Monday, May 22, 2017

In Defense of Needy People

This video is great in that it sees the problem not with the "needy" person but those around them who are angered by emotions and need for attachment. Many ACONs can struggle with being needy. It was a bigger problem for me in my 20s,secure love and marriage helped to curtail the needs of loneliness and my desire to seek connection. I can still struggle now wishing that socially I had been more successful, but when people lack love in their background, neediness can arise. Human beings have social needs that must be met.We are not islands. American culture is dysfunctional in that it expects people to operate solely alone.


  1. My parents also always made me feel like I was "too needy" which is just another way of saying "I don't feel like dealing with your needs." It reminds me of how my parents always told me I was a very "difficult" child, "disobedient" and "demanding." It turns out I'm the opposite of all those things and so submissive and obedient that it's impossible for me to say no to people's demands. It's like opposite-day but no one ever tells you and it lasts forever.

  2. Sorry that happened to you. :( Yes narc parents will put our needs last and tell you that you are not supposed to have any so yes even if you are submissive and obedient, just by existing, they will tell you they feel put upon. Yes it is like opposite day. I used to get yelled at for costing them money even for food, and the rest. Why have kids?

  3. My parents apparently didn't want to have me. I was a "mistake" a story that we all would - including me! - laugh about. Haha you're unwanted. And the most bizarre part is that my mother would tell me constantly how she hated her mother and one of the reasons why was that her mother always told her she'd only wanted 5 children and my mother was 6th out of 8. So it's evil when someone tells her she's a mistake but just hilarious when she tells someone else. And if your suspicions are true and you are adopted, then it's even stranger. You can get pregnant by mistake, you cannot go and adopt a child by mistake.

    1. I once told my parents why'd you have kids didn't you know they'd cost money. Your parents birth control slippage or failure to use it in the first place is nt your responsbility, I think it is horrible to tell a kid they are unwanted, well it's them that couldn't keep out of bed. Surely her mother knew by the 5th how babies were made. Sounds like she learned nothing from her own abuse and decided to continue it.I learned my mother wanted 7 children like her mother but the doctor told her to quit on the third [or really the second given my dubious orgins], so four people got spared a narc parent bullet. I think more and more, I was someone else's cast off or "mistake" within the family that got "dumped" on her. Let's just say the resentment showed me was 10 fold. I don't remember them yelling at my brother for how much his college cost and he didn't even work except summers while I worked year through. I haven't forgotten that birthday card where she wrote about the "day you came to us" and the empty baby book still haunts me.