"You may have lived your entire life wondering why you have so much trouble with your parents, siblings, aunts, cousins, and other relatives. You may be in your forties, fifties and even your sixties by now and are just beginning to understand what the problem has been with your relationships with your family. And the more you find out about the cause the more a heavy, heavy load has been lifted off of your shoulders that you have carried a life time. This is because you have finally discovered that you are and have been the family "scapegoat" and the rest of your sibling or one particular sibling is the "golden child" who can do no wrong in your parents eyes, or more usually your mother's eyes.
And this is because you have a "Narcissistic Mother" who from the day you were born picked you to be the "Scapegoat" for the entire family. You did not realize this of course. All you knew is that you were always the one in trouble, the one who got blamed for everything.
You were the one who was always the last to know about any family business, or who was always slandered and gossiped about, or who was "left out of the loop" from family matters. You were also the one who was blamed when there were any disagreements or fights among family members, when you were entirely innocent, or not even there at all.
You were the one that always made the first move to apologize, or forgive, or make that phone call, when in reality they are the ones who should be apologizing or asking your forgiveness."
Read the full article at http://www.dovechristiancounseling.com/Narcissistic-Mothers.html
And this is because you have a "Narcissistic Mother" who from the day you were born picked you to be the "Scapegoat" for the entire family. You did not realize this of course. All you knew is that you were always the one in trouble, the one who got blamed for everything.
You were the one who was always the last to know about any family business, or who was always slandered and gossiped about, or who was "left out of the loop" from family matters. You were also the one who was blamed when there were any disagreements or fights among family members, when you were entirely innocent, or not even there at all.
You were the one that always made the first move to apologize, or forgive, or make that phone call, when in reality they are the ones who should be apologizing or asking your forgiveness."
Read the full article at http://www.dovechristiancounseling.com/Narcissistic-Mothers.html
'more usually your mother's eyes' is interesting as it's generally thought that men are more likely to be narcissists. It's just that the sexist presumption that women are primary caregivers overrides this.
ReplyDeleteI'm an unusual bird in that regard, because my mother died when I was young, which left me stuck with my narcissistic father. I HAD no primary caregiver except myself; my father had no interest in anyone but himself, and resented me for existing and regularly told me that he had never wanted children and wished I didn't exist.
I do think it's a very relevant fact that even though most narcissists are thought to be men, most ACONs are dealing with their treatment by their mothers... It's a demonstration of how much of a break we give to men when it comes to their shitty behaviour towards their families.
My sperm donor is a complete psychopath. His abuse, physical and emotional to my egg donor has conditioned her into a cruel and hateful person. I know he threatened her life many times. There were several instances I observed myself. Still I can't feel guilty for dumping both of them. My friends tell about Stockholm syndrome and all those sad things that happen to the spouses of covert abusers, but Ive grown cold as ice. There's no way to regret my no contact. They're treatment of me became intolerable as they seemed to morph together and join forces against me as they aged and became more vunerable.
ReplyDeleteIt does hurt to see them treat others as Angels , and I've always been spit on and hated for sport.
Peeps explaining how her parents would bond over verbal assaults on various targets struck a cord in me. I could remember how obvious it was to listen in horror as my egg donor surrendered to my sperm donors lectures of violence. One that helped me break away was listening to them attack and tear to pieces one member of our church who had been honored onstage with his wife just the night before. He was battling cancer and poverty. I realized they were channeling satanic energy in direct defiance of the obvious angelic support being given this precious couple.
I'm no longer a part of thier "family". There are much sadder things than being orphaned from a large group of biologically related people.
Hi anon, That is horrible you had to deal with a psychopath too. Sounds like two narcs abused each other.
ReplyDeleteHey my two narc parents fought all the time though they were teamed up for evil on occasion, so don't feel bad for walking away. I am glad you walked away. The evil influence others into evil. If one of them sticks around long enough, they become evil as well. They will bond in the evil. Mine did, they bonded together for my destruction. I am sorry you dealt too with ones who had targets they verbally assaulted and sought to destroy and bonded over it. Narcs bond over mutual destruction of other people. Tag teaming is probably the closest they get to "friendship" or shadows of love. Mine too went after church people they ripped apart as well as co-workers. Yes they were channeling satanic energy to attack that poor man. I am glad you are out of that false family.