One thing I have pondered is how society is growing more narcissistic. I have ideals that are even outside of my religious ones, that I am realizing are growing more rare, in today's world. Why are the wolves taking over? Why is it getting harder to function in society? Why does altruism seem to be growing more rare. Why do so many people who rise to the top seem to be either connected or always the meanest sharks with the biggest teeth in the swimming pool of America? What ever happened to friendship, love and altruism? In the "selfie" society everything is about appearances!
The narcs are ruling here more and more. The Bible says in the last days that
Matt 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
It sure feels like those days are now.
One thing I notice in any group, is the narcissists always get their way. I have seen it happen in my family, offices, clubs, health groups, Internet support groups, and a multitude of other places. How does this happen? The way often group dynamics work among humans is the meanest ones, get the most respect. All a narcissists has to do is instill enough fear, and they have plenty of sycophantic minions, enablers and flying monkeys to do their bidding. I have noticed almost all groups if a narcissist is in the midst that MOST will submit to them. Why?
Human dynamics suck, there is a reason we get a bunch of evil sociopathic scum running the world, who bring in wars, and endless destruction. I think a sociologist should explore the issue of why do humans love and worship the most evil? Why do the most evil always climb to the top of the pyramid?
How come there wasn't one person in my family who ever defended me? One relative told me the Aunt that Loved me, called out the extreme favoritism of my mother for my sister, but with the exception of her and my brother standing a little against my fat abuse, there was nothing. I was left alone and isolated. The narcs convinced everyone to have as little to do with me as possible.
One recent thing for me is I have not officially "unfriended" or gone no contact with the few left in the family, but I am not talking to them. I have nothing to say. I have not called for weeks. Right now I'm trying to make up my mind about two birthday cards for younger nephews, they never write me or send me a card. The days of kids being told to write their old aunt a letter out of politeness sake are over with. I barely know them. I worry about those kids because they are being raised on a diet of nothing but video games. I even joined "Steam" one of their video game forums which kept crashing my computer because I don't have a special gaming computer to try and talk to them to no avail. Hopefully their public schools will teach them something useful in life.
I hid everything on my Facebook from the few remaining relatives. I knew it was getting back to my mother and she had a constant information source. Cousins defend and visit my abusers, my mother and her brother. My brother I already wrote about. My nephew refuses to write back or any contact. My niece wouldn't even let me see her Instagram account she told me about. Her letters were written extremely stilted and even there I wondered if my sister was reading and editing them. She is 14 years old but seems unable to figure out the ease of setting up an email account of her own. You know something is wrong when you ask direct questions and get no answers. These weren't crazy questions either, I never brought up my no contact with her or told her about the other relatives, just simple ones. Why am I bothering? It just isn't worth it.
I sat back and realized I am a stranger to my family. I didn't choose this, but they did. This is something I have to admit in my letting go process, these people don't know me and didn't want to. The narcs set this into motion. Yes sometimes I stand back and think, "How did this happen?" "How did I lose so badly?", "How did the narcs turn everyone against me so effectively? I am sure this is something ACONs all relate to. I know now I can't take the disrespect and disloyalty anymore. I did for years putting up with it. I suppose it's odd to choose to be alone, but I got tired. Tired of trying so hard even with the ones I considered the "nice" ones.
The worse thing is how they silence you, especially for an Aspie where the social rules are tougher, and you go silent afraid to say the wrong thing but then wondering if the silence worsened things for you? Did I say too much? Did I say too little? I realized even with the few I opened up to, it made not a whit of a difference.
But then what do you do when everything you say is twisted and turned against you. One thing about Aspergers, I believe narcissists have it out for Aspies. We are often bullied by them. We are not as submissive and followers to group dynamics and it pisses them off. An Aspie who has had to float their own boat for years, is an annoyance to a narc. I don't feel like obeying the narcs for social ease. This gets me in trouble in endless groups.
Things flow fine if there are no narcs in a group or club. My present church seems narc-free thank God, and my old one was too. My time with these folks is joyful, however if a narc is in a room, Aspie watch out. Narcs like to pick on those they see as the weakest and most vulnerable. The way their twisted brains work, is they seek to find out who is the "weakest link" and they go after them to gain power. Sadly this seems to work far too often. They go after those they consider vulnerable, the sickest, the Aspie, etc. Narcissists are like the head chicken telling every other chicken in the chicken yard to peck at the scapegoat. They get others to join in but many others scurry to the sidelines not wanting to be the next target and the Narc has attained power via fear. One thing about me as a personality, is I have always defended the underdogs and this angers the narcs. This often makes me a target but not something I plan to change.
Think about today's work-world. Why are so many places back-stab factories? In the old days, if you showed up, did your work and were peaceful, things were fine, now people lose their livilehoods at the behest of narcs. Now if they "don't like you", they kick you to the curb into welfare and starvation. My husband worked a job for 5 years but sadly a sociopathic narc came in to run the business, and he got rid of him within a year. He laid in wait for him to make ONE mistake, in a newspaper article. If you are going to write 100s of newspaper articles a year, there is bound to be a mistake, if you are a human being and not a machine. This man fired others, destroying untold lives including firing one woman in a day, he decided he "did not like", who had uprooted her life to move to our town. He did not care about firing a man who had to do caretaking for a disabled wife, and seeking to destroy his life. The sick thing is he made a big production of being a Christian. The man was no Christian.
How many work organizations are being destroyed by narcissists now? Innovation and production will not increase under them. Most of the narcs will clean the place out and cook the books, so they look good. This may be one thing that describes why the American economy is failing. Too many narcs, too much destruction and no one can get any work done. It seriously worries how the nicest people seem to be the poorest now and left out of the running in the work a day world. I think it should be illegal to fire someone simply because a sick twisted boss "doesn't like" someone who has worked a job successful for years, and is not insubordinate and the business isn't going out of business. Of course as they pass horrible laws like the "right to work", really the "right to be fired and unemployed", the narcissists grow in power. Too many narcs become bosses and are true incompetents using scapegoats to carry the blame as they destroy businesses. The boss who fired my husband, ran the newspaper into the ground and was fired himself eventually when the bottom line sunk too low.
I have had a life where I have seen the narcissists never lose a job or suffer a bout of unemployment. They all ended up wealthy with money enough for condos and second homes in Florida, and endless decorations, vacations and eating out. Being crushed by health care bills or even taxes somehow didn't seem to be part of their world. The narcissists know how to play the system, not get caught and know how to scoop up the profits. The Bible talks about in Psalm 73 how the wicked will prosper. This doesn't mean every rich person is a narc or evil, but there are some who are, and they are doing big money clean-outs. The bankers with their bail-outs and politicians, what is the percentage of narcs and sociopaths in that world? I've read 10% of Wall-street bankers are sociopaths before, I find such a stat totally believable.
In our society of celebrity, the narcissists have a whole world stage upon which to play. They desire for the world to revolve around them and to have constant attention. Many of the celebrities that Americans worship are full blown narcissists. You see one every now and then who really loves acting and where it is a craft, but many simply are the most successful at getting attention and are connected. While not everyone can be world famous, one can see that narcissists DO get the most attention even on smaller levels. They suck up notice like sponge. They are bored by others, and say "What about me?" In our society however the way competition works, now where achievement is more about getting attention more then actually DOING something, many of the narcissists are experts at getting attention. The sell-yourself and NETWORK society threw open the door WIDE for the narcissists and self-absorbed to take power and they did. They are the ones who have the known names, they are the ones everyone is seeking to please because they are the one up on stage. Their faces are everywhere, and yours is not.
In a society where close social ties have broken and where there is constant moving, that helped the narcissists too. When people lived in the same town all their lives and knew folks, narcissists had it harder. Screw enough people over and many would talk and learn to avoid you. However in a society where the crowds are larger, and there's always a group of new "suckers" to be had for the narcissist, they are harder to detect and can pull off more antics. Small town gossip is no longer a curb on their behaviors. They are lost in the big city always with a new supply of victims. Their lies are easier to hide in a group of unconnected people or a bigger community.
Piss off a narc enough, via disagreeing with them, and they will go on their smear campaigns. They will make up endless lies about you. Most of their lives are based on lies. They lie about themselves too. Most do not see through their lies. To get a narc angry at you, you don't even have to get in an actual debate with one. Merely disagreeing with a narc in a polite fashion is enough for one to become your arch-enemy for life. Remember when people could have different ideas and not hate each others guts? Those days are over with now too. Their reaction is way beyond the original dispute. They will try to color you as bad as they can. "You attacked me, you are vicious!" they will shout in their classic ploys of projection. One thing about narcissists, is they project on you, what they are doing! So when one screams, "You are a liar!", they are lying their butts off.
They want constant admiration and if you do not provide this, they will hate your guts. Before I went no contact, I disagreed with my mother about something in front of other family members, she started shrieking about her "respect" and "how dare I". I thought to myself I am old enough to be a grandmother and still being browbeaten by this woman? I thought no more. One sick narc I encountered was so extreme, she wrote on Facebook, that no one was allowed to disagree with her on her wall lest she would ban them. That's not friendship but a committee of "yes men and women". but she gathers them and quite easily too. Conditional friendship based on propping someone up. One can see narcissists making crazy rules all over the place, one thing they want to police constantly is speech. I see narcissism in the bad politics of America. Narcissism and wickedness is what is driving the police state and desire for control and silencing.
Even if you retreat in realizing they are a sociopath with no human empathy, they are hell-bent for revenge and destruction behind the scenes. People will unfriend you and stop talking to you, and you won't even know why. They will go after your friends well just because they are your friends. My narcissistic mother hated all my friends even ones she never met. Why? She was angry at them merely for being my friend. My mother managed to destroy even what should be the strongest of family bonds.
In the minds of reprobate narcs daring to challenge them on anything makes you a non-person. Instead of defending their ideas, they will attack the person. They will tell others long litanies of everything that is wrong with you and do endless smear campaigns. After I went no contact I realized how complete and utterly poisonous my mother's smear campaigns had This is how they work, to vilify rather then to defend or stand on any principles. Narcissists and their minions sell out at the drop of a hat. If cash is involved they would sell their grandmother down the river. They go where the profit is at and ideals such as goodness, honor and integrity don't matter. In America, those became old-fashioned ideals are meant to be cast aside among the Lady Gaga worshippers. We have seen the great sell-out continue. This is one reason things are growing more corrupt in our country. The Great Narc take-over. They do not care about what is good anymore but seek their own elevation and profit.
In a society where people have been trained to worship bare naked power, and where the whole premise is king and queen of the mountain antics, the narcissists have been emboldened even more so. Their power is growing. Their meanness is growing. The people who have given in to them and the flying monkeys lacking moral standing themselves have given them more of a place. One thing they can and do use is fear. No one wants to be their next target, so even the people who may know what they are, hide in the shadows. Fear keeps them on top. Fear and active destruction of people's lives, keeps all the others in line. I realized to my horror, people absolutely feared my mother. I wrote in my NC letter to her, "why should I fear a narcissistic woman, when I almost got shot by gangbangers at my last job?". Aunt Scapegoat and Aunt Confused shivered in their boots before my mother. In my family I am not considered brave for being the only one who has ever stood against her but crazy!
That is one thing I notice about the narcissists is everyone is afraid of them. This fear has some reason to exist. Many narcissists will destroy your name and reputation but the ones higher on the sociopath scale, won't let any human laws hold them back. This is why no contact is recommended, "winning with narcs" in this world doesn't happen. They aren't playing by the same rules. When I see a narc in my midst now, I know now to separate as much as possible.
Often they are the ones with the money and power, and to stand against one can bring great sacrifice. Many will dirty the names of the one's who do make stand. I believe in standing with God behind my back and no succumbing to wicked narcs.