Thursday, November 13, 2014
Random Thoughts on Life, MRIs, Ears, and Adoption
1. Back In Winter Prison, My Life Grinds to a Halt!
Can we fast forward to March? After Thanksgiving, the holidays are torture for those of us with no families or money. Not all of us have expendable income to blow on the whole mess. I checked out of it all years ago. Christmas is a term that gives me a headache. It's more a solstice holiday, the Bible doesn't say Jesus was born on December 25. No, I'm not a Jehovah Witness but some of us have questioned this holiday. I wonder if some people just say "Forget it!" to lower their stress levels.
I'm already housebound on November 13 and sadly missed a church dinner yesterday, but breathing comes before fun. Yes it makes me want to bang my head on a wall. How will I make it mentally through the next 5 months? I am not ready to be housebound again so soon. I do need rest though, I am exhausted. Right now I am in bed writing this blog, I do not want to get up. I ate a turkey sandwich on toast and a few blue corn chips for breakfast. I may make some vegetable soup this afternoon. I need to clean. I am begging my husband to do it. Why can't people hibernate when they want to? Imagine if I could go sleep and burn off the fat reserves like a big fat bear.
We had a summer where I got off scott-free, seriously it was the best summer of my life as it simply didn't get hot---Yeah! I only was housebound here and there, but this winter, I know that is not going to happen. If I had money, I could go visit friends down south. Who invented that awful term, "polar vector"? Remember when the weather was something one didn't have to be afraid of all the time?
I like Thanksgiving, I either go to a friend's house or cook my own turkey and stuffing and do stuff with husband. This is one of my favorite meals and I eat turkey on off-days even.
2. Humans Aren't Shaped Like Pancakes To Fit in MRIs.
My MRI failed, I didn't fit. I am trying to find one that is built like a satellite in my region to see if I will fit and there won't be the lay down and can't breathe issues. Well I just called them, the closest one is 400 miles away. It may be too tight a fit anyhow. I laid flat enough with my lungs compressed feeling like I would die for enough minutes for them to see if I would fit, I didn't. They told me this is the biggest MRI they make. Will the stand up people let me stand side ways at least to get my head done? If there is one that just goes over my head and doesn't have to include my huge butt, then maybe I could accomplish this task.
Lippys with hugely protruding stomachs and giant world record breaking butts are shaped in the worse way for MRIs and laying flat. I am sure the pundits on Fat Logic will think I deserve to go die of cancer or ear tumors-[yes they want that outruled too] because I am so fat, I don't fit in normal MRIs.
3. My Poor Dying Ears: I Cry for You
My new ear doctor nods to the previous Meniere's diagnosis but wants ear tumors ruled out for my growing deafness. So now I need TWO MRIs if I can get them. The kidney doctor told me they would do another ultrasound to see if the kidney lesion is growing. They don't want to intubate me which is extremely dangerous for what could be only be a kidney cyst. My worries about my kidneys and ears are there though.
There is my hearing test from last week above. I am losing more hearing and the audiologist told me I have only 52% word recognition. Socially while I have some friends I can hear, it is sad to meet someone new, realize I can't hear a word they say and know it is never going to work out. There is one guy at my self-help group, I like the fellow but can't understand one word he says. I had an Aspie moment with a neighbor here, who talks to me in our foyer while getting my mail, and I never can hear one word she says even to "pretend" to hear and got too honest and said "I can't hear you!". I am in a book club with her and even have to strain when my hearing aid is in. For an Aspie, where communication is hard enough, this sucks. I am losing a lot and even wonder if I will go senile faster from the world being covered in cotton wool. Yesterday my husband was talking about TV shows or politics and I was only catching one or two words. He says I need to tell him but it would be "What? What? What?" over and over. My life is putting the puzzle pieces together.
4. BabyBoomer Publishers Please Stop Trying to Brainwash Me. Global Warming is a Scam
I am tired of reading fiction books with political agendas infused into them. I am reading this book called Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver for a library book club--it will be a toss of dice if it is warm enough for me to go. The book is trying to brainwash me to believe in global warming, I don't. Great now I get to horrify the book club again with non mainstream opinions.
The book has a wonderful plot full of butterflies, even if the housewife in it doesn't know how good she has it. However the preachy liberal stuff is making me want to vomit. The global warming disciples will tell me that our freezing weather is from global warming, I will roll my eyes. Google the terms Geo-Engineering and Medieval Warming Period. The climate has always "changed" too. How come the other side is never in our fiction? I'm a big believer in conservation and the environment, and have even volunteered in that area, but give me a break with the Agenda 21 garbage as the elites want to control all the world's resources. Those new spiral lightbulbs suck.
5. Let me find my REAL family of fat deaf Lippy Aspies!
I am working on my adoption stuff more. Got in contact with the right office, got the paperwork to unseal records. Right now I am asking the big question "Was my birth certificate amended?". Getting my records unsealed will cost 80 bucks. I have to appeal to a court in the non-open adoption place I was born which is beyond annoying but at least the office staff I talked to today was friendly. Last month I taught myself how to do geneaology--well it's a start, to help in the adoption search. I hope I find some answers. Some people don't understand this drive to know one's origins. I want to know the truth whatever it is. It is sad, I do not have a mother, I can simply ask, "Are you my real mother?" Pathetic I know, and the rest of the closed-mouthed and secretive family makes me sick. Yes I do dream of finding a real family where the people actually look like me. Anyhow at least one good thing has come of this, improvement of my research skills.