Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Fear From Fat: The Latest in The Fall Saga

Being this fat can be like living in a cage.

Today I was struggling with trying to get care regarding my knee. For some reason my house call doctors, did not want to come visit me, even though their website promises 24-48 hour sick calls and X-ray services. I found myself asking the office "gatekeeper" who for some reason seems to despise me, even though she has never seen or met me, and I have remained polite, "Do you offer X-ray services?" anymore. I tried to explain my fall had been a week ago, and my knee had relapsed but such nuances just seemed LOST. If I needed the ER I would have already been there, huge bills and all. Note to the doctors who are even nice people and this one is, get rid of the grown-up hall monitors, who make life miserable for everyone who must call a medical office.

I had my husband call them and finally called the local free clinic, for an appt, and also an orthopedic doctor who takes Medicare, even if knee gets better, I need to serious deal with my rapidly declining height. I feel like the medical world is so cold. I know they are "scientists" and the rest but can there be a little bit of *pretend* empathy? My husband did call for me and they did later send in an anti-inflammatory. The fear I had of losing all mobility has gripped my being like tendrils of ice wrapping around the hurting knee.

Obviously I can walk since I am sitting at my computer, and I did go do dishes, one thing being this weight, you better learn to TAKE the pain, or you will be in your bed for good, the fears of losing mobility or becoming bed ridden are IMMENSE and GREAT. I think people who have worse injuries, or lower thresholds for pain, do end up in bed. I do not blame them. My threshold isn't that good, though fear fuels my engine a little bit. You know pain is bad when you are crying just because it hurts so much.

My husband did step up and helped me. Thank God for him. He got me my medication, did most of the dishes, and chores, and helped be a spotter in the shower...[yes I am too afraid to shower alone right now with the knee this messed up]

I know this is one part of being fat when you are in the great weights, that is one of the hardest, the possible falls and the outcomes. The weight does not help. I almost flew out of a car once with a broken door when the driver turned a corner, save for the seatbelt. The gravity of weight only pulls you down.


  1. I can relate to you quite easily. I too have the same issues due to major weight. I live in fear if a fall too.

  2. Thanks Jan, I am sorry you are in the place to fear falling too. It is not easy. I walk with a cane because my balance is so bad from the ears alone, most people think it is from being overweight but when I am not hurt except for walking over curbs I could make it without the cane. I know we have to be extra-careful. I do not want to go through the pain of the last couple weeks again for a long time. My knee did heal, I had to stay off it for a some days to make that happen.