Friday, September 25, 2015

Adulting While Poor

 "Money is what God used to be. Good and evil have no meaning any longer except failure and success. Hence the profoundly significant phrase, to make good. The decalogue has been reduced to two commandments. One for the employers--the elect, the money priesthood as it were--"Thou shalt make money"; the other for the employed--the slaves and underlings--"Thou shalt not lose thy job."--Keep the Aspidistra Flying--George Orwell. 

Proverbs 19:7 All the brethren of the poor do hate him: how much more do his friends go far from him? he pursueth them with words, yet they are wanting to him. 

Being poor can suck so much!

One huge negative is the yawning gap of loneliness and the day to day grind of being treated like less then a human or not even human at all. The other day I thought, "Why do all these people talk to me like I am a child?" And I had this weird revelation: you are seen as a child because you have not become a full adult, due to your low socioeconomic status.

I have realized this is one reason I am having such difficulties with some of the upper middle class and beyond people here. Remember I live in an affluent community notorious for snobbery.  Instead of them talking to me like the middle aged almost senior woman I am, they talk to me with this attitude of "correction" that permeates their words. They seek to "correct" me because they believe I have done something "wrong" to end up in this body and low socioeconomic status. They see me as far younger then I really am. This is one way a poor person can end up with too many people seeing you as a project. You are viewed with pity, and a object of woe instead of a human being. You are talked down to like a child. You are told everything you are doing wrong. They are stuck in the mode of trying to FIX you.

We know extreme cruel racists have used words like "Boy" to speak to middle age men. It is a diminishment of who they are. I see this with the poor in general too, this patronization with a demeaning attitude. This treating you like an inferior. In my case it has reached the point where they treat me like I am not even a full adult. This idea you must be corrected. The churches are full of people listening to the likes of David Ramsey who writes articles like this one called "Twenty Things the Rich Do Everyday" and puts forth the attitude that the poor are poor because they are at fault and they are irresponsible. They are little children that must be punished. The list is so insulting, David Ramsey got back-lash for it. He should have.

He wrote this nasty screed in response to his critics:

"This list simply says your choices cause results. You reap what you sow. Is the research perfect? No. It is a small sample, but it does pass the common-sense smell test. Does this research or the reason for posting it have anything to do with third-world countries? No. Anyone with good walking-around sense can see that this is a first-world discussion. Is this list a way of hating the poor? Seriously? Grow up.

There is a direct correlation between your habits, choices and character in Christ and your propensity to build wealth in non-third-world settings. To dispute that or attribute hate to that statement is immature and ignorant. To assume that our ministry hates the poor is ludicrous and is a reflection more on you than on our work or our beliefs."

This guy is a false prophet. He is not a Christian and believes in the prosperity gospel even if not overtly it is there. Supposedly if you are American and are poor, it is because you had poor habits, choices and character. He disgusts me. Sadly many have his opinions. I have felt those oppressions for many years. So have many others. The people complaining about his article were right that his ministry does hate the poor.

One new term I see out there now is called ADULTING. Adulting is a new annoying word. It is not based on chronological age but obviously is for the over 18 and out of the house set. I suppose it could be seen as being RESPONSIBLE.

It seems being an adult costs money. Have any of you heard the word "adulting"? Adulting takes cash many people simply don't have. Does not having money mean you are a failed adult? If you are eating ramen noodles and hot dogs instead of steak and kale at dinner does this mean you have failed at adulting? What do you think of that new term adulting?

Some oldsters complain about the young people not starting families or "growing up", but if there is no stable job or employment, that's not going to happen. They have cut young people and even Generation X off at the knees. There's no mystery to me while the over 60 people here all have new cars, while you see younger people walking or in rust buckets.

 Somehow that piece of the missing jobs is always missing in their failed millennial articles. 50 after a relative lifetime of success is different then the grinding middle age that can come if you have not felt this success or achieved it. I can't find the article but I read it on Zero Hedge where they talked about how the lifetimes of no decent jobs, would change even the development of adults. That the influence of these economic factors went well beyond the material factors but even into the emotional and the physical.

 Adulting almost seems to be a word of conformity and you see these long lists of what a proper adult should be and this is a world of cocktail parties, full pantries and proper closet organization and jobs that pay real wages. Is this another way to subvert the poor into a new level of oppression, where they are deemed even more irresponsible and not fully adults?  Now they have moved us from the bucket lists to the adulting lists and a new definition of what an adult should be. Never trust a new made up word, because it may be using to advance a concept that is less then wholesome.

I think to a certain level even with these disabilities, I am resourceful. I've done my own legal work. I got free dental care though I made a bad decision over the wisdom teeth under duress. I got some digital hearing aids in a program. I can cook anything and will use the yellow zucchini I got at the mobile food pantry in a bunch of recipes. I have overcome things that would leave some of these people crying. Would David Ramsey consider me poor as a result of bad habits and character and being a bad "Christian"? Honestly I don't care but I care about the people who will be oppressed from others listening to this guy.

I have realized this is one reason I am having such difficulties with some of the upper middle class and beyond people here. Instead of them talking to me like the middle aged almost senior woman I am, they talk to me with this attitude of "correction" that permeates their words. They seek to "correct" me because I have supposedly done something "wrong" to end up in this body and low socioeconomic status. This is one way a poor person can end up with too many people seeing you as a project. You are viewed with pity, and a object of woe instead of a human being. This is one thing they unload upon the poor. You are not viewed as a full adult.

Within my family, my poverty denied me grown-up status within their ranks. I didn't own a suburban home, or a new car, I was seen as living as a permanent college student. I was deemed a lesser and treating accordingly. My needs disgusted and irritated them. My mother told relatives and even me directly on this blog in her crazy comments, that I was a loser and a mooch. The feelings from being treated this way rankled me worse as I aged. When I went no contact two years and three months ago, I knew I did not want to die as their worm even if it meant the streets.  I have to admit this has been painful especially as I have aged. A person wants to feel some dignity. Now that I have gotten away from those toxics, I am realizing I do not want to be looked down on or be treated the same way by anyone else. I have examined the choices I am making in terms of who I choose to spend time with. I do not need anyone in my life who sees themselves as more moral and mature superiors to me for having fuller bank accounts.

With the people who treat me as a child, it has gotten so bad, that at this point, I have told myself, this must be something I have to watch out for. If someone sees themselves as "superior" to me, I don't want to invest in the relationship. Not every rich person is like this, I have friends far wealthier then me but I have to avoid the number who are. I am being hurt. I am being treated like a nobody. Poor people are often patronized. Have you tried this? We are treated like we choose the poverty and drank, drugged or smoked our ways into it. Even us clean-living sorts are seen as deficient in a myriad of ways. What is the word I am thinking of? We are PATRONIZED.

The other day, I and my husband were at a mobile food pantry, and this is a friendly church, and actually the one where our support group is held at, and I have participated in other groups at. I do not belong to the church but it does a lot of community activities some of which are secular in nature and not religious based. We were standing in line to stand up for the mobile food pantry and put our names on the list. The collection of people on walkers and more was pretty high though some of us with spouses let them hold our household's place in line while sitting on the sidelines. They let people in, in small groups, and this guy patrolled the door and it was locked in between groups of people.

It was really hot outside here. For some reason fall seems to not be coming, it is almost unheard of for my state not to have cooler weather by now and none of our trees have changed yet. I joined my husband in line and was standing by his side and getting tired and hot. The door opened and I grabbed the door, and the line had progressed onwards with space for us to stand inside. Being hot and on my walker, I and my husband proceeded to step inside, when the guy patrolling the door came up, yelled "It's not your turn to come in yet, and closed it locked in our faces". My husband was pissed.

Realize that going to food pantries doesn't always put you in the best mood. You hate to be in need and asking people for it. We finally were let in and then went and signed up. Upon leaving, I asked the guy, "What is your problem, we did not break our place in line! Can't you see I am on a walker and that was totally uncalled for!". I know some people would say beggars can't be choosers but it's not that guy who paid for the food being passed out. The mobile food truck is a government program. There are things I'm not going to put up with anymore. Sometimes the wannabe boy scouts and girl scouts of the world make us all miserable. One could tell while the guy volunteered there, he didn't see the poor as like him, he saw them as the "others". Thankfully there are others at this church who this does not apply.

That man slamming the door in my face was treating me like a child. Trying to control my very movements, ironically in the very room where I do volunteer work and participate in my self help group. He saw me as a "lesser" to herd and "correct". I'm not putting up with it anymore. We went and complained to the church volunteer supervisor who did hear us out and went to talk to the man.

It's this kind of treatment I am sick of.


  1. Dear Peeps, I saw the same nosey attitude toward poor people at this one Salvation Army function. This one old biddy, she was asking questions, of which I don't know the nature of (or want to) all I know is, the beech was only helping herself to more self-glory. Seeing that, I just got the heck out of there.

    1. Sue, yeah one has to be careful at charity places, while some are good and really want to help, you run into the burn outs, the gossips and the ones who want to use the poor as fodder to look good next too. This is something to watch out for in all helping areas, support groups, churches, charities, Salvation Armies, etc.

  2. Glad you high-tailed it out of there, Sue. Yet another brood of snakes and vipers.

    The image with the teal background and "rounded-end" text? That's from a commercial radio network in (what used to be) Australia, where the same poisonous attitudes have taken root on a massive scale. In other words, at least one major media outlet is condoning, if not advocating, that mentality.

    Poison: You can't kiss it better.

    1. I am glad she got out of there too. I can tell they are spreading the same nonsense in a bunch of other countries too. Will they ask people have you "adulated" well which will mean being politically correct and having good credit and all those things they demand. I agree it is definitely poison.

  3. Adulting...I've never heard that term before! Only in America. I doubt that other countries use that term....they tend to have rites of passage where you reach a certain age and you're seen as an matter how much money you've made or whatever.
    I think being adult means being able to at least somewhat take care of yourself and orhers.
    There's lots of reasons why people are poor.It's so unfair to judge one another on that basis.

    1. In other cultures being an adult depends on more then money and achievement and yes they have the rites of passages. What scares me look at the narcs, we have three year olds often running the country. Yes poverty is caused by a lot of different reasons.

  4. "There is a direct correlation between your habits, choices and *character in Christ* and your propensity to build wealth...."
    Got two words for this ass: Mark Zuckerberg.

    Speak up Peep when your being patronized. I would quietly seethe and then become angry with myself for not speaking up. As you can see that's no longer a problem! ;) Practice makes people leave ya the hell alone or at least treat you with respect and dignity to your face. (What they say behind my back is none of my business.) Stand up as straight as you can, make very direct eye contact and say something like, "That was rude and uncalled for. Don't do it again." If nothing else I think it shocks or shames people into silence. (Which isn't always a bad thing!)

    The whole "adult" stuff: When we're children we're treated like adults and when we're adults we're treated like children. First we get this from our CB "parents" et. al. and then to have other people do it?! NOOOOoooooo! I get how infuriating and patronizing this is/feels. IMO/experience a lot of this kind of behavior has been related to Boundaries and others not respecting our's. And since our right to Self-Defense was stripped from us probably from the time we were pre-verbal, it took me about forever to realize no one was gonna keel over (well, I might because it's scary initially) when I spoke up in disagreement.

    (Digression ahead! Brain damage in action!)
    Peep, remember awhile ago we spoke about your art work and I think you mentioned you felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I don't think you at all truly recognize your talent in so many mediums: You ARE an artist! But it seems to me you don't really embrace that part of your Identity. Don't mean to hijack here but I was wondering if perhaps you started thinking and telling others when asked, "I'm an artist. I work in a variety of mediums." There is so much more to who you are than a disabled Aspie, just as there's a whole lot more to me than being an old widow who lives alone, has a cat (just one!) and a series of MRIs and CTs "pictures" that show post-stroke brain damage. Getting ourselves and other to see beyond the obvious is truly a challenge. I didn't loose the skills I had before the strokes and you never left your art behind or lost your talent either. Everytime you engage in your art you are honoring the gifts you've been given. And everytime you share that, you share a part of your soul. You pass on to us (and others) something that transcends words. I don't know if I've ever said "thanks" so-Thank you my friend, Peep the Artist.

    1. I think he is an ass too. Hey Zuckerberg must be a saint to that guy. Bet you he loves the Bushes and other celebrities too and thinks they are "holy". It's scary. I could tell when churches got that guy's program into the mix. It was hilarious hearing people at churches talk about how the poor wasted money, what a load of hooey. I've read all his books and they take expendable income to have it work.

      I agree about speaking up. I have too much of the staircase thing where I am stunned into silence or take too long to process and respond. I also have to hold back my temper at the same time which is a lot for an Aspie to deal with but yeah this time around I did tell him what is what. I will be going there and last thing I need is a guy like that needling me for being at the mobile food pantry. Yes they will leave you alone. I told off my mother and others even cursed them out and stopped some overt stuff though the covert continued. There NC is the only solution anyhow. With the public people, you have to be assertive, I don't want to be their chosen "victim".

      Narc parents treat us like children and never give us dignity and respect and it sucks when you go out into the world and get a double dose of it. How many scapegoats end up poor [though there are a few that do okay in that area]. This is the last thing we need. I'm not into being a beaten down shell like Aunt Scapegoat who is afraid to utter one peep in her defense. I doubt she does in society in general either. She is used to being passive and being rolled over.

      Yes I agree about it being about boundaries. I don't like people bossing me around and trying to control me like it's Nazi Germany. That guy got way too gung-ho about his job as the door-keeper. I had to learn to defend myself and use self defense, earlier in life but I need to defend the emotional boundaries and ban the disrespect. Even if I am homeless and without one penny in the world no one deserves to be talked to that way.

      TW Thanks for saying I am an artist.

      I am a definite square peg in this society. LOL

      Thanks for saying I am talented. I did kind of consider myself an artist in my 20s, you know art teacher, and professional aspirations in it, but yes I will rethink what you have said. I wouldn't mind telling people I am an artist. It's true so many just see this disabled woman with wrapped legs and hearing aids, on walker and don't see me as the full scope of identities. I am glad you see yourself beyond the outside labels too :) Thanks for saying thanks to me as an artist. I still am working on the comic project. It may be a zine and pin money but I know there is nothing else out there like it. :) :) Thanks to you too TW for your kind words.

  5. I hate the word 'adulting' too and I hear it a lot from people my age... They don't get that if you grow up with a narc parent, you get responsible for your needs from a VERY early age. You get forced to take responsibility for other people's needs, too. So even before I had anything going my way - back when I was working two very low-paid jobs for up to 60hrs a week - I had no problem describing what these people call 'adulting' as 'normal life responsibilities'.

    For an ACON, there is no childhood. Being around people who are clinging to their very privileged ideas of childhood is very alienating. I do get, on some level, that these people are caught in a problem - they got lied to all their lives, they were expecting there to be enough jobs and housing for them to have the kind of lifestyle their parents have but there isn't, they've been dropped in a feeding frenzy they were never told to prepare for. But every time someone uses that word, it's like it's being rubbed in my face that I never had the easy life they expect because of my narc parent.

    1. I agree you have to take care of your needs very early. I was cooking full dinners by age 10. So even there you are pushed ahead. I knew how to do laundry early on and was in shock when I met people in college who couldn't. We were told to take care of others and their needs more then ourselves.

      I think since Gen X and the millennials are entering new globalist poverty, the narcs and power brokers have invented memes and other things to have them blame themselves instead of examining the system for why they work 60-70 hours a week, and can't afford a house, or even rent in a lot of cases or a car, or other things. They did get lied to all their life. My Baby Boomer parents lied to me about life and told me if I worked "hard" I would have at least a middle class life if not upper and it was a complete joke. I do think there are some who are clinging to the priviledge but then they were not told the truth about what life is really like. If I had kids I would tell them you can become homeless easily and you can go without food easily, and what the real deal is. I even watch with horror, these kids in upper middle class and above households who are not being prepared whatsoever for the true job market and what it takes to make a living. I'm in shock the millennials have not started protesting even to 60s levels because of their even crappier lot in life then Generation X but they been dumbed down and the brainwashing that this is all a personal outcome has taken hold. Watching nearly 30 something people living at home not even able to rent a boarding house room like I had, is pretty sad. They will never have lives or families like their parents had.

      You are right we never had a childhood. I always kind of knew I was "on my own". One weird facet of me is when I was a child, I would hoard money like gang busters. My parents used to laugh and call me the "miser". It's ironic now given my adult poverty.

  6. I remember the time I hoped to sell enough chocolate bars for the kids to go on school trips. Most of the time, the cost of those things were outrageous, and I would have to try to drum up the money for them to go. I can't help but get angry at our narcissistic parentage that never prepared us for the real world. I spent my childhood being a lapdog to the greediest engulfing narc ever. When the time came to be an adult on my own, I was not ready. Emotionally, financially, I was always strapped. It is just the way we were made. I feel for you. No one should be slamming doors on you at the food pantry.

    1. I hated those kind of sales and avoided them like the plague. I actually feared my mother taking the money like she did from my paper route. We should be angry because we started life with a huge chain and ball around our legs. Your engulfing narc smothered you while mine ignored me unless abusing me so the results were the same. I know I am tired of struggling watching all these people have easy lives. All they had to do is get up and go to work everyday a 9-5 office job, and they never struggled to find the job in the first place and instant pots of money and suburban houses. Mine always whined about all the work she had to do even when having guests. Her life compared to mine was a totally easy ride. Nope I don't want anyone slamming doors on me at the food pantry. We've had enough doors slammed in our faces.

  7. I am very excited to find your blog. I'm on a phone now but when I get to a computer i'm going to properly introduce myself. I have much to share with you and to go backwards and read all your posts. I'm enjoying your readers comments as well.

    1. Thanks Cheeto Fingers. Feel free to comment on the other articles you get to read. Look forward to your intro.