One part of recovery is owning your feelings and knowing you have the right to them. Many of those who were emotionally abused or had narcissistic families will recall how they were told that their feelings were wrong or they did not have a right to have them. In my experience, all my feelings were ignored, invalidated or mocked. That was no way to grow up. It also silences a person to a deep degree that is not good at all. The psychologists say an internal locus of control improves mental health, owning and recognizing our own feelings is a path to developing one.
This, all of this. I went to SAFE Alternatives for self injury in 2008, and they taught us to never fear our feelings, because they're natural and can't and shouldn't be controlled. We can control our actions and some of our thoughts to keep our feelings from consuming us, but they're ours and always should be. (Also, this is my fifth comment on your blog today. I should start logging in for this stuff),
ReplyDeleteI am glad that group told you never to fear your feelings. I agree about controlling the actions and attempting not to be consumed. This is a battle I have to do everyday. Hey I am glad when people comment it is okay for it to be anonymous.
DeleteI tend to feel all my feelings these days. It helps me get to a good place. My mother used to scream at me for having feelings. When I fell in love for the first time, she howled. She wouldn't know what love was anyway. I was in a bad place with the wrong man. And I had no where to turn with no life skills.
ReplyDeleteI went to stay in a shelter in 1991, due to that abusive man, and they told me to cheer up or I would have to do all the cleaning. It was hard to cheer up when all you feel is sad.
So yeah, I'm feeling my feelings now. Even an abusive relationship from 20 years ago, I'm revisiting those feelings.
Hi Joan, I am glad feeling your feelings is helping you. Mine didn't want me to have feelings, after all my NM didn't have any outside of anger. It still boggles my mind how people can simply have NO EMOTIONS and this applies to so many in my narc family. I have no life skills, and it has been a huge burden. We barely make it. I wonder how normal people make real money, maybe I should write about that sometime. I am sorry you had to stay in a shelter. One thing I notice out there is if you are down and out, they can force those "be positive" or else edicts on a person. They should not have told you to clean and smile like Cinderella. Being an ACON a person is more likely to end up in abusive situation.
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