Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Mobility Issues: The Other Day I Could Barely Walk

When this size, one considers mobility a precious commodity, it can make or break your life. When walking ends, normal life ceases to end. Not being able to walk to get to the toilet, or to function, means the nursing home is coming for you, and to be honest, it really scares me at times. It's not like even my stronger burly husband can pick someone up of my size or even roll me around if I needed care.

The other day, I hurt my leg, a really bad pulled muscle in the back of it, or something, it has hurt for two weeks. I think it is finally healing up, but there were times in the middle of the night, getting up after sleeping was always the worse, I could barely walk, I actually had to use two canes to get up, one my normal standard cane, and also my other newer cane with 4 small feet at the end that can stand freely. It got ludicrous hobbling my way to the bathroom with  a cane in each hand, praying for the pain to stop. Fortunately this injury was less severe though it seems to be an acute one, caused by too much motion. Another ongoing problem is a heel spur, and the doctor has told me to wear shoes with support. I did have a relative buy me some new very hard Birkenstocks that are supposed to offer support for this type of thing but it's taking me time to get used to them.

Today I can walk almost normal though there is still some pain if I do too much. I made myself walk around thrift shopping on purpose once it was possible to build back up this last weekend. My walking is such, I can only handle walking around small stores, big grocery stores forget it, that means a scooter. I do keep walking even in winter when housebound I will go up and down the apt halls to make sure not to lose stamina. That is one thing to fear too gaining weight and losing stamina when the ability to move is impeded.

This is one issue that is neglected in size acceptance as they praise how great it is to be fat. It's not, your mobility goes in the toilet and thusly your freedom.

One thing, I used to love to walk, I was the type that considered a 2 mile sojourn down town to wander around, FUN. I used to say to everyone which is ironic now, "Let's go on a walk!". Driving by somewhere just doesn't bring in the same details. If there is anything I miss most regarding being fat, is the ability to walk around. Right now, I can handle walking into small stores. I am able to go thrift shopping if the stores are small enough but remember a sense of horror, at one favorite thrift store telling me, "We are moving to a bigger place" when I can just now barely make it to the back of their store.

Fat does become a prison when you cannot walk. Sometimes I wish I could just stop eating anything, the way my metabolism is, sometimes I think there would need to be a full bore famine for me to lose anything, even months of digestive issues have only stripped off very little weight. Being able to walk for me would be a dream. I can walk [well when not injured] better then I did two years ago when I could barely make it to the apt front door, but now I'm in the race with time called aging!


  1. I have been following your blog for a while and find it really insightful. Don't pay attention to the fat-acceptance movement people criticising your choice to blog about your experiences as they really are. I think it is important for you, and your readers, to share these experiences. Anyway, being fat-and-disabled is different to being just fat-but-not-disabled so I'm not even sure why they are complaining. I always considered fat-acceptance to mean understanding that one can be physically and mentally happy and healthy even if one is fat. However you are showing everyone that this isn't necessarily so, especially at the higher end of the weight spectrum, but not even necessarily just then. For example, I have gained a lot of weight recently and have now started to have problems with my blood pressure, and pain in my knee joints. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a long and pain-free life. Therefore I don't think there is anything wrong with having weight loss goals, as long as it is for your own physical and emotional wellbeing and not for a superficial reason like because you want to buy into contemporary arbitrary standards of beauty. Anyway, sorry for the long comment but I just wanted to show you my support!

  2. Thanks Katrina, sorry I am getting back so late on your comment. I know I do not understand their reaction either, I am just trying to describe life as it really is. Disabled life is far different. Why do I have to "FAKE" or hide myself and what I am dealing with, isn't that a form of discrimination in itself? One thing there are worse off fat people then me, I can walk [well sort of] and drive a car two miles down the street to see a friend, I am not bedbound. What about those poor folks, where they got to 700lbs and above and could not back away or have even worse. Sorry you are having problems with your blood pressure and kneejoints. Thanks for your support!