Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Losing a Sibling to Triangulation
This definitely has impacted my life. One thing that occurred to me as my mother was busy destroying my relationship with my brother, is that my brother and sister do not talk to each other at all and haven't for years! He told me this recently, how she has never called him in YEARS. It is horrible to the point that my sister does not even send birthday cards to my brother's kids. I think they know they have an aunt but she has absolutely NOTHING to do with them. She has never visited his house or children EVER outside of a joint family gathering with my mother and it was rare that both of their families in one visit would show up. She has not seen him since 2009.
He is right about what happens to the scapegoat and the machinations of what is done. Before I found the ACON community online, there is no way I would have expected to find others explaining factors of my life. This video NAILS what happened to my relationship with my siblings. Education is power and this is the sort of thing where you can get a big picture.
He is right about the deep control of one's siblings and how the development of no contact will happen with siblings. I am no contact with my narcissist sister. He is right about how you want to share and try to speak to the siblings, "lets talk about this" but the "narcissist has done their job so well it is impossible." He is right about "No matter how hard you try to explain", it goes nowhere.
I tried to explain and get them to talk them. I did seek to directly educate mine about narcissism, using articles, direct conversation about it and more, and I got silence back too. What is scary is my brother admitted she could be a narcissist he wouldn't go as far as a sociopath, but then told me, "but she still loves me and my kids!" They simply did not care. The man who made the video warns us to be mentally prepared for this. It is difficult. He is right, the more you try to explain, the more you stay in the cycle. "it is almost impossible, the narcissist has done their job so well".... I'm done trying to explain or defend myself. I did it til I turned blue in the face.
He is correct that the narcissist focuses on separating siblings for years, so they do not compare stories. I even had a time with my brother where we were comparing stories, but she made sure to nip that in the bud with her lies. This is a good video basically summing up what I have gone through with both siblings. The best line is we have to take our energy back into ourselves and to take care of ourselves and how trying to focus on "winning back the siblings" feeds the narcissists supply. Often the siblings themselves are turned into narcissists. I know my sister definitely is and my brother has strong traits. I know mine knew she could hurt me via my brother to drag me back into the cycle. The acceptance is hard to come to. He is right there is no way to convince the sibling, they are trained and they are still in the narcissistic fog and chained spiritually and mentally. I am glad I saw this today, it helped me quite a bit. I know acceptance and moving on is my path to freedom.