Monday, July 8, 2013

Stay away from Narcissists especially if you are FAT!

I am telling myself you are a "Child of God", you are a good person, trying to do this daily. The narcissists and their clan really did a number on me. I think I was doing okay for a long time when my health was more stable, I felt good about myself enough, but when I had some of the recent health struggles, it brought up some of this old nasty stuff to the surface. I mean spend this many years as a fat person, being told over and over "It's your fault" even if you know they are wrong, fought against it and well, it can do a number on your mind. This has to end, I can't have this happen every time I get very sick. Self-care means love for oneself and seeking healing, not blame.

Healing is not always easy, and can be painful though I am continuing forward. My family has reacted with the typical coldness towards my "walking away" as I already have discussed. My obesity was a major part of why I was rejected and cast to the side. I was told I was "no good, "defective" and often times the weight was the central focus. I really pray for any other fat person who may go through what I did. By the way when I was at "normal" levels of fat, I still faced this rejection, the massive serious weight gain only increased it. 

It is interesting today watching the narcissistic family members smile at and praise, and get their pictures taken with the thinner family members and watch the interplay there, where even in one case, grandchildren who happen to be overweight are far more neglected and ignored then grandchildren who happen to be thin. One thing I always have been the kind to speak out and let this be known, I knew this was going on but the parties within the family accepted this even some of the other fat people, "fat people were seen as lessers and treated accordingly and it was deemed acceptable." Even the "personal is political" people would get that core values of mine were being crossed by these folks.

Family Guy is a gross show and raunchy so I got away from it, but years ago I watched it noting that the character "Meg" was advanced as a scapegoat within the family. If you want to see "scapegoat" dynamics, they are within this show. Sadly though it being "programming" for the masses, they always show Meg as giving in, and accepting her "place".

Someone needs to tell Meg, "GO NO CONTACT" from your thick-headed family members who just want to put you down!

I found this article "No Contact Because Their Evil is Contagious" Since I am a Christian all of this is applicable to me. The author is right that too many people tell others to enable evil in the name of a false forgiveness. I realize that my family goes by certain codes, that are unbreakable and many are wicked. "Fat people are bad and to blame", "Only rich people matter, and if you are poor it's your fault", "So and so is in charge and you are to never to dare question them, and if you do, you will be cast aside as the black sheep and "rebel". One thing about my Christian faith, God comes first, and well, those warnings about departing from the wicked are there in the Bible for a reason and I'm following them.

To be frank, facing the facts of severe obesity, health problems and a family like this one with the severe economic problems included is a doozy.  I spent too many years feeling like the deer in front of the headlights! If not for God and kind friends, I would have never made it.

People can be completely destroyed and often are. They very well could have destroyed me. Hey there were others totally broken by them. I can't go into their stories here in detail, but we are talking totally broken people, who have failed to function on every level. Thank goodness I was not one of them. Sometimes you do have to stand up for your dignity no matter the sacrifices.

Thank goodness they didn't manage that.

I am working on deprogramming myself from their years worth of nasty comments, put-downs and complete invalidation. I believe while I managed to walk on from so much of it, having it bubble to the surface whenever I am under stress especially medical problems, is not a good thing.

Do I ask myself sometimes, would they have loved me if I had not been fat? Sure I do, their personality disorders were there from the start but being fat put me in position for the scapegoat and deeper rejection.
Sadly for many fat people, there is REJECTION out in the world but also at HOME. That is a double whammy.

One thing I believe has caused this society to be so hateful towards fat people is the overwhelming growing societal narcissism.

Why do I say that, you may ask?

To Narcissists, APPEARANCES are everything.

and don't we live in a society that is appearance obsessed?

Isn't the focus on weight, a symptom?

Isn't the focus on BODY first leading to a society that has devalued character, and what is INSIDE?

See where I am going with this?

To my family if you ever see or find this blog: YOU MISSED OUT. I could have been the best friend and ally you ever had, but you only cared about appearances, and the shallow thin veneer.

I always say lessons can be used and learned even from the really bad stuff that happens to a person. This was a unique crucible that formed who I am today. Maybe this is why I can see through so much nonsense.


  1. Boy oh boy, do I agree. My family is the exact same way. A lot of narcissists, and the cruelest one is not to be questioned, or you're in for severe punishment, especially if you're fat. Even while she steals, lies chronically, crazy-makes, tries to destroy relationships, etc. And they are all about appearances. Very little substance. I was the scapegoat too, the perennial outsider, the butt of jokes, rejected in my own family, as well in much of the outside world. It wouldn't surprise me if many fat people have PTSD. I wonder how these "normal"-sized people would react if treated so shabby.

  2. Hi Anon, I am sorry you have a family that is like this too. I think there are narcissist dominant families and mine is definitely one. Sorry you are dealing with one that steals, lies, tries to destroy relationships and more. I was diagnosed with PTSD before, from childhood AND well see the article I posted today. You are right these kind of people only care about appearances. Before I went no contact, I noticed my mother schmoozing up to all the THIN and ""BEAUTIFUL people of the family. It was so noticeable and differences in how everyone is treated. I wonder sometimes about the affect of STRESS on OBESITY, have written about it here, I even had my huge weight gain while under extreme stress-job and poverty, but what affects are made on people who grow up in a family that rejects them to their core, where they can't even have any love, support or all those human beings need? They say trauma affects health. I wonder about fat people having PTSD or there being CORTISOL effects or a breakdown of the endocrine system. I certainly always have theorized about this given my own life. I am still NC. By the way, I never heard from any of them again, and do not really expect to. This proved to me they did not care. if your daughter, sister, etc, was walking away, you'd think there'd be a letter of somesort [well I got cussed out once and told off in one short one at the start] saying "What's wrong?". I gave up knowing I was wasting time on people who never really would be there for me and especially as my health has entered a danger zone, I had no choice but to get away from these people for my sanity and wellbeing. I don't even care if one day they find this blog, and read what I thought of all of them. LOL