Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The Social Rules I Break!

1. Never talk about anything too negative or intense or intellectual.

Aspies cope by analyzing things, this means fully facing reality and dealing with the way life really is.  Smiling stoicism is not our natural setting. It is our suck it up and avoid getting beaten up default setting among strangers. It's hard. Why are things like this? Sometimes the human world seems like it is run like the animal world, and if any individual exhibits any weakness, they are pecked to death like in the chicken world.

One thing I notice some neurotypicals get into, is that one is never to share or display pain or vulnerability. Maybe there is the good reason for that for self protection from narcs but it helps the narcissists rule, because no one has the ability to talk about anything real. Sometimes, I feel like I have to censor myself constantly around some neurotypicals. One thing about our society is the powers that be want the serfs to smile and not cause trouble. Don't help them out. No one is feeling their feelings. No one's crying and patting heads in the American Hunger Games.

There is some scary stuff happening in our society where talking about troubles means you are a bad person. New philosophies are teaching people that anyone who has bad things happen to them is at fault. The Bible admits that life is full of tribulation. The graveyard whistlers don't want to admit that poverty or bad things can happen to them so they want you to shut up so they can shut their eyes to the human pain around them and play their video games or live in fantasy. A lot of our world now is manufactured around Roman "bread and circuses" and well, no one is supposed to be bawling their eyes out in the circus or discussing the stampeding barbarians outside of the tent.

You are to keep the smile on at all times. I can see emotions becoming a thing of a past in our growing narcissistic world. All emotions but anger and glee will be canceled out. Watch an old movie sometime and notice a few people cry in there, or feel loss. Men of the 1950s have no problem speaking of romantic love. People cry. You will know that the emotional landscape has been extremely altered even since the 1980s. Us Aspies are outsiders and are viewing this stuff. An old Aspies sees these wide changes, while many within the heating up pot are clueless.

Aspies are being really oppressed by the appearances oriented society we have now, where we are told to hide any bad stuff. However it goes deeper then this, there is a severe anti-intellectualism now in our culture. If you are an intellectual in America, you are written off as a "nerd". I remember this started sometime around the 1980s with the "Revenge of the Nerds". Only weirdos and social ingrates sit around and talk about history or obesity conspiracy. While I can explore theories and topics with many Aspie friends and maybe one or two good-minded neurotypicals, the majority of neurotypicals seem angered by intellectual forays. You can even avoid religious and other topics and discuss a neutral one, and still manage to anger a few people without meaning too. One Aspie incredible joy is intellectual banter and discovery, so it gets very sad that around some neurotypicals, this joyful part of our personality is to be suppressed. I know among my family, discussing any intellectual endeavors fell flat. The most neutral thing pissed them off. They seemed bored, wanting to show something off instead.

 I want to dive deep into the ocean, while many neurotypicals are telling me to stay in the puddle, and splash. Am I too intense? Maybe. I like humor, jokes and funny movies like anyone else, but I feel so repressed at times. Often in the world, I am this very quiet person. I learned long ago opening my mouth got me in trouble more often then not. Sometimes I bounce between "just being me and letting the chips fall where they may" and running back to the corner to hide. I can't handle having endless enemies and fighting endless battles. I like blogging because I can talk about things openly.

2. Maintain your Status.

Status is too important to to many out there. I don't feel like playing the king or queen of the mountain games.  If I had money, all of you know, I would not going to spend it on a giant McMansion in the suburbs with a double sink and granite counters in the kitchen. Boring!  Aspies usually are bored to death via competition. It bores us or troubles us. We derive no joy from smashed up opponents on the ballfield. I never wanted to destroy anyone else to get their bennies or climb to the top. Status to me seemed a useless thing but it is so important in our world. Sometimes I have told Asperger friends my theory that a lot [not all] of neurotypicals operate according to status. Many of their mental and emotional battles are hierarchy maneuvers that a great deal of energy is dedicated to.

Whose on top? Whose on bottom? Who cares! Sadly here too, with our growing narcissistic society this has only grown worse. The narcissists want to be in charge and want control. One thing that will happen to Aspies is sometimes they will get thrown under the bus, because they may be a threat to someone's status. Every little Aspie remembers the people in school who would be nice to you in private but pick on you in front of the bullies. Going back to the pecking chickens again, group status and dynamics have some really poison attributes to them. This is how conformity is demanded and expected and any "stand-outs" smashed down with a hammer.

Our entire world world is based on status, and well this is one reason some Aspies may really suffer. While we want to be left alone in peace and just want to do our jobs in the work place, this doesn't happen. The games and drama to establish the social order and status seem never ending. I always had the thought before, if all these narc and social pecking order games were ended, that society could advance somewhere more decent. You would have your flying cars and cured diseases because Marge and Sally and George and Henry would be busier working and innovating rather then fighting, backstabbing and reporting each other to the boss.

 There is always someone who is going to have a higher grade point or or more money. Aspies are more loner types. We do not feel like playing the "Big Cheese" or selling ourselves. Perhaps this is  a bad thing and why too many Aspies who lack sellable savant or computer skills, end up broke. The world sometimes feels like a bunch of screaming matches where the narcs are on the stage screaming "Look at me, dammit!", the non-narc enablers in the audience and some of us decided to leave the theatre while being sick of it all. A lot of status seeking is empty to the Christian and those with a more spiritual mind-set, but as I look out in the world, that is what so much of it is about.


3. Conform in dress, opinion and thought.

I'm failing that one big time. As I age, I realize there are many people who simply aren't going to like me for the opinions I hold. There are times in life where I have found out someone has flat out hated my guts. These are people I never had one argument or debate with in my entire life. How did this happen? They hate me because I'm different.

 Surprise, Surprise! Us Aspies can offend some neurotypicals just by just being ALIVE! If you are Aspie trust me it will happen. I know I'm not politically correct, and everyone's cup of tea, but one thing Aspies have to develop is a thick skin, especially if you are going to fly all your weirdo flags. People either love you or hate you when you are an Aspie. There are many times where I am simply hated for breaking some social rule I don't know about. I try to be nice, so wasn't rude to anyone. Sometimes just being me is enough to make this happen. Sometimes it is because I simply do not conform.

I have noticed too many people's opinions all match now. There are the independent thinkers who don't fit in the Republican or Democratic box, but have you noticed over the last 30 years people started to match their official demographics. I've had people get mad at me for things they thought I believed based on demographical assumptions.

Don't get me started on dress. I noticed someone wrote that manufacturers had streamlined the clothes for the global market, and that is why fashion creativity for the average person died on the alter of expediency. I'm old enough to remember different styles and colors and patterns. People get mad sometimes now if you don't dress like them. If you see a person with an individual style, don't lose them, it means something today.

The herd expects too much conformity now. You think the 1950s were the conformity society, they couldn't beat the 2010s. While they advertised fake freedom and "choices" for the masses via entertainment, actually the screws got tightened down more.

There is a reason weird Uncle Charlie or Aunt Lucy could still get some kind of job 50 years ago but sit unemployed now. There's a reason it feels so hard to make friends. I get this complaint from non-Aspies. There's a reason going to work at the office feels like a session of mental gladiators and a back-stab fest. Something is really wrong. The cultural rules have grown tighter and tighter and life I would say has gotten tough for the Aspie in this way, even if there is more discussion of disability rights and cultural awareness on the surface level.


  1. This is an incredible article. I want to reblog this on my site! Anyway, I agree 100% with ALL of this. --LO

    1. Thanks LO :) Hey tell me when you reblog it, so I can see your comments about it.

  2. You know, I've had people in my life that told me that I moan and groan too much. lol There also was a time when an old friend that was always nasty to me for my vulnerability call me on the phone and leave a message that asked if I'm over the hissy fit now. lol

    I know now that these comments cross boundaries. Which is narcissistic behaviour.

    As far as conformity in dress. We only attract the opposite sex for life long relationships when we have differences, oddities, imperfections. Its a scientific fact.

    Well, lots to ponder here. I love this stuff.

    1. Yes I know some people tell me I moan and groan too much. I am having to be careful not to complain too much to some, it is hard. One scary thing about depression, I am going to mention this in article I am writing now. That friend is nasty. Sounds like something my mother used to say. Nothing was validated. I can see everyone in future switching from the blue jeans to unisex jump suits, guess it will change the attractiveness thing.

  3. Thank you for this excellent piece, a mountain of intellectual and spiritual food to digest. Oh, how I relate to the shallow conversations. All people want to talk about it seems is their stuff. And if they're not talking about their stuff, they're talking about the stuff they want. And if they're not talking about the stuff they want, they're talking about the stuff they don't have. And if they're not talking about the stuff they don't have, they're talking about other peoples stuff. And if they're not talking about other people's stuff, they're talking about the different brands of stuff. And if they're not talking about the different brands of stuff, they're talking about how much stuff has changed over the years. And on, and on, and on, and on.....BORING!!!!!!!!!

    1. LOL I totally relate. My eyes glaze over when they all talk about their house decorating, new cell phone, shopping trips and insipid Hollywood movies. It's all about the stuff. I think I wrote about this before, but I wrote how in my family it was ALL stuff and never IDEAS. Yes it is boring beyond the pale!

  4. Gosh, Peep, all your posts are so great I wish I could reblog them all! But this one...I have to. There has never been anything truer than what you have said here. So on my blog it's going if you don't mind!
    I miss your presence on my blog! I hope you and hubby are well. Please stop by again soon. Lots of new stuff there you will like.
    Lucky otter

    1. Hi LO I will post on your blog soon. One thing sometimes my laptop gets low on power. I do take a long time to write but definitely I want to come back over and comment, it may be tomorrow but will be soon. Thanks for your compliments on my articles. :) I am still fighting illness but may have made turn for better.

  5. I'm also wondering why sometimes I have to fill in the captcha and other times it just asks me to check "I am not a robot." -- LO

  6. LOL I would just check or write in if you can, I know it drives me crazy too.

  7. Deer Peeps, this article is even more terrific than your usual terrific. Speaking of the chicken world, just read an article by someone who had raised hens and several roosters - the roosters were hen-batterers, and the hens didn't treat each other much better.

  8. Mantra ......stay shallow .....as entering people places / events ....Meanwhile my sub routines run all the time and summarise ....which can eject out my mouth . As a now granny ...This can Now be seen as "wisdom " ? Dazed and confused was first few decades . Noticing how Many lived and acted out of Fear while traveling the path ...They assume All are ???? Ability to see and apply Pattern _ this brainset .