Monday, November 24, 2014

Improve Your Health: Run From Toxic People

Sometimes one's body will speak before their mind. I think of the Benadryl's I had to take to survive my family for a few hours, so I could breathe and not end up in a fetal position on their couch. One time I made the giant mistake of surviving a serious infection in 2001 going to their house on Thanksgiving and just about passing out at the dinner table. What was I so afraid of? It is hard to explain. I kind of knew my visit in fall of 2012, was going to be my last as I projectiled vomited into my purse on the way home, and had been doubled over in her bathroom praying not to die or let her even know how sick I was. The body speaks it always does, and around them I always felt ill. Going no contact for me seriously was a matter of life and death. Last year I had grown too weak to put on the performances. I still am. This Thanksgiving, I will put in my turkey in the morning with stuffing cut up rutabaga to boil and sigh with relief. No more having to worry about having people mad at me because the temperature has dropped to 20 degrees and I can't breathe. No more sitting closed mouth on couches, afraid to say the wrong thing, no more fearing an IBS attack around the anal retentive who spray clouds of Lysol if you dare to poop in their toilet, no more fearing sudden leg infections that come on within 10 minutes with the red spots springing up suddenly. Just relief.


  1. I want to wish Peep and all survivors of NPD families a blessed and peaceful holiday.
    Yippee!! No more being the "main course" for their toxic digs and projections. I'm even getting pleasure at the thought that they'll most likely turn on one another cause the scapegoat has left the building :) Ha!

    1. Thanks Anon. I want to wish all my readers and ACON survivors too a Happy Thanksgiving. I am going to relax tomorrow, cook and watch old movies. I have to go clean this apt now and boil some cranberries. LOL. No being the main course what a relief. Usually a new scapegoat is picked with us out of the picture.

  2. The holidays are so peaceful now. I keep waiting to feel left out. Lonely. Nope. Just relief.

    Many thanksgivings ago I had for the first time hosted the whole family to my rental right on the beach. It was the first and last time. After being peppered with off the cuff put downs all weekend, on their last day there, dear old Pop broke down and physically assaulted me. He just couldn't leave without making sure I realized my generosity changed nothing in my family structure.

    It was my last attempt. I never knew giving up could feel so good. Right on target Peep.

    1. I am glad you feel peace. It is better to be alone then around the toxics. My health will stay a lot better. I get to avoid the annual Nov-Dec dangerous leg infection and fever. [of course lymph treatment helped with this but being away from them, will HELP too]

      That's horrible you rented a beach house for the ungrateful slobs, and one of the narcs decided to hit you and try to beat you up. Yes I am glad you did walk away. He wanted to put you down in front of others. If the rest just sat there and watched you get hit, and did not defend you especially a woman with a man hitting here. They are disgusting slime. I am glad you are away. When I went NC, I thought time to give up.

  3. You definitely had your reasons Peep. Chronic , inescapable stress that only creates complex Ptsd at first can literally kill off if we deal with it too long. Getting together with family always felt like an immovable object colliding with an unstoppable force. Seems your visits and many other scapegoats have exactly the same effect on thier "loved ones". Lol.

    I see now , as Ive run through the events of that weekend over and over , that as brushed off put down after put, that instead of cooling the fire of abuse I was actually making him angrier and more determined to get the pained response he so desperately feeds off of.

    That's where I think strong charactered acons set themselves up. Their natural cool attitude stokes the rage and determination of their sick attackers. The stronger and cooler the respone , the worse the outcome can be if the contact isn't soon cut off.

    That's where no contact saves us. When contact can only become some mad game of wack a goat, physical or verbally, until, by God, that goat squeals or runs away.

    I know I don't have the energy or heart health for such games anymore. I'm so glad you and other readers on your blog have cut off the poison too.

    One of my last straws was seeing that abuse in front of my mom , or sibs would be met with silence, approval , or even mocking laughter. I had this fantasy all my life that if I they ever knew how cruel he was to me covertly , there'd hate him. Not so.

    Anyway, Chinese takeout today. Hope you have a good one!

  4. Thanks anon, I definitely had my reasons. I was worried about dying if I continued the same way I was going. They definitely did not care. I have been studying CPTSD and find it of interest. I've had the PTSD diagnoses before.

    Yes the visits weren't the enjoyable and you know people get these fantasies in their mind of how family holiday visits should be.

    ". Lol.

    He was mad because he had to destroy you moving up a few notches in the eyes of others, this is exactly why he attacked you. It was to knock you off your peg.

    I agree they hate strong charactered people. I sometimes am incredulous at all those who have bowed before my mother. Scared to even write one word in a private email against her. They have to be top dog and are out to destroy.
    I am glad you got away too. I was just too sick and exhausted. I had an hour and half ride there too each way. No more poison for me. Even with a would be inheritance or even seeing other relatives who never made personal efforts towards me, my health got too bad. I wanted to stay alive!

    Yes one thing I faced is no one ever defended me. They would join in. On the shared 2012 Christmas gathering emails, my brother kissed my mother's butt and cousins made jokes to placate her. No one cared about me.

    I saw the silence, mocking laughter and being ignored more and more. She really did a number. They don't care if you are abused. I told some of the bystanders I still have contact with some of the things that did happen abuse wise like my brother and others, they still did not care. She is the one they visit with. They never defended me not once. Mine convinced my whole family I was the "crazy" one and she was "perfect". My only options was to suck it up and remain in line or get out!

    Glad you had your Chinese take-out, sounds delicious. :)