This one nailed it so hard. Mine did this all the time. She convinced everyone I was crazy. Team this up with some gas-lighting and cunning manipulation and what a mess! Mine actually would ironically shout, "You need to see a counselor!" even though she never has darkened the door of a counselor's office in her entire life. This is the top technique on how they get the flying monkeys and betraying bystanders to turn on you. Mine would of course deny things right in front of your face. She would tell me things had not happened that did. It was constant lies and crazy making. Even now in NC I am even examining things I was told, knowing I cannot believe anything unless I saw it directly for myself!
Oh my, this is why I grapple with truth. Long ago, I discovered I'm such a liar. You see, my plan was to escape the horrendous treatment I got so if I made up things then I couldn't be accused of something.
ReplyDeleteI remember once growing up, my cousin broke a thermos bottle, and I was sure I would be blamed for it. I avoided this truth till it was discovered the bottle was gone and then I thought I was in trouble. Mother then made me tell the truth and I did, and she said, "Its Ok".
Seems to me that if I would have told her earlier then she would have freaked. It was all about timing with her. Watching when a mood to be kind would exist. That time I nailed it really well. I think I got away with it, but did I? I was emotionally tormented all day.
That's why I used to think she was bi-polar, but its that she got a kick at watching me squirm it was enough to feed her supply. And it was her own nephew who broke the thermos bottle, not me. I would have to take the blame though.
Now fast forward to now. This makes absolutely no sense to my husband. The other day he was calling me a liar. I don't tell anything, I just wait for truth to come out, and hide it till then. Wow, for me truth is death or painful, can't ever do it. We got into a stuck conversation this morning about it. He has agreed to help me with truth and this will be a long haul.
I'm sorry now I got his help. So scared.
Thanks for posting this, it will be something I'll be coming back to.
They create confusion for us always telling us we are liars, and it's a set up in that we are forbidden to trust our own instincts too, so we don't pay attention to the warning signals we get when we are out in the world. It is too bad you were blamed about the thermos bottle. I know when it came to my narc parents, I always had to test the mood and make sure not to tell them anything that would set them off. Silence became the default mode. While normal mothers would not freak over a cheap thermos bottle being broken or a spot of water on the floor, ours definitely would. Yes some of us may even think they are bi-polar but it's all an act. I wondered how mine could go from zero to 60 from a smile to full frontal assault. They loved making us suffer, loved seeing us squirm and flinch.
ReplyDeleteI hope your husband now understands why you may be reluctant to share everything. One thing always keep your boundaries your own even with a husband. The world will give you this myth that you have to share every deep dark secret thought to romantic partners. I don't think this is always true. Oops hope husband doesn't read this LOL
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My mother was EXACTLY like this! The maddening thing is their destructive words and gaslighting games continue to haunt years after we've gone NC.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving!--Lucky Otter
Her games haunt me. I wonder how much of what I was told was out and out lies about people? I had a good Thanksgiving. I was housebound but cooked up a storm, and saw a couple friends today.
DeleteWow, just reading that I can hear those words all over again. :/
ReplyDeleteI can hear her shrill voice in my head, "You're crazy!" "That didn't happen!"
DeleteAs my therapist pointed out - it is the victims of narcissists that walk through her door not the narcissist themselves. Also S Peck was a psychologist for 20years i think anyway he said the same sort of thing but he called it evil this narcissim stuff.
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