Saturday, March 31, 2012

My husband is sick

Well this week, my husband has took very ill such as in bedridden can barely walk, sick to the max, illness. I fear for his health and have been worried. He is in bed now after I made him lunch. He may not end up in the hospital, but his attacks of gout can be severely debilitating. Our life has been too stressful lately and for him, a vacation from the daily grind and money problems probably could do wonders but is impossible. Thankfully this is not an illness like cancer or something even worse but one that usually has an end point though it is chronic and recurring. I have faced this before, around 10 years ago they thought he was having a heart attack, no blockages were found to our relief. Thank God by then, I had lost some weight and by then could drive a little bit in our small town when he was put into the hospital for a week.

It's kind of scary, because then we both are hobbling on canes, and while I can walk better, I still can't walk normally. It is good, I have more stamina where I can haul a few bags of groceries into the apt, and even a gallon jug once or twice, though I coughed to do the latter. Two years ago there is no way, I could carry three gallon jugs of water into the apt building from the parking lot. Sometimes keeping this stamina or even improving it, really has been about survival issues.

Today he crawled out to the car, to do the driving which was too much for me to handle, while I did the going into various stores and places, even though it got cold and my asthma was in full sway, it was just warm enough where I was not housebound and I was able to get the electric bill paid and buy a few groceries. Sometimes such days as this really bring forward, how aging and disability can impact one's life and how it can bring worries about the future.

I worry for him, this is times where I wish I was a more normal HEALTHY wife, even with a few selfish thoughts of what does one do when when my defacto caretaker gets sick? It's kind of scary. It's not an easy thing to think about. One thing about being super-obese is you do require more care and help then others. I am fortunate I can still cook and clean to a degree but definitely cannot do things to the level of a normal person. Sometimes it can be the worse, wondering if you are meeting someone else's needs. You also wonder what toll YOURS have made on them.

Unlike many people out there, I and my husband outside of a network of kind loving friends-most long distance, acouple local, really do not have relatives who can help us when it comes to physical matters. I felt blessed that one of our neighbors was kind enough to help him into the house, supporting him along the way, letting him put his weight on his shoulder. When you meet kind people like that it warms your heart. Other friends this week also looked out for me in ways that were quite a blessing too. So I am praying for him, and hoping he feels better soon.

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