashing narcissists and sociopaths and saves herself and her children. Sadly right now this doesn't look like this is going to happen. She is not to blame, he and his miserable parents are.  Narcissism and sociopathy in Christian and other religious circles is rife. Many put on religion as a "covering" for all sorts of deeds. The spiritual abusers surrounding her will tell her to "blame herself" for Josh's straying and that it is her "duty" to put up with it.

 Even reading Josh's phony apologies where he blathers on about God and Jesus, makes me sick. He doesn't have any relationship with God in my opinion. I think he is a product of his upbringing. His upbringing with it's phony religiosity and extreme sexual and intellectual repression made him into who he is. Sociopathy was formed because of instead of integrating "right" and "wrong" in his own personality and forming his own conscience, his parents with their endless rules and control, taught him to put on appearances, and lie and appear as "good". This is one reason he had no empathy for his sisters and abused them sexually, not holding to any boundaries. They were just objects in his conscience-less mind. He shows major signs of sexual abuse too. This goes beyond the Duggar's holding to Michael Pearl's abusive methods and blanket training.

 Josh joins the long list of sexually perverted TV-evangelists and is the Jimmy Swaggart of his generation.

Putting a False Brave Face On

                                         I don't agree with this picture, keep reading....

One thing I notice about the culture here, that is stronger, then on the other side of the state I used to live on, is much higher degree of reticence and this emphasis on putting on a "brave front".  I am sure if you get cancer in NYC you can say "This sucks, my insides are rotting out!" but here, it's strange. At a book club today,  I know two people with serious health problems and they are nice people and they attend this local church that does a lot to help the poor, but they are putting on this brave face. I almost wanted to tell them, "You don't have to for me" but didn't want to embarrass them among the others saying they were brave and strong. If I was closer to them, I would tell them being ill sucks, and they don't have to sugarcoat things for a woman that has been sick almost all her life.

I know there is a code among some neurotoypicals that "complaining" is bad. It's one reason that one friendship of mine failed, but then I can't be someone else to please her.  This is something too that has grown very strong in the Christian world. Almost like this idea to prove holiness one must always keep a smile on their face, and say things like "God is in control", and "God has a plan for my life". I hate to tell people but if we judged God by people's plans for their lives on this earth, then that is troubling. The apostles died martyred, most likely penniless and losing everything. How did their life go? The Bible tells us to expect tribulation and suffering:

1 Peter 4:12-13King James Version (KJV)
¹² Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

I think one reason the Christian world got the Duggars, is because people look for these fake, perfect acting and looking people, who in reality were hiding giant skeletons in the closet. The Duggars were trained never to complain, and to always smile, but how real are they? Not very considering the sex abuse going on behind closed doors. The "Christian" world is awash with phonies. When non-believers express disgust about the "keeping sweet" crowd, I agree with them.  Some are sincere people and perhaps even some of the Duggars are [well except for the parents and Josh] but they have taught you must look, appear and act a certain way. Some emotions are "wrong". Even the way they speak is like a script, but sadly I have seen this in a real world too.

Narcissists always demand this of their victims to keep only positive emotions and never complain and keep smiling and act in a way that is most comfortable for them. As the society grows more narcissistic, and everything becomes competition, the pressure even for those in secular society to "keep sweet" only grows. You see all those who say you must have a positive attitude and never say anything bad about anything but then where is the creativity or questioning there? It's gone. If one even thinks that a lot of art comes out of the fountain of pain, if everyone is busy putting on false faces, art will suffer too.

 It makes me sad though when I see these people suffering terrible things, and they feel this pressure, first to be quiet about it and tell no one, or secondly always present a brave, strong face to the world. If they are in the church world, these pressures are even more strong. The pressure is there to always look like you always have it together! This ties into the "be positive" ethos too which demands that everyone even put a positive spin in public even if you have stage IV terminal cancer. All of this seems exhausting to me and seems to just say to people, "You can't really talk about your troubles.", you have to prevent this fake façade to the world. I know some have been offended by this blog, including even the ex-friend, because I do expose some mighty troubles to the world. I talk about illness, severe abuse, and things many people are trained to keep behind closed doors. Some may say I am a sucker for the "confessional culture", but then I know hiding behind a fake smile would have just succeeded in destroying me.

 You know the "don't complain ethos" where one is to be brave and ever suffering and not unload their troubles on anyone else. Something worried me, how this seems so strong now, that one is to never speak of troubles anymore of if you do, it is always suppose to improve you, or be meaningful. What if it's not improving you? What if there isn't meaning in it? Bad things happen to people. It's a simple fact. I think there is such a denial of suffering in American society that it has screwed people up in the head. In fact I think this fact that we are to hide all troubles and compete even in OUR HAPPINESS leads to more unhappiness and severe depression. What intimacy is there for a cancer patient who among even their closest friends must always put a brave face? To be honest in my life, anyone who can't handle the vestiges of severe illness has already walked. This is a screening process like no other.

Often these types will say things like "God is in control, or "I know God has a plan". Here my belief system diverts, I do not think God created disease and death but it came in via Satan and sin. Satan is the prince of this earth and it's not God who gave you the giant tumor in your stomach, or any other multitude of disease processes. God is not the author of evil. God made for us to have eternal life via Jesus His Son. I realized if I believed the way they did, having been sick since the age of 28 and having gone almost deaf and recently losing more hearing, I would have ended up an atheist again.  Job gets the snot beat out of him but it's not because God cooked up trouble for him but because of the nature of this world.

This is some of the kind of stuff, that actually makes some people say forget this God business. They see these "perfect" Christians like the ones I wrote about in the last church I left.  While the church people often are "good", "nice", "kind" people on the surface, one feels almost frozen around them. Where does that frozen feeling come from but some of the social more's that means a freezing up of free expression or even exposure of emotions or thoughts?

This may sound bad but sometimes I found myself thinking as they put on the extreme brave faces, like they were reading a script. Inside they were thinking, "I am supposed to be brave and faithful in the face of severe illness/and or death and not show distress." If I was closer friends to one of them, I would say, "You can cry you know and say it sucks!".  I don't expect them to pour out every emotion to everyone but I felt troubled for them. I've been sick long enough to know too well the real emotions involved. Real life is messy, the endings are not always prettily tied up in a bow.

I am not the most stoic person. I think we should be able to tell each other our problems. I know one reason that friendship ended locally is because she has been taught the reticient school of problem dealing. One is always supposed to appear brave, and "moving forward" and as if it all has meaning.
I'm not interested in this. If I was like that I would have long ago cracked up. Who are all these people trying to impress? God knows if you are crying and in pain and the people who expect everyone to always be smiling and saying brave and good things every minute even if they are very sick, are a bunch of narcissists. Real friends don't mine hearing the troubles of friends. I and my close friends talk about everything and anything. There is none of this false front stuff. I sometimes wonder if someone people in American culture, don't even have one person they can "get real" with and that makes me very sad. This whole culture needs a can of "Get Real".

How Bad Religion and Child Abuse Go Together

I found this on a message board, if someone knows the original source, please tell me, and I will cite it here. Childhood Religious Indoctrination often coincides with childhood abuse. This doesn't mean all religious parents are abusive, some will teach a "god of love". The less fundamentalist ones will allow some exploration and critical thinking. However often times religion and child-abuse go hand in hand!

Raised in uber-Catholicism, my religious training included a lot of fear, shame, guilt, fantasy and idealism. My uber-Catholic parents who allowed no freedom of thought, thusly prepped me for the fundamentalists.  In my case, I "rebelled" and deconverted the first time, considering atheism even by age 10, but extreme trauma, abuse and the circumstances of life drew me back into another flavor of oppressive religion.  Right now my deconversion and my no contact ACON recovery are walking hand in hand. It's strange how letting go of an abusive "God" who threatened me with hell, was only possible after letting go of a family that made my life hell on this earth.

This has given me the emotional freedom to even allow happiness to be possible. I think thoughts like: "You can be happy now." and "Enjoy your years left on this earth".  The fogs of endless guilt and shame have lifted. Love in marriage gave me a foundation too.  It's doubtful many therapists would go this deep religiously with their clients, but I believe ties to an abusive God, will keep one in the abuse matrix. In other words, you may free yourself from parental abusers, or they long ago died, but one big Kahuna remains in your head, with the pointing finger of God saying "You're bad!" 

Many of us who do leave Christianity, do arrive at the conclusion that God as presented in evangelical and conservative Christianity is another abuser who has filled the space in our heads. He becomes a stand-in for the abusive parents. Just like ACONS have to learn to avoid narcissists and abusers in day to day life, spiritual examination needs to come in too.

The spiritual does overlap the emotional. I don't believe in demons anymore in the classic sense but my parents often appeared in my dreams as "demonic". They'd show up with glowing red eyes, and always ready to do extreme physical harm to me. It's strange that they were beyond human in my dreams. This may tell of the extreme power I believed they had over me.  They'd cackle, laugh and chase after me. It's not a good sign when the Boogey-men and monsters of your dream life are your own parents and relatives.  Even when I was a staunch believer, it seemed I stood up more for myself in those dreams, more then any imagined or dreamed of deity. After no contact, my dreams were like the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon movie mixed with James Bond films in fighting my enemies.

I have a theory about conservative and evangelical Christianity, I've talked about on a few ex-Christian, atheist and other boards. I believe Christianity itself is based on a toxic parental paradigm. While this exists in other religions, Christianity seems to go the farthest. The religions that seek God more as a divine force of goodness, either allow for the negative aspects of life to be explored or insist on God being loving instead of wrathful and punishing. Even Jews have a tradition of arguing with God. For conservative Christians, God is an abusive, controlling father who is ready to unleash the whoop-ass on you for one broken rule.  You don't dare argue. Too much of humanity remains in infancy, while basing life on "punishment" instead of growing up. What else is hell for but the ultimate grounding, with "Daddy" setting up the system doing the worse that can be thought of?

The harmful childcare practices overlap with the toxic doctrine. Hell is the ultimate punishment, but more punishments are in store with God's "chastisements" and groundings. There was this constant feeling that bad things happening meant God had displeasure with you and the opposite was true too. Most churches today teach that God directs your life and if one is living a painful and hard life, there is that undercurrent, that "you are getting what you deserve". Add in the very foundation that to enter the religion at all in the "born again" sense of things, that one must admit they are a wretched sinner who has wronged God over and over. Self esteem is not grown in this system. It is diminished.  A punishment based life is an unhappy life. Us ACONs who were scapegoats grow up and take too much responsibility, we are mired in a muck of self-blame. Those who are in a Christian religion like this get it from both sides.

Hell is used to keep many an abused child in line. One is told, if you don't obey your parents, you will go to hell!  Some churches will inform young people, if you don't believe the same way your parents do, you will go to hell. The earlier the indoctrination, the more of an effect this will have. I was warned about the hot fires of hell and never being able to escape from an early age. Even to earn Purgatory you had to be "somewhat" good and holy.

Many abusive Christian parents use religion for isolation and control. This happened to me. The most extreme ones, practice separation from the world. I was separated from other people too. I was not allowed to go to parties or visit very many other kids. I was told their parents were wicked or they "drank" or they were "not to be trusted".  I was punished for going to a friend's United Methodist church after a sleep over.

Many focus on Christian fundamentalists and homeschoolers as the only culprit, but there's other religions where religious abuse can happen. I was not allowed to date in high school even as some of my classmates married and had babies by 20 and are grandparents today. There was no junior high dances for me, and before I was beaten down, even as an Aspie, I wanted to socialize with the few friends I had. I was given severe edicts about sex, and told by the nuns and my parents both, that only whores had sex or "boyfriends" and the people who "never did it" were the most holiest of all. When it came to sex and just about everything else guilt and shame ruled.

There's young people coming out of Quiverful and Christian homeschooling families who have told horror stories about their isolation, denial of educations, physical beatings and mental abuse. With some of the most public fundamentalist families like the Duggars, they seem to take a pride in not allowing their children to grow up and keeping them obedient into adulthood. There are extreme cases like the Turpin abuse and torture of their children being exposed.

 The churches themselves teach not only isolation for the parents who aren't supposed to socialize outside of the Christian bubble, but with homeschooling and more stress "isolation" from the "wicked world". During my time within the IFB and Christian fundamentalism,  I didn't like how most of the parents parented their children, they were far too strict. I lived in a small rural town where everyone I knew, even people in other churches all homeschooled their children. The public schools in that place were on the verge of collapse. Some were already experimenting with "courtship" in the way the Duggars do it, 15 years ago. Some of the more extreme people  did believe in patriarchy and women obeying men. They believed college was a waste of time for women and that they should only marry and have babies and focus on being "modest". Fellow progressives, realize where the USA is going. There's a lot of people who support this stuff out there, and I've seen it myself and it's growing!

God is a handy tool for all abusers to abuse. All of them claim God is on their side. God was used to abuse me. I was a "wicked child", and "on the way to hell". I've discussed some of my spiritual and religious abuse here, but there was more then a few times where I was told I would go to hell directly. I listened to some Mission UK on my stereo when home from college, and was told I was a "Satanist". My grandmother after my mother called complaining about finding that UU literature in my college things and told me I would burn in hell. My never questioning GC sister who obeyed all Catholic rules and never missed mass, was the "good girl" and remained so to the day I walked away. Hell is a handy hammer for abusers to use against anyone who dares to show an independent thought. Atheists and free-thinkers online today warn young atheists, to hide their true religious feelings from parents and relatives. I believe this is good advice, but it was too late in coming for me.

God is deemed always as being "on the parent's side" in many churches, Catholic school/Christian school classrooms, and Sunday school no matter how severe the punishments or life style. If your parents beat you, it is seen as God's will and "discipline". A child is always supposed to obey. People in American society under-estimate the danger we are all in from the Republican party and religious right, it's not the religion per se itself but the authoritarianism that comes along with it.

The focus is always on obedience to authorities with obedience to God and obedience to parents. Remember even the adult Duggars are taught they are under their parents authority until marriage, and then the young married women are under the husband's authority. Obedience is supposed to be forced via punishment. The majority of Christian conservatives all support spanking. Pastors world over preach "Spare the rod, spoil the child". The Christian run "Troubled Teen" industry and reform schools have been exposed for abusive practices and totalitarian rule over young teens. Read the book "Jesus Land"

Their love of spanking by the way is connected to their "lock everyone up" legal sense, and support of the death penalty. Their God goes all out to punish, burning people in hell, and drowning millions in the Old Testament. The lack of empathy there comes from the negative example of the God they follow. Everything is about control and punishment. Submission to authority and to God comes first. They do not value freedom or independent thought. There are religious elements as to why freedom in America is dying and some people are demanding a police state.

Add in the impossible expectations. When one worships a God that in conservative Christianity that demands perfection from imperfect beings, with punishment on hand for those who don't measure up, even if a proxy is set up, this carries onto parenting practices. Many narcissistic parents who use religion to abuse are perfectionists, they don't even allow children to be children allowing for normal development, mistakes or learning. Even if churches teach "grace" from God, I saw very little of that in evidence. Appearances were focused on and being perfect. Here too, this helps fuel the never ending shame and guilt.

People are set up for fantasy and magical thinking in bad religion. In my case, due to the extreme nature of the narcissists I was under, I was punished a lot for any independent thought. Being a creative and artistic child, they worked hard to squelch that as much as possible. My mother didn't just attack me physically, but she attacked my very soul, when I would ask questions about God and life.  This would earn me usually some form of physical punishment. I was punished for not conforming. Inside I often thought thoughts that I knew were "non-acceptable" to those around me.This takes a toll on ACONS, as while we deal with our narcissistic religious ideologues, our youthful expression of ideas, and examination have no where to go. We have no positive guidance.

My mother was a rigid Catholic, who lacked all introspection. Whatever the Catholic church said, was true. Many ACONS with religious parents, are trained to shut down their critical thinking facilities, and not to trust themselves. This leaves them more prone to abusers, and false messages and being taken in by predators. I realize the decades of being shamed and blamed, and even dismissed for the first deconversion into my first 12-13 years in UUism, set me up for the later religious Kool-Aid, and that abusive deliverance minister.

 I was prone to neglect "Reality" thinking-- testing things with fact based science and rational thinking and maybe even a good dash of personal intuition. Magical religious thinking increased and that came out of being told to believe that wafer really became the flesh of Christ, and that invisible spirits [demons] hovered around my head ready to do me harm. Bad religions set a person up for failure. We are taught to shut down our rational thoughts about these religions which shuts down our reality testing when it comes to our abusers and the gaslighting. Our minds are imprisoned. The mind control of abusers is enhanced by the mind control of religion.

My doubts about religion actually began 12 years ago, when I noticed the prayers were not garnishing results, I could have deconverted with only 4-5 years invested into a false religious system instead of 16.  I was too scared to leave due to the programming and "guilt" though I left the IFB churches ahead of leaving the religion. One technique they used was telling me Satan will make one doubt. There was a built in religious "answer" to every doubt. Religion did as much as gaslighting to me as the abusive parents.

In evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity, Family and church authority are stressed. Conservative churches almost turn the family into an idol. Remember the group Focus on The Family?  Groups like that stressed severe discipline that was often physical. One's family is cited as a moral guide into adulthood even if that family is immoral. It's like one is never supposed to grow up and separate from their parents and find their own way. Church obedience was tied to family obedience. This was true in every conservative church I attended or visited. Family came first. This is one reason why singles and the childless did not fit into many conservative churches. For those of us who became estranged from our families or had to go no contact, we were shamed. The last IFB church I was in, the pastor did a sermon on how people need to "forgive" family members and go back to them. No contact, in this case would be seen as the ultimate wickedness.

The diagram is also correct about how many are denied REAL information. There is a reason that in evangelical and fundamentalist circles, education itself is being shut down. This is why they see science as a threat because science is reality. Science is making it clear that their child rearing practices are harmful and holding people back. I was told psychology was "wicked" and that secular counselors would lead me to harm. That's so another door on the way out can be closed. History was rewritten to support religious suppositions. Sex was deemed a giant evil. The internet is full of those who talk about how their sex lives were destroyed via religion. Like many young people raised in religious fundamentalism, I was taught sex was "evil" and "wrong". If I never had met my husband, my life path could have very easily ended up being life-long singleness and celibacy.

There are definitely developmental delays. Young people are held back by controlling religions. Their relationships, rational, critical thinking skills and intellectual skills are affected. They are emotionally crippled by religions based in shame and blame. Going no contact can be a growing up process making up for lost years when you were stuck in the mud of abuse and false religion. I hope more people realize how toxic religious systems negatively affect young people for life and enable abuse and abusers. 

Recovering from Bad Religion

Peep's Deconversion Articles

They Do Want to Subjugate Women

The Kavenaugh debacle was rough on me and many others.  The Republicans gave a big middle finger to women nationally putting a wannabe rapist on the Supreme Court. Remember they could have chosen a man or woman who was not a would be rapist or sex abuser and didn't have all that baggage, but they wanted Mr. Patriot Act and defender of extreme presidential pardons put into that office. You know years ago moderate Republicans used to have an idea of treating women with some respect but these present day extremists and monsters don't care. So if you are a Republican woman, this article is to warn you too. They do want to subjugate women.

 It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. I woke up and realized I had been led to false ideas about feminism when I wrote the old article Not a Fan of Feminism. I realized it wasn't the feminists bringing the economic oppression but other forces in society. Here too, is where my own religious indoctrination influenced me in a negative way. I now have returned to feminist ideals.

Since Trump brought the racists out of the closet with their pointy hoods in Charlottesville, I suspect now sexism is going to increase and sexual violence is going to grow.  Rapey sociopathic frat boys and red pill woman-hating incels will now cheer!  The good ole boy club doesn't care, you are just an object to them. Reagan appointed Sandra Day O'Connor, and while Reagan had major faults bringing us false trickle down economics, at least back then conservative men at least wanted to make an appearance of respecting woman. Now that's gone with "Grab them by the Pussy" Trump leading the charge. They don't care, and they aren't pretending anymore, the gloves are off.

One thing, let's keep in mind that now the Republican and evangelical/conservative Christian world is joined at the hip. Many don't pay attention to these religious roots, but they have grown stronger ever since the Tea Party came into vogue and the Republican party moved further to the right.

The blatant disrespect of women is not by accident. Trump is their front bad boy to play cover, while they work on bringing us hardcore Dominionism and Theocracy. Few realize Kavenaugh even came out against birth control. Think about that as most focus on the possible demise of Roe Vs. Wade. I never could under pro-lifers who wanted to do away with all the birth control, but that's about oppression too. Activists are dressing in red robes and white bonnets, knowing that The Handmaid's Tale could be made into reality.

handmaid tale protesters

Many people don't know this, but in the evangelical world, biblical partriarchy is being advanced. It is a movement of it's own. I warn people how bad it is, but I am not sure many believe me. It's march was first hand to me. It's messages were preached to me from many pulpits and at Christian conferences and bible studies.  The Duggars support it and the homeschooling world but I noticed a change in all the churches I had attended and visited. This included mainstream evangelical and mainline churches, all of them were teaching that women should obey men. These ideas aren't just in the fundamentalist world. To refuse to submit as a wife definitely made you a sinner. Radical feminists were the devil's daughters.

In the IFB they had me read Fascinating Womanhood a book that said women had to submit to keep their marriages happy. I got in trouble at one women's bible study at my old IFB, saying I thought the book was nonsense and no woman could survive being a blind follower to men. Maybe they should have done me a favor and thrown me out of the church but I remember mutterings about me having an unsaved husband and "not understanding" because I was then a "babe in Christ".

These issues also came up  later at a book club in a mainline Lutheran church, we read a book called Redeeming Love. I told the other book club members, this historical fiction book taught women to submit to controlling and abusive men, and they disagreed with me. One pointed out, "we are supposed to obey men". I noticed this message in mainstream evangelical churches too, including in one conference, where they told the women there, men were to have leadership in the home and they were not to misled by feminism.

The big word was "Complementarianism" in Christian circles and it meant women were to stay within their role and obey their husbands.

Here is the Nashville Statement in favor of Complementarianism. The Nashville Statement was signed by thousands of top evangelical leaders. Notice the key word SUBMISSIVE is used within this document.

Have you ever wondered why these evangelicals focus so much on commanding everyone's bedrooms and now their personal at home lives? It's about power. They want the women to submit and not question. Power is easier to obtain when you have shamed half of the population into meek subservience and thinking that God Himself ordered it. This is why the white old boy's club--even the ones who are now into their 80s, can treat women like trash and get away with it. Some have equated God's will with the subjugation of women.

The evangelicals love power, while they claim these things are about religion and restoring the order and goodness of society, it is all about power. This is Dominator vs. Persuader Society stuff. Someone always has to be in charge and vying for power in Dominator Societies. The religion itself is about power. Thousands of Christian and religious leaders signed a document that calls directly for women to submit. This document was called The Nashville Statement.  At the link you can see who signed it. It was written by a group called The Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. They are one of the groups who are the biggest promoters of biblical patriarchy and Dominionism. Lest you think this is just some "small" group of a few extremists, realize it's connections to top Republican politicians. Michele Bachmann supports it's endeavors. There are members of the Family Research Council in this group including Tony Perkins.

James Dobson as well as many other notables signed it. Some of these men are advisors to Trump and on his evangelical council. So don't dismiss this stuff as just a few religious nuts trying to lord over women in their churches, they want women lorded over nation wide. They do have the reigns of power now. This is one reason the blue wave is important and you must go vote. The evangelical Dominionists do have Catholic allies for their pursuit of religious and political power, and Kavenaugh is definitely among that number.

I left Christianity because I believe it is an authoritarian religion at it's root, but I know there are Christians who are not authoritarian in outlook, problem is these are, and they have millions supporting them who want women, and other minorities too be subjugated. The racism goes with the hatred for women.

 Kavenaugh's placement in the Supreme Court, was a dismissal of all women nation wide. A man of any integrity even if innocent would have withdrawn and not presented himself as angry and belligerent talking about "liking beer". He didn't look innocent at all to me. His facial expressions took me right back to "I am always right!" narcissistic rages. He didn't have the look of a man falsely accused either begging to get his name cleared but the arrogance of someone who plans to get their way no matter what and is used to getting it too. The gaslighting stunk up the whole nation especially when he and his friends claimed Devil's Triangle was a drinking game instead of a threesome. Anyone who has been a victim of abuse and has any degree of being "woke" to them, knew that guy was lying out his teeth.

I grew up in the upper middle class Catholic culture. Ironically some of those years were in the Washington DC area, with government worker parents. I grew up being taught too in the Catholic church that men were in charge, after all women couldn't be priests. I've seen Kavenaugh's type among many legions of drunk dead-eyed frat boys, including one who in college tried to sleep with me because I was a fat girl for a fraternity contest. That smaller guy didn't try to jump or rape me unlike others but the disrespect was there. He left after I rejected his advances.

 I was brought up with the idea men were worth far more then girls. While I drove the old family station wagon later as a teen in fly-over country, my year older brother drove a new gold Trans-Am. After all I was told he was going to be continuing the family name. I was told as a girl my main job was to be pretty, and to have babies. Because I failed on normative standards of beauty, I was treated like a boy but without all the privileges of being male because I was female. Femininity in my family was equated to being second class, and lower status. Boys were far more higher status.

When there is no appreciation or love of women in a family, abuse for women is a given. I watched my father excuse the domestic violence against his own sister. He treated me with disrespect and abuse as well. Do you want this for an entire nation? Well these sad excuses for leaders are bringing it unless people start standing up. 

Boys will be boys ethos was all around me. Because I was not a pretty thin girl and was the scapegoat, I was treated like Meg in Family Guy, where I was smacked around like a dude and had to fight. It occurred to me, even how when my brother told me to F off,  when I am 50 year old disabled woman, that really spoke more of one man fighting another man then how a brother should ever talk to a sister, fight or no fight. My brother once stopped traffic on a major highway to impress a girl. He drove his car side by side with hers, and blocked miles of traffic for a long period of time. A poorer black or even poor white kid would have seen the inside of the juvenile home, but he never did. It was a slap on the wrist and nothing else. He was never told by my parents to protect me as a brother or to treat me with any respect. He wasn't the golden child, but because he was male, his status was far higher.

Disrespect for women was paramount in my family so what I saw on the national stage was nothing new. Women's ideas were discounted. Basic respect thrown out the window. For many of us it was reliving abusive moments in our lives like when I got grabbed in the breasts at one job surrounded by male laughter about my weight, and I jammed the guy hard with my elbows ready to start punching and because I fought back, they then left me alone. And what of us who have faced sexual assault attempted or completed and other sexual abuse? This last week, with an abusive man in our faces imposed upon the nation as a JUDGE, was triggering. Narcissists don't care what people think. They don't try to resolve anything either. They just lie.

It was reliving basic disrespect, dismissal and being devalued by men for many women. There's a point in a nation where evil is reigning and we are at that time now. If you are a woman, realize these men want to subjugate women. Many of them are using religion to do it. Many of them are getting you to vote and support malignant narcissists and sociopaths. If your religion is telling you to support these men, maybe you need to rethink what you are being told.

Not A Fan of Feminism

One thing I have noticed is most fat activist announce they are feminists. They call themselves that on the Fattitude trailer.   I am not a feminist as defined today.  Yes I know the definitions have a wide range. Call it traditional Christian values interfering or whatnot contradicting with feminism. I won't get into the personal religious reasons as to why I find modern feminism distasteful but will share with you my other reasons.

Here is a caveat, I do not think men should lord over women. I do not agree with patriarchy movements. I do think fair pay, abuse shelters, property rights, voting and items like that are good things. The fact the Duggars keep their daughters at home for life unless they marry horrifies me. Maybe some would consider me a first wave feminist, or a 19th century one, but even extreme radical Andrea Dworkin if she came back from the dead would scream upon seeing some of the nonsense advocated by feminists today such as the legalization of prostitution or "sex work".

I used to read books about the 1960s, and how even though free sex reigned, the men still expected the women to cook and clean in the commune. Now women get to do double-shifts of cooking, taking care of the children, cleaning AND bringing home the bacon.  When do they get a break? The business world benefitted as both Mom and Dad had to work which meant lower wages and less family and personal time.  Replacing Dad with the state just gave the state more power too. I believe feminism helped lower the quality of life for us all.

 However when I think of feminism, I think to myself "Ah that's why my family was socially sanctioned in tossing a sick Aspie into the sink or swim streets!" "Ah this is why my father treated me more like a man because I was not traditionally pretty!" I was told to become a nun by my family. I was told I never would marry. My mother's best friend who was a lawyer nun, who later scaled up the career ladder to great heights, was held up as someone for me to emulate. She advocated for female priests and was an extreme feminist. Liberalism in the classic sense didn't rule my household, but whatever politics served their interests and their interests were in treating me like a proto-man, problem was I wasn't a man. I was a girl and needed some protection and love and didn't get it.

Years ago you could have called me a feminist. I read Ms. magazine for years. I thought about women's rights. I was on the outlook for sexists.  I had the women studies class and did the Take Back the Night marches. However I was less protected as a result of feminism. I got sexually harassed at a job. I got jumped on the streets. I got out into the ever-gloried career world and realized the promises of empowerment were a joke. I was cleaning toilets in other people's houses. I was cooking meals at the group home and dusting it's beat up furniture. I spent my 20s taking care of OTHER people's children instead of my own.

Feminism screwed me.

Girls in my mid-sized town in high school were raised to get married young and now everyone I went to school with is a grandmother, and have big families of their own. This includes a friend from high school who now has two daughters, a son and several grandchildren. She got pregnant at 17 while I was a freshman in college and I remember she was devastated but who ended up with a better path?

Careers don't hug you at night, and if you are not a big whig especially in this economy, jobs don't build a life. The personal side of life was ignored for false carrot-stick chasing dreams of "you need to have a great career!". The Baby Boomers especially for Generation X, advertised this path as being the happier one. For many it was not.  Women need relationships, and connection. This is ignored in our society.

All feminism means to me is that women got to trade husbands for bosses. One traded the admitted tedium of housework, and childcare for the tedium of the workplace. Sure some richer or upper middle class women may see jobs as "empowering" but for most it means they are beholden to bosses who may be less kind then husband or less personally invested in you. There is a reason that Gloria Steinem and pals seem to live in a fantasy world of flex time and jobs that make 6  plus figures while advocating this as a lifestyle for all women. Why should women for so many years been made to feel ashamed of staying home and being housewives?

I have had these discussions with very close friends in my 40s, and one even managed to achieve some career success and we have talked among ourselves that the promises of feminism were a total bag of hot-air. What does women's lib mean if you are sitting and staring at a wall alone on a Saturday night? I got married kind of late, and only barely escaped Selma and Thelma spinisterhood.  Being disabled in the feminist world where you are unable to be defined by your "career" too is another loss.

What gets me about feminists is they seem to just want to load on all the work and responsibility of men onto women. I don't think women should fight in combat, and that we are not emotionally or otherwise set up for that. It sickens me that now we will have women on the battlefield who will be expected to be hard like men. What is wrong with women being protected by men? I think men should protect their women. I wasn't protected or even treated like a girl in my FOO. Why did I have to prove myself to be manly? Seriously I did. Why wasn't I allowed to cry or be vulnerable or ask for any help? How many young girls are being treated this way and told they are not allowed to have any "softness" to be acceptable? How is this changing the men or their treatment of women?

Realities are denied by feminists. The whole you can earn the bacon and fry it up in the pan, thing denies that time for human beings is a limited thing. I have read more women are staying at home who can afford to. I am glad. They know quality of life and time with their children counts. I wish many weren't forced to work tedious too low paid jobs. Now working class and poor women have always had to work but when they ripped the stability of family life away, they gave the bosses and corporations more power to direct their lives. There was less of a safety net for all. It made life more of a solitary venture with less back-up.

I remember when early feminists used to protest objectification of women, now that is worse then ever. Whatever happened to that?

Also feminism denies differences between men and women. Weren't some of the differences why men and women were attracted to one another? I tired of women always being presented as strong and independent. What if I don't feel strong? Why does every heroine in every novel have to be capable of flying airplanes or building houses from scratch? In the Victorian era, women could cry and faint, now we have to all act like studs without a tear in our eye to earn our feminist street cred of being an empowered, strong, independent woman!

Feminism was supposed to make things better for women, but from what I have seen since the days of the bra-burners in the 1960s is life has gotten far more oppressive and hard for women.  Elderly friends of mine who raised their families in the 60s and 70s, told me life was far far simpler for women. They told me their daughters [all at work] while disabled me was at our book and writing clubs, all had far harder lives with no time for anything including fun.

Pitting the sexes against each other is just making everyone more miserable. I too wonder why feminism and fat activism go hand in hand. What is floating that boat? Aren't 50% of the fat male? Why are they being cut out to serve liberal agendas?

Where did all that promised freedom come in?

13 Siblings Held Captive By Abusive Parents

13 Siblings Held Captive By Abusive Parents

"A couple accused of imprisoning their 13 children in dark and filthy conditions in their Perris, California, home believed it was by God’s will that they had a large family, according to reports. The parents of David Turpin told ABC News their son and his wife Louise had so many children because “God called on them.” The couple is accused of using chains and padlocks to shackle several of their children to their beds, according to the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department."

Some of the religious narcissists and sociopathic parents are going overboard in the abuse. Authoritarian religion has paved the way for breeding as many children as possible as their parents produce them for the Army of God and turn them into trophies.

It's great one 17 year old daughter was brave enough to break away and report what was happening to her and her siblings. She told the police she feared her parents would kill her. In these Quiverful families like the Duggar family, the children are made into literal objects, you will notice they all have the same exact dresses and hair styles. What are the chances that all the girls would have the same exact hair color? They all wear that in the same style straight and parted in the middle and the boys are expected to match their father in the same horrible 1970s Prince Valiant hair style.

Narcissists often treat their own children like objects and trophies. One can tell easily even seeing the photos, that they were seen as part of the display, they were not treated as people in their own right. These parents were very religious and home-schooled the children setting up their own private school via California law. This was a fundie family that loved Disney and Elvis.

I don't support homeschooling and think it should be abolished or have very strong and strict state over-sight. There's too many abuses. Go to the website Homeschoolers Anonymous, and you can read the horror tales there, of isolation and young people with diminished futures from lacking education. A few educated parents do homeschool right with self-studies, co-opts and caring about their children but the door is far too open for abuse. The neighbors in all the news stories claim the children weren't allowed to talk to them and came out at night only like vampires. Some didn't even know of their existence.

What scared me about this story the most besides the extreme malnutrition and control, is that some of these children were adults, and they were well into their 20s. One was 29 years old! We see this like with the Duggars where their adult children like Jana and John David Duggar are 27 years old and never have lived on their own or in their own apartment and have their lives directed as much as when they were 12 years old. So some of the chained up "kids" were adults that weren't allowed to grow up or get mature adult lives. I saw the theory online that they did not allow these children to grow up and I believe it, the older adult-children look like they are severely limited and the starving has kept them away from attaining puberty.

Some tried to claim the abuse came later, and that the family "looked happy" at Disney and other tourist spots but I found that nonsense, it did not escape my attention they were all dressed the same, and in those circles "keeping sweet" is part of the formula, where the children are trained to hide all emotions and keep smiling. They look creepy like pod children and you can tell the control from their two parental sociopaths is already happening. Keeping up appearances is very important in fundamentalist Christian circles. This is why many would look at this family and ignore the skeletal limbs and awkwardness like the Elvis impersonator and think "What a happy family!".

The mother being "perplexed" when the cops arrived, she probably is one of those abusers who thought this level of parental control was needed and that she was not an abuser.  We know narcissists aren't very good at self examination or reality checks on their behavior. I would bet money of "To Train up a Child" was probably somewhere in that house.

If you google Turpin and wedding renewal on youtube, you can see videos of their wedding renewals. There we see the narcissism with the endless wedding renewals between this couple and desiring all that attention. I hope the adult children are able to get services, transitional housing and training to get jobs and lives and the other children are kept away from the relatives as well.

The aunt with her googly eyes, acting like it was normal to have all the kids hidden away from her all those years, I don't think much of her either. I hope the grandparents don't get them either:

"James and Betty Turpin said "God called on them" to have as many children as they did (referring to David and Louise). They also said the children were given "very strict home-schooling," and that the children had to memorise long passages of the Bible. Some of the children were aiming to learn it in its entirety, they said."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42701311
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The Hover Camera Will Follow You and Record Your Life

The Hover camera if it had a sentient mind, would probably die of boredom today, I got a leg infection so I'm laying in bed. Hopefully it will stay a mild one but I had to go on antibiotics and make sure I tell the diet queens and fix it types to shove off for good.

Would the Hover camera follow you into a toilet? The Hover camera could capture me taking pills and using my nebulizer. Do people really think that their daily lives are so exciting that they need some camera following everywhere? Maybe this would be good for vacation but aren't vacation photos boring after a certain point. The more artistic can make a few choice ones look good, but there's endless videos and Google Earth to look at stuff.

 I was sitting on the couch last night shivering with a fever, and saw the Duggars Counting On show, and they showed them packing and doing all this boring stuff, and thought, "Why am I watching this?" All those girls are just alike. They don't have one independent thought in their head. I used to be a homeschooling supporter until I saw how a dearth of schooling can form minds that don't even know basics. I think their endless life under the camera killed their individuality.

Living with narc parents we can feel like we are on display and tested and judged every minute. We were always under the camera and told to think about how we were seen. Everything was appearances. I'm unraveling that knot of the "measure up or else" and trying to play more JADE. Who's judging us but God but human beings are so eager for their lives to be judged. Whose the film for? It reminds me of the Jack Chick track where the sinner has the angels on Judgment Day showing a movie of all his sins and he never got born again, and definitely the conscience got thrown on the scrapheap so no Romans 2 was going to serve as a get-out clause, and it was a movie screen of his life. Why did this camera remind me of that?

                                                 Jack Chick

So God watches us but now we watch ourselves too?

If I had a Hover Camera, it would be like a 600lb life episode without all the pigging out they show on that show, look it's Peep eating salad for lunch and some eggs for breakfast and without the gross surgery and troll-looking doctor shaming me for being fat. What would those viewing the video from the Hover camera think of some of my personal conversations, which can include everything from conspiracy theory to wishing Better Call Saul was more then 10 shows a season, and questions about God? The Hover camera would see some woman reading a lot who is really bad at housework and has to spend endless time on medical junk. It would show my bad temper as well as me joking with my husband. I think Hover Camera's are a bad idea. It reminds me of 1984 too. Where the screen is always watching Winston. I feel like they are brainwashing us to love all the surveillance. Now you can take the camera with you. 

What is wrong with people nowadays? It's like to exist you have to be recorded. Society kind of weirds me out now, like we are all having a contest run with our lives, where the life is supposed to resemble the TV commercials and they have put us all on a permanent Truman show. There's a reason I don't show pictures of myself on this blog, it's better to let people use their imaginations for something.

Grossed Out By Something on Whitney Thore's Show

I was channel surfing the other day, I often read or do art work while watching TV so my full attention isn't always on things and Big Fat Fabulous Life came on. During the show, Whitney Thore has the pet pig her mother bought tear up a room. I can't tell if its in her parents house but I think it is because the pet pig, tore up her father's briefcase, and papers and peed on them. Anyhow during the course of this, the pig jumps on Whitney and starts humping her, like a dog humps someone's leg. That is too gross. Her parents come to the door, and she tells them pointing to the pig, "He assaulted me". Can they do a show about a fat person where there isn't total and full debasement?

There's some medical shows where they are natural and treat people with respect like the recent one on Lipedema. But I ask myself "Why would Whitney Thore even allow that one to pass the cutting room floor?" It was just so gross and disrespectful to her own self. I still think they picked a pig as her new pet to MOCK HER. Like ha ha so funny. Most of these reality shows are scripted. Even when I saw the parents on the Little People show get divorced and the Mom get a tattoo, I thought give me a break! I don't watch as many of them since I figure it is a waste of my life though I see some out of curiosity. Those Duggars are a mind controlled lot, with Jinger never getting "free" as well.  Anyhow this show grossed me out completely.

No More FireFlies

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If you are paying attention at all and not a Trumpster that denies climate change, the earth is in a lot of trouble....

Some scientists want to shade the sun to cool down the earth. Reading this, I imagined all of  us sitting in a cold dark blizzard saying "Someone screwed up!". Have you learned about the sixth extinction? Scientists are warning about insects and other animal life dying off.  We are screwed, I am old, I at least won't see worse of it. Sometimes I think it's good some of us never had children. Who wants to bring a new person into a world that is collapsing on every level?  The insects are dying off.  When 75 percent of insects die off, there's a major problem.

There's some serious stuff going on. India just reported a heat wave last month, where the temperatures were in the mid 120s, don't things start cooking at just a few more? I know chicken will cook slow at 180.  Europe is experiencing an extreme heat wave this week. Where I live, June wasn't too bad, but now the heat and humidity have kicked in, it's housebound time. The New York times reported that the migration out of Guatemala is drought and heat inspired. As a kid in the 1970s, I remember being given warnings about how the planet would be in trouble and how bad things would get. Well those things are happening now.

We basically are killing off habitats of animals so they are in more danger then ever before. It's kind of messed up how humans can screw up so much. As for any would be deities and earth "creators"... Isn't it piss poor planning to design a planet with a species with the ability to destroy the whole place just trying to keep itself alive and entertained? Why are our food and energy needs wiping the place out? Why can humans make more babies then the earth can sustain? I never knew how fast humans could get pregnant until the Duggars came along, it really showed the importance of birth control. Something is wrong with that.

Many areas of the world are very crowded. China and India are approaching a billion and a half in population. Once I returned as an adult to a place I lived as a kid. It was a suburb of big metro city, but it had at least 10 times more people. The crowds were scary. Today, I live in a nearly empty fly-over state full of wilderness that is more well known for people leaving then moving here. It was shocking. Let the cold scare people away from here, overcrowded states always have the rent skyrocket!

When I was a Christian I used to get in arguments with people who told me the world was not overpopulated. It seems they simply paid no attention to the world around them. How much in denial are these people? Everywhere is far more crowded then when I was a child. 

When young, I loved the woods and while woods were limited to "parks" in the very urban city of my middle childhood, I would go out and hang there as much as possible. The peace and quiet were wonderful. Collecting rocks and leaves were ways to pass time. There seemed to be a spiritual feeling in the woods of calm and quiet, especially with no bears or wolves to worry about in that area. 

Nature is kind of closed off to me now due to disabilities. There's no walk along the lake shore or hikes in the woods. I can't walk more then a quarter of a block on a walker and even that's pushing things. Books like Walk Across America were wonderful to read, with the sights, scenes and people that Peter Jenkins met. Another book was Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, that explored communing with nature.  Today outside of some scenic views one can see by car in my area, and a local Nature Center where I birdwatch from indoors,  most of my contact with nature is via books and nature shows on television.

One isolated positive asset of my family, was there was enough money to go on vacations, I got to see Boston, New England, and the family went out West staying at Best Westerns in a 1980 Suburban. We made it out to Utah and Colorado. I didn't know that then but this would be the most travel I would get in my life. Travel is beyond our financial means. Outside of a good friend that has taken us on day trips to neighboring large cities, travel is a foregone conclusion in our household. This means missing out on some nature scenes. I still have some photos of the trip out West with the mountain peaks and Yellowstone scenery.  There were a few camping trips in earlier childhood where we would go to a Harper's Ferry campground with a pop-up camper. I would run away and disappear into the surrounding woods and parks and go play with stranger's kids as much as possible.

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I had some time in nature as a young adult, I lived in a tent at a Girl Scout Camp which is now closed sadly, for two and half months. Some of my day was spent in the arts and crafts tent as I was hired to be the arts and crafts director, but also served as a counselor in the evenings. There was time to traipse around the woods there, which I enjoyed. I centered a lot of the crafts on nature too having the kids make plaster molds of found objects in nature and painting rocks.

When I was in the woods, in one state we lived in, one of the parks had this stream full of fish, and rocks galore surrounding this stream, and I would follow it, collecting rocks.Watching the leaves change color also invigorated me. When I was kid, teachers had us collect butterflies, leaves and rocks. I don't think kids do this anymore. One time in fourth grade, I found a giant moth, that looked like the one in the picture, and it was the star of the day at my elementary school. It helped make up for the gross out scenes of tossing insects into jars of formaldehyde and sticking pins through the middle of them. With my rock collection, I still have my child hood rock collection, it was added to my present day adult rock collection. Now the pieces of granite and marble I found, sit nestled next to geodes, fossilized wood and thunder eggs.

There were times alone in nature, I had spiritual moments, that were hard to explain to others. Later Christians would warn me against  communing with nature. Nature worshipers were supposedly "pagan" and on the hot slippery slide to hell, as they felt at "one" with the outdoors. As a young adult, I would realize my transcendental tendencies, which I later returned to brought me a lot of joy.  One thing I think happened to our world is that civilized people have lost any connection to nature. The industrialization of agriculture separated human beings from the dance of the seasons, and even growing food being mindful of the importance of nature disappeared.

A man the other day said to me, "Remember when we were kids, and you'd drive home from a trip even on a highway, and the entire windshield would be plastered with insects?" I remember, with horror, he was correct and that one simply did not see this anymore. One thing I do remember as a kid, was seeing tons of fireflies, I saw them both in Virginia and Ohio and even as a teen in my present state. Those are now gone. I see a very rare one, but it's rare. I know they don't exist in the numbers they did when I was young.

One thing I learned about myself, is living in huge crowded cities, drove me nuts. The noise of other human beings even with my hearing problems wore me out. I felt crowded all the time and over-stimulated. One thing that helped me mentally was moving to the rural town in the middle of nowhere. I still miss the quiet there, though I obviously do not miss the extreme religiosity, politics and lack of resources. There we lived near a huge park, and would go to it weekly but the place was so rural, my apartment parking lot was constantly full of deer. We once encountered a giant snapping turtle three feet across, that had wondered from a neighboring lake down the street from the huge park, and got it out of the middle of the road. Too bad, there was no camera to take it's picture.


Where I live now is far more crowded but one can get to some woods within 5 miles driving north. There's country and farms, only a few miles south of me. This is considered a rural area just not as rural and remote as where I once lived. Huge cities are not for me. The noise, the smog in the air, the crowds all influenced me badly. There were times in Chicago I thought I would lose my mind, as the cacophony around me never ceased. Everything seemed complicated too, like there was too many choices and everything was too far away.

They paved over everything in my cities I returned to as an adult that I lived in as a child, though a few parks were still intact. I even remember my present smaller town from the 1990s, and it grew bigger and sprawled out with more parking lots, almost to the point I didn't recognize anything when we moved here. My husband was born here and grew up here.  During my lifetime, seeing so many beautiful areas turned into subdivisions, parking lots, office parks, malls and later strip malls which are now emptying around here, was disappointing and heart wrenching. In one city I lived in as a child, they shredded some woods I explored to put a 6 lane highway through the place.

With overpopulation, even when I was a fundamentalist Christian, I adamantly disagreed with then fellow Christians about overpopulation. The world is a lot more crowded then when I was a kid. There was far more people. Even remembering the world population was 6 billion when I was a teenager and now had become almost 8 billion was a fact I could not ignore. I don't get Fox news watchers who deny what they see in front of their face. Back in the 1970s, overpopulation was a big deal. Now no one cares. The religionists of many religions all went nuts, and protested birth control and sensible scaling back. The Vatican preached against condoms and birth control for the third world. All these people are fools, who have ushered in more pain and suffering for our world. Here power and money, run the train. There are people on the right wing , sounding warning cries for declining population, because there may be less cannon fodder and underpaid serfs to be had. Don't think the recent attacks against reproductive rights aren't being fueled by the elite for their own agendas.

There definitely is a growing disconnect with nature. Too many think too technology is going to save the day. While we do have growing technology, the rest of society isn't catching up. Workplaces are still run like 19th century fiefdoms, there's been no evolving of authoritarian institutions for humanity to progress down a positive path. Religions say no to new economic ideas and limits on population. I don't think technology will save the day. Even climate change is such a huge issue, and our money system is so centered on enriching the few, that having scientists even have the resources to invent CO2 scrubbers that work or build enough desalination plants for water-poor regions, just isn't going to happen. One scary thing is that humanity is going to need to figure out that it is part of nature, instead of going down a destructive path that could lead to our extinction.The present path is just not sustainable.

Smakintosh: Narcissists Use of Moral Leverage to Control

Wow on this one. I definitely needed to hear this one especially since I have brought up in some of my articles and discussions the "Christians" who have affected some of us ACONs in very negative ways. Some of us have shared our tales of the "disapproving" church ladies and men with noses in the air, and shaking fingers at us who have called us out for being wicked, for being abused at all!

Jesus warned of the Pharisees, who unloaded "heavy burdens" on people and as Smakintosh says, will not move them with "one finger". When Smakintosh speaks of the "burdens that affect the unseen part of a man" that definitely has helped opened my own eyes to how this process of moral leverage works. It's not literal weights on your back but literal weights on your soul. I'm in the process of removing this stuff myself.

How many have felt oppressed by narcissists and others who call us out as "immoral", and "bad" and "wrong" in a religious or other context? Some of us have been called wicked for so long. It can be dangerous spiritual ground as this can be a place where a young person especially can abandon their conscience with thoughts like "I must be wicked anyway". Many ACONs attest to narcissistic parents who use various religious cults to shout at them for being wicked and to push false "guilt". Many carry enough guilt from "secular sources" but many have the religious kind too. Narcissists love to use religion and tell you that you are not kind or compassion enough or that you do not have the proper life.  The religion of "works" rules in Narc. Land. When Smakintosh speaks of those who lay on these burdens designed "to punish, injure and to exhaust the inner parts of man", this definitely defines what happens from this type of abuse of moral leverage. Two elements he mentions are power, and religion.

All this is done to set the frame work of the moral paradigm narcissists wish to establish.  Smakintosh calls out false Christians who use the name of Jesus to deceive. Those people who are false and claiming to be His followers and work to ensnare Christians. I've mentioned these type of people and my own run-ins with them. I've been in the place too of helping to rebuild others stripped to the bone by such types. This world has a lot of religious and spiritual abuse victims. For many narcissists and sociopaths, the modern churches are their feeding grounds.

Smakintosh is right that such types have hijacked the reputation of Jesus to form a "moral culture suitable to their own agenda". Many of us are feeling the pressures of this "moral culture", even my last articles, points to my feelings of repression and being smothered.  Some of us are so shamed and such outcasts from the culture we live in, it has been a fire-bombing of our souls. Religion has been used as a "list of wrong-doings and faults" to shame us further.

Surely some mean well and are honest about the frustration of unsolvable problems, but there is this coldness spreading across the land, called the "narcissist" 'saving of face' where appearances matter for everything, and even suffering itself must be erased from consciences and kept behind cover. It used to be that cults alone forced the "keeping sweet" like FLDS, now America in general has joined the trend. I've tried to put a voice to this feeling for a long time, and it has a lot to do with the narcissistic deadening of emotions and the biblical warning about people waxing cold. Why do I feel afraid around people now? It seems people are more busy hiding each other from one another now in our society, there are spiritual forces behind these things.

These soul afflictions do impact people in a very negative way, impacting their faith and relationship with God. I have been affected obviously and am just pulling myself back out. Smakintosh nails this one out of the park when he mentions, "now the ideology of materialism has been used much the same way as the Christian religion the idea that material success equates to rightness has permeated much of our modern cultural mind set."  This is an issue covered on this blog. It's not only might makes right, but cash makes correct according to this false mind set. Money is a bludgeon in the hand of the wicked, and it's not just things or the lack of things that can be affected but one's very soul. 

Yes, in America especially we are taught financial success means goodness and financial destitution means badness. He is right that while intellectually and emotionally we know that something is wrong with these attitudes, it does affect the  inwards parts of the conscience. It does affect the way a person interprets their self-worth. The covert narcissists are joined in this game too. The moral atmosphere of modern American society is based on materialism. It is an ideology pushed by the narcissists who run this place. 

Yes it is joined with family first and other bad ideologies. Smakintosh mentions the modern institutions that back these things up and he is right that modern "Christian" ministries, corporations, TV and other groups all do. Family First is a false premise. Actually I believe many modern churches have idolized family, the Duggars definitely would be an example. Most who push that philsophy, children and other family members are their mere trophies. This is why single people find themselves frozen out in many of a church that wants the "perfect families" in the pews. A true family is to be based on spiritual realities, not DNA or genetics. Yes Jesus even rejected the false moral leverage of his own family. It's a project many an ACON has to work through, rejecting these false moral leverages.

Some things about Immigration I don't get....

                                         from right wing news.com

My neighborhood  in the last few years has had a flood of immigrants to it. They are mostly from India. Those who I have met are nice people.  But inside I think to myself, "Why do they have good jobs and nice cars, why my husband doesn't get to have the same thing?" We drive a rust bucket and they have the latest model automobiles. They aren't wanting for a job. They are wearing suits and the American dream is coming true for them. The American dream for us and many others is long ago dead. Don't ask your millennials either.  More then 40 percent of them are still living at home with their parents. I bet they would want some good jobs too, instead of being made into perpetual teenagers who can't even afford an apartment.

Some people told me, "Oh they are good at engineering and IT and Americans aren't" but I know SEVERAL unemployed IT and engineering people who were born here. One guy whose been here all his life fixes my computer in town for 25 bucks a pop. That's pretty cheap. I bet he would want a good job that paid well too. Why are they handing H-1B Visas out like candy while Americans go without work? Is this the kind of stuff that is going to get Trump elected?

Here's one thing I want always wanted to know too is why can't Americans go anywhere for a better life? I am too sick but I know people who have tried to emigrate, and it seems unless you are ultra-wealthy or can bring hundreds of thousands of dollars with you, you can't go anywhere.

 My husband wanted to live in England for good when he was young in the early 1990s but the rules were he had to leave within 6 months based on a special student program he was in. The rules are even more strict today.  So he had no choice to stay, he had to come back unless he "worked off the grid" or as an "illegal" in England.  What is weird is England has a ton of third world immigrants but if you are from the first world forget getting in unless you have money or other connections. My husband is the first generation son of German immigrants so maybe he found European culture a more comfortable place, but he was still blocked out. What kind of life could he have had in England? It's good he came back to the USA so we could meet, but it's sad for him. He didn't know he could claim German citizenship up to age 23, by then it was too late and he was used to America being there from birth.

One of my online friends got married to someone else from another country, and the immigration rules were so horrible and expensive, the marriage ended up breaking apart. Marriage doesn't allow any mercy if you don't fit in a special category. I joked to the one from Australia and said, "Go in via Mexico" but that wasn't a real option. The American side of the equation was not allowed to go to Australia either.

Its like everyone ELSE can go anywhere they want, but unless an American is a millionaire, or has an extreme specialized skill [journalism doesn't it cut it but medical skills might], the doors are shut to an American wanting to seek out a better life or opportunities. I and my husband discussed him getting a job in Canada, a few years ago after hitting nothing but dead ends here. "Maybe you should see if there are journalism jobs there? "Well that's not happening, a disabled person can't move to Canada. If there is one disabled member of the household, it's a no go! I know a story where this one doctor wanted to move to Canada and he had a disabled daughter with autism and was barred from entrance.

Chinese people are gaming our college system and paying people to take tests for them to enter USA universities. It's not just the companies dissing Americans and putting them last but more and more colleges want foreign money and students. Forgotten is that in some dog eat dog nations, you do what it takes to survive, which often puts honesty last. I remember even my own state university having a ton of foreign students. To be honest maybe that has held the college bubble off. So while Americans realizing college isn't paying off and the student loans are too high, maybe foreigners attending US universities have kept them afloat.  Sometimes I think globalists are stupid, and totally naïve to boot, they act like the rest of the world is run like 1950s America. So while they bar Americans from succeeding, they act dumb about real things and corruption.

I get sick of our government always handed endless foreign aid to other countries and pushing that nation-building garbage when all of them always head to social security disability first to make cuts. They ignore our teeming ghettos and dying industry, and head over to the rest of the world to pass out more money we don't have. Politicians always go on about the world this and the world that, while the country is falling apart. The churches send everyone overseas too. They ignore the ghettos and the people living in shacks in our rural areas, and go to the warm beaches like the Duggars to "witness". Aren't there any Americans that need help? I see them with their cardboard signs and shopping carts all over the place.

There's a reason America wants to vote for someone like Trump. I don't trust Trump to save the day either but understand this is one point he has sold himself on.  Other countries seem to put their own people first, while this one just puts us last on behalf of all the globalist dreams. Why are Americans always being put LAST by their own country? Why is everyone allowed to come here, when people here can't go anywhere? Our young people are being pushed into more and more severe poverty now unable to afford their own apartments as the powers that be here, seems to want to hand everything to the rest of the world while dismantling all the manufacturing here. If Americans can't get jobs, why do some liberals act like there is endless work for everyone?

I was a bit afraid to write this because some people may shout xenophobe but something is very wrong with the system. I grew up best friends with Vietnamese immigrants who got shot at trying to leave Vietnam during the Vietnam war. I am married to a son of immigrants. His parents probably would have done better to have stayed in Germany, they died poor but they did get to enjoy some years of prosperity until the USA economy started to fall off the cliff.

I have enjoyed other cultures and what they have to bring to the USA. I believe there is a place for legal immigration but isn't there something UNFAIR, about the Immigration system. Do those people have a point about Americans always being put last? I certainly don't blame people who are simply trying to survive. In this world you have to make all sorts of decisions. The elites and oligarchy have no interest in ending their endless globalist wars that make for refugees and human suffering like in Syria, and the no one is holding Mexico to account for it's corruption which forces people out to just survive.

I believe legal immigration can be an asset, and I enjoy encountering other cultures, and I am even married to someone whose family came from elsewhere but something is really wrong with the immigration system and something is wrong with a country that is selling out it's own people and doesn't take care of it's own first. When I lived in Chicago, I used to envy the immigrants there, I know that sounds weird, but they had their own people supporting them, they had groups and a heritage and a sense of belonging. This is something lacking for Americans more and more.

Many Americans feel adrift, like they do not belong to anyone or anywhere and this is why you see the resentment building in some circles. Some have been made strangers in their own towns where while they see opportunity, community and connection for outsiders, there's nothing for them. I lived in a dying rural town where as people watched the factories close and their futures dry up, the pain was unbelievable. That can bring real grief to people's lives. That was supposed to be my life long home. Now I live on the edges of a larger town where I have never felt the same sense of community.  They have been cast off, and know their financial futures are dismal. I don't think the immigrants are to blame for that, I blame the powers that be who use immigration to bust wages and to serve as a safety valve for their endless globalist enterprises. No, I don't trust Trump to fix these things either. Hillary definitely has no interest in doing so either.

Third World Guilt-Tripping