Adulting While Poor

 "Money is what God used to be. Good and evil have no meaning any longer except failure and success. Hence the profoundly significant phrase, to make good. The decalogue has been reduced to two commandments. One for the employers--the elect, the money priesthood as it were--"Thou shalt make money"; the other for the employed--the slaves and underlings--"Thou shalt not lose thy job."--Keep the Aspidistra Flying--George Orwell. 

Proverbs 19:7 All the brethren of the poor do hate him: how much more do his friends go far from him? he pursueth them with words, yet they are wanting to him. 



Being poor can suck so much!

One huge negative is the yawning gap of loneliness and the day to day grind of being treated like less then a human or not even human at all. The other day I thought, "Why do all these people talk to me like I am a child?" And I had this weird revelation: you are seen as a child because you have not become a full adult, due to your low socioeconomic status.

I have realized this is one reason I am having such difficulties with some of the upper middle class and beyond people here. Remember I live in an affluent community notorious for snobbery.  Instead of them talking to me like the middle aged almost senior woman I am, they talk to me with this attitude of "correction" that permeates their words. They seek to "correct" me because they believe I have done something "wrong" to end up in this body and low socioeconomic status. They see me as far younger then I really am. This is one way a poor person can end up with too many people seeing you as a project. You are viewed with pity, and a object of woe instead of a human being. You are talked down to like a child. You are told everything you are doing wrong. They are stuck in the mode of trying to FIX you.

We know extreme cruel racists have used words like "Boy" to speak to middle age men. It is a diminishment of who they are. I see this with the poor in general too, this patronization with a demeaning attitude. This treating you like an inferior. In my case it has reached the point where they treat me like I am not even a full adult. This idea you must be corrected. The churches are full of people listening to the likes of David Ramsey who writes articles like this one called "Twenty Things the Rich Do Everyday" and puts forth the attitude that the poor are poor because they are at fault and they are irresponsible. They are little children that must be punished. The list is so insulting, David Ramsey got back-lash for it. He should have.

He wrote this nasty screed in response to his critics:

"This list simply says your choices cause results. You reap what you sow. Is the research perfect? No. It is a small sample, but it does pass the common-sense smell test. Does this research or the reason for posting it have anything to do with third-world countries? No. Anyone with good walking-around sense can see that this is a first-world discussion. Is this list a way of hating the poor? Seriously? Grow up.

There is a direct correlation between your habits, choices and character in Christ and your propensity to build wealth in non-third-world settings. To dispute that or attribute hate to that statement is immature and ignorant. To assume that our ministry hates the poor is ludicrous and is a reflection more on you than on our work or our beliefs."

This guy is a false prophet. He is not a Christian and believes in the prosperity gospel even if not overtly it is there. Supposedly if you are American and are poor, it is because you had poor habits, choices and character. He disgusts me. Sadly many have his opinions. I have felt those oppressions for many years. So have many others. The people complaining about his article were right that his ministry does hate the poor.

One new term I see out there now is called ADULTING. Adulting is a new annoying word. It is not based on chronological age but obviously is for the over 18 and out of the house set. I suppose it could be seen as being RESPONSIBLE.

It seems being an adult costs money. Have any of you heard the word "adulting"? Adulting takes cash many people simply don't have. Does not having money mean you are a failed adult? If you are eating ramen noodles and hot dogs instead of steak and kale at dinner does this mean you have failed at adulting? What do you think of that new term adulting?

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Some oldsters complain about the young people not starting families or "growing up", but if there is no stable job or employment, that's not going to happen. They have cut young people and even Generation X off at the knees. There's no mystery to me while the over 60 people here all have new cars, while you see younger people walking or in rust buckets.

 Somehow that piece of the missing jobs is always missing in their failed millennial articles. 50 after a relative lifetime of success is different then the grinding middle age that can come if you have not felt this success or achieved it. I can't find the article but I read it on Zero Hedge where they talked about how the lifetimes of no decent jobs, would change even the development of adults. That the influence of these economic factors went well beyond the material factors but even into the emotional and the physical.

 Adulting almost seems to be a word of conformity and you see these long lists of what a proper adult should be and this is a world of cocktail parties, full pantries and proper closet organization and jobs that pay real wages. Is this another way to subvert the poor into a new level of oppression, where they are deemed even more irresponsible and not fully adults?  Now they have moved us from the bucket lists to the adulting lists and a new definition of what an adult should be. Never trust a new made up word, because it may be using to advance a concept that is less then wholesome.

I think to a certain level even with these disabilities, I am resourceful. I've done my own legal work. I got free dental care though I made a bad decision over the wisdom teeth under duress. I got some digital hearing aids in a program. I can cook anything and will use the yellow zucchini I got at the mobile food pantry in a bunch of recipes. I have overcome things that would leave some of these people crying. Would David Ramsey consider me poor as a result of bad habits and character and being a bad "Christian"? Honestly I don't care but I care about the people who will be oppressed from others listening to this guy.

I have realized this is one reason I am having such difficulties with some of the upper middle class and beyond people here. Instead of them talking to me like the middle aged almost senior woman I am, they talk to me with this attitude of "correction" that permeates their words. They seek to "correct" me because I have supposedly done something "wrong" to end up in this body and low socioeconomic status. This is one way a poor person can end up with too many people seeing you as a project. You are viewed with pity, and a object of woe instead of a human being. This is one thing they unload upon the poor. You are not viewed as a full adult.

Within my family, my poverty denied me grown-up status within their ranks. I didn't own a suburban home, or a new car, I was seen as living as a permanent college student. I was deemed a lesser and treating accordingly. My needs disgusted and irritated them. My mother told relatives and even me directly on this blog in her crazy comments, that I was a loser and a mooch. The feelings from being treated this way rankled me worse as I aged. When I went no contact two years and three months ago, I knew I did not want to die as their worm even if it meant the streets.  I have to admit this has been painful especially as I have aged. A person wants to feel some dignity. Now that I have gotten away from those toxics, I am realizing I do not want to be looked down on or be treated the same way by anyone else. I have examined the choices I am making in terms of who I choose to spend time with. I do not need anyone in my life who sees themselves as more moral and mature superiors to me for having fuller bank accounts.

With the people who treat me as a child, it has gotten so bad, that at this point, I have told myself, this must be something I have to watch out for. If someone sees themselves as "superior" to me, I don't want to invest in the relationship. Not every rich person is like this, I have friends far wealthier then me but I have to avoid the number who are. I am being hurt. I am being treated like a nobody. Poor people are often patronized. Have you tried this? We are treated like we choose the poverty and drank, drugged or smoked our ways into it. Even us clean-living sorts are seen as deficient in a myriad of ways. What is the word I am thinking of? We are PATRONIZED.

The other day, I and my husband were at a mobile food pantry, and this is a friendly church, and actually the one where our support group is held at, and I have participated in other groups at. I do not belong to the church but it does a lot of community activities some of which are secular in nature and not religious based. We were standing in line to stand up for the mobile food pantry and put our names on the list. The collection of people on walkers and more was pretty high though some of us with spouses let them hold our household's place in line while sitting on the sidelines. They let people in, in small groups, and this guy patrolled the door and it was locked in between groups of people.

It was really hot outside here. For some reason fall seems to not be coming, it is almost unheard of for my state not to have cooler weather by now and none of our trees have changed yet. I joined my husband in line and was standing by his side and getting tired and hot. The door opened and I grabbed the door, and the line had progressed onwards with space for us to stand inside. Being hot and on my walker, I and my husband proceeded to step inside, when the guy patrolling the door came up, yelled "It's not your turn to come in yet, and closed it locked in our faces". My husband was pissed.

Realize that going to food pantries doesn't always put you in the best mood. You hate to be in need and asking people for it. We finally were let in and then went and signed up. Upon leaving, I asked the guy, "What is your problem, we did not break our place in line! Can't you see I am on a walker and that was totally uncalled for!". I know some people would say beggars can't be choosers but it's not that guy who paid for the food being passed out. The mobile food truck is a government program. There are things I'm not going to put up with anymore. Sometimes the wannabe boy scouts and girl scouts of the world make us all miserable. One could tell while the guy volunteered there, he didn't see the poor as like him, he saw them as the "others". Thankfully there are others at this church who this does not apply.

That man slamming the door in my face was treating me like a child. Trying to control my very movements, ironically in the very room where I do volunteer work and participate in my self help group. He saw me as a "lesser" to herd and "correct". I'm not putting up with it anymore. We went and complained to the church volunteer supervisor who did hear us out and went to talk to the man.

It's this kind of treatment I am sick of.