Monday, June 23, 2014

Scapegoated Daughter

[language warnings on the videos]

I've listened to many of the videos on Scapegoated Daughter's Channel over the last year. Her story is very hard to listen to, because her parents got her committed against her will, and she has videos on this. I hope she can regain her nursing career back one day. In my state I believe it takes a judge to approve the order and then two doctors signing off to commit someone, they will not leave the decision up to a single cop and relatives like in her state. In my case, I believe my mother got guardianship over Aunt Scapegoat, so that was reason alone to go NC. My physical disabilities alone leave me vulnerable.

Sadly dealing with narcissists does lead to depression so her parents definitely could have used it to "punish her" or tell her "we are the ones in control" not you. Her sadness in even trying to talk to them about anything speaks for itself. In her voice, I hear the same woeful pleas I had years ago in my 20s. She shows emotions they care nothing about. They don't feel the same. One thing I had a thought about is that there is a cycle that scapegoats can fall into, it is not one that is our fault!  I have considered this with my family, where you are so abused, put down, just dealing with one of them or one of their proxies, you are on the verge of tears at any minute, you do feel sad, or angry. You can't smile or be spontaneous. I fear this is one reason the surrounding relationships even deteriorate. Surrounded by psychopaths, doesn't bring out the best traits in people. They are not seeing your best side when you are trying to keep the wolves from having a chow down on you.

Around the age of 30, whenever corresponding with my mother and sister, I took the emotion out of it, my distrust of my mother is so extreme, my letters were re-edited and stripped down like I was writing a court document. One always has to be cautious about what can be used against them when it comes to narcissists.  Write a letter of how depressed they have made you? Then the narcs can use your letter to show to social workers and others to get various things moving. This never happened to me but I know my mother read my diaries and journals. This meant giving up on them until moving out.

 Narcissists feed on the emotions of the scapegoat and love to hear the suffering in your voice. It gives them a thrill. Being an emotional person I was not able to do the stoic thing very well though with age I perfected it. My years of LC except for three slip-ups, I would imagine I was having dinner at the bosses house to get through, I shared nothing and showed no crack of vulnerability. I talked about the weather, art projects, tv shows and fawned over her latest shopping purchases. Problem with that is you do become a stranger to everyone and the second problem is the repressed emotions if you have bad health start coming out in your body. If you visit someone's house where you puke every time you go, this may be a visit to rethink. In Scapegoated Daughter's case, she was young trying to appeal to the rock hard walls, I understand, I wasted years doing this too.   I hope while in the psych ward, she got a few conversations in with the therapists about how her family treated her.

Her mother sounds like mine far too much. Some of the conversations remind me of ones I had at far younger ages, I had almost these same arguments I would ask my mother "Why do you love my sister, so much more"? I would say "I know you hate me." and she would always call me a liar and deny everything  each and every time. I couldn't even get enough emotional investment to tell me the truth on anything. Yesterday I had a memory triggered how mine would be angry all the time and I would as a little kid be asking her over and over, "Why are you mad at me?" and getting no response. I would try to get her to open up and share why she was upset. Her emotions were just part of the game to keep me on edge and manipulate me.  They enjoy your pain. They make the scapegoat the human trash can, where the anger, looks of disgust and hatred can over-spill with little risk. They kick you in the face and walk out and smile to the crowds.

Her sister "Brittany" can do no wrong, and neither could mine. She was superior by far. Her sister replicates the same haughtiness, that mine had and continues to have to this day. Nothing touches her.
I can tell she feels superior and more. One thing the narcissists will team up with the golden child against the scapegoats, this dynamic happens more and more. The mother plays martyr to the golden child placing blame on the scapegoat.  In my mother's eyes my sister never could do any wrong and vice versa.

Her mother's way of speaking is familiar to me, the whole "la dee da" tone, where they do not have one worry and seem to have it all together and know everything. Nothing fazes them. The world is their oyster and by the way everything is wrong with you! I have noticed in the calls I've listened to the mother has never admitted one self doubt, one worry or regret. Scapegoated Daughter's mother pours on more of the phony love lingo and shows less overt rage then mine but that way of speaking was quite familiar to me. One thing to note in every video is how SD is always at fault, the sister is always perfect, and the mother herself is. I hope SD has gone "No Contact".


  1. Hello, my name is Briana (ScapegoatedDaughter). I just wanted to say Thank You so much for your time and effort you put into this post. I am so much stronger now. When I go back and listen to some of the oldest videos it shocks me to hear myself sound so broken. Learning about NPD and reading other people's stories has been a life saver. Just an update... My family has not changed of course, but the way I deal with them has. Going NC backfired because we (boyfriend, dog, and I) still lived in the same vicinity as always. She (my NM) went cuckoo when I stopped all forms of communication. This time (pat year and a half) I decided to go Low Contact. I can keep her at bay with the occasional text message. For a NM like her she craves the feeling of being in control... Even if it's an illusion. We are planning our escape from this area, mostly because we know that when my NM discovers that I have exposed her she will be on a warpath. Thanks again for your post. UPDATE: In my latest video, my perfect Sister has decided to divorce her husband, She tells me about it with the least empathy ever. She is beyond immature as she explains why she filed for divorce and answers my questions about her future, Thanks again.

    1. Thanks Briana. I am glad you are stronger now. Your voice reminded me of years ago. I tried to explain "work things out with them". Now I know they are lizards and wouldn't listen to reason in a million years. I am glad you found ACON blogs and other information to get yourself out of the situation. Where you able to get your profession back? That was the worse thing I ever heard an NM doing. It is like she laid in wait for you to say one thing in the heat of the moment she could use. Sorry your NC backfired and she went crazy. If you escape look up ways online to keep your address hidden such as for abused ex-wives. Don't forward your mail, etc. That way you can go poof! and be away from the area. I was LC a long time but my health could not take it. They were forcing some LC from their side since I was being ostracized and cut off from their end as well. My NM and family haven't found this blog. It is growing in traffic so sometimes I worry about it being found. Mine knows where I live, and I get the weird corporate cards. No one has been at my door though. That is good. I would like to watch your new video. Sounds like your brother in law is getting a break. I wonder if she will slide a little bit down the GC roster since divorce doesn't bring good narcissistic supply to your mother. I hope things are going better. Show no emotion to your NM. I shut mine off, during my LC time with a few slip ups, but that can be hard to do, always have NC though as the final goal. I hope for the best for you. Praying